Frankly, I'm bored. AND REALLY TIRED OF SEEING ROYxED PAIRINGS!! (aka RoyEd) Personally, i think ed and winry. nothing else. and royai. sorry all you YAOI fans. so anyway i thought the RoyEd could be another way of everyones favorite colonel saying you got pwned. so yeah.. also, this will mostly be based off the manga, although i might slip a couple times and use the anime so heads up all you people..

Let's get this over with and i hope you know this will count for later chapters as well: I do not own Full Metal Alchemist. If I did, Maes Hughes would not have died, the real Maria Ross would've killed Envy first.

YOU GOT ROYED!!

I should have realized something was up when the Colonel actually came to work early. Of course my first thought was that it simply was not Roy Mustang. Then he came up to me and said, "Hey Havoc, how're you doing with your latest girlfriend, uhm what's-her-name, Rachel? If she asks, I'm busy for the entire week." I gave him a sour look. Yeah, that's Roy alright..

However, he seemed different.. really smug, more overconfident than usual. He sat at his desk and started on reading the morning paper, ignoring the undone stack of paperwork on his desk as if it were merely a potted plant. Well, he might as well enjoy it while it lasted.. soon Lt. Hawkeye would arrive and scold the hell out of him for the two feet of ignored paperwork.

I grabbed my cigarettes off of my desk and went outside for a smoke as i did every morning. Was it me or was the Colonel smirking as I left? Must be my imagination or the story..

As I went to light the end of the cigarette, I noticed it didn't catch right away. That was odd. Today was clear and sunny, no breeze, absolutely marvelous weather. I tried again. Same results. Must be defective. I threw it in the nearby bushes. I selected a new one and tried to light it. After 3 tries, it met the same fate as the previous cigarette. "Damnit what the hell is wrong with this thing?!" Within minutes, I was down to the last cigarette in the package. "Come on, light!" I grumbled. This time i tried holding the fire over the end longer. The fire, instead of making it glow brilliant orange, looked like it was.. melting it.

Tobacco didn't melt.

I sniffed it and it didn't smell like tobacco. I put it in my mouth. It tasted.. sweet? Looking into the bush i had thrown the discarded sticks, the Lieutenant's dog, Black Hayate, was contentedly licking and eating them.

I'd seen new candy cigarettes in the nearby sweetshop on my way into Central HQ. I'd left to use the restroom and left my cigarettes on the desk and when I came back, the Colonel's coat was draped over his chair.

"DAMNIT COLONEL WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?!"

"HA you just got ROYED!!" he shouted from the window.

Cursing, I returned to the office. Lt Hawkeye was standing over the Colonel watching him do his paperwork, with his gloves in her hand.

Okay, only my second story, my first one for FMA. yeah they actually sell candy cigarettes, but mostly in older candy shops. Once again, boredom, but i figured it was funny. I plan to have Ed show up and join in the pranking so yeah i am planning more chapters. I read, but dont review so I understand if I dont get many, but it helps an author feel his/her stuff has actually been read, yeah..