Disclaimer: Fox owns Glee.

You're My Favorite What If

Sebastian, contrary to popular belief, is not cold hearted and unfeeling. Also, although he admittedly comes off as one who is extremely popular with the guys, he is proud to say that he's never done anything that can be classified as intimate. Sure there was groping and making out involved but those were all harmless fun and everything's consensual and didn't have any emotional backing.

He isn't a player, he refuses to be called one because he knows that what's he's doing is anything but playing. To him, playing is stringing people along and that's just not him. Sure his motives and actions are almost always questionable but he was never one to string people along. One, he doesn't know how to play people for their feelings. He's very much in tuned with other people's emotions but honestly, he's just a little too much self-absorbed to be bothered with how he affects others on an emotional scale. He is much more concerned on how he affects others on an intellectual level, and he justifies it with the belief that people would get it easier if only they knew that they were beneath him. People accuse him of manipulation and playing, but he's just doing what he wants to do and that's getting the upper hand at everything. It's not entirely his fault that there are people hurt in the process because they just couldn't step away from his machinations. He would feel sorry for them if he didn't believe that one's emotional ability should be entirely independent of the people around him. He thinks it's such a logical thing to do because being emotionally flexible is not that great.

Two, he's not a player because although he constantly craves having the upper hand (and that's just the way it is for him, nothing but the top for a Smythe), he's got no one to play. He absolutely detests the word conquests not only because that's what most people call his activities but because it's such a misnomer. They're not conquests; because nothing is to be conquered since everything's been given up. He doesn't really desire these things, they're just needs and needs are to be fulfilled, and it's the same for all these other people. No emotional craving, and no deeper desire to be fulfilled; just people attending to their needs. So there is no game being played and no player involved. Not every aspect of life is a game and not everyone can play. There's simply no one, no one for Sebastian to even put his efforts on. No one has caught his eye, yet, and he isn't disappointed because he's not looking for someone to catch his eye. Life is long and unlike other people, he's got a lot more things to think about and ponder on rather than finding out when he'd get that chance meeting with that someone.

Sebastian is not cold hearted and certainly not unfeeling. He is just not a romantic.

It starts as a thought.

A well-thought-of thought, and not some kind of emotion, starts everything.

It wasn't even his own thinking that led them to where they were right now, one awake and ruminating, the other asleep and sighing. It was Kurt's, he thinks as his arms curl around protectively around said guy. Kurt thought of it, implanted it in his brain and now, here they were. He looks down at the sleeping man beside him and closes his eyes, he thinks of his design classes and how he should start his project and what-if's his inferences couldn't cover when it hits him, what if? And then his mind brings him to what Kurt said earlier.

"You're my favorite what if," Kurt declares as he sets his coffee cup on the table that they share. He leans forward towards him and smiles expectantly.

Sebastian doesn't even bat an eyelash as he retorts, "Pretty sure, I'm not some figment of imagination. I'm really flattered though that I'm in your head." He then turns the page of the book he's been reading and proceeds to compare his calculations to those written in the book. He expects a snort from Kurt but hears nothing, so he looks up because he thinks it's become too quiet; nothing prepares him though for Kurt staring at him with those Bambi-eyes. He raises his eyebrow at him and reaches for his coffee.

"If I didn't know you, I would probably be sitting somewhere in my campus, listening to Rachel berate people for complaining of the heavy load NYADA has for us," Kurt says in one breath.

Sebastian puts his book and notes down and urges Kurt to continue.

"We have a songwriting class, part of our theatre production series," Kurt starts, he looks at Sebastian as if expecting an interruption but Sebastian just nods for him to go-on. "And for this month, we've been discussing how to get inspiration for writing those headline songs."

Sebastian flashes him a questioning grin, Kurt huffs but continues.

"And then our professor starts asking us about the things that could've been and how that'd be a great starting point. He kinda reminds me of Mr. Schue you know, sans hair-gel and terrible vests, so he has this assignment for us to write a few about our favorite what-ifs."

Sebastian leans back on his chair and smiles at Kurt. "And you're going to write about me right?"

Kurt laughs out loud as if it was the funniest thing he's ever heard, Sebastian bristles at that, a bit confused and insulted. "No, I'm not," he says.

Sebastian goes back to his books and replies nonchalantly. "Well you did say I'm your favorite what-if."

"Doesn't mean you'd automatically get a verse from me," Kurt shots back with an amused eye-roll.

"What are you going to write about then?" Sebastian asks and Kurt is a bit shocked at the question.

"You're genuinely curious, or what?"

"I'd like to know who or what to blame for snatching a song after my name."

Kurt smiles at Sebastian, one that Sebastian automatically matches to smile #3 which corresponds to "Fond I Can't With You in a Good Way" smile; and falls quiet. Sebastian shakes his head and proceeds to prod Kurt's hand gently with his pen.

"So?"

"My mother," Kurt answers shortly, looking up at Sebastian and Sebastian kind of wants to disintegrate into pieces at that moment. Kurt looks okay but it is obvious to him that he's still a bit sad about it, so Sebastian drops his pen and then takes Kurt's hand in his. Kurt doesn't mind, they've known each other for a long time now and Sebastian might vehemently deny it but he's a very tactile person. He turns his hand upside down so he can thread his fingers through Sebastian's and starts. "Anyways, aren't you gonna ask why you're my favourite what-if?"

Sebastian is broken out of his reverie. He had been staring at their entwined hands and wonders what is different this time. He has held hands with Kurt before, palms touching and fingers tightly wound together, this should not be out of the ordinary but it is and Sebastian can't place what is off. He removes his eyes from their hands and looks back at Kurt."Why?"

"I don't know either," Kurt answers happily, as if he's really proud of it. He slips his hand from Sebastian's grip and Sebastian could only grasp at nothing. "I really don't know," he continues. "It's like, you're part of all my theoretical situations. And I'll deny it if people ask, but you're in a lot of my what-if's."

"Like what?"

"What if you never met Blaine? What if you met me first? What if we didn't meet here in New York? What if you didn't choose to take some of your classes here? ? What if we didn't become friends?" Kurt says in a rush. "There's just so many theoretical situations with you, you know, and I'll be perfectly honest, all these theoretical situations and scenarios, they're fun to think of."

When Sebastian doesn't reply or give any indication of reacting, Kurt continues. "What if you weren't here? Rachel's gonna be here, Santana's here, and Finn's here too; but you know, they don't understand. Santana would understand, maybe, but I have a feeling she won't completely get it. So what if right?"

Sebastian nods, smiling, although he admits to himself that he doesn't quite understand what Kurt is going on about. He stares at Kurt who was finishing his coffee and waiting for his laptop to start, looking as if nothing has passed them, but Sebastian knows that in their short exchange, there definitely was a moment. "Yeah, what if?" he echoes and then he goes back to his notes.

What if, he mouths as he stares at the ceiling, eyes tracing the constellations that Kurt put up. He remembers Kurt telling him that it was Blaine's idea to put those glow in the dark stars in his room. Blaine said that those stars would always remind Kurt that whatever happens, they're still sleeping under the same stars. Sebastian remembers scoffing and letting Kurt know that it must be the cheesiest and most ridiculous thing Blaine has ever done, to which Kurt only responds by hitting him with a pillow; and although he can tell that Kurt agreed with him, that didn't mean that Kurt didn't like what Blaine suggested. Whenever Sebastian was in for a sleepover, the glow in the dark stars and planets were always one of the things he picked on, Kurt minded and would snap at him for insulting Blaine at first, but now they both seem to be doing it just for routine's sake.

He wonders if Blaine knows.

Does Blaine know that Kurt lets him sleep in his bed? Maybe not, maybe he has some inkling and maybe he knows because those glow in the dark stars are some kind of advanced spying technology, but Sebastian can't find himself to really care about Blaine right now. If someone told him a year ago that Kurt Hummel would be the one keeping him awake he would've scoffed and threatened that person. But now, he thinks, would he still be able to do that?

What if he didn't pursue Blaine? His mind supplies as he runs out of things to think about. He groans and rolls over to look at the clock that Kurt keeps at his bedside table. 2:35 am. Great, he thinks as he lies down. Kurt shifts and Sebastian is careful to draw him closer. He lets his arms drop and circle Kurt's waist as he buries his face in Kurt's neck. He breathes in Kurt's scent and closes his eyes. He exhales and he feels Kurt shiver against him, he just tightens his hold on him.

What if Kurt woke up like this? With Sebastian's arms around him tight and his breaths on the back of his neck, would Kurt pull away and freak out or would he not mind and dismiss it? Sebastian sighs and drops a kiss on Kurt's nape. They've hugged before, cuddled like this before and all, but this is different, and unlike hours ago, he understands where the difference is coming from. It's coming from his feelings. Feelings he couldn't completely understand as of now, but feelings nonetheless.

Kurt, when people see him, they immediately come to the conclusion that he's a bit naïve and dependent. He thinks people are blind and deaf because even a good tongue lashing cannot convince these people that he's not a child anymore (he hasn't been one since his mother's death). There are people who think highly of him and commend him on his strength but they don't really know, or can't seem to understand the fact that he's not a ticking emotional time bomb with the ability to latch off on people and feed on their good vibes. And yes, all their coddling and protection are all in good intentions but he needs some credit here.

So maybe there are times that he's been naïve but that can be blamed on inexperience and a lack of foresight, but that doesn't mean that he's incapable of learning from his mistakes. He's a very flexible person (not just physically but all over) and he soaks life-lessons up like a sponge. And of all the things he's gotten, trusting his instincts first and not letting things pass under his radar are the two things he's taken to heart. There were times where these two failed him, but the successes outweigh the failures. Unfortunately these few failures are few too many for the people who care for him. He's finds their concern flattering but it gets stifling and not to mention insulting at times. He's made mistakes, that he's sure of, but he doesn't think that these mistakes warrant him a watchful eye from a lot of people. He appreciates the ready shoulders-to-cry-on and the immediate invitations-to-lift-your-spirit-parties but he thinks it's not doing him any good. Times like these call for self-assessments not group discussions and he doesn't need people to work out his mistakes for him. He's capable of taking care of himself and dealing with things on his own.

It's undeniably comforting for him at times, to think and know that there will always be someone who can at least make him stop from thinking too much, and someone who always has his back, but he's aware that he shouldn't have to lean on someone and that's what he does. He takes a step away from these people but they are so quick to crowd into his space when he does so; always misreading his attempts to step forward as a step backward, so they step in closer to him and show him how he doesn't have to see past this comforting group of people to live an almost painless life. But that's where they're wrong, Kurt, is not naïve enough to think that all he needs in this world is within this accepting circle, so he tries, tries really hard to show them how ready he is to receive every blow the world is waiting to give him, and honestly it's the only thing he desires the most.

Kurt is not naïve and he is certainly not dependent. He's just a little too wanting.

They've slept together before.

If anyone barges in to Kurt's room, may it be Santana, Rachel or Finn; he's pretty sure that he's not going to roll himself off the bed just because they were caught sleeping together. He cranes his neck a bit to look at his alarm clock and sighs in relief. 8:35 am. It's still early; he and Sebastian weren't needed for classes until the afternoon, so he turns around in Sebastian's embrace, closes his eyes and buries himself into those arms. He rubs his cheek against Sebastian's shirt and he is thankful that Sebastian stopped wearing those old Dalton shirts because they were kind of scratchy. He takes a deep breath and opens his eyes to look at Sebastian's sleeping face. Sebastian is so different from Blaine, he thinks. Where Blaine would usually put in effort to shave, Sebastian didn't have to, at least not as much as Blaine does. He lets his fingers poke at Sebastian's chin and he imagines himself tickling it like he does to Blaine before they wake up, but he stops himself. Sebastian had a late night, and he remembers promising that he'd help him in his project, but tiredness won him over so he turned in earlier.

Sebastian always works hard; he muses as he reciprocates the embrace and wraps his own arms around Sebastian. If there was one thing that Kurt admired in him, it would be his hard work. Kurt works hard too, but that's because he actually has something to work hard for; but Sebastian's different. He knows that Sebastian isn't working hard for a dream, or for anything, he doesn't have to, Sebastian never fails to remind him. Sebastian's just like that, forever a hard and diligent worker because it's what he was brought up to do. It is a really admirable trait, but Kurt can't help but think that maybe Sebastian is pushing himself too hard.

He hugs him tighter. Sure Sebastian was an asshole but that's all in the past and in the back then, now, Kurt can't imagine not having Sebastian here in New York with him.

He hears Sebastian mutter a what-if under his breath and tries not to smile a bit. He doesn't know why he told Sebastian this, maybe it was just him being all sorts of a storyteller that he is, or maybe he thinks Sebastian needs some kind of appreciation post; but before he knew it, he's blabbering about what-if's and scenarios he swore he'd never tell anyone. It's all worth it though, because at least now Sebastian's distracted and smiling.

He waits for his laptop to start while he drains his coffee. He looks out of the window and sighs as he notices the skies starting to darken. "It's going to rain," he comments.

Sebastian was trying to understand his notes when he hears Kurt, he looks up and out of the window. "Looks like it."

"Do you have any classes left in the evening?" Kurt asks him.

Sebastian shakes his head. "No, but I've got this problem set for tomorrow. Surprisingly, I'm not done with it yet."

"Oh," Kurt says as he cranes his neck to take a peek at Sebastian's notes. Sebastian just shrugs at him in response. "Do you mind going to my apartment?" he blurts out.

"What?"

"It's going to rain, Cornell's a bit far from here and you'd probably get home by 8 if you took the cab to your dorm," Kurt reasons. "My apartment's near and you can finish your problem set there, besides, you're almost living in my apartment anyway." Sebastian looks like he is about to object but Kurt shushes him. "And it's the least I can do. You look like you haven't been sleeping and eating right, I could cook up dinner for us and maybe help you a bit with synthesis, it's not like I have a lot on my hands right now."

"Kurt," Sebastian starts. "You don't have to you know, and I'm sleeping and eating just fine, it's just a busy week."

Kurt chuckles. "It's always a busy week for you," he chides him. "It's not like you could argue with me though, it's decided." Sebastian only glares at him.

"Come on, Seb," Kurt teases. "If I was in your position you'd do the same for me."

Sebastian sighs and caves in. "What brought this on?"

Kurt smiles at him sheepishly before closing his laptop with a snap. "I forgot my charger at home?"

"I knew it! I knew you had a hidden agenda," Sebastian accusingly tells him as they begin gathering their things.

"Yeah, you're just a little casualty," Kurt returns nonchalantly. "One I have to feed and look after because apparently, you can't look after yourself." Sebastian only frowns at him, but follows him out of the coffee shop none the less.

Thankfully, it doesn't start raining until after they've reached Kurt's complex. Sebastian takes Kurt's books from him, knowing that Kurt would need both hands to open his door. Kurt inserts his key and braces himself against the door forcefully, his shoulder pressed against the door. The door finally budges after a few shoulder-checks.

"You should get that door replaced, or oiled at least," Sebastian says as Kurt starts reaching for his books, but Sebastian refuses to give him the books back.

Kurt shakes his head at him, noticing that his apartment-mates' shoes were nowhere to be found. "You say that everytime you're here."

"That's because you don't listen to me," Sebastian huffs as he removes his shoes and drops Kurt's book on the coffee table.

"It's not like we can do anything about it. It's in our contracts that we shouldn't modify anything permanently."

"Have you thought of having it fixed then breaking it once you get out of the contract?"

"Haha, you're freaking hilarious," Kurt deadpans as he heads towards their kitchen/dining room to get something, while Sebastian sinks himself into Kurt's couch. "Tea?" Kurt calls out.

"Coke?" Sebastian calls back.

Kurt emerges from the kitchen, bringing out two cokes. He sits down next to Sebastian and Sebastian immediately curls up next to him. "We're caffeine addicts," Kurt notes sadly as he opens his can.

"That we are," Sebastian says as he gulps down a third of his coke. "Can I sleep on you? You've become so fat over the past few months and you make a good pillow," he says as he lays his head on Kurt's shoulder. Kurt playfully shoves him off and stands up.

"No you can't sleep. Not yet at least, and certainly not on me, can't have myself smelling like Craigslist," Kurt reprimands him. "You go start on that problem of yours while I charge my laptop and then call Finchel when they're gonna be home."

"No Lima Heights tonight?"

"She's on a trip," Kurt replies. "Studying, something you should also start on."

"Yes, mother," Sebastian says, rolling his eyes at him.

"I want you half-way done by dinner time, and then you'll sleep until you need to get up for your classes tomorrow," Kurt says. "And don't yes mother me," he adds shrilly. "What would you be doing if I wasn't here?"

What would Sebastian be doing if they didn't meet? Kurt never pegged Sebastian as the one who's interested in engineering. He has always thought that Sebastian would pursue law, the engineering field, although becoming to Sebastian, seems a bit far off; but then if Sebastian was one thing aside from diligent, he was also innovative. He doesn't look like it because he's one to keep his schemes to himself, but he has a lot of good ideas and although these ideas might be useful for a future career in law, Kurt believes that engineering would be a better fit for Sebastian's mind. If they hadn't bumped into each other while Kurt was hanging out with Santana in Cornell, they would have never met each other and it probably wouldn't surprise people if they held their high school grudges, but they did; and now Kurt wonders what changed for Sebastian.

He feels Sebastian loosen his hold on him and start to pull away so Kurt lets him. He glances at the clock again and realizes that lying in bed with Sebastian kind of makes time run faster since it's now 9 am. He sits up and stretches his arms. He looks at Sebastian who's sleeping peacefully and thinks. If Sebastian was in his dorm right now, would he even bother getting breakfast for himself? He always complains about the food in their dormitory and swears that he will never eat from that cafeteria, but that can't be too good for him right? He briefly wonders if Sebastian gets his breakfast from drive through's and diners. Maybe he should invite Sebastian to live with them. Finn and Rachel are currently looking up places nearer to the community theatre where Finn works as an actor, they'd have room for him. But then, the commute would probably be hard on Sebastian.

He sighs as he brushes a strand of hair off Sebastian's forehead. When did he get so concerned?

Author's Note: First Glee fic. Sebastian is kind in this fic, call it ooc or whatever, I don't mind. I just believe that Sebastian's been portrayed as an asshole who only wants sex without reason, too many time so I'm sorry if I think Sebastian deserves some 3D character. Ask away all your questions and I'll answer to the best of my ability. Thank you for reading this :D

Inspiration for this chapter: Beyonce's Still In Love