[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] It's difficult to explain how my mind works like and I shouldn't be starting another story now. But the idea for this one popped up in my head and the only way to keep the tiny bit of sanity I have left was to write it down.

This is going to be very soap opera-like and I'm not going to apologize for my writing style. I have zero ambition in writing a realistic story, so if you don't like it that way, feel free to leave.

For the rest of you, I hope you enjoy.

**Chapter 1**

This is going to be the best solution for everyone involved; I tried to convince myself. It was the last of a dozen attempts. I still wasn't sure what I was going to do, but the little kick against my ribs reminded me painfully that it wasn't like I had unlimited time to make my decision.

Maybe if I had managed to do the right thing five months ago I wouldn't be in so much trouble now. It was so fucking unfair. Millions of girls have sex over and over again and the only bad thing that happens to them is a bladder infection or something like that. But me? Just one little, awkward attempt on heterosexual intercourse and voila I'm already knocked up. I mean, how much bad luck can one single person have?

Wasn't it worse enough that my own mother and my stepdad had kicked me out when I had confessed my orientation to them? In my eyes that was already enough to bear but of course I wasn't so lucky.

Jake, my best friend, or maybe I should better use the words former best friend had been overly supportive when I told him I was a lesbian. He even talked his father, Billy, into letting me stay in his sister Rachel's old room while she was away at College. Unfortunately it turned out that Jake was the type of guy who seemed to see it as a personal challenge to guide me back to the straight side of life. It was the old story of - you haven't had the right cock - yet. The amazing thing about this theory is that no matter which guy brings it up, his cock is always the right one. A part of the crap that had happened between me and him was my own fault. I knew that he was in love with me and I did nothing to stop it.

After Renee and Phil had kicked me out shortly after my eighteenth birthday, I was absolutely devastated. I cried a lot and lost almost ten pounds during the first two weeks. Jake was always at my side, desperately trying to cheer me up again and it felt incredibly good to get comforted. I really have to give him as much as that. No one on earth is so good at comforting people like Jake. I soaked him up like his kind words and gestures were warm rays of the sun. Somehow, for me, they were.

Jake was convinced that he would manage to make me happy and he could have succeeded in it, had he turned out to be what I needed him to be. I just can't help it but I don't like guys that way, never did, never will, there's nothing I can do about that no matter how hard I try. Somehow I wished I would be able to change it though. My life could be so much easier if I weren't the way I am.

After the night we slept together I told Jake that there would never be more than friendship between me and him. He would always be my best friend, but for him that would never, ever be enough.

Jake wasn't quite happy about my confession and during the next weeks he transformed from a happy-go-lucky kid into some a-class chauvinistic asshole. He was pissed and told me I had played with his emotions, in his eyes I had used him in order to have a place to stay at.

It was so awful and when I finally managed to save up enough money from my part-time job at Newton's I moved out of Jake's house in a cloak and dagger operation.

The apartment I rented was nothing but a hole, where you got cold water if you turned on the hot water and got some brownish slush when you turned on the cold water. It was tiny and way too loud because the main station was just around the corner.

Still, I loved that place as if it were a palace just because it was mine, truly mine. I painted every wall in the apartment in purple and bright orange because those were my favorite colors. I didn't sleep one single minute during that first night and was so enthusiastic that I decided to go out in order to spend my last five bucks on alcohol in order to celebrate my new found freedom.

It was a week night and so there wasn't much going on when I entered Breaking Dawn. I waved my hand at Tyler and Mike who were performing some sort of dry humping in the middle of the empty dance floor. That probably meant they had made up again after their last fight. Tyler was constantly pissed at Mike because he doesn't want to come out. I understand Mike's point though. Most of the people in our school are a bunch of homophobic assholes, influenced by the small town mentality of their parents.

Slowly, I walked towards the bar, already regretting that I had put on those high heels tonight although they were an essential part of my – I look old enough to drink outfit. I sat down on a chair and cleared my throat nervously before I spoke up.

"Can, I have a beer please?"

"Nice try, sweetie, maybe in a few years, when your ID says you're old enough."

"Oh please, just one and no one has to know about it…,"

"Stop trying to bribe the poor guy," A light voice next to me mumbled towards me.

I turned around in order to tell her to go fuck herself and mind her own damn business but when I saw her, the words stuck in my throat.

She was gorgeous, a tiny pale-skinned beauty with raven-colored curls that fell over her bare shoulders. The pair of skinny jeans she was wearing hugged her curves perfectly and I instantly felt the urge to run my fingers over the roundness of her backside.

My heartbeat quickened and when I finally managed to bring my attention back to her face, I was sure that my cheeks had already turned into a traitorous crimson color.

"Are you angry at me?" she asked me worriedly, sucking her full lower lip between her teeth to nibble on it. I realized that her carefully manicured hands were trembling slightly.

"I really didn't mean to offend you or something…," she continued after a few awkward moments of silence.

"It's okay," I murmured, taking a few of the peanuts in the little bowl between us in my hand to eat them. They were too salty and so I ended up ordering a diet coke that I emptied down in one big gulp.

"Thirsty?" the dark-haired woman asked me, running her finger over the edge of her wine glass. At least she was old enough to drink what she wanted.

Her eyes looked fearfully around as if she was somehow afraid to meet someone she knew.

"That's your first time in a gay club, isn't it?" I asked her, twisting my hair into a messy bun at the back of my head. Was it too warm here tonight or was that just me?

"Yes, it is." She whispered nervously.

"You're acting like a doe that is waiting for a predator to attack it. Try to relax a bit. No one is going to bite you."

She forced her mouth into a half smile but I noticed that her hands were still trembling. Damn it, she really was nervous, wasn't she?

"The first time is always difficult for everyone," I told her while I tried to put a name to the color of her dark-framed eyes. It wasn't really Emerald or Jade but still a perfect, deep rich green without the slightest hint of brown or blue in it.

Maybe I had stared at her a moment too long because suddenly she leaned forward to hide her pretty face behind a curtain of her long curls.

"Your hair is really beautiful," I told her, hoping that it would help her to warm up a bit.

"Thanks," she whispered so low that it was barely audible through the loud background music.

"I don't know why I'm even here," she murmured towards the floor.

"Because you were curious," I assumed, pulling my chapstick out of my handbag to apply some of it on my dry lips.

"Kind of, probably; I don't think I'm gay. I mean I like guys…a lot but sometimes when I look at another woman…I just can't look away. Does this make any sense for you?"

I nodded my head and sighed deeply.

"And it's like I'm always wondering how it would feel like to kiss her, if it would be that much different from kissing a man, if a woman would be more tender. I tried to stop these thoughts but they keep coming back."

"Maybe they would stop if you gave in to them. I guess, that would lesson your bi-curiosity a bit."

She shook her head and put her hair behind her ears, exposing a pair of tiny white pearls.

"Are you afraid you could like it too much?"

A deep sigh escaped her lips before she took another sip from her wine. Hesitantly she spoke up again.

"Yes, I am, or no, I'm not. I'm not even sure about that."

Slowly I reached out my hand to twist one of her curls around my fingers to pull her closer to me.

"Don't be afraid of being who you are."

"And if I don't know who I am?" she whispered hoarsely, her breathe tickling the skin on my lower lip. Our mouths were so close now that it would have taken the tiniest movement from me or her until they would connect.

I wanted to kiss her badly. The last person I had kissed had been Jake and that had been nothing but awkward.

"I'm sorry," she murmured, pulling back from the almost kiss. "I'm not ready for…well, for anything, I guess."

"Kay," I whispered breathlessly. Then I pulled a pen out of my handbag to write my cell number on a little napkin on the table.

"Here, green-eye, call me when you think you're ready…for coffee or anything."

I left the club shortly after because my head was starting to hurt and I wasn't feeling too well. In the middle of the night I woke up because I was sick. The next three days I spend mainly in my bathroom praising the porcelain god. I blamed the disgusting peanuts and decided that I would never ever eat something like that in a public place again. God knows, what kind of germs and bacteria had been on them. My poor stomach heaved again at the thought although there was nothing inside it that could come up apart from bitter acid.

After a horrible week of constant throwing up, mostly in the morning I decided to see a doctor.

"Well, Miss Swan," she greeted me when she entered the examination room.

"How are you feeling today?"

"Apart from the vomiting I'm pretty fine, thank you, doctor. Will you have to give me some antibiotics to get me rid of my stomach flu?"

She sat down on a plastic chair next to me and forced her coral tinted lips into something that was probably supposed to look like a smile.

"I'm afraid it wouldn't have any influence on your sickness. Try to eat dry crackers and stuff like that. Plus I should probably warn you that taking any kind of medication would be fatal in your condition."

"My condition?" my voice raised two octaves.

The young doctor sighed deeply and flipped to another page in the flipchart on her lap.

"Let me see…It looks Iike you're about seven weeks now."

"I'm seven weeks what?"

"Pregnant," she stated calmly. "According to your age I assume that this wasn't exactly planned."

I gasped for air and my hands automatically moved down my flat abdomen. How in heaven's name could there be a baby inside there? My life was already fucked up enough without that.

I was worried that I wasn't even going to finish school but it was so hard to focus on studying with the two part-time jobs I had taken on in order to pay for the apartment and other running costs. There was no way I could afford a baby on top of that. I knew a shitty nothing about babies and what they needed but I was quite sure most of it would cost a bunch of money that I didn't have.

For a split second I hated the tiny thing inside of me, hated it for complicating my already complicated life. I burst out into tears and the doctor handed me a tissue to clean my running nose. Then she handed me a small leaflet full of phone numbers and articles discussing the different options.

I didn't want to make decisions for I knew I wasn't good at them. So the next month I refused to do anything. It was almost as if I was back into the zombie like state I had been in when Renee had kicked me out.

Finally I managed to set up an appointment for the abortion but when I was in front of the building I couldn't manage to get in. So, I ended up cancelling the whole thing.

I didn't want to keep the baby that would end up in something close to a disaster. I wasn't ready to be a mom. Hell, when I looked around in my messy apartment I realized that I wasn't even old enough to take care of myself.

The next day, I made up two other appointments to terminate the pregnancy and during the last one I actually managed to get inside the building only to run into a woman with a tiny red-haired infant on her arm. My hands started trembling so much that I dropped the entire content of my handbag all over the hospital floor. Quickly I kneeled down to pick everything up again.

"Miss Swan?"

I raised my head to look at the young nurse in her greenish uniform.

"Yes?" I croaked hoarsely.

"We are ready now, if you are."

I shook my head and before I could manage to compose myself enough the first tears started falling down my cheeks.

The nurse guided me into a small office at the other end of the corridor and handed me a tissue.

"You don't really want an abortion, do you?" she asked me full of concern.

"No, I don't. I want to turn back time in order to stop me from doing what lead to me ending up here pregnant. I don't want a baby. All I want to do is survive my Senior year in school without too much trouble."

She nodded her head and put a brochure out of a folder on the desk.

"Here, Miss Swan. You really should read through this. There isn't just one way to deal with an unwanted pregnancy. You should consider all the options you have."

XXXX

I heard steps in front of the room and quickly tried to flatten the fabric of my skirt with my hands. The door opened and Siobhan the boss of the adoption agency walked in followed by a tall man with unruly honey-blond hair.

"Good morning, Miss Swan." she greeted me cheerfully, sitting down on a leather couch across from me.

"How are you feeling today? Are you nervous?"

I nodded my head and swallowed hard.

"There is no need to be nervous," the man stated, running his fingers through his curly hair before held out his hand.

"Hello, Miss Swan. My name is Jasper Hale and my wife and I would love to adopt your baby."

"Hi, Mr. Hale." I stumbled out while the baby inside me kicked again. "It's nice to meet you."

"Shouldn't your wife be here too, Jasper?" Siobhan asked him, flipping through a folder on her lap.

He checked the silver watch on his wrist and sighed deeply.

"Punctuality isn't really her strong point. Alice was terribly nervous about this meeting today. She insisted that she needed to buy some flowers for Miss Swan in the shop around the corner. That's where she probably is right now."

"I'm here! I'm here!" a light voice behind the hugest Sunflower bouquet I had ever seen called out breathlessly. She placed the monstrous thing on the table and gasped for air before she turned to me.

Her mouth opened and closed several times but no words escaped her lips. I noticed that she had cut off her beautiful hair. Gone were the long, silky black curls. Now everything was cropped above her chin and was carefully arranged into messy spikes.

However, her eyes were still exactly the same shade of dark, rich green as I remembered them.