Disclaimer: Dragon Age II [and its characters] are property of BioWare. Therefore, I make no profit from this fanfiction.
Warning: Spoilers!
Her sapphire eyes stared down at the black-clad mage. Even though Anders professed a willingness to die, Hawke could see the tenseness in his shoulders. He feared her choice as much as she did.
Hawke sensed her other companions nearby, watching like silent sentinels. She considered asking their opinions on the matter, but dismissed the idea just as quickly.
This was her choice, and it would be on her conscience. She felt as though she were drowning under the weight of it. Even as the city burned and a war was waged around them, it seemed as though the world itself was holding its breath, waiting for her choice.
She couldn't-!
Her sense of justice, of morality, said that Anders deserved to die for the innocent lives he had taken. His actions ignited the war she had been trying to prevent! He took the life of the woman who kept the mages and the templars from each others' throats, just so that this three-year stalemate would end.
But Hawke has always been a loyal creature, Anders was her friend long before he was her lover. And Hawke stood by her friends, protected them, fought for them. By the Fade, she would die for any of them – Avaline, Varric, Fenris, Merriel… Even for Isabella, who ran away and never looked back, and dearest Bethany, who resented the life Hawke forced her into.
Hawke never had many friends, even back in Lothering, but she had taken these people -solider, storyteller, fugitive, bloodmage, pirate, sister, grey warden- and made them hers. Losing her home and her brother had shaken her, but with this odd band of ill-fitting companions she had re-built herself. Losing Bethany, her little sister, would have broken her without the others' support. And the broken trust between Hawke and Isabella was like a gaping wound, opening anew with every reminder of her absence.
The thought of losing Anders as well-!
Choices, consequences, emotions all bounced within her head, and as she thought Hawke couldn't help but speak them aloud.
"I always believed you, you know. I never doubted you when you said that you would break my heart." Sharp eyes caught the almost invisible flinch along Ander's shoulder blades. "I knew that no matter how much you loved me, I would still lose you to Justice." The mage's hand barely trembled, Hawke would have missed it had she not been watching. "I feared that, more than a broken heart. I feared watching you be consumed by this vengeance." Blue eyes closed briefly, as if to protect herself from the vulnerability she felt at her next words. "I chose you anyways." Hawke paused at that, musing over her own words while the black mage before her grieved.
"As for your actions… You know full well what you've done." Hawke felt so tired. "And you also know what justice demands of me." In any other situation she would have laughed at the irony. "I should kill you."
Hawke stared down at the back of a man who made an evil choice for what he believed was right. This stupid, fearful, wonderful mage who broke her heart – just like he promised he would. And no matter how much pain he had caused her by his actions, she couldn't bring herself to hate him. An inaudible sigh escaped her lips as she continued, but her voice gained a definite edge.
"The Maker, however, saw fit to gift me with this selfishness." A frown flitted over her face as she gave word to her feelings. "Damn justice! Damn the honorable choice! First and foremost you are my friend, and I don't turn my back on friends." Hawke couldn't help but feel the pang of hurt that pierced her when Anders' surprised eyes met her resolved ones. "You will come with us to the Gallows, where you shall fight in this war you have foolishly begun." She held him with her eyes, refusing to let him retreat or hide from her piercing gaze. "And afterwards, when the people demand the head of the one who attacked the Chantry-."
"-They shall have it." Anders promised, his voice resolute. Hawke didn't know whether she wanted to kiss him or punch him – probably both. She settled for glaring at the idiot.
"I will stand between you and them." The mage was clearly taken aback, his eyes wide and startled. Hawke's glare didn't falter, but another spike of pain entered her heart. Did Anders truly believe that she would kill him? "Just promise me one thing." She could see his hesitation. "From now on, trust me."
And Hawke could see the mage's broken heart begin to mend at those words. As though his world had been falling apart, and with her words she put it back together. She turned away from Anders' smiling face, unable to stomach the anger she felt towards him. He had anticipated Hawke's sense of honor and duty towards the innocents of Kirkwall, but he had overlooked her loyalty and love for her companions, and had used the unwavering trust she placed in them. He lied to her, and then pushed her away afterwards. It was in this manner that he had betrayed her.
Even as Anders' broken heart healed and hope filled his face, Hawke felt her broken heart grind itself into sand.
As she stepped away from the mage she looked to the faces of her other companions, whom she feared losing just as much. It was to Hawke's relief that none looked disapproving, or even surprised, at her decision. Their understanding and support did much to soothe the ache in her breast, and suddenly the smoke-filled sky didn't seem so dark.
The choices were made, for better or worse, and the sides chosen. Their chances of survival were slim, but Hawke found herself uncaring. She and her friends were together, and she found herself with little doubt that they would survive this battle.
Sapphire eyes swept over her party; Captain of the Guard, storyteller, former slave, Dalish bloodmage, and almost-abomination.
The Champion of Kirkwall grinned to herself. With her friends by her side, she took on Qunari, raiders, thugs, thieves, and all manner of monsters. They had followed her into so many fights, so many adventures, that this didn't seem any different. Because of friendship, they follow her into the abyss, and by the Maker she will lead them out again.
-zzz-
As Hawke led her companions towards the Gallows she couldn't help but recall the words of the Witch of the Wastes. Once more into the breach, dear friends.