"Breakfast at Betty's"
A/N: Takes place the night after the season finale. Soooo much happened, right? Good, bad, and downright weird. Don't bash me, this is a quick one-shot I HAD to get down before it went out of my head! It's a bit more lighthearted than the finale itself because the finale was so dark. Enjoy!
Summary: Dealing with death, breaking up, breaking out, an identity crisis, and a mundo hangover is hard enough. Imagine dealing with it all under Betty Suarez's roof.
12:13 AM
In the middle of the night, no one was asleep under the Suarez roof. It was like the whole house was under a time freeze. Outside, life went on. Inside, time stood absolutely still. The house was flooded with an eerie silence. A sad silence. A tragic silence. A mourning silence.
Betty and Hilda Suarez sat at the kitchen table. Betty had made coffee for the two of them. Hilda hadn't touched her. Her eyes were bloodshot. She had been staring at the flashing clock on the microwave for nearly an hour. Her makeup had been running down her face and had now dried to the sides of her cheeks. Her hair was a mess. And for once, she didn't give a crap. There were worse things than looking like you'd crawled out of the dumpster behind Sephora's. Like losing your fiancé.
Justin Suarez wasn't nearly as quiet. After being the lead in West Side Story, he'd gotten the shock of a lifetime when he was pulled offstage right after curtain call and dragged home. He'd screamed once, bolted upstairs, locked himself up in his room after getting the news and began blasting his CD of Wicked at full volume. Normally, Hilda would have thrown a pillow at him if she heard "Defying Gravity" one more time, but tonight, he needed it. And, truth be told, so did she.
Betty, who had remained silent like Hilda, had some other things on her mind that were keeping her quiet. Not just her future brother-in-law's sudden death, but her own relationship was dead right along with him. She had a choice, too. Betty well knew she could have waited to tell Hilda and rushed to stop Henry at the airport. Henry was probably over halfway to Tuscan with Charlie by now. And CHARLIE…oh, how Betty wanted to get her hands on her for not only lying to Henry about her child no doubtly being his, but for taking advantage of his trusting nature and CHEATING on him with Dr. Farkas! But Betty blew it for her chance with Henry. Now she lost him forever. But that was one thing Betty knew she'd done right. Hilda deserved to know about Santo's death. At least that part of her conscience was clear.
Hilda sighed for about the 20th time as the clock on the microwave flicked another minute into the past. Betty bit her bottom lip. Hilda had just cried her eyes out as soon as she got home at 10. Was she done…or just harvesting tears for a new breakout?
"Betty?" Hilda finally muttered softly. Betty, who's ears had JUST gotten used to the silence, jumped a mile off her chair at the one whispered word.
"Yeah?"
"Did you know that Santos was getting a present for Justin?" she asked silently, oddly calm.
"Oh?"
"Before he left, he whispered in my ear that he wanted to get a congrats gift for Justin to give to him backstage," Hilda informed Betty. Betty nodded cautiously. "It's just…wrong, you know?"
Betty nodded. "Yeah, it is."
"I mean…Santos….MY Santos!" Hilda felt the tears come again, and they did. Hilda banged her forehead on the table and sobbed. Betty shot up and walked around to Hilda's side of the table and began rubbing her shoulders. Hilda didn't react.
"What will Papi think when I call him with the news? I want him here!"
"I do too, Hilda. Me too."
Suddenly, the doorbell rang. Betty, wondering who ELSE could have been killed tonight? Betty didn't want to get it, but the pounding persisted. A voice followed…a very FAMILIAR voice…
"Betty? You in there?"
No. It couldn't be. Betty needed some sleep. It couldn't possibly be…
Betty unlocked and opened up the door. Two women in matching jumpsuits, cuffed together at the ankles, stood in the doorway. One was a beefy, masculine, tattooed, scowling black woman. The other was Claire Meade.
1:37 AM
"Ugh…won't ANYTHING work?" Claire whined, looking at Yoga. Yoga stared back at Claire with her really scary gaze, making Claire stare straight ahead again. The two of them sat in the two free chairs in the kitchen as Betty tried various ways to release the two escapees from their handcuffed feet. She didn't really feel comfortable with two escaped criminals at her home in the early hours of the morning, but Claire Meade she did know. Betty felt sorry for Claire after the rumors she'd heard about Bradford divorcing her. Maybe something could be done…maybe Alexis or Daniel could take in Claire for awhile until things were straightened out.
"That's the last of the kitchen knives," Betty said, exhausted, tossing the bread knife aside. She looked up at Hilda, who had barely moved an inch in any direction despite the visitors. She was holding something in her hand. Betty leaned over to get it from Hilda's hand.
It was a nail file.
Yoga grabbed it from Betty and suddenly began hacking away at the handcuffs. "I know how use these!" Yoga said. Betty sat back as Yoga furiously hacked away at her ankles.
"Claire…why are you—?"
Claire sat back in her chair and groaned. "If I'm going back to jail, I'm going with a second life on my hands…Wilhelmina's."
Betty gulped and nodded.
"I'm not having Bradford divorce me just so that Botox-addicted witch can take over Meade Enterprises!" Claire hissed.
"Shut up, bitch! I almost got it!" Yoga hushed as she continued working. Claire looked up at Hilda, who was now again staring into her coffee.
"What's wrong with her?" asked Claire. Betty looked up at Hilda again.
"I'll explain later," Betty whispered under her breath.
"Mom—?"
Everyone looked up as Justin, who looked like he'd been hit by a truck, and still in his Tony costume, appeared in the doorway, holding up his Wicked CD. Betty hadn't even noticed it had stopped playing.
"It skips during "For Good," Mom! Now I'll never know if she's been changed for the better!" Justin said with a weak voice. He then immediately ran into Hilda's arms. Hilda openly welcomed Justin into her embrace.
"Shhh, Justin, it's okay. Just put in RENT if you need something!"
"But Idina Menzel isn't the same as Maureen! Her voice quality is totally more therapeutic as Elphie!" Justin then began crying into Hilda's shoulder, and she rocked back and forth. Yoga gave them a weird look. Suddenly, the handcuffs were broken. Yoga sat up and threw the nail file aside.
"Well, I go to Bronx to hide with sister. Bye, Bitch," Yoga saluted to Claire, who nervously saluted back. Yoga quickly let herself out the front door before Betty could say a word. Betty looked at Claire.
"Can you call Alexis? She can come pick me up and hide me," Claire said. "I don't really want to be a burden on you guys."
Betty nodded and quickly got her cell phone out, dialing Alexis' number. The voice mail message she heard seemed fuzzy, maybe she was in a remote area.
"Hello, you've reached Alexis Meade. If you're message is important, please leave it after the tone and I'll try and get back to you as soon as I can…"
Betty pressed a button. "Voice mail," said Betty.
"Try Daniel!" Claire said quickly. Betty nodded and dialed a different number. Claire looked anxiously at Betty. She hung up again after a few seconds.
"That's weird, Daniel's cell is turned off. He never has it off," Betty said. "I'll try again in a bit. In the meantime…coffee?" asked Betty. "You must have had a long night…um…breaking out of jail…" she muttered uncomfortably.
"You bet your ass I had a long night. Black would be fine, no decaf."
Betty nodded and went to put on a fresh pot. She and Hilda only drank decaf.
Just as Betty started the pot for Claire, she heard another knock on the door. This knock was lighter and irregularly rhythmic. Was it that big black inmate again? Betty opened the door. She was more than surprised to see Amanda in the doorway, a bottle of champagne in her left hand, and a crowbar in the right. Her eyes were bloodshot.
"Amanda?! What are you doing here?!" Betty asked.
"I'm trying to figure out who I am," Amanda hissed bitterly. Marc then appeared beside her.
"God, there's like, no parking spaces in this part of town! I had to park next to some big ugly black chick in a jumpsuit that looks like a prison uniform!"
3:01 AM
Talk about your awkward situations.
Betty was catering to the wants and needs of a escaped convict bent on revenge, two heartbroken people getting over a death, and now a drunken receptionist who claims to be the daughter of Fey Sommers and her gay best friend who ALWAYS made things awkward for her. Betty had made about 3 pots of coffee by this point.
"So, explain this to me again?" asked Betty. Amanda, now a little more sobered up, groaned. She looked over at Marc, who was looking at Teenie Bop magazine with Justin and listing the ways Hilary Duff was OBVIOUSLY not a virgin in an attempt to make him temporarily feel better. Hilda was still quiet, but she was sitting with Marc and Justin and trying to look brave.
Amanda looked at Betty and nodded. "In the safe in Fey's Love Dungeon was my official birth certificate thingy with her listed as my mother. It's so...confusing! Not to mention I might have been getting drunk on the bed I was conceived in! Ugh…" Amanda shuttered.
"But…wouldn't that make Bradford your father?" Betty asked. Wow, that would also mean that Alexis and Daniel were her siblings! Amanda could be a Meade!
"It couldn't! My DAD was my dad!" Amanda suddenly gasped. "Unless…"
"Oh come off it, sweet cheeks!" Claire snapped. "Fey Sommers was a whore! You could be Prince Rainier's kid for all we know!" Claire took another sip of her 4th cup of coffee.
"Oh! You think I could be?" Amanda asked. Claire rolled her eyes and added another shot of butterscotch to her coffee.
"But, you're really Fey Sommers' daughter? I mean, could the certificate be lying?" asked Betty.
"Betty, it's kinda hard to NOT be the kid of the lady you came out of!" Amanda sighed. "It just, it changes everything! I mean, who AM I? Am I really Amanda Tanen?" Amanda asked. Betty stood up.
"No, no! Just because you found a birth certificate doesn't mean it changes who you are!" Betty said quickly. "Was there anything else in the safe?"
"A few diaries," Amanda said. "I can't remember much else."
"Maybe the diary says something about if your dad is your dad!" Betty said.
"Ugh, like I care! My head is POUNDING and I don't even know if it's MY head!" Amanda sighed. "Marc? Can you get me another coffee?"
"Just a second, No-Name!" Marc called from the sofa. "Fergie is confessing her deepest, darkest love secrets on the next page! Oh…damnit! EVERYONE does THAT on their first date! RIPOFF!"
"Marc, I did MORE than that on my first date," said Justin (without much tone to his voice). Hilda rubbed his shoulder, hearing the sorrow in his voice.
"If I did just that on my first date, you wouldn't be here, Justin," Hilda muttered.
"I'll get it!" Betty said, getting up. But before she could get it, the bell rang again.
Great, who now? Does Daniel have a blister?
Betty opened the door. Christina stood on the doorstep now with another bottle similar to Amanda's.
"Betty, I forgot how to unlock my door! Can I stay here until I sober up?"
"Sure, welcome to the Hotel Suarez!"
5:34 AM
"Would ye SHUTTUP, Amanda! Who CARES if ye played Little Orphan Annie in middle school?!?!" Christina whined.
"I should have KNOWN it was a foreshadowing moment!" Amanda said. "I mean…I can't even SING, and you KNOW that Sister Mary-Anne was snooping through my files!"
Marc, who was almost asleep on the couch now, looked over at Amanda. "SHHH!" He pointed at Justin, who was asleep in his lap. "He's had a horrible night!"
"Amanda, hon, you want my advice?" Claire asked. Claire had gotten out of her prison uniform and was now in Hilda's old terrycloth robe. She was combing her hair out now.
"No."
"Don't let it get to you," Claire said, ignoring her. "Fey was a tramp, I almost expected it! You weren't exactly overqualified when you applied for the job at MODE!"
"What do you mean?" asked Betty.
"Her application was written in CRAYON!" Claire replied.
"I KNOW Fey got me the job, but how was I supposed to freaking know it was nepotism that got em the job?"
"Amanda, honey, take some Midol and get to sleep!" Christina moaned again. "I have a migraine the size of the Moray Firth!" Christina rolled around on the cot Betty had set up in the darkest part of the kitchen.
"Who asked you, Braveheart! I'm having an identity crisis here!" Amanda expressed. Betty nodded. Amanda's expression suddenly changed. "So Betty, how's your knight in shining sweater-vest?"
Betty was caught off guard by the question. "What? Henry? Um…let's not sweat the details right now."
"Okay. So anyways, when I was sixteen, Claudia Sanchez, my best gal pal at the time, lost her mother to colon cancer, and I didn't feel bad for her! And I know that sounds bad, but maybe that was because my mother was never there for me! And then when I had my graduation party—"
"SHUTTUP!" Christina wailed. "My temples are throbbing!"
"SHHH!" Marc said again.
"Too late, I'm up, I had a bad dream about Roger Davis cutting his hair in the movie" Justin moaned. "Where's Mom?"
"Here, baby," Hilda motioned from the kitchen. Justin ran to her again and sat down next to her. Hilda took Justin's hand and smiled weakly at him.
Betty, ready to scream by now, heard the bell ring. Betty ran to the door AGAIN and opened the door.
No one was there.
It was the phone ringing.
Betty ran to the phone and picked it up. "Hello, Betty Suarez."
"Miss Suarez, this is United Manhattan Medical Hospital."
"Um…yeah?" Betty gulped. What NOW?
"We have a certain Daniel Meade here in the ICU, and you were in his list of contacts."
"ICU? WHY?"
"We found him and his sister knocked out in a car about 6 miles from the hospital. Both of them are banged up pretty badly, and in addition, Mr. Meade needed to have his stomach pumped. I suggest you get down here right away. His condition is fairly critical," the voice said.
"What about Alexis?"
"Better, we're but still not too optimistic about her as of yet. Her air bag didn't deploy.:
Betty sighed and hung up the phone. She grabbed her coat and headed for the door in a rush. Suddenly she remembered the six other people in the house making the foundation shake with their moaning, bickering, and crying.
"HEEEY!" Betty yelled. No one shut up. "EVERYONE, BE QUIET!" Betty tried again.
"SHADDUP!" Christina hollered. Everyone was silenced.
"I'm going to the hospital," Betty said.
"Betty, what's wrong?" asked Claire. Betty looked at the woman. She couldn't say anything that would cause more of a upheaval.
"A friend got into a car wreck. I need you guys to settle down while I'm gone," Betty ran to the door, her heart pounding in fear. Before she closed the door behind her, she said in a freakishly sweet tone: "If everyone is good while I'm gone I'll make breakfast for you guys." Betty shut the door behind her and left the group of coffee-filled people silent in her wake.
A/N: This is my first Ugly Betty story, so be nice to me!!!