Disclaimer: I don't own the characters herein portrayed...heh, that sounded pretty cool. Also, any spoilers are unintentional; I made all of it up.
Yoru: Yoru, signing in and writing a fic because she is pissed.
Kuronue: And referring to herself in the third person, always a bad sign.
Yoru: Anyway, I just read this anti-gay marriage thing in a textbook (there are pro-gay stuff in here too, just so nobody thinks we're being forced to read only anti-gay crap) by someone who claims not to be a bigot.
Kuronue: So now you're mad.
Yoru:…I guess less mad, more sad. It's so pathetic that gay people are considered so different. What's so bad about falling in love with someone? Anyway, this is the first – and probably only – fic that I'm writing with the word "gay" used. Normally, I just let the yaoi happen because I believe that gay love is just as natural as straight. But this is different.
I dedicate this fic to all those who feel oppressed (gay, straight, or bisexual) by the close-minded bigots who run our world.
Long ago, if someone had asked Nara Shikamaru if he were gay, he might have allowed his Shadows to eat them alive.
Now…he probably would have to find a way to resurrect them so he could apologize.
He'd had girlfriends. He'd gone with Ino, Temari, Sakura…well, a date with Sakura. That had been awkward. However, he could say that he had thought he was straight.
He had gotten some motivation, showed his true potential, and risen to ANBU rank. By then, everyone he knew had gone their separate ways. Most of those with whom he had grown up left Konoha for good shortly after rising as far as they could in the ranks. Some came back, some never returned.
Shikamaru, ANBU that he was, did not leave. He chose to remain to protect the smaller and weaker of Konoha. He was among the handful that did remain, consisting of Neji, Shino, Sakura, and TenTen.
Right after becoming Jounin, Ino fell in love with, dated, and married Chouji. They moved far away; he never heard from them again. Hinata left shortly after realizing that Naruto would never love her. In turn, Naruto left after accepting that Sakura would never return his feelings.
Kiba left the village with Akamaru and (oddly) Rock Lee hard on his heels the day after graduation from the Academy. They disappeared completely until Lee returned one stormy night three years later, bloody and beaten. A harrowing tale revealed that he had separated from Kiba two years before, found Hinata, and teamed with her in a war six leagues from Konoha. He had been severely wounded and Hinata had died.
It hurt Shikamaru to know that he would never see Hinata again, and the Rock Lee he knew was also forever gone. No longer was Lee boisterous and uplifting; he was silent and often lashed out. A year after returning, he left for the second time and was never seen again.
Everyone thought Sakura, who had grown up to be a great beauty, would capture Sasuke's heart. Instead, the youngest Uchiha followed Naruto. No on knew why, and no one heard from them. Sakura cried for days.
Shikamaru asked her on a date mostly in an effort to cheer her up. Nothing ever came of it, which was just as well since it was really only pity that prompted the invitation anyway.
The years went by, people he knew left and returned, and Shikamaru turned 25. The day after his birthday, Inuzuka Kiba returned to Konoha.
Shikamaru was the first to see him, and that was his downfall.
Baby, you're all that I want
When you're lying here in my arms
I'm finding it hard to believe
We're in heaven
He hadn't really changed much. He was still loud and obnoxious, still tattooed with the triangles under his eyes, and his hair was still untamed and wild. However, when he and Akamaru stepped into the light where Shikamaru could get a good look, the ANBU was shocked. It was as though he was meeting Kiba for the first time, and had never seen him before.
He managed to compose himself and accepted Kiba's bear hug with a stoic "troublesome mutt." Once Kiba had rushed into the village, out of sight with Akamaru at his heels, Shikamaru had allowed himself to fall to his knees. The feeling overwhelmed him until he wanted nothing more than to see Kiba again. Watching his former comrade at his welcoming party, the ANBU could not help noticing the way the fire shone on Kiba's tanned skin or how his brown eyes always seemed to sparkle with mischief.
Of course, upon hearing of Lee and Hinata's unfortunate fates, the sparkle died a little. However, the next morning Kiba was up and about, talking and hanging with Shino as though he had never left. Shikamaru watched in endless misery.
He had fallen in love with Inuzuka Kiba. A former comrade who had always desperately annoyed him. A neighbor, a friend.
A man.
Somehow, though, Shikamaru wasn't bothered by his sexuality. In all honesty, he was more worried about the man he'd fallen in love with; Kiba was, he thought, the least gay man he knew.
However, because misery was eating him, he allowed himself to get close to Kiba again. After a while, Kiba also became ANBU and they spent more time together. Missions, drinks after missions, time in the hospital when one of them was injured; suddenly it seemed that everywhere Shikamaru looked was Kiba.
A full year after Kiba's return, the Inuzuka was gravely injured on a mission. Shikamaru, frenzied with worry and grief, babbled to keep Kiba awake while help came.
Before he could stop them, the words slipped out.
"You can't go, you can't leave me here, I love you!"
Kiba stared at him with an odd look in his eyes, and then passed out just as help arrived. Akamaru, however, remained staring at Shikamaru as though he were Kiba.
In the hospital, Shikamaru sat in a chair and mentally beat himself black and blue, watching Akamaru pace the waiting room. Kiba would never let his friend near him again. Shikamaru would spend the rest of his days happy that Kiba was alive, and wallowing in misery because he had still lost him.
Only a small spark of hope kept him sane as he waited for Sakura's verdict. When she finally arrived, he saw in her face a mixture of emotions that he couldn't read.
"Before you ask, he'll be fine. He's asking for you, without the dog. Just be careful with him." She turned away and left the room before he could say anything, grabbing Akamaru on the way out.
Confused by her odd behavior, Shikamaru barely realized that his feet had taken him to Kiba's bedside until a rough voice said, "Hey."
Shikamaru snapped out of his reverie and forced a smile, "Hey. How do you feel?"
"Eh, I'll live. A little pain here, a bit of agony there." Kiba smiled as though it hurt to do so, which Shikamaru thought it probably did.
"I'm glad you can still make jokes, but how badly does it hurt?"
"The pure joy coursing through my entire being sort of dulls it, to tell the truth."
Shikamaru's heart skipped a beat.
And love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart
It isn't too hard to see
We're in Heaven
"…What?"
"I said, the pure joy coursing through…"
"I heard that, mutt. I meant what did you mean?" Shikamaru held his breath.
"You love me, right?"
"Yes."
"Why do you think I came back, you fool?"
"I always thought you just didn't have anywhere else to go." Shikamaru's heart was beating so fast he thought it would burst. He sat in a chair a little too hard.
"I came back for the people, Shika. For Shino and Hinata and Chouji, and for you. Mostly for you. I loved you all those years, Nara Shikamaru, but I was afraid that you'd hate me. So I left before your indifference, not to mention involvement with Temari and Ino, could cause me any more pain. But I couldn't stay away. I had to see you, and I had to be with you, even if just as friends."
Shikamaru couldn't believe his ears. He flushed slightly in embarrassment; if Kiba had told him all those years ago, he probably would have hated him. But now…
"I saw you come up the path to Konoha, and it was like I'd never seen you before. Since that moment you've captured my every thought. I wasn't sure why I felt this way, but I quickly realized that I loved you." Shikamaru leaned down and put a hand on Kiba's cheek, "Be mine, Kiba."
"Duh."
Oh, thinkin' about our younger years
There was only you and me
We were young and wild and free
When Shikamaru was young, he had spent a lot of time with Naruto, Shino, and Kiba. Naruto and Kiba were the pranksters, and he and Shino were the ones who took the blame. Why? Because Naruto and Kiba weren't willing to take responsibility for their actions. Shikamaru never minded getting in trouble. He just slept with his eyes open throughout the resulting lecture.
Looking back, he wondered if maybe the fact that he had admired Kiba's fire prompted him to keep the mutt out of trouble. Maybe there had been an ember of the current fiery passion burning inside him.
Shikamaru wanted nothing less than to have loved Kiba as long as the other man had loved him, but he knew he never had. It always made him feel a little guilty, even though Kiba told him that it "didn't matter now."
He remembered admiring, being annoyed by, and adoring Kiba as his friend. Never romantically loving him.
The fact would never change, and Shikamaru had to accept it. However, at night, lying beside his lover, he couldn't help thinking back and trying to find the spark he knew had to be there.
Now nothing can take you away from me
We've been down that road before
But that's over now
You keep me coming back for more
Sometimes, Shikamaru wondered if he could have done something to keep Kiba here all these years. Then he'd wonder what would have happened if he had. Kiba would have stayed here, miserably loving him. But would Shikamaru have reciprocated faster?
These were the times that Kiba would hit him in the forehead, laugh, and say, "You're thinking too much, love."
How Shikamaru loved hearing those words coming from Kiba's perfect lips.
Their relationship was not all roses and pearls, however. In the hospital, Sakura had been telling Kiba that he needed to rest and not see anyone. After several minutes of arguing, Kiba finally blurted that Shikamaru had confessed his love to him and he wanted to see him.
"Actually it was more like, "Shika told me he loves me and god-damn it I want to see him!" and I think that scared her," Kiba mused after telling Shikamaru the story.
Sakura had not spoken with Kiba since, making it painfully clear that she wanted nothing to do with him. Her only words to Shikamaru before she also cut him off were, "Wait until Temari finds out, you sick freak."
Shino had taken the news well, only shrugging and telling them to take advantage of happiness wherever they found it.
"If you love each other, you should be together. That's all there is to it," he said, taking a sip of his tea. Shikamaru could have kissed him in that instant, not only because he hadn't wanted to lose Shino but also because Kiba was beaming.
Neji shunned them immediately.
"I will not be associated with you any longer if you are going to live your lives this way," he said with an unreadable face.
"Oh, come on, Neji, who cares about gender when you're in love?" Kiba tried to fix the broken relationship.
"It matters a great deal."
"Why?"
"You are fouling the sacred name of marriage with your taboo union, and you cannot produce children."
"So what? If you'd gotten your way, you'd be producing mutant children with Hinata instead of pretty ones with TenTen!" Kiba shot back, anger suddenly give him a sharp bite. Neji had immediately stood and would have killed Kiba if Shikamaru and Akamaru had not stepped in and dragged Kiba away before Neji could attack.
"Kiba, love, we're going to lose friends!"
"He had no right to talk about us like that!"
"If it's what he believes, nothing we do can change it!" Shikamaru was shocked to see Kiba burst into tears. Akamaru leapt onto his master, licking them away.
"I can't help it…I want them all to see that we can love and not be wrong…"
Shikamaru pulled his lover close, gently shoving the dog away.
"We know that we're not wrong."
"But…"
"And the comment about Hinata may have been a little much, my love. I think you made it worse. You know full well he never wanted that from her."
"I know…he just made me so angry…"
Shikamaru held Kiba all night long, listening to him cry and trying not to wish that they'd never grown up.
Baby you're all that I want
When you're lying here in my arms
I'm finding it hard to believe
We're in heaven
Shikamaru sat alone in the tavern. Kiba was on a solo mission, and he would be gone for at least three more days. Shino was also away, visiting Hinata's grave. Shikamaru had no one…no one he wished to bother.
He stared into the depths of his drink, trying not to think about beautiful brown eyes when a different pair met his own.
"Shikamaru?"
"TenTen? Why are you talking to me? Won't Neji be angry?"
TenTen sighed and sat next to Shikamaru, "Yes. But I wanted to talk to you."
"About what?"
"I just want to know what it's like to love someone so completely that you'd give up everything for them."
"You wouldn't do that for Neji?" Shikamaru asked, surprised.
"Once, I would have. When we married I was so happy, but now I know that I'm just a way for him to continue his clan. He knew I loved him and that's why he took me for his wife. I think…he thought he could fall in love with me, but he just never did. And I've begun to realize that I don't love him either."
"I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault. Now tell me."
Shikamaru leaned back against the backboard of his bench.
"It's amazing. At the end of the day, whether he's around or not, I want him in my arms. Now, even, at noon, I want him with me. Every day is a new realization that he and I are one, that for the first time in my life I love someone more than myself, more than my friends, more than my job or anything else that I could love."
And love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart
It isn't too hard to see
We're in Heaven
We're in Heaven
TenTen stared at him for a long time, obvious envy in her eyes.
"You'll find it one day," he whispered to her. Her eyes filled with tears.
"I have to leave him, Shikamaru."
"…and he probably knows it." Shikamaru smiled softly, "You aren't sickened by Kiba and I?"
"Not even a little. I think love in any form is beautiful. My children, for example. It wouldn't matter who their father was, I know I would love them unconditionally. So I think I do sort of know how you and Kiba feel." TenTen sighed, "To tell the truth, I think Neji might be gay, too."
"You…what?" Shikamaru blinked, thinking he misheard her.
"I think he might be gay and scared of it, you know? For a while, I thought his bland lovemaking was just because he didn't love me, but now I wonder if maybe it's because he wants to be on the bottom." She giggled, "You know, until you and Kiba, I never even thought about it."
"Me neither," Shikamaru admitted, drawing another giggle from TenTen, "But we've lost good friends because of it. Sakura and Neji, and I'm sure some of the senseis are sick."
"Then they're not your friends," TenTen said vehemently.
"What?"
"If they can't accept you for who you are and be happy because you are, then they're not your friends. Forget them."
"But…"
"No. You keep hold of Shino and me, and let the others go. They're not worth your time."
Shikamaru put his head in his hands. He knew he could never just forget, but at the same time TenTen was making damn good sense.
Suddenly his companion stood.
"You've inspired me, Shikamaru. I'm going to find my true love. He's not here in Konoha, but he's somewhere, and I will find him." She gave Shikamaru a brief hug and then left in a hurry. Shikamaru sighed. Neji would never forgive him now, whether he was gay or not.
Now nothing can change what you mean to me
There's a lot that I can say
But just hold me now
'Cause our love will light the way
"Kiba, I think we should elope," Shikamaru said one night, holding Kiba tightly in his arms.
"What? Leave Shino and everyone? Leave the only world you've ever known?"
"I'd do it in a heartbeat for you. We could go find Naruto and Sasuke, Lee, Ino and Chouji, or just buy a cabin out in the mountains and be together."
"Shika…"
"If you don't like the idea, say so. It's just that, an idea."
Kiba stared into his eyes for a long time, then kissed him gently, "Do you want to leave?"
"Yes."
"Then we'll go. Tomorrow we'll start packing. Just promise me that we'll visit, and that you'll never leave me, and I will follow you to the end of the earth if that's where you want to go."
Shikamaru chuckled, "I don't think that's necessary, but I do promise. I promise that we'll visit, and I promise you that I will never leave you."
"Tomorrow, then."
"I love you."
"I love you too. Tomorrow's a big day. Shut up and go to sleep."
Baby you're all that I want
When you're lying here in my arms
I'm finding it hard to believe
We're in heaven
Shikamaru was packed and ready. Kiba had one more solo mission, and they would leave on his return the next day. As Shikamaru was tying the last of his packs, there was a knock at the door. He opened it to reveal Sakura.
"Come to insult me?" he growled. Kiba was rubbing off on him. She looked taken aback, and then looked at the ground.
"May I come in?" she asked in the smallest voice he had ever heard from her. Concerned, he let her in. She looked around the small apartment at all the packs.
"Moving somewhere bigger?"
"Leaving Konoha tomorrow."
She gasped slightly, then sat on the couch, "Then I'm glad I caught you today."
"What's wrong?" Shikamaru asked, sitting across from her on the coffee table.
"TenTen and I had a talk the other day, right before she left. God, you're all leaving…" she sniffled, then continued, "I decided that I couldn't let it go. I had to come tell you why I…why you and Kiba bothered me so much."
"Go on."
She took a moment to make sure she wouldn't cry, and then continued, "I was so desperately in love with Sasuke, Shikamaru, you know that. People thought it was just fangirl love, but it wasn't. I loved…love him with every fiber of my being. I still do."
Shikamaru wondered why Sakura was telling him this. He knew that; he was one of the few who had realized just how much Sakura loved Sasuke.
"Remember when Naruto left, everyone thought it was because he was tired of my not giving him a chance? Remember how Sasuke followed him and nobody knew why?"
"Yes."
"I knew why. Sasuke came to my room in the middle of the night and told me why."
Suddenly, Shikamaru knew where this was going.
"Sasuke was in love with Naruto, wasn't he?" he said. Sakura nodded, tears pricking at her eyes again.
"He didn't know who else to talk to, and like most people thought I wasn't really in love with him. Because I also loved him as a friend, I let him talk. He poured out his heart to me, telling me that Naruto was the only thing keeping him sane, the light in his darkness. Because…" she stopped and sobbed once, "Because I knew how much he needed me to, I told him to go after Naruto."
"So you hate Kiba and I because Sasuke was stolen from you by love for another man."
"I don't hate you. It just reminded me of what I lost." Sakura tried unsuccessfully to hold the tears back. Shikamaru hesitated, then placed a hand on her shoulder.
"Cry, Sakura."
She did, into his shoulder.
"Sakura, if this is the case, why didn't you ever let go of Sasuke?"
"I…I couldn't…Heaven knows I tried…I went out with you, for God's sake…"
Shikamaru heard the tiny joke in her voice and laughed softly.
"I'm glad we're parting friends," she whispered. He nodded, petting her hair as her sobs quieted.
And love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart
It isn't too hard to see
We're in Heaven
"Where to first, mon capitan?" Kiba asked jokingly. Shikamaru cuffed him lightly. They were out of Konoha, packs on their backs. Akamaru was ahead of them, frolicking in the sunlight.
"I want to find Naruto and Sasuke."
"Shika, after what Sakura said…maybe we should just leave them alone. I mean, what if Naruto rejected Sasuke, and then we find Sasuke and seeing us together hurts him? I mean, we don't know if Naruto loved Sasuke back. He loved Sakura."
"Vicious circle, isn't it?" Shikamaru said, almost to himself. Kiba nodded.
"Anyway, I vote for finding Lee."
"Why?"
"I don't know. See if he's doing any better."
"Fine by me." Shikamaru suddenly grabbed Kiba's arm and pulled him into a feverish kiss. After a moment, they broke apart, Kiba panting slightly.
"Not that I'm complaining, but what was that for?"
"We're free, Kiba. We can kiss anytime we want, we can hold each other without restraint, we can make love right here on the ground if we want to."
"That might be uncomfortable," Kiba said, smirking. Shikamaru glared at him.
"I'm being serious here."
"So am I. That would hurt." Kiba lunged at Shikamaru, throwing him against a tree, "Here, on the other hand…"
Shikamaru laughed as Kiba licked all over his cheeks. Akamaru, who hated being out of the loop, immediately leaped in and did the same. Shikamaru finally shoved them both off and ran to the nearest stream.
"You're both disgusting!" he shouted.
"And you LOVE it," Kiba shouted back. Shikamaru smiled as he washed the rest of the saliva from his face.
He did love it.
Now our dreams are coming true
Through the good times and the bad
I'll be standing there by you
Several weeks later, they came upon the busy town where Lee was said to be living. Directions from the townsfolk led them to a small cabin on the outskirts of town. They now stood before it, wondering what they would find.
Shikamaru knocked, not knowing what to expect.
A familiar pair of brown eyes was certainly not it, however.
"TenTen?"
"Shikamaru? Kiba?" She laughed as Akamaru jumped on her, licking her face, "Akamaru! What are you all doing here?"
"Looking for Lee. What are you doing here?"
"The typical things a girlfriend does, I suppose." She smiled at the surprised looks on their faces. At that moment, Lee came to the door. Putting an arm around TenTen, he eyed Shikamaru and Kiba.
"The gays arrive, then?"
Kiba bristled, but Shikamaru saw the twinkle in Lee's eyes.
"Yes, Lee, the gays arrive."
Lee laughed, "I'm happy to see you. I'd hug you, Shika, but Kiba might not appreciate it."
Kiba relaxed, lunging at Lee and giving him a huge bear hug. Shikamaru laughed as Lee fell over.
"Boisterous and youthful as ever, Kiba!" Lee exclaimed with a smile as he rubbed his behind. Shikamaru's eyes widened.
"Youthful?"
"TenTen's brought the old me back, Shika. She's bursting with the youthful energy I needed! You should see her in bed, like a great playful…"
"Dude, I'm gay, I don't want to hear it!" shouted Kiba. They all laughed.
"How's Sakura?" TenTen asked Shikamaru to the side as Kiba caught up with Lee.
"We talked and Kiba and I left on good terms with her."
"…Shikamaru, Sasuke and Naruto live just over that hill."
Shikamaru stared at her, "Together?"
"They come down for supplies, and for dinner here. They're so happy, Shika. Naruto loved Sasuke from the moment he saw him, but he was so scared of rejection. He pretended to love Sakura because he thought he could never have Sasuke. Do you think I should send a message to Sakura? Maybe she'll have peace of mind."
"It might help her let Sasuke go." Shikamaru was stunned by the news. Sasuke and Naruto?
"Think you could spare some youthful virility and let's all pitch in for dinner?" Lee asked, flinging an arm around TenTen again. Shikamaru smiled.
"Sure, but I think I want to go see Sasuke and Naruto first. We'll be back in a minute."
"Okay."
Shikamaru practically ran to the cabin on the hill. Before he reached it, he saw a familiar blonde head bobbing as the man chopped firewood. Masking his chakra, Shikamaru snuck up behind Naruto and grabbed his shoulder.
"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" Naruto swung his fist, and Shikamaru ducked.
"Hey, Naruto."
"Shikamaru? What…how…you…wait, before we finish this conversation, I have to beat you up for that!" Naruto pounced on Shikamaru, only to have Kiba bowl him over.
"Not my boyfriend, Naru!" he said, straddling Naruto's hips.
"Boyfriend? Shika? Finally? Hell yes, Kiba, it's been ten years!"
"I know! Awesome, right? And I hear you got yourself one as well."
A blush spread across Naruto's cheeks as he sputtered. Shikamaru growled low in his throat. Naruto had known about Kiba feelings and had kept it a secret?
"Naruto, why is someone besides me straddling you?" a familiar voice asked. Shikamaru turned to see Sasuke standing right behind him. Was that jealousy in his eyes?
"Number one, too much information. Number two, long time no see, Sasuke," he said nonchalantly. Sasuke smiled, one of the only real ones Shikamaru had ever seen grace his admittedly beautiful face.
"Hello, Shikamaru. Kiba, get the hell off of my lover."
"Sor-ry," Kiba muttered as he got off of Naruto. Immediately, Sasuke grabbed the blonde and pulled him into a passionate kiss. Shikamaru caught Kiba's eye and smiled. Everything was exactly the way it should be.
We're in heaven
Love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart
It isn't too hard to see
We're in heaven
"I love you, Kiba. Forever."
"And I you. We'll always be together, won't we?"
"Always."
We're in heaven
Owari