Warning: some sensitive material, some OOC behavior, homophobia, language, vague mentions of sex(both consensual and not).

If I Told You I Love You

. . .

"I love you," I tell you. We're standing in the middle of the busy hallway, and students trying to elbow past us, angry for being in the way. But I don't see them. All I see is you.

Brilliant blue eyes flash behind your glasses. You smile at me. "Good," you say. "Because I love you too."

"I love you," I tell you. I have to speak up louder than usual, because it's homeroom and during homeroom, everyone gets too rowdy. Not that the teacher cares.

Behind you, one of your best friends - Arthur, I think - chuckles, as if amused. Beside him, another boy named Gilbert laughs out loud. "Looks like Alfred has a boyfriend," he sneers, red eyes mean and gleaming.

"He's not my boyfriend," you say, elbowing Gilbert. "He's just a fag."

It makes me feel warm inside, the way we walk together the next day at school. Your arm is slung around my shoulder, and I fit perfectly into your side.

We reach my locker. Boys gawk. Girls scowl jealously at me. I try to hide my smile as I put in my locker combination. You lean against the locker to my right casually, grinning. "You're happy today," you say, teasing.

"There's no reason not to be," I reply, finally unable to help myself. I smile back. I retrieve my books, and we walk to our homeroom.

The moment I walk into school the next day, I feel tears pool in my eyes. You're joking around with your friends at your locker. I bite my lip hard and will myself into resilience as I walk past.

When I arrive at my locker, I put in the combination, and then gather my books as fast as possible. I'm too late, though.

"Hey, it's that guy," someone says, not too loudly, behind me.

"I heard he confessed to Alfred the other day," another replies.

I keep a stiff upper lip all the way to homeroom.

"All the attention is a little scary," I admit to you after first period.

You laugh, pulling me close and kissing my cheek. "Don't be afraid, my little Canuck," you tease. "I'll be your hero and protect you, okay?"

I roll my eyes at your hero complex, but it's hard not to find it endearing. "Okay," I acquiesce half-seriously as we walk out of the classroom.

"It's nice to see that someone has finally forced this git to act more decent," says a thickly-accented voice. Arthur falls into step next to us. "Really, Matthew, you've done wonders."

You scoff and nudge Arthur in the side. "At least I'm not a former delinquent," you say, smirking.

I laugh as you two bicker.

"Hey, kid." You appear in front of my desk, and I nearly jump in surprise. Your words register in my mind. I will the pain in my heart to go away.

"Alfred," I say evenly, clearing my throat. My eyes shift to behind you. Arthur and Gilbert are ever present.

"You weren't very focused in class today," you say, mock concern in your eyes. "Were you fantasizing about me?" I don't answer. "I bet you were, you little freak."

I gather my books and rise from my seat, but Gilbert steps in front of me. Arthur decides to speak up. "He's talking to you, you rude little shite," he says, emerald eyes steely.

"I know," I reply flatly. I try to push past them, only to be shoved back roughly.

"Then answer him," Gilbert demands.

You pepper soft kisses down the nape of my neck. My heart swells at the affection.

I attempt to walk away again. You punch me.

My heart is breaking.

"You're adorable, honestly," you tell me, eyes soft. You crawl into the bed, holding yourself over my smaller form. "I love you so much." You bend down to nip at my collarbone, and I'm sure that you're going to leave a hickey.

"Don't put it where people can see," I whine half-heartedly. I bring your head up so I can kiss you instead.

"Are you ready?" you ask once we break apart.

"I trust you," I say honestly.

You smile and lean down to kiss me again.

"So, you love me, huh?"

I don't know how you found me. I came to the rooftop to try and recuperate, not to see you again. The cut on my lip is still bleeding from your punch, and I'm still trying to stop it when you suddenly pin me against the cool surface of the rooftop.

"I told you, didn't I?" I say, my voice wavering.

"Then I think we can work something out here." Your smile is dark and feral as you tower over me.

I don't think I've ever been more scared of you.

But I do love you, and God knows how long I've wanted this.

I agree to your offer.

You are more gentle than I expected you to be. You hold me in your arms, our skin glistening with sweat in the moonlight that filters through your window, and I feel safe and loved.

Afterwards, you press me against your chest and breathe, "I love you."

There's a sense of completion in me. "I love you too," I whisper.

You don't bother with being gentle, pressing me harshly against the floor. Your hands are beside my head, holding you up as you move, eyes squeezed shut. I wonder if you're imagining someone else.

When you finish, I feel cold and empty and used.

You stand, buttoning your jeans. You throw my shirt at me and I catch it in time to see you grin. "See you around, fag."

"I'm yours," I say.

"As I am yours," you reply.

The next day, I see you kissing Arthur.

You smile and bring my hand close to your face. You press your lips sweetly against my knuckles. I giggle softly.

You break away from Arthur and meet my eyes. You flash me a smirk. I run before the tears come.

I smile.

I cry.

I have you.

I'll never have you.