Waiting
Rated K+:
For mentions of death and tragedy
Subject Matter: Mimi and Izzy bonding, Tragedy and Comfort, Hurt, Beginnings of Romance, Deepening of Bonds.
AN
So this is the long awaited Koumi fanfic. In some strange way it became a project of its own and it's not really romantic…it's more comforting, maybe more on the tragic side and maybe even more friendship kind of fanfiction, take it what you will. I think it's a tender fanfiction...and it's not one of those really corny one-shots when at the end the guy says I Love You and it's happily ever after…no I think this fanfiction it's a little more real…well as real considering that I kept it in the digimon universe.
Recently I've also been going through some stuff that has really changed my perceptive in life, especially when it comes to death.
Hopefully many of you will enjoy it as much as I have.
Considering my long absence from the fanfic universe I think the title is appropriate as well.
Disclaimer: I do not own the digimon franchise
Summary: Mimi feels fractured to say the least, it may be a year since her adventure with digimon...but the deaths of her digimon friends it still affects her. Izzy doesn't understand…but he wants to…he wants to be there for her. Days before she leaves to America Mimi opens up about her suffering and despair and Izzy realizes that she is more deeper than he thought. As they open up to each other...can they heal the affects of the facades? Izzy, Mimi, Koushiro, Koumi.
There are two kinds of sparks, the one that goes off with a hitch like a match, but it burns quickly. The other is the kind that needs time, but when the flame strikes... it's eternal.
Mimi sat at the window of her room staring out into the world before her. It was only 5:00 a.m. She wasn't really looking for a particular thing…she was just staring…she had begun to do that often.
She sighed as she stared at her barren room
What was once a vibrant pink room had become sadly brown.
Only now a mat stood where her bed once was. Only a stripped wall stood where shocking pink walls once stood.
Mimi sighed again and looked out to the city…to see the bustling cars…to see the frantic people…to see the birds cawing…her eyes would always glaze over when she saw birds…or any other organism. Mimi stared at the window to get away from her life…to take a moment to remember.
However much it hurt…animals always reminded her too much…too much of that summer…that summer where she saw her friends die…when she saw a sea savior die…when she was saved by a pink rat…when a lion had died in her place…when a pixie gave his life so that she could escape.
The memories still haunted her till this day…it affected her in a way that even she couldn't understand. Mimi was never herself…and she felt haunted and alone especially when she was with her friends…they seemed happy…joyful…Tai still laughing…Sora still smiled…Matt still played his harmonica…Joe still studied blissfully…Kari still played with her whistle…T.K. still looked to the sky in happiness…and Izzy…well Izzy still lived his life like the next person.
She couldn't understand why they could live their normal life and not be haunted. How could they be happy? When so many had died in their place…when they had become a burden to others? When they had done nothing to remember them? How could they…? Mimi didn't understand…that made her feel isolated.
She felt alone in the world…like no one could reach her…like she was in her own universe and how ever much she wanted people to help her they couldn't reach her…she was closed off. However she was acutely aware that her friends would worry about her if she showed anything…if anything they might just cast her away…that she would just be a burden like she was in the digital world and she knew the sincere truth…that she didn't want that to happen but knew that that could happen.
So Mimi would pretend…pretend that she was happy…pretend that she thought Tai's joke was funny…pretend that she thought Sora's dress was nice…pretend that she thought Matt's song was good…pretend to be focusing on her studies with Joe…pretend to be enjoying the ice-cream she shared with Kari…pretend that yes the gorilla looked friendly when she went to the zoo with T.K….as for Izzy…there was no need for pretend…he was in his own universe too…
Mimi didn't understand him much, after all he was a man of computers and not of words but Mimi found a certain kinship with him, and he left her alone which she liked even if it meant that he may or may not like her.
Mimi laughed when others laughed…smiled when others smiled…walked when others walked…danced when others danced. But pretending could only get you so far…the façade that you carry can only get you so far.
Mimi knew that as well…sincerity…sincerity is telling the truth and within herself she knew that images of digimon would always be stitched in her mind…it would never go away…the darkness that was in her blood would never go away.
You can never truly get over the fact of seeing someone die…especially when that someone died to protect you. Mimi however knew that the pretending would soon come to an end. Mimi was going to move to America due to her father's work and although she would no longer have to pretend for her friends…
She loved them so…loved them all too much and she knew that the new school that she would have to go to would present a whole new set of problems including a different type of pretending that she would have to do…Mimi was just so tiered of it all.
Mimi's eyes began to well up with tears but she had long been able to hold them back. How sad it was…Mimi could hold back tears all for the sake of her friends. However much she loved them Mimi enjoyed these quiet moments to herself where she could just stare at the window and remember her old friends…honor them for everything they did for her…and feel guilty for being unable to save them.
Mimi closed her eyes…life is funny…life is tragic…closing your eyes can give you glimpses of the past…the past that you want to forget but can't because however much you try…you can't forget. Mimi looked out the window and saw the birds fly away…yes…life was funny…and at this point Mimi didn't like funny.
Mimi found herself walking towards the park near her apartment complex as she was thinking about it all. In her pajamas and barefoot she walked to the grey park near her apartment. She didn't know why she had the sudden urge to.
One moment she was thinking about all these things staring out the window…suddenly she had thrown a robe over her pajamas and took the elevator down to the streets to just walk to the park…to just walk…
She seemed to do that a lot these days...
She didn't know why but she felt heavier then ever…as if the guilt was on her shoulders and it was slowly bringing her down. She wanted it to all go away…but how could she? Remembering her friends…honoring their memory…feeling the guilty…it was all she could do to the friends who had sacrificed themselves for her…as if her life was worth it…was it even worth it?
What had she done to deserve their sacrifice? She wished she could talk to them…wished she could say sorry…wished she could tell them how sorry she was….for getting in the way…wished she could say thank you…wished she could say that she would never forget them…she would never forget them.
Slowly the grief settled over her, easing into her body like a new skin. Leomon had died, Pixiemon had died, Whalemon had died, Chuumon had died. In an explosion of pain caused by someone else they had disappeared.
Had Pixiemon cried, in his final moments? Had Leomon and Whalemon thought of their friends…loved ones in those final moments as if they were internally saying goodbye? Perhaps Chuumon had not seen it coming, when he had thrown himself in front of that dagger, perhaps he never knew, never would.
With every step Mimi took she told herself these things. With every footstep she beat the truth into the ground. In the spaces between breaths she whispered the terrible words, spreading grief throughout her body.
It was a process that she repeated continuously to herself when she was alone to her thoughts. A cycle that had never really stopped even after a year…it had been a year…a year…she was a year older…year wiser…yet…it still hurt so much.
Perhaps it was because there was no closure…perhaps it was because she knew it was her fault especially with Chuumon…perhaps it was simply because when she was with her friends, instead of talking about those digimon friends they mainly talked about their digital adventures…as if they forgot the dark times.
Or maybe it was perhaps because she had forgotten the anniversary of their death and couldn't honor them…perhaps it was all of it…with a dash of guilt and hint of self-loathing.
Slowly, surely, inevitably, the pain came. It was physical; always would be. A sudden cramp in her side: they are gone. A twinge in her leg: they are gone. An ache, spreading deep through her spine, until she felt that she, the world even, might burst with the weight of it: they are gone.
She could sense the lifetime stretched out before her: an endless eternity of loneliness, a desert of time. In the early-morning silence, in the dark square of the park, with the dark evergreen trees surrounding her she swore she could hear grunts, a cackle form behind that stand of trees, a swish of a blade from the grass, a ghost of a smile departing, just there.
Suddenly she was draped in exhaustion. There was a dull throbbing at the back of her skull, a hole in her heart where her feelings should be.
Touching her arms, feeling for the beat of a pulse in her legs, she felt as if this is some one else. Surely this is some stranger…why couldn't she just forget…why couldn't she be the care-free Mimi she used to be…why had time seem to make it worse…why did she feel so inadequate?
She was supposed to be cheerful…she was supposed to be a happy-go-lucky girl…why the hell couldn't she forget? Why couldn't she forget? Why couldn't she help but feel guilty everyday? Why did she feel so tired all the time?
Why…in hell…why now did she feel so goddamn horrible? Now, before she left to America…why now? Days before she felt okay…she felt she could go on…that she was moving on. For the past few months she felt a little bit better. What the hell was wrong with her now? Why were guilt and sadness locked in her heart like this?
She walked in the park still barefoot, never feeling a thing. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she planted herself on a cold bench feeling the sharp winter-like feel shoot up her spine. She planted her hands on to her knees and felt her fingers constrict…she felt her lip quiver and she was dangerously close to tears.
Not like her usual tears...her usual tears were short and sweet and were comical…not emotional…not like this. She held it back as best as she could and yet as she blinked she could feel the moisture clog up her vision
She saw a figure in front of her…a figure she was vaguely aware of.
"Mimi? Is that you?"
Mimi lifted her head although it felt so heavy…she looked up to see Izzy. "Why are you here?" "I was about to ask you the same question…" Mimi wiped aware the remnants of her invisible tears and looked at Izzy.
He was wearing his pajamas as well and was carrying his computer as usual. For some reason he looked different…looked taller some how and his hair looked messy…he wasn't the same clean-cut Izzy she had usually seen when they had their get-togethers…but that wasn't important…she didn't feel that anything else was really that important.
"Mind if I sit down?"
Mimi blinked several times before she answered…this was the first time that they had been alone since the digital world and to be honest she didn't know what she was going to expect.
The last time they had been alone together it had gone disastrously wrong…maybe because they were in the digital world in a temple with a dangerous centaur or maybe it was because it ended with her in tears…mainly because he was so uncaring…
Yet in the end it had worked out…and now she didn't really want someone who was going to ask her what was wrong or give her hug to sit next her…maybe right now she needed an Izzy.
"S-S-Sure…be my guest…"
Not bothering to reply to her remark, Izzy sat himself down next to Mimi and opened his computer and started clacking away. They sat in comfortable silence for a couple of minutes until Mimi's natural curiosity…which unlike her ditzy-ness…she couldn't get rid of got the best of her.
"Izzy…what are you doing here?" He turned towards her and gave her an expression that said *what the hell…isn't it obvious? But then he turned back to wards his computer, still looking at her but with a different expression she couldn't read, and cleared his throat
"My parents want me to get exercise because they believe that I spend a large part of my time on the computer and not enough on my health which I disagree with" Mimi couldn't help turning away in hopes that he wouldn't see the obvious smirk on her face
"So the encourage me to run in the morning…I believe that this is highly unproductive so I take my computer with me and come here to make full use of it…of course the internet is not available but I can still do other things."
Mimi simply stared at him in bewilderment. "Wait…so you do this every morning?" "Yes…I didn't say anything that tells you anything otherwise." "Well then how come I've never seen you here before? You live right by and I've never seen you" "I doubt you would wake up at this inhumanly hour to come to the park…besides I never come here at any other time…"
Izzy turned back towards his compute. He felt a little nervous…he had forgotten what it was like to be with Mimi for this long but there was something about her that was…different. "Why are you here Mimi…I've never seen you here before especially at this hour…" Mimi looked at him for a second and thought that maybe she should talk to someone about her feelings…maybe she could unload on all of her grief…but then she told herself to forget about it.
It would only make things in her life more complicated because Izzy would tell the others and then they would get worried and ask her too many questions that she would rather have let unanswered and besides this was Izzy…she doubted that he would do anything else apart from looking at like she was insane.
"Just…thinking" Mimi said it quietly…there it was again…pretending…why did even matter? Why did any of it even matter?
She involuntary let out a loud sigh…forgetting for a moment that Izzy was even there and she leaned against the bench to look up towards the trees and tried to look through the evergreen trees if only to distract herself.
Izzy looked at her carefully…there it was again…that sense of difference. He took a careful look at Mimi and began to notice little things about her that he hadn't observed before.
He could see that her hair was longer…softer…yet messier…not as neatly kept as she normally wore. She had no make up on…she wasn't wearing a skirt…she wasn't wearing a blouse or a headband or any other accessory that he was normally used too.
She just had a tank top, long pants and a robe…she looked natural…she seemed sad for some reason but Izzy couldn't help but feel a little out of breathe…she looked…nicer then she usually looked with all that over done…stuff?
He felt weirdly hot even though he had just a t-shirt and pants, a blush was creeping up his face…he could feel a little nervousness in his brain…why was he thinking about this? In an effort to try and get off the path he seemed to be on he replied even if had been already 2 minutes since she had talked
"Thinking huh…?"
It seemed to snap Mimi out of her trance and he looked at him quickly…her eyes seemed to bore into him and he felt unnerved and even more flustered.
"Yeah…thinking…I can think you know…no matter what you might think…" Izzy was intimidated by her venomous tone "N-n-no I-I-I didn't mean it like that…I-I-I w-w-was only wondering what you were thinking about…"
Mimi was quietly surprised by Izzy's reaction and she could feel the initial resentment in her diffuse…at first she thought the comment was a go at her but then she realized how quickly she had jumped to conclusions…she felt even more guilty and she felt her eyes soften.
"I-I-I kn-kno-know…I know you didn't mean it that way…I'm sorry I-I-I sn-sna-snapped at you…"
Now both of them were surprised with the other…they thought that this was going to be another repeat of their last one-on-one encounter with each other but instead they were slowly beginning to see different things about each other…which is why Izzy felt even more flustered then before.
"No…I apologize…I shouldn't have wanted to pry…" He turned back towards his computer to chase away the embarrassment…and as always he felt better as he touched the space bar and used his home keys...a nostalgic and familiar rhythm. Suddenly it had gotten distinctly cold and silent and Izzy felt the sweat behind his neck begin to develop…why wasn't Mimi answering? Did he say something wrong?
He turned towards her and she was staring at him with a blank expression on her face. He blinked several times and gulped…what was with that expression and why did her face have to be so pre—Izzy shook his head and started twiddling his fingers.
Mimi was feeling embarrassed herself…she gulped and licked her lips. She leaned closer to Izzy and he felt himself blink even and more and daresay…his heart was beating out of his chest.
Ba-bump, Ba-bump, Ba-bump
"Izzy…what does pry mean?"
Ba-what?
Izzy felt like someone had just punched him in the gut and his face fell in utter shock…did he just hear that correctly. His jaw seemed to tighten and he felt his head turn purple "What…does…pry…mean" Mimi turned away and crossed her arms around her chest and pouted.
"That's right…what does pry mean? You know just to understand things…"
Izzy wanted to slap himself there…pry…she didn't know what pry meant. He turned away from her to gather his thoughts and to stop the every-growing urge to shake her. Instead he let out a sigh and then turned back towards her
"Pry…Inquire too inquisitively into a person's private affair…"
"What?"
Oh Kami…he thought to himself "….it means to be offensively curious about your personal life…" "Oh…" the range of emotions on Mimi's face seemed to both unnerve and intrigue Izzy.
She seemed alive yet dead at the realization…both sad yet happy…both bored yet excited. Like a daisy that was beginning to wilt…he couldn't understand it but for some reason he wanted to. He had no control over his body as he felt his finger rise and poke her shoulder.
She turned towards him and gave him a very small smile…a smile that would you have to be very close to her to discover she had done "It's okay that you wanted to…pry…I guess…"she looked so sad…she looked so alone…she looked so distant and Izzy's wanted to know why. "Okay…so what is wrong Mimi…y-y-yo-you seem upset…"
"A lot of things Izzy…"
Mimi gasped and brought her hands towards her lips…why had she just said that? How could she have let this slip? Now Izzy would ask questions and be the curious person he was…it would only make things worse…why…why had she said that? Why had she felt comfortable with saying that…to…Izzy…
"Care to elaborate…"
"I don't understand why you're so interested…it's not like you care…"
"Would I be asking if I didn't?"
"Touché"
"Nice use of the word touché…"
Mimi gave a soft smile but was able to suppress the chuckle that was threatening to erupt from her throat. She clutched her robe close to her body as if to hide away from Izzy's so called "prying" eyes.
She didn't know why but while Mimi may have been able to laugh it off or maybe change the subject quickly had someone else asked her that exact same question for some reason looking into Izzy's eyes…which had flecks of gold in for the rec-….wait a minute…
Why the hell was she thinking about Izzy's eyes?
As if to get rid of this somehow unspeakable flustering feeling Mimi looked back into the sky and bit her lips as if she was trying to bite away the fluster and butterflies in her stomach…the clouds…the clouds she thought to herself…the clouds were grey and swirling around…beckoning her…mocking her…she felt exposed…she felt…what would Izzy use in this situation?
Unfathomable…what does that mean anyway?
Mimis hair swayed over her eyes for a moment, blocking her view of Izzy when she turned to look at him. Then tension that she seemed to feel when she looked at him only seemed to escalate.
The tension could be cut with a butter knife…and the problem was Mimi had no idea why. Through the cracks between her locks Mimi took the time to really examine Izzy, maybe looking at him a little more would calm the nerves...or maybe that was just an excuse.
Izzy's hair was in a messy heap, it was no longer the spiky hay that it was when they were both in 4th grade. He looked older?
No older wasn't the word, he looked more matured, as if time had withered away any sense of innocence he may have held back at the temple. But there was something else too in Izzy face, his face of worry.
His skin seemed almost sweet, his eyes wide and full of wonder, his eyebrows furrowed in curiosity. Dare Mimi say it? He looked kind of…cute.
Baka! What the hell are you thinking?
As if in the exact same moment that thought crossed her mind a strange blush crossed Mimi's face. She could feel the slight burst of heat that inflamed her cheeks to the point that she could feel it herself…what was going on?
The more pressing issue seemed to be the fact that Mimi's thoughts seemed to be haywire. One moment she was feeling sad, then guilty and now she was…
"Mimi….?"
"Look…it's complicated all right? You…you wouldn't understand…"
"I think I can try to comprehend…"
"Kami…Izzy stop using such hard words…I don't understand you at all…"
"Oh…sorry…"
"…Whatever"
"So…what is it Mimi? What's wrong? What's making you so sad?"
"…I'm not that sad…"
"…"
Am I?
"Look Mimi…I may not be the best person to talk to…but I just want to know…what's making you not be Mimi anymore…"
And then the lswitch just turned and Mimi looked at Izzy carefully and with trembling hands felt her resolve begin to break…
She wasn't being Mimi anymore…?
Who was Mimi anyway? Was she just supposed to be happy and ditzy Mimi?
Was that who he thought she was…?
Was that who she was supposed to be?
But how could she be…when the parts of her were scattered…
Scattered because of the guilt…
She could feel her lip start to remble and she felt even more confused then ever…she knew these feelings of guilt were perhaps not as important as they should be…but…but were they were really affecting her so much that one of her friends would suddenly say that she wasn't Mimi anymore?
"IT'S…IT'S JUST…"
"What is it Mimi…?"
"Leomon…and Pixiemon…"
"…what?"
"You don't remember…?"
"Of course I remember them…but what do you mean…I don't compre—
"Look I know it's stupid okay? I mean I'm stupid Mimi and all that…"
Mimi I don't think you're stupid at all…
"But the thing is…even if it was a year a go and so much time has passed and even though I'm happy that the digital world is safe and everything is kind of back to normal now…I still can't help but think about them! I can't stop thinking about their deaths…and I don't know what's brought it on but I've felt this way for so long…"
"You've…you've felt what?"
"GUILT! OVERWELHMING GUILT…because…it's our fault that they died…they gave up their lives…they gave up the chance to see their world in peace…they gave up all of their chances…for us…for me…and I can't help but think if they truly made the right choice…"
Izzy was a little taken back to be honest
I mean, here was the girl he thought only cared about boys and fashion…
Talking about death and her guilt…
Talking as if she wasn't just the ditzy Mimi he knew…
Talking as if…
She was becoming something more…
"…why wouldn't they have made the right choices?"
Mimi didn't know why it was all suddenly pouring out…
Maybe because it was Izzy
The unemotional guy that made her cry…
Or maybe just maybe…
It was because he was asking all the right questions…
"Why…? Why? Because…because we have nothing show for it! We haven't honored them! We've forgotten them…all of us…we all live our lives with no guilt and no sadness and just…just forget them…just forget what they've done…we haven't even…acknowledged them at all! And you wonder why I think they made the right choice!"
Izzy shifted uncomfortably…he did acknowledge Mimi's point. Yes he did realize the extent of the sacrifice that many of the digimon friends had to undergo…but that didn't mean they suddenly all had to lose their sense of self and had to…become…like Mimi
Someone that was drifting along…
"It's not like we forgot…it's just…we honor them in other ways…"
"That is complete bull…you forgot about them!"
"Mimi will you keep your voice down…your vocal chords will be damaged…"
"I don't care if my vocal chords are damaged! They died for us"
Izzy looked at her incredulously, a indecipherable look crossed his face. Izzy felt his jaw constrict…why was Mimi suddenly making him so angry…why was she making him loose control?
"That's you're problem Mimi!"
"What problem?"
"Why do you care so much?"
"What…?"
"Don't you see…yes they died for us…but you're not alone when it comes to these feelings of guilt and sadness Mimi!"
"Are you telling me that you pretend to be happy? Are you telling me that you lie to yourself everyday?"
"Maybe…just a little…but I've gotten use to not showing my emotions"
"What do you mean used to?"
"It's hard to explain…"
"Well then explain…if not then don't go lecturing me about moving on…because it's not helping…and you're definitely not in the position to judge then!"
"Fine…I'm adopted okay…"
"You're what?"
"Adopted…meaning that a set of parents took me in and raised me as if I was their offspring…adopted"
"Izzy…I'm sorry I didn't know"
"yeah well no one knows…and no one should know…and besides it's not as bad as you think."
"I'm sorry for yelling…"
"I accept you're apology although I am all too aware about the reasoning behind that…so please do not worry yourself"
"I didn't know….I'm sorry"
"Being adopted…they didn't tell me…they still think that I don't know…but I found out…and when I did I escaped…to the one thing I knew the most in the world…my computer…it's solid and it's not complicated and maybe because of that…it seems that I don't care but I do…I do…but life goes on"
"Life goes on…that sounds so cliché"
"It is cliché because it's true…"
"But I still…I feel so guilty…because of me… they gave up everything"
"Mimi…I don't know how this after-life form in the digital world works…to be honest the scientific implications of an after-life is highly improbable I mean from my reading there are so many different clashing spectrums and—that's not the point…the point is…I'm sure that maybe one day we'll see them again…in the mean time we owe it to them to live a life…because they gave up theirs…because they knew that we were worth it…that you were worth it…and you are worth it"
"Oh Izzy…"
Izzy took a deep breath…readying himself for the speech he knew Mimi needed to hear.
"Look…you're kind…you're nice…maybe you were a little emotional for example when we were at the temple…but you care so much…and that's wonderful of you…you're a w-w-wonderful person Mimi…its no wonder that Leomon gave himself up for you…maybe you don't see it now but…maybe there is a reason why you were meant to be alive…why all of us are…and we proved that when we saved the digital world…we saved their world…and saved so many other lives in return. I'm not saying that's a good trade but…it's okay to miss them…if you miss them…miss them…if you love them…love them…and then let it go. Don't let it hold you back…"
"Izzy…I…"
"Its okay to cry Mimi…it's okay to be sad…just get it out of your system and then smile…I haven't seen you really smile…in a long time"
"…you noticed?"
Izzy face seemed to suddenly be set a flame…what did he just say…?
Baka! She wasn't supposed to know.
Izzy took a deep breathe and his eyebrows furrowed…great…just great…this is what happens when you let your emotions get the best of you…you begin to act like an idiot…an embarrassed idiot. And like most people would know, when Izzy is an embarrassed idiot, he starts to word vomit.
"Yes…I mean…uh…I suppose that came up in some of my observations…because as you know observations are crucial in any human interaction…especially when it comes to friends…which is what I hope we are because it would be strange if we weren't friends right? Because that is such a weird thing to not have…friends…friends right because-"
Mimi smiled a small grin and placed her hand on Izzy's lips as if she knew he was beginning to word vomit. However that slight skin-to-skin contact…the fact that Izzy could feel Mimi's dainty finger on his lips…almost taste it…made his cheeks inflame so hard and sent a shiver down his spine…he almost had to suppress the small groan that would emit from his lips and his pants suddenly felt a lot more tighter
Kami! What in the name of quantum physics is wrong with me? CURSE THOSE RAGING PUBESCENT HORMONES.
And once again, as if on cue, Mimi gave him another smile as if she could read his mind and he felt his heart almost start to combust…why was his heart beating so fast? Why was he feeling so nervous? Why so suddenly? Sure Mimi was sweet and…cute DID I JUST THINK THAT? But…she had never elicited a reaction like that before…but…but…the Mimi that stood before him wasn't just a girl that worried about clothes or make-up or boys…suddenly the Mimi that stood before…was someone a lot more…deep…a lot more…
"Izzy…"
"…Uh Yeah?" Thankfully Mimi had now removed her dainty finger from his lips…but he still wanted to kick himself for responding in such a idiotic manner.
"Izzy…you know what I think? I think…you're really a special guy. I mean…even though I know it must have hurt you to know that you were adopted…you still go through it with no ones help! That makes you are really strong person Izzy! That makes you really special…I think you're really special because of how strong you are! But I also want you to know that just in the same way that you say that I'm not alone…you're not alone either! I mean…special guys have to have special people around them to right?"
And suddenly it seemed that Izzy's heart was combusting anymore…it had just stopped completely all together. The profound affect the words had had on him caused him to freeze up. Here was this girl…this girl who now knew the truth…and was acknowledging him…was noting his strength and not merely the fact that he had an extensive brain capacity…here was this girl
Who thought he was special...who thought he was strong…and wanted him, Izzy, to know that he wasn't alone…
Oh how long he had waited to hear these words from anyone…
Oh how much it meant to him…
Kami…
Mimi who was seemingly oblivious to the affect of her words on Izzy and merely continued
"Th-Thank You Izzy…Honestly you're not as bad as I thought you were…"
And that got Izzy out of his daze as it made him roll his eyes and started kneading his neck. "Gee…Thanks."
Mimi giggled…she giggled so loud that the leaves began to fall and the wind swept the laughter to the birds who flew away.
Then she stopped to cover her mouth…she was surprised at what she just did…giggling…really giggling…she forgot the sound of that…not since everything had happened…but it was wonderful…it released her of the pain she felt just like Izzy had done for her…it was a beautiful sound…Mimi thought to herself as she brought her hands together yes…he wasn't so bad...because he had freed her…she finally felt free.
It wasn't as if all the guilt had disappeared in that instant...she would always carry it with her…no…it was more like she felt she deserved to live for them…because Izzy believed it…and that was enough…it was enough.
And the happy and ditzy mimi could come back…because maybe that's what they were used to…but maybe the Mimi who had changed and who had matured from her experiences of guilt…maybe she could be there to
Maybe all the parts of Mimi that had scattered could come back together again and become…whole?
And she could finally just become Mimi…
Izzy on the one hand was happy to see Mimi giggle…and felt even more prouder that he had caused it…he thought it was beautiful…but for some reason he couldn't help but keep looking at her eyes…they were sparkling and Izzy's heart beat began to sound like a snare drum. His heart seemed to jump into his throat and suddenly he felt extremely uncomfortable. He tried to shake it off with a laugh…maybe if he could just make her laugh his heart would stop the summer salts.
He puffed his chest out in pride and Mimi laughed at him again. This only seemed to increase Izzy's heartbeat to the point that it shouldn't have been able to function. Suddenly she quickly jumped and gave him a hug. Izzy blushed at the gesture…Mimi felt warm…she felt happy…and she closed her eyes and just fell into the moment. She hadn't hugged anyone…not even her parents in a long time and it felt good to share it with the person that had allowed her to heal.
She was however unaware about the affect that she was having on Izzy…he wasn't too sure what was happening either. He had never been hugged by anyone other than his adoptive parents…not even when Mimi was happy…not even by guys…not even by little kids.
He had only been hugged by Tentomon and he doubted that the claws of an insect were the same as a girl's arms. He hesitated for a second but then wrapped his arms around Mimi as well.
She smiled and whispered "Thank You" Izzy just smiled and whispered "Any time" Mimi softly laughed and just hugged Izzy…
He felt serene…he felt calm…he felt nice. Izzy himself was beginning to feel lost in the moment…it was as if all the cars…all the trees…all the birds…all the air…all the streets…all the people had begun to dissolve away yet Mimi was still there in his arms.
He couldn't describe the feeling that was growing within him…maybe he could find it on a computer…maybe if he could just get his phone then maybe he could research it. But maybe he didn't want to break the moment. He suddenly opened his eyes when he felt a tug under his arms…Izzy realized what was happening.
"Uh…Izzy…? You can let go of me now…"
Izzy's face flushed bright red "U-Uh…Ri-Right…Right…yeah sorry…" Izzy let go of Mimi so quickly that it knocked the wind out of her. Izzy quickly tucked his hands into his pockets and turned away to try and shake off the worst case of embarrassment he's had in a long time.
He could feel the shivers down his spine…he couldn't believe he just did that…it was probably the single most embarrassing moment in his life…even more than when he couldn't fix Sora's stereo and everyone saw that even the bearer of knowledge couldn't solve that one…and when Tai was able to fix it…that just made it even more embarrassing.
But this was bar none the most embarrassing moment in his life because it involved human interaction…with a girl…and he had gotten a little too into it and thus had not let go at the appropriate moment. Izzy began to shuffle around in his feet…Mimi was wondering what was happening…she could feel it…her ditzy-ness was definitely back…her face was struck with curiosity but then her amber eyes began to sparkle and then she smiled…it was a complete 180.
She took out her hand and grabbed Izzy's hand…his face was full of wonder…what was she doing? What was she thinking? She held his hand and squeezed it softly…she looked so happy…Izzy was blushing furiously so much that Izzy was close to…hyperventilating…fainting…losing the oxygen flow to his cranium.
"Really…Izzy…thank you…I haven't genuinely smiled in weeks…thanks to you…I think I can start to forgive myself."
"Start to? You can forgive yourself Mimi…you did nothing wrong… …I-I-I find you really admirable…the f-f-f-act that you…you…um…care"
"Oh Izzy! You're so sweet! I mean what I mean is…uh…*giggle…when I say you aren't as bad as I thought you were…I meant…I really do think you are a great person! I hope we can meet again and become closer in the future!"
Then she let him go…then she smiled at him…then she walked away from the park…then she went home…then she started to pack up for the journey ahead…even when processing everything that had just happened…Izzy still couldn't fathom why the hell he was still blushing and why his myogenic muscular organ (heart) was beating so fast…
Despite knowing how special Mimi was now…even though her revelations had opened Izzy's eyes…she was just a friend right?
Just a friend…
Right…?
Time flies…it really does…no matter how many seconds were supposed to be in a day…Mimi still couldn't believe that it had finally come…the day that she would leave to America. Mimi could have sworn that she was dreaming when she got to the airport.
Mimi could swear that the luggage she was carrying and the grey cinder block airport was a dream. Oh and what a heartbreaking dream it was…although everyone was there. Sora with her bright smile…Tai with his care-free grin…Matt with his smirk and guitar singing a goodbye song…Kari with her whistle around her neck…T.K. with his hat…Joe with his glasses and his papers everywhere.
And then there was Izzy…with his hands in his pockets and his head down. Mimi couldn't help but feel warm when she saw him…however much he could deny it…he had been there for her when no one else was…she would be eternally grateful.
Just looking at him though…she could feel herself sag a little...because for some reason…looking at him…it was making harder for her to leave.
She hugged each of her friends individually…all except Izzy…she was saving him for last…that is until her parents called her…there were supposed to go into the check-in or they would be late. She didn't want to go…however much pretending had been hard on her…however much digimon still crossed her mind…she suddenly didn't want to go. But she knew that she had to…but not yet…she still had one thing to do…
Mimi grabbed Izzy hands between hers and felt the surge of warm cross their bodies…they felt the electricity zip through their bodies and then they were connected again…as if in that moment it was like no one else was in the airport…as if there weren't even in an airport…just like that moment when they had hug…it was as if nothing else mattered.
Izzy found himself blush uncontrollably…he wanted to stop…oh god how he wanted to stop the embarrassment that was surely going to surge through his body. Though for some strange reason that he couldn't comprehend…he felt a sense of wonder and giddiness…it was exactly like the moment when they hugged…as if…he was complete.
Izzy didn't know what was coming over him…he felt weirdly irritated when Mimi was hugging Tai or Matt but at the same time he felt excited at the prospect of her saving him for last…not even Sora was last…who was Mimi's best friend…she was saving him for last…as if he was more than a best friend? No…No…Kami that couldn't be right…it's…it couldn't be like that? Could it? Maybe…just maybe…
She let go of his hand and then brought his body closer to her in an embrace and he felt unbelievable…he felt so warm…so happy…she felt right…she felt right pressed against him as if she was just made for him to hug until the end of time…and she felt it too…it was like nothing else in the world.
Finally though…his heart stopped when she had said those words and had finally let him go…
"Goodbye…"
For some other unexplainable reason Izzy suddenly felt the urge to run over to Mimi…grab her hand…and then the two of them wouldn't move…they could be frozen holding each others hands…they would be together. Izzy felt weird…no…really weird…why? Why?
Just before Mimi went through security…just before she would leave Japan…she looked back at him and smiled at him…at him and at no one else…and suddenly it was if Izzy couldn't breathe. He took a deep breathe…inhaled so that his lungs would get some oxygen…and then smiled himself and waved…
"Goodbye…"
Izzy was walking in the streets on his way home from the airport…he had just picked up some bread for mom and dad and it was unusually cold. Izzy looked at the sky to see an airplane pass by…was it Mimi's?
He wondered but then shook his head…she was interesting…to him at least…maybe he was starting to- * No that isn't possible…Izzy shook his head…trying to shake the new found feelings out of his head. He quickly ran down the streets…everything seemed different…
He was oblivious to the surrounding people…oblivious to the growing clouds…he just wanted to retreat to his computer…any computer. He felt weird…with these feelings growing in him. He wasn't used to this at all…he needed a computer to ease him…computers…well they were his forte.
He stopped his sprint across the town...to try and stop his beating heart…it seemed too fast…faster than any hard drive. He held his stomach and felt the sweat drip down his forehead…felt the shaky feeling in his stomach…felt his knees buckle…felt the shortness of breathe.
He looked up to the sky and saw the airplane was still passing by. The airplane had seemed to ease Izzy's feelings…what was this? One moment the airplane made him claustrophobic…the next completely calm. He smiled softly and started to walk normally…he felt better…he felt like he could walk again…he felt even stronger as a thought crossed his mind.
No matter what happened…Izzy would be there for Mimi…he would be there for her…because she needed him…and he liked feeling needed…he liked her…he wanted to be there for her...for as long as she wanted him too…he looked up and saw the airplane disappear in the sky…
He would be waiting…
Hope you enjoyed that
As always, please review, constructive opinions are always welcome :)
womynrule
signing out