It was a dark rainy night in Privet Drive; there were no movements outside and not a single sound could be heard aside from the constant rain patters upon the residents' windows and the creaking of the tree branches as they swayed back and forth. All of the residents of Privet Drive were deep in sleep from a long day's activities and so, the stormy weather outdoors wasn't a bother to anyone in the least.

Except for one resident in Number Four.

He was an odd boy with a few quite distinguishable characteristics; He had jet-black hair and bottle-green eyes that had almost an electricity to them. And then, there was that scar which rested on the top of his forehead, which was, perhaps, one of the most distinguishing things about this young man.

His name, was Harry Potter.

And he was in the middle of watching Cops on cable television.

"Baaaad boys! Whatcha goin'- whacha goin' dooooo?" He howled as he ate his last bag of licorice drops. Most people seemed to loathe the taste of black licorice drops, but young Harry was enthralled by their disgustingly rich flavour. Perhaps it was symbolic for his individualism.

Or maybe he was just a really sick bastard.

Whatever the reasons, Harry Potter was wide awake and very much enjoying the licorice drops he downed by the handful. And since the title of this story already states that this plot will be going absolutely nowhere at all anytime soon, in a few short sentences, Harry will rudely be interrupted by something that has absolutely nothing to do with the plot of this story. Right. About. Now.

Pop!

Harry turned around startled, his mouth full of licorice drops and the black colored drool seeping down from the corners of his mouth in a rather grotesque way. He was startled and could not move, for what stood before him was a terrible site; once that Harry dreamed he would never have to see a day of his miserable life:

The Backstreet Boys wearing capes and holding wands.

"Oh my god we're back agaaaain!" AJ belted in his extremely nauseating off-key howl. Harry choked on a licorice drop.

"W-what are you doing here? This isn't right! I'm supposed to be kidnapped by Lucius Malfoy and become his boy toy and eventually fall madly in love with him! See?" Harry asked as he handed Brian a copy of the script which so conveniently appeared for the sake of moving this-no-plot-story forward.

"Dude…That's not a script…that's your fantasy journal."

"What do you mean?" Harry demanded.

"Well…on the cover, it says "Harry Potter's Fantasy Journal" so…one can only assume…"

"Oh alright…so I have the hots for a character who only ends up raping me in these fiction stories? So. What. That still doesn't explain why you're here and...dressed like Wizards."

"Harry," Kevin explained, "Any group of obviously gay men who can convince millions of teenieboppers to think otherwise MUST be working some kind of magic."

"Yeah, We have the magic stick."

(Insert peverted laugh here)

"Harry," Nick asked in a serious voice as he took the journal out of his hands, "May I ask you a question?"

"Sure. What?"

"Am I originaaaaaal?"

"Oh dear god." Harry exclaimed.

"Am I the only oneeeee?"

"Yeaaah!" The other Boys cried out.

"Am I sexuaaaaal?"

"I tend to think so," Severus Snape responded as he threw a pair of frilly pink thongs at Nick. And then, for the sake of humor…the author inserted a big pause.

(Big Pause)

"What are you doing here, Professor Snape?" Harry asked, even more confused than he was a few seconds ago.

"Well Potter, I just couldn't wait to make you life a living hell and let my greasy-headed-hook-nosed-billowing-cape persona wait to make its entrance towards the middle of the story. Besides, I think Nick's a sexy beast."

"Professor Snape…I think you're a bit disturbed."

"But yeah, Harry," The other Backstreet boy that everyone tended to forget about because he was Hispanic and not a fair skinned European, "We're you're Advanced Guard now!"

"Yeah, and now we've got to take you to an undisclosed location that looks remarkably like Sirius Black's home!"

And so, Harry was escorted by Professor Snape and the Backstreet Boys to the Undisclosed Location that looked remarkably like Sirius Black's home.