He's gone down to the lake again. I can see him now, out my window, his dark hair clashing with his pale moonlit skin. He looks perfect, but even from here, I can tell he's brooding.

Now let me tell you, that's one of the most annoying things he does. Whenever he's angry, he just goes all quiet, and he looks and everyone like he hates them.

Even me. This boy who's confessed his undying love for me too many times to count and then glares at me with so much hate it seems almost impossible. Remus once told me that it's my fault he does this, but I hope not.

You know why? I think I love him a little too. That's what makes it the worst. And after he treats me so well, and I push him away... then he just turns his back on me. It's maddening. Every time he does that, retreating into himself and pushing everyone else away, it breaks a tiny piece of my heart.

He's throwing stones into the lake now, I can see the rings making ripples in the moon's reflection. I almost wish he knew what I was thinking. I wish he'd let me into his mind, just so I can see this moment from his eyes.

I'm too far away to see him clearly, but I can tell he's calmed down a bit. He's looking at something off to the east, I think. My window points north, so I can't see it. The reflection of the half moon on the water frames his silhouette. He looks calm now, at peace. He looks like I imagine he does when he sleeps.

I sigh to myself. He's a much bigger part of my thoughts than he could ever imagine. Someday, he'll probably find out, but until then, I"m happy just to watch him, wonder what he's thinking, hope he's thinking of me.

Maybe tomorrow I'll be extra nice to him, just to see if he notices. Maybe next time I'll go down to the lake and wonder if he's watching me like I always watch him. Maybe I'll look up at Gryffindor tower and see a window open. Maybe I'll wave up at the window, hoping it's him. Maybe it will be, and he'll look down at me with the same affection that I looks down at him with.

Maybe some night when it's cool outside, he'll see me, and he'll come down to talk to me, to ask why I'm not in bed, fast asleep. Maybe I'll answer honestly, telling him about how I was thinking of this night, out in front of me.

Maybe the sky will be clear, and James will sit in the grass with me and look up at the stars. Maybe there won't be a moon, so the stars shine all the brighter. Maybe I'll finally tell him the truth about what he means to me. Maybe he'll smile and put his arm around my shoulder, and say something entirely James-ish. Like 'I'm glad you finally figured it out.'. But maybe he'll be silent, and maybe because of that, the moment will be all the better.

The lake is still sending small ripples toward the shore, and the reflection of the moon wavers in front of my eyes. The forest is dark, stirred gently by the soft breeze. The stars seem cold and far away in a sense, but at the same time, they seem close and intimate, like they're telling secrets to those who are still awake.

I wrap my arms across my chest, and shiver, but only for a moment. I'm glad I have the sixth year girl's dorm room to myself, my roommates would be cold. But I'm not. Not really.

Maybe the stars are telling James my deepest secret right now. Maybe it's the stars that are willing me to go downstairs and join him but the lake. Maybe someone will come along and sit by him, snuggling into his chest while he plays with their long red hair. Maybe I'm just dreaming, but on nights like this, anything seems possible.

Maybe he'll see that the only reason I won't date him is to attract his attention more.

Maybe.