"Come now, friend, you're stalling."
"…"
"There, that wasn't hard now was it?"
"You're talking too much."
"Only because you're not."
"…"
"I never thought you were a button person."
"I'm not."
"Now you're just being a tease."
"You want me to use more than my hands?"
"No, I'd rather not. I'm rather attached to this cardigan—ah! Be gentle, Coulson!"
"…oh. I think I'm stuck."
"Wha—? Ow! Stop struggling and let me—"
"Wait, wait, I have it."
"…you are getting me a new cardigan."
"Sure, from the petites ladies section?"
"…my friend…"
"Yes?"
"There is the small matter of the tie…"
"What? You want me to…?"
"Yes."
"…over both wrists?"
"Just so."
"If Lehnsherr ever finds out about this…"
"I can make him forget it."
"…well…"
"…oh!"
"Right there?"
"Yes!"
"How he hasn't woken up yet is beyond me."
"Hush! Don't jinx it, agent. This…this is…"
"Beautiful."
Coulson climbs off the bed, straightening his clothes with a smirk. Xavier grins as both their eyes admire their handiwork.
Lehnsherr never looked more charming, tied up like that in a ripped cardigan and school girl's skirt. Coulson slips out his phone and takes a few photos as Xavier leans over to touch up on the lipstick.
"Professor, what should I title this when I upload it onto tumblr?"
"Mm…I think maybe make it a little misleading…something Erik would never read."
"Xavier/Coulson?"
"Genuis."