I'll stop babbling now, so I say Read & Review!
Disclaimer: I don't own FFVII: Advent Children, so don't sue.
September Skies
September.
It should have been colder. But if it was he didn't know it. Cloud couldn't feel the cold anymore, and it didn't completely surprise him. Still, he silently questioned it as he gave a glance to the slate gray sky -as if the clouds drifting above him could give him the answer that he sought-, however it seemed that the sky couldn't give him any answers -no one could-. Yet, he still asks. Discarding all of his thoughts for the time being -he'd gotten better at it lately-, he turns his mako blue eyes back to the children.
They were playing, all bundled up in their new-ish fall clothes -new-ish because they never could seem to keep clean-, in the leaves of the one tree in the Midgar Ruins. Normally, he wouldn't let them come out here with him, but they insisted -with their new friends- because they wanted to come too, and they loved that tree, and he knew what they said was true. So he'd agreed to it, and despite the look of worry on Tifa's face he had told them to get dressed and he'd take them -along with a quiet word to Tifa not to worry-. And here they were. Jumping into piles upon piles of leaves, throwing them at each other all the while laughing happily. Cloud knows that she would've loved to see this.
They were standing in the ruins of her church after all. It was still a haven even after it collapsed. He remembers the day clearly, in spite of his memory growing dim with each passing day, it was his birthday. He hadn't intended on doing anything, but Tifa had other plans, -being of the persuasion that all people should celebrate their birthdays, him included- such as inviting every person they knew to the bar, baking a giant cake, and covering a whole table with gifts alone. He stifled the urge to smile as everyone congratulated -it was really the only word he could think of to describe it- him on (making it to) his 23rd birthday. After all the gifts were opened, all the cake eaten, and everyone was home and in their beds, he had rode into the Sector 5 ruins, and there it was.
The roof had collapsed in on itself, and pulled the rest of the church with it, he wouldn't have recognized it if it weren't for the fact that he'd known the location perfectly well, and unless he had truly lost his mind -again-, it would not have moved. And with that sureness came the realization that their -his and hers- haven was gone. Truly gone. For the first time in a while he felt helpless, hopeless and useless all over again. It was that night that he lost his place -in more ways than one-, and he really didn't know what to do.
But, now that feeling was dulled, and he could come here still, gaze at the tree that had grown from the depths of the church's underground waters. He watched it grow from a small branch to the thirty-foot thing it was now at an accelerated speed, and he couldn't help but think that she was still here, tending to it. Which was why he still came.
His hears his name being called and for the slightest moment, he believes it is her calling him, telling him she's waiting for him. However, the moment passes and he recognizes the voice as Denzel and his attention is drawn back to the children, to Marlene -an orange leaf clinging to her hair as she plays happily- and Denzel, -slowly making his way over to meet him as a breeze blows lifting his bangs and exposing a blackish bruise- and he stifles the feeling of nostalgia as he watches the boy -he looks worried as he asks if anything's wrong- and Cloud smiles because she never looked worried, yet this eight-year-old still reminds him of her.
Cloud shakes his head, sending the leaves that have gathered on his head drifting away -and drifting was the perfect word actually, as that was what he was doing himself-, before telling Denzel everything was okay and sending him back to play with the rest because they would have to leave soon. He keeps his eyes on Denzel as the boy runs back only to almost crash into Marlene, who giggles and reaches out to brush the leaves from his hair, her breath coming out in a whoosh as Denzel reaches up and plucks the offendingly cute leaf from her brunette locks.
Cloud finally turns his gaze back to the sky as it darkens, clouds swirling angrily over the ruined city, he almost chuckles as the answer comes to him. It's almost ironic that he would lose his feeling first. He couldn't feel the cold, and he couldn't feel the pain either... which meant that his time was almost gone -just as much gone as his will to live-, and luckily he had already said his goodbyes -in his own way, really-.
He really was going to die, and it wasn't so bad. Cloud glances once more at Denzel and he honestly hopes that they find a cure before Denzel's time was up as well. At eight, the boy's life had just began, and at twenty-three his own was over. He also hopes that the boy will never follow in his footsteps -hope is something he can do now, and he does so ferverently-. He hopes Marlene will one day forgive him for what he's done, leaving them all behind while silently bearing his burdens, for putting himself over them once again.
He feels selfish, because he wants to die. He wants -needs- to see her again, and hear her voice telling him that it's okay, and that he's forgiven for not protecting her. He hopes she will forgive him. He hopes Marlene, Tifa and rest forgive him as well, because he's put himself first yet again, and he hates himself for it. But, now there's a sort of detachment to his hate, as his emotions and thoughts are beginning to blur.
Everything is beginning to blur, and he belatedly realizes that there's another reason that he could be hated.
Cloud feels himself begin to fall, the overwhelming sense of vertigo taking over, and he can't stop himself, he doesn't have the strength to. He hears Marlene's voice above the others calling his name at first, then screaming. What he doesn't hear are they're footsteps, and takes a suddenly shallow breath as he sees the distorted figures of the children standing over him. He finds himself silently begging -to anyone up there that would listen- not to die here, in front of their eyes. His unfocused eyes land on the familiar faces of Denzel and Marlene, and he winces as their tears fall, landing on his pale face.
Marlene -and now Denzel's- screaming begins to fade as Cloud's eyes flutter closed for an instant before snapping open as determination takes over. He wills his mouth to open. Go, his now weak voice tells them, and he watches as all of the children, save Denzel and Marlene, disappear from his view. Denzel shouts to get Tifa, and he repeats his command, and is surprised when Marlene instantly responds to the negative. "We won't let you be alone." Denzel says to him, his voice thick with sorrow and something else that suggests the boy knows more than he makes apparent. Cloud doesn't have to strength to reply. Denzel turns his gaze to Marlene and his lips move, but Cloud can no longer hear what he says, he can only watch as Marlene begins to sob, and he can't even lift his hand to comfort her -even if he knew how-.
He glances to the darkened sky as his vision begins to fade, and he can't hate himself anymore than he does at this moment. He's leaving them all again, and there's nothing he can do to stop it -even if he wanted to-. He can't see anymore and he wonders if he's gone now, but, his mind's eye shows him one last picture.
His birthday, everyone squeezed together around a small table in front of the bar, smiling, smirking and laughing as they tried to pose for one picture. Tifa, standing with her hands on her hips in mid-laugh, Barret, triumphantly holding his gun arm in the air, Reeve, smiling mischievously while stifling his laughter, Red XIII, a full grin spread across his face displaying his sharp teeth, Vincent, standing purposely in the back with a smirk on his face at Yuffie, who -with all her ninja grace- was sprawled across the floor after tripping over Cid's foot, Cid, cigarette dropping from his mouth as he laughed heartily, Denzel and Marlene, attempting to help Yuffie up while holding in their laughter. And him, in the middle of it all, watching a green orb dance around his head.
The picture fades to white and he feels himself falling, moments later he opens his eyes to see emerald eyes watching him as he lays in a meadow of green, yellow, and white. He returns her happy smile.
September. Cloud Strife dies sightlessly watching as the autumn leaves dance in the wind over him.
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Yeah, go ahead and hate me. I killed Cloud. Sorry about that. ; Don't hurt me though! Review and tell me what you think!