Come Wake Me Up, a white collar fanfic

Disclaimer: I do not own White Collar or "Come Wake Me Up" by Rascal Flatts. I am however the creative essence behind this singular piece.

Author's Note: This is my first songfic – it's been buzzing around my head for weeks and my muse finally worked his magic to get it out on a Word document. So R, R, &R!

Neal/Kate after the explosion "Come Wake Me Up" by Rascal Flatts

I can usually drink you right off of my mind
But I miss you tonight

Neal slowly drank at the cabernet filled glass in his hands as he looked out the window at the view outside of his apartment. A view that he wished he could share with Kate…

I can normally push you right out of my heart
But I'm too tired to fight

He rubbed his eyes again trying to reign in his emotions and stop thinking back to that day, to stop reminiscing about their days together and the plans they had made. But its all too much to take, knowing that his beloved Kate will never kiss him again, never again make love to him, never smile, never laugh, never...

He finishes the half filled glass in a gulp and starts gathering his art supplies. Neal's glassy eyes observe how his hands collect and prepare the oils and the canvas, but his mind is only thinking about Kate. Then everything falls into place as he sets to work on autopilot.

Yeah the whole thing begins
And I let you sink into my veins
And I feel the pain like it's new
Everything that we were,
Everything that you said,
Everything that I did and that I couldn't do
Plays through tonight

The paint is ready and Neal dabs the brush in the black liquid. He smears the paint on the blank canvas in long waves. Neal can barely see the surface before him, but her image is forever etched into his mind and he knows exactly how it will look.

Flashes of moments with her come, unbidden, to the forefront of his mind relentlessly, as he pours his soul onto the canvas.

Tonight your memory burns like a fire
With every one it grows higher and higher
And I can't get over it, I just can't put out this love
I just sit in these flames and pray that you'll come back
Close my eyes tightly, hold on and hope that I'm dreaming
Come wake me up

Neal squeezes his eyes shut against the pain, wishing that he wasn't alone at this moment, yet desiring it at the same time. In the mornings he can feel his heart breaking when he opens his eyes in the morning to find that she isn't there. That it isn't just a bad dream he can be woken from.

Turn the TV up loud just to drown out your voice,

But I can't forget

"Because you're here." Kate smiles at him as he drags her into his arms.

"I want to come home." Her voice pleads to him over the phone across the way.

Their lips met and for an instant Neal closes his eyes until they part. "You just blinked and I'm still here." Kate is smiling at him with assurance.

"I love you too."

Neal turned away from the jet bearing his love, to face Peter once more to admit that he didn't want to run anymore, and his world came crashing down in a fiery explosion. The heat was scorching his back, just as the fumes were burning through his senses. The flames that claimed his beloved Kate burned with such intensity that he would see nothing else when his eyes were closed.

Tonight your memory burns like a fire
With every one it grows higher and higher
And I can't get over it, I just can't put out this love

The finished piece laughs at his despair, teasing him with Kate's perfect replica before his eyes. Her dark brown hair is elegant, her clothes exactly as he remembered them, her lips a mimicry of their master's, her body is insatiable. The painting is perfect, his expertise amplified by grief and drunkenness.

I just sit in these flames and pray that you'll come back
Close my eyes tightly, hold on and hope that I'm dreaming
Come wake me up

It's the eyes that make him drop his paintbrush, still wet with paint, upon June's clean floors. The eyes that captured him the moment they met his. The bright blue eyes that were cunning and enchanting, loving and playful. The eyes that stare back at him now have none of those things, only deep despair and sadness.

Time's not healing anything

Baby, this pain is worse than it ever was

He backs away from the painting, running his hands through his sweaty hair, dirtying it more with smudges of blue and brown, unable to look away from the manifestation of his grief. He wants to destroy the painting, destroy the sudden emptiness in his chest that seemed to want to consume him. But he can't do it. To destroy this piece would break him.

I know that you can't hear me, but baby, I

Need you to save me tonight

The need to escape fills him, as the apartment seems to shrink around him, sucking away much needed air. Without a second thought to his appearance or the weather conditions, he ran from the apartment. Neal didn't care which direction or where he ended up, he just needed to get as far away as his legs would carry him.

He found himself wandering around Central Park near the Harp player, where he had stored the wedding ring he had planned to propose to Kate with. Neal took a seat at their bench putting his head in his hands as it hits him. The future he had fought so hard to get would never be. No settling down. No children. No PTA. Kate was gone. Silently tears fell from his closed eyes as he shivered in the lonely darkness.

Oh, I'm dreaming

Come wake me up

Oh, I'm dreaming

Come, wake me up

Author's note: So I've been thinking of writing this songfic ever since Rascal Flatts put "Come Wake Me Up" out on the radio. Of course in their song it's about a breakup, but I kept seeing Neal missing Kate. For this fic I didn't include some of the lyrics, because they simply didn't fit, as Kate is quite dead. I would love to see what everyone thinks of this so please review.