Come Undone
By Starian Princess
She had promised to watch him, always and forever. And he, in turn, would do his very best. But after years of trying, he realized the truth. He realized that life was still just as empty, without her by his side.
One would think that letting the person you love go (to be free and all that) is just about the best thing you could do for them. One would think that watching from afar and being contented with that would be enough. One would argue that though it is painful, it also is love's burden and if you really, truly loved then you would be alright. No embraces, no kisses. No smiles. Like a guardian angel, you would stand by that one person, support her, feel so passionately about her, but do nothing about it. Because you can't. Not when you promised to do your best. Not when you resolved to live without her. One would call you a saint. And you're damn right, you are. You would be a saint for suffering and that would be all there is to it. One would think that the suffering would, in the end, bring you joy. Because you know you did the right thing. The damn right thing.
But… who ever said you were like everyone else? Who said that letting your one and only love go would be just about the best thing you could do for her? Who said that watching from afar would content you? Who ever said anything about bearing love's burden?
Do you want to be a saint? No. But do you want to be happy? Yes. You know that better than anyone else now. And more than anything in the world, you know… you want her. Only her. So all you have to do is take it. Grasp it. Hold it. And never, ever let go.
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"Y-You're here," she stared at him, wide-eyed, tears hiding beneath lashes, pain evident behind a seemingly calm expression. He could tell. He could always tell.
"Aren't you happy to see me?" She looked away, only for a second, her hair falling down her shoulder like a blanket of silk. And he watched, mesmerized, refusing to hide it. Because he had nothing left to hide. Not from her. Never again.
The denials had stopped. He had nothing left. And then he remembered. She had told him she would watch him, always and forever. And he would, in turn, do his very best. He would travel the world for her—for them and what they could never be. He would see all there was to see, feel all there was to feel, find all there was to find, and in the end… where had that taken him? He had striven to do his best, given it all, everything for her. But after years of trying, years of moving forward blindly, he realized the truth. He realized that life was still just as empty, just as meaningless… without her by his side.
He wanted to tell her. He wanted to scream, to get her to listen. But she was soft, she was small, she was delicate. She hadn't changed. Not for anyone. Not for him. And that was why he loved her.
"Shuu-chan… He's out right now," she said it so quietly, knowing that it wasn't what he wanted to hear. She was trying to hide, unsure, frightened beyond reason. She had every right to be. He felt like he was breaking her. Because having her see him like this, thinking that he might just disappear all over again… it would be too much for her to bear. He loved her so very dearly. He loved her so much, it hurt.
"I didn't come to see him," he took a step forward. And she took one backward, unconsciously, afraid he would reach out and hold her. Because that would be her undoing. She would melt, crash and burn; she did not want to do that. Not in front of him. She would not give him the satisfaction of knowing. She would not let him see. She loved him so very dearly, so much that she could die.
"Hagu," he said her name like prayer, wishing, hoping. She knew what he wanted. He knew he could give it to her. Only, neither one wanted to back down from the challenge.
"Have you seen the world? Have you done all the great things you had set out to do? Tell me," she uttered the words like it were yesterday. She had spoken words quite similar once, long ago. He knew. She knew. They were going back.
"I've done so much more," he replied, stepping forward again. He gazed at her with such intensity, it held her in place this time.
"I've reached my limits," he persisted, his arm raising, finally touching. He felt her cheek, warm, ethereal, beautiful… Everything about her was beautiful. He felt her neck, a pulse beating beneath his hand. He felt her shoulder, firm; but he knew if he willed it she would yield. How he had waited, longed for this day.
"I've created many pieces myself these last years," she allowed a smile finally, closing her eyes, wrapping herself within his warmth—a warmth she had missed terribly. He continued to watch, to take in all of what she was giving him. She had nothing more to hide, she had everything to give. She knew. He knew.
And that was his undoing.
"Shinobu," her voice trembled, her own arms flew. He embraced her, trying to make them one. His arms against her back, against her being, cradling her, cherishing her. He would never let go. Not again. Not ever. Then he gazed down at her, every bit of emotion in his eyes. He allowed her to see, humbled himself before he took what was rightfully and sinfully his. And he kissed her, drove his tongue into her mouth, savoring her sweetness. She let him, for that was all she could do.
"I'm not leaving. I have all I need, all I want," he uttered moments later against her head, meaning each and every word, knowing she had heard all that needed to be said. Finally. They had gone back, they hadn't changed a thing. But somehow, everything was different.
For her, art was still a great part of her life. That did not change. She would die before losing her gift. However, beyond that… he was her life, he was her being. She would lose her soul altogether before losing him.
For him, art was still his to perfect, to explore. That did not change. He would fight for what he believed in, what his brother believed in, and for what his father had believed in. However, beyond that…she was already perfect, she was already divine. He would lose his everything he had worked for before he lost her.
And one would have believed that this was all there really was to it.
-OWARI-
Starian Princess