Disclaimer: I do not own anything (considering that J.K. Rowling, the most brilliant author ever, began weaving her fantastical tales before I was born). This story was however, completely inspired by her brilliant books.

Summary: Mrs. Weasley becomes extremely concerned about Ron's health when unsightly blemishes begin to appear on his skin. Hermione knows what's wrong, and informs Harry of Ron's problem. Meanwhile, Ron is being rushed to St. Mungo's by his out of control mother, and having his sexual orientation questioned by his family. Join the whole crew on a wild ride to cure Ron from what he had always thought were normal freckles. HxG and RxH

A Most Grievous Affliction

Chapter 1: Getting In Touch With Ron's Feminine Side

"Come on! Get up, Ron!" pleaded Hermione. "You know we've got to be cleaning in a half hour. Unless you don't want any breakfast, I suggest you come downstairs right now." She insisted. Her efforts did not go unnoticed as Ron jumped out of bed.

"Warewahevin?" He grumbled.

"Uh—pardon? I'm not sure exactly what you said there Ron, I don't speak troll." Hermione informed Ron coolly.

"What—are—we—having?" he repeated slowly and clearly.

"Oh!" She responded, "Well there're eggs, pancakes, bacon, sausages, toast, everything really." Ron bolted for the door, knocking Hermione out of the way as he did so.

"Sorry!" He called back over his shoulder. Someone shrieked suddenly and there was a loud thumping noise followed by a low groan.

"Everything alright?" Hermione asked as she rushed down the stairs. She nearly toppled over Ron as she rounded the corner on the landing. "Oh my!" she exclaimed.

"What's that you've got on your face?" Ginny asked Ron as she arrived on the next landing just below them.

"Wha--? Well, it depends on what you're talking about, Gin. See, these" he motioned to his eyes "Are eyes. And this is a nose." He continued to name each of his facial features including his jaw, freckles, and eyelashes.

"Okay! Well thanks for the anatomy lesson, but I think I've got that covered." Ginny exclaimed annoyed. "I was referring to that thing above your left eyebrow; that great, ugly pockmark."

"What are you on about? I'm not pockmarked. Am I?" He asked as he turned to Hermione. She covered her mouth with her hands in shock.

"Oh, Ron! I didn't realize it before, but Ginny's right, you look, er, rather pockmarked."

"It's okay though, Ron!" Ginny assured him. "We can cover that up, no problem. Don't worry."

"How are you gonna get rid of something like that? They don't just go away, you know." Ron said sulkily.

"I didn't say we could make it go away." Ginny said "But we can make it look like it's not there."

"May I ask how?" Ron said sarcastically.

"You could," she mused, "But I really think that right now it's not the best thing for you."

"Go get some breakfast, Ron." Hermione suggested "It'll make you feel better, trust me."

xxx

Ron slumped into the kitchen several minutes later and lazily sat down in the chair next to Harry.

"Ah, there he is! We were wondering where you'd got to." Mrs. Weasley joked. "What'll it be, Ron? We've got all your favorites."

"Just some toast, thanks." He told her glumly.

"Are you dieting now?" she asked, surprised. Ron had never turned down an exquisite breakfast; it was the most important meal of the day, after all. "Butter? Jam?"

"Strawberry jam is fine, mum." Ron grumbled.

She delivered the toast to Ron. "Is everything alright dear?" She asked concernedly.

"I'm fine mum."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"You're not."

"I am."

"Ron, what's that on your face?" She yelped, nearly dropping Harry's second helping of eggs.

"It's nothing. I've got freckles." He insisted. Mrs. Weasley pursed her lips and said no more, though Harry knew she had wanted to continue the conversation. Though, with Ron's mood, Harry thought it wise that the confrontation had been discontinued.

"G'morning all." Fred said as he marched into the kitchen.

"Smells lovely, mother." George added as he appeared behind his twin. The two sat directly across from Harry and Ron. Ron (unsuccessfully) attempted to hide the left side of his face.

"Urgh! What is that?" inquired Fred of Ron.

"For the last time: nothing! There is nothing there. End of story, all right?" He threw up his hands in exasperation and stormed upstairs, leaving his unfinished toast on the table.

George immediately seized it, and with his mouth full, managed to ask "Wasufwifim?"

"Excuse me?" Harry asked.

"He said 'what's up with him?'" responded Fred. Harry looked bewildered for a moment before recovering.

"He's got that thing on his face and everyone keeps asking him about it is my best guess. Either that or it's too early in the morning for him."

"Both are highly plausible." George agreed, swallowing his food. Fred nodded his approval of the explanation.

"You two had best finish up quickly. We have so much to do today!" Mrs. Weasley exclaimed. "I can't believe my darling Bill is going to be married already." She added fondly. A dreamy look glazed her eyes as she reminisced.

"Mum, you had better not embarrass him or anything today. You know that's our job." George told her sternly. Harry snorted into his eggs.

"Oh, get upstairs!" she told the twins as she swatted at George. "Harry, take your time, dear."

"It's alright, I'm finished, Mrs. Weasley." She cleared his plate as he raced after the twins. Five minutes later, he arrived at Ron's bedroom. Knocking cautiously, he opened the door.

"Oh, hello Harry," Ron acknowledged his presence. "Well, we best get dressed and then get back downstairs so mum doesn't berate us for not cleaning enough." He rolled his eyes.

xxx

For nearly six hours Fred, George, Ginny, Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Mrs. Weasley worked to prepare the house for the festivities. They swept, mopped, rearranged furniture, dusted, de-cluttered, and decorated. George complained that since the wedding would be taking place outside and the party after would only make a mess there was no need to clean the inside of the house. He was set extra dusting for his comments. Fred joined him in the category of people with extra chores when he stated that no one really noticed whether or not the floors were shiny or dull, as long as they were functional.

When Ginny had finished placing flower vases at even intervals along the aisle (her last chore) she helped Harry, Ron, and Hermione set out chairs for the guests. After all was completed, they tramped back inside to drink a cold glass of lemonade before proceeding up the stairs to get ready. Harry and Ron left Hermione and Ginny two landings below them and continued up to Ron's room where their clothes were laid out on their beds. They were to be dressed in muggle attire, by special request of the bride, Fleur Delacour.

"You can have the first shower, Ron." Harry told him. Ron nodded his consent and traipsed into the bathroom. The moment the water turned on, Harry ran down two flights of stairs to where Ginny and Hermione were. Ginny had taken the first shower, so Hermione was alone in the room.

"Hermione, do you know what's wrong with Ron?" he asked immediately upon entry.

"Well, it's obvious that he's got that, well, that thing on his face, and from what I've read in Rare and Odd Afflictions of the Magical World I'd say he's got spattergroit. It's just in the early stages though, so I'm sure we could cure it before it gets any worse…" she rattled on without noticing the confused look on Harry's face. Suddenly, the look changed to one of realization.

"Hermione, didn't some bloke at St. Mungo's tell him he had that when Mr. Weasley got—erm—bit in fifth year?" Harry asked excitedly.

"I don't think---oh! Yes!" She crooned "Yes! It was some old medieval wizard in a painting. Of course, how could I forget?"

"Well what's he got to do to get rid of it? He seems really down about it, which is kind of weird considering he's a guy and guys don't usually PMS or whatever, except for werewolves, you know, pre-moon syndrome…" he rattled. Hermione raised an eyebrow at this.

"Well the only known treatment is something that has to do with the full moon I think. I can't remember it exactly. I may have the book with me though…." She dug through her trunk furiously. "Here it is!" she said in a loud whisper moments later. "Take the liver of a toad," she read aloud "bind it tight about your throat, stand—ugh—naked at the full moon in a barrel of eels' eyes and make the call for a thestral (a whooping cry). After fifteen minutes of this, you must wade waist deep into grindylow infested water and pirouette three times. The effect is immediate: the blemishes will disappear as if they were never there." She finished, snapping the book shut. "Well that should be interesting. Of course, we should have him diagnosed for real so that he doesn't do all of this only to find out that he doesn't even have spattergroit." She stated matter of factly.

"Mmm, sounds like fun." Harry added. Ginny stepped out of the bathroom at that moment.

"Oh, uh, hi Harry" Ginny blushed embarrassedly. Things had been sufficiently awkward between them since the events at Dumbledore's funeral in June.

"Sorry! I'll just be going!" He called as he ran out of the room with his glasses covered. "Ow!" he had just run into Ron who had come down the stairs in search of Harry.

"Harry, I didn't see you there" Said Ron, stating the obvious. "Apparently you didn't see me either. You can have the shower now" he added. Harry gave him a thumbs- up from the floor as Ron hoisted him to his feet. Fifteen minutes later, Harry emerged from the shower and began to towel dry his hair. Ron was not in the room, but his clothes were gone, so Harry assumed Ron must be wearing them and was probably downstairs with the girls. He pulled on his traditional black and white tuxedo and then put his glasses on. Next he brushed his teeth and combed his hair in an attempt to make it lie flat. Failing miserably, he went down to the girls' room. The door was locked, so he knocked loudly, interrupting an awful lot of giggling that was going on in the room.

"Is Ron in there?" Harry called.

There was a great shuffling before Ginny called back "No, I think he's downstairs with my mum; probably helping her bake or something." Harry only half believed her because she and Hermione broke out in a fit of giggles again. Regaining composure, she said "so you might want to check there, maybe you can assist him in preparing the ordeurves." Harry growled in frustration.

"Look, I know he's in there, and I don't know what you three are up to, but I am of age now, so I could get away with opening this door with magic you know." There was a sharp intake of breath on the other side of the door and Harry smiled triumphantly.

"Alohamora" he exclaimed, and the door swung open. His eyes traveled first to the vanity that Ron was stuffed under, then to the make up that littered the floor, and finally to a guilty looking Ginny as well as Hermione. "Um, sorry if I'm interrupting something, but what's going on?" Ron crawled out from under the vanity and began to massage his shoulder. Suddenly Harry realized that Ron no longer had the pockmark above his left eyebrow. "Ron, what happened to your face?" he asked.

Ron flushed and then muttered something inaudible as Ginny tried to hide what she was holding. Harry was too quick however, and snatched it out of her hands.

"What is this?"

"Nothing."

"It's not nothing."

"I assure you, it's nothing."

"Ginny, what is this?"

"Nothing."

"It's not nothing."

"No really, it's nothing."

"Hermione?"

"Mm?"

"Don't tell me it's nothing."

"It's um, it's foundation." She finally gave in. Harry grinned.

"No really, what is it?"

"Foundation."

"No, it's not."

"Yes it is." Harry raised an eyebrow and then shrugged.

"What were you doing with it?" he asked.

"Nothing."

"Oh, do not start this again." Ron grinned sheepishly.

"Promise you won't tell?"

"Of course, mate, you can tell me anything."

"It's make-up to cover the pockmark. Go on, that's your cue to laugh hysterically." Harry could barely hold it in any longer. He snorted and then hastily arranged his face in a pleasantly indifferent expression; difficult as it was.

"Hey, why have I never used it before? I could have used it to cover my scar as much as I want. You never told me about this? Ginny? Hermione? Thanks for that." Harry rambled. Suddenly he blushed. "Well actually, I think I'd prefer to keep any masculine traits I still possess. Sorry Ron, but I think you're a little more feminine than me now." He joked as he patted Ron on the back.

"What's this about Ron being feminine? Someone finally agreeing with us? Excellent." Fred said as he stopped right outside the door frame. Ron flushed.

"Oh, come off it. He's not that bad. I mean, those dress robes weren't his fault, and he's supposed to look nice for the wedding, so make-up was the only solution." Ginny said and then stopped when she noticed the look on Ron's face. His expression was stony, but his eyes were murderous. George began to laugh uncontrollably.

"Ron, are you really wearing make-up?"