A/N: reposted, as my old account was frozen.
WARNINGS: yaoi (but no direct references to sex), Kaiba/Joey. Angsty and sappy.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters.
What am I thankful for?
His smile comes quickly to mind. It's so rare that he shows it to me, that it really is a gift when I see it.
His friendship is also a gift deserving much thanks. It was hard to win him over - he was so cold and cruel, more than once I wondered if he was even -able- to care about another person - but when he finally did acknowledge me, I couldn't have been happier. My life changed with his friendship. He wasn't afraid to tell me when I was making a mistake or defend me when everyone else thought I was. He became my security blanket and my guard dog; my therapist and my champion. I share every joy and pain with him, and I also share the smaller things: worries, head colds, video game strategies, dance moves. I can be serious around him and he can be silly around me. We don't have images to uphold around each other or reputations to protect. We can be ourselves. We can push each other to better ourselves too.
I'm thankful beyond words that he's my best friend, and I'm thankful beyond that that he's my lover. He's unexpectedly gentle with me when we're alone. I've never felt such tenderness before him. I never felt worthy of it.
The money means nothing to me. I know some people don't believe me when I say it, though. His old 'girlfriends' hiss it behind my back as I pass them in the hall at school:
"He's only dating him for his money."
"I -know-! Just LOOK at him!"
"He's so pathetic."
They glance at me when they say this, snickering openly when I'm alone and behind their hands when he is with me, but the contempt is just as harsh either way.
"He could do SOOO much better than -Joey-."
Hours later, the words still linger with me - everytime. The money means nothing, but his love means everything.
Their laughter terrifies me.
I worry that they know something I don't; that they can read some secret hidden meaning in his casual coolness that I've mistaken for affection. I worry that they're laughing at my inevitable suffering and my current blind bliss.
I love him, but I could never put such possible cruelty past him. I've seen him at his worst...
Even with these fears keeping me company when we are apart, though, I'm still thankful for every moment he spends with me. I'm thankful for every backwards glance and every amused laugh. I live off every shred of attention and each scrap of affection.
Even though I have no promise it will last forever, or that I'll survive without heartbreak because of it, for the moments I've had and the moments I hope to have, now and after it's gone, I'm thankful for Seto Kaiba's love.
Before everything else, I'm just thankful for his love.
Joey Wheeler.