From Dawn to Dusk
By Eule Vix
Disclaimer: I do not own Welcome to NightVale, I do not make any money off this story.
The burn of gunpowder and iron tinge of blood mingled in Cecil's nose. His fingers gripped the Tommy gun against his chest as he steadied himself for another go. He had only wanted to grab a slice from Big Rico's, to chew a bit on the soured crust of the pizza and think to better times. He did not expect to suddenly be jumped by three men armed with handguns, weighed down with bullets to spare, shooting down both of his bodyguards and then pinning him in a dank alley. He needed to get out of there before he showed his face on this urban battlefield. Cecil had been able to avoid him for a year, and he wanted to keep it that way until this whole territory war with him was over.
He heard a break in the firing of bullets and swiftly moved from around the corner, firing back. With just a few shots he was able to take out one of his assailants. Cecil noticed the clothing of the one currently lay in the street in his own blood as one of his personal body guards, no mistaking it. Cecil ducked back into the alley and gritted his teeth as he tried to steady his breathing under the new fire of bullets. He hated killing any of his men, just as much as he hated it when any of his own died by his comrades hands. Cecil looked back down at the two bodies slouched against the dusty brick wall, the blood long pooled and starting to dribble its way towards the street as though it was some morbid flower born from the hatred of men. Cecil could feel a headache creeping from the back of his skull as he kept his jaws tightly clenched. 'Eye for an eye.' He thought as he again flung himself out from his hiding place once again and shot back.
Cecil had managed to remain bullet free even after a few more swivels around the corner; however he knew he luck couldn't run well for much longer. What he didn't know was that a door at the end of the alley opened and what he didn't hear was a pair of shoes carefully walking up to him. What Cecil did hear over the rapid barrage of bullets and occasional sound of metal striking brick was the cock of a gun and the feel of a cold barrel pressed against the temple of his head. Cecil went completely stiff, he had seen too many pictures in the news, to many places where his own men had been shot point blank, to not know what was about to happen. Cecil took a sharp breath in and could smell the light tang of lavender chewing gum dancing in the air.
"Detener el fuego!" Cecil would recognize that voice even if he died, was reincarnated, remembered nothing, and he would still shiver from the vibrations of that caramel voice. He wanted nothing more than to relax in the candied tones of the man he knew was behind him, but the gun was a fierce deterrent. The rattling of the guns stopped and the alley fell to a strangled silence. The two stood in the ally, Cecil's mind raced wondering if he should press his luck, force him to give a quick death or try to see if he could still get out of this alive. With the weight of what the year had brought Cecil doubted his grave would be much less than the asphalt under his shoes. Cecil side glance towards the man holding the gun to his head stood perfectly still, with perfect precision. He never did anything less.
"Finally here to crash the party doll?" Cecil's temple began to throb as the gun was shoved harder against his head. He hissed slightly under the uncomfortable pain.
"Give me your gun Cecil." He felt as though someone had dribbled the sweetest honey into his mouth when he said his name. A Warmth spread and wound it's self-up tightly in the center of Cecil's chest. It didn't matter how long they had been apart, the feelings he harbored for the Spanish man he knew would never leave him. Not all the money, food, or liquor in the world could buy, satisfy, or wash away the imprint on him. Cecil was positive that his time with him was long gone, without so much as a reason why. Even if there was a chance to rekindle their intimacy, he felt it would be like a drug. Wonderful and beautiful the first time, but afterwards you would never be able to reach that same high no matter what you did.
"Why, give you my baby? Even for a perfect sheik like yourself I don't think I could oblige." Cecil swore if he pressed that gun any harder into his head it would either push him over or tear right though his head. Cecil began to idly wonder why he still wasn't dead yet.
"Give. Me. The. Gun." Reluctantly Cecil handed his beloved Tommy over to him.
"Dry up Carlos." Cecil heard the slight clinking of his gun as it was leaned up against the wall before he felt a warm and strong hand grab his arm and throw him further into the alley way. Cecil swore and counted himself lucky to not have tripped over the bodies splayed on the ground.
"Get going."
"Tsk." Cecil hated being manhandled, but decided Carlos's hand gun was a lot mightier than the shiv he currently had in his breast pocket, so he walked forward down the alley. Cecil couldn't help but let a scowl come to his normal, now days only slightly, cheery face. He knew if it was anyone else he would have his brains placed all along the wall as a piece of crude art by now, no remorse, sympathy, or hesitation. He couldn't shake it, the question kept popping up in his mind. He had been so sure after Carlos's abrupt departure, after he started to invade Cecil's territory, after the first blood had been drawn by his men, that Carlos hated Cecil. It was the only explanation.
"Stop." Cecil did and noticed the metal door he was just barely a head of. Carlos rapped on the door in what seemed to be some form of code and after a moment the door opened.
"Turn around and get inside." Cecil noticed the distance in Carlos's voice now, almost as if he was putting all he had into just being flat toned. He turned around to finally get a full view of Carlos. The light coming from inside the building reflected off of his glasses and obscured his face half in shadow. He wore a black suit with a simple white shirt underneath, Cecil quietly snickered at the thought of they both contrasted against each other. Carlos, his perfect straight-man suit and himself with a suit that could only be the bizarre taste that was the essence of who he was; a deep purple pinstriped suit with blue velvet pants. He decided not to linger too long on his thoughts and moved inside. Once he was completely through the door he almost visibly shook at the sudden bark from Carlos behind him.
"Registrarlo. Tome cualquier cosa que podria ser un arma."Cecil bit his bottom lip. It didn't matter that Carlos was barking out orders of some sort, he just loved to hear Carlos's voice in his native tongue. He could remember clearly when Carlos would speak sweet nothings into his ears and felt as though all the romance in the universe seeped out and dripped from each word. Given now, this was not the time nor the place for Cecil to be reminiscing, but Carlos was now to more than a foot away from him and as much as he wanted to he could not stop the memories. He kept his composure, the best he could, and watched as the bouncer who guarded the door started to pad him down. He realized that for now he was probably safe, and whatever Carlos had ordered was non-threatening, at least he believed so. The bouncer found the shiv in his coat, as well as a knife he had stuck in his boot, for emergencies. He had to hand it to Carlos, his men were very careful in finding everything.
"Muestrele a mi oficina." Carlos paused and Cecil swore he could feel Carlos's dark brown eyes lay sight to his back. "Follow him." The front of the gun was gently pushed into his back, urging Cecil forward. He started to follow the guard and took in the details of the place. He was currently in a corridor, red carpet beneath his feet and the light noise of music and clink of drinks off in the distance. It had to be one of Carlo's speakeasy's he helped run for whatever mob he worked closely with. He found himself saddened as he was directed though another hallway that lead away from the buzz of the bar. The threat of still being shot started to grow again as they became further and further away from other people. Soon, he found himself being trudged down a series of stairs, all the lively noises faded to only a static buzz. The stairway ended into another, smaller, hall at the end of which was a door with no engravings or markings stood silently. The bouncer stopped in front of the door when Carlos spoke again.
"Gracias. Vuelva a su no estoy con vida al final de esta reunion…se trabaja para el senor Palmer. Entendido?" Cecil perked up at the use of his last name suddenly interjected in. Cecil felt like squirming, unsure and nervous of what was said.
"Entendido senor Carlos…" He just hoped it was something good.
"Get inside Cecil." Inside he found himself in what could only be observed as Carlos's person office. 'Of course I just had to have a shootout right in front of his new main headquarters.' Cecil grimaced. Cecil stood in place taking in a quick glance around the office. There had to be at least five bookshelves completely brimming with wore and well read books. He caught a few of the titles, all of them about various facets of science. Chemistry, Biology, Semiology, hell Cecil even saw a few psychology books from what he could tell. Wedged between two of the larger bookcases was a desk completely covered with notes and a few stands with test tubes safely tucked in their holders. On the opposite wall there were three thin desks lined up next to each other, all covered in different shaped flasks some filled with a variety of liquid colors. These desks too were covered in notes. The smells of rubbing alcohol, menthol, and various other unknown chemicals assaulted Cecil's noise. It dawned on Cecil why Carlos loved those odd sticks of lavender gum.
"Take a seat." Cecil looked to Carlos who was standing by the now closed and locked door, about five feet from Cecil. He motioned with his gun to a chair that was tucked next to a final desk that was the only surface not plastered with notes. It looked more to be a piece for ceremony, a slice of tradition to make the room seem like an office then a makeshift lab.
"Carlos, perfect Carlos." Cecil tried to put as much poison into the words he rolled off his tongue. " Aren't you being quite the wet blanket. Out there sounds like a lively party, might be some nice ladies out there. In here well, in here is just you and me, and quite frankly I find that to be a horrible struggle buggy for me." Carlos sneered angrily and Cecil couldn't help but feel happy the man finally showed some form of emotion.
"Shut your yap Cecil, and sit." Carlos said thought gritted teeth. Cecil shrugged and brushed off Carlos's anger as though the man was being petty, anything to make him madder. Cecil sat in the cushioned seat a strong sent of coffee wafted up from the decompressed cushions. Cecil felt a tug on the corners of his mouth as the smell brought him to happier times, late nights he would spend talking with Carlos. For a while Cecil sat there, hands folded in his lap. Carlos still had his gun trained on him, no emotion in his face and none that Cecil could see in his eyes. He remembered when those gorgeous brown eyes shone like amber in the right light. Eventually Carlos lowered his gun, and set it on a desk farthest from Cecil.
Carlos leaned with both hands against the desk, his back to Cecil. The wooden legs of the over used desk squealed slightly under the pressure. Cecil felt safe to let a sad smile surface now that he could see Carlos in full view. The man looked tired, too many late nights, too many meals of coffee. His hair reminded Cecil of when he first fell for the man, before he had cut it short. The dark rich curls just ghosting his shoulders at its longest length. The suit Cecil found unbefitting him; though Carlos delved in speakeasies and before with his Family, Cecil knew it was only to be able to get funding to fuel his own research. To gaze upon Carlos without his typical lab coat had always been a rare site. 'But,' Cecil thought 'that was a year ago and a lot has…changed.' Cecil's thoughts were disrupted when he noticed a shift in his vision. Carlos had turned around to face him. Cecil felt a bit taken back by the anger that was on Carlos's face, it was gone quickly but the emotion was not missed. Carlos spoke with careful words.
"Cecil. You remember the last time we saw each other?" Cecil narrowed his eyes dangerously. 'How could I forget Carlos.' He thought. 'How could I forget the fire beneath my skin that followed where ever your fingers touched, or the long nights after where my body ached to just have yours beside me. How could I forget each breath you stole from me when you placed your lips on mine, or the fevered dreams of passion I would wake from so many, many nights after. Your smell, your touch, your brilliant mind, dear Carlos I could never forget.' He wanted to say it all, and to go further on, about how since Carlos left he couldn't find the will to eat much anymore. That he could still barely sleep for more than a few hours. How every month or so he would stumble upon some trinket of their time together and it would being Cecil to wracking sobs. How eventually his subordinates noticed and when they thought he could not hear them, they would speak of how the boss no longer had the fire in his eyes and the will in his heart. He couldn't tell him this, not when it was Carlos who left with not a word as to why, no explanation, just a simple note with the simple words sprawled "It's over." He wouldn't, couldn't, give him the satisfaction knowing what he did to him by his just leaving.
"Its been so long, you know, a year does crazy things to the memory." Cecil watched as Carlos balled his fists in anger. "You know how often, how easily, I can forget." A knot in Cecil stomach suddenly appeared and wrenched itself, twisting painfully. He hated playing stupid, especially to Carlos. It was Cecil's last way of fighting back. He figured in the end he would end up ridden with bullets anyway, so he might as well make his death full with passion and anger. Maybe that way it'd end up being quicker then what Carlos might be planning.
"Last June, it was the 25th. We had…" Carlos talked through gritted teeth and paused for a moment, moved his eyes to the floor and returned to speaking monotone and unemotional. "shared, a brief intimacy." Cecil didn't want to hear him continue. Another paused graced them, allowing Cecil to notice his had wrung his hands around each other, his knuckles turning white. Carlos interjected into the heavy silence, his voice had a deep sadness toned beneath its surface, barely detected by Cecil.
"I suppose it's…irrelevant then." He ran a hand through his hair, it had been styled the best he could, but even then the unruly mock or black and grey stuck out in various places. "More importantly, the night before that. Tell me Cecil, who was she?"
"Wh-what?" He was at a loss.
"The.." Carlos kept his gaze to the ground. "The girl you were with that night. A dame, your…crush, who was she?" His voice was even, but Cecil could feel the underlying raw angered demands long held back that seethed under it. Despite this, Cecil felt like Carlos had just told him seriously that his body was made entirely of kittens. There was never any girl, or girls for that matter, ever; especially a girl that he would have called his crush. There were never any girls after they…separated, nor did any new boys meet Cecil's fancy. Cecil was completely aghast.
"The day before the 25th Cecil. The night you went to that show. I will ask only one more time Cecil." Carlos gently picked up the gun he laid on the table. "Who. Was. She." Cecil's mind couldn't catch up. There had been no one else with him that night, he had enjoyed a show, something to relax. While he was there he ran into someone close to him, but... Cecil's eyes went wide as he realized who Carlos was asking about. 'Is he serious?' Cecil felt his anger begin to rise. He suddenly stood up, not caring that the gun was coked and ready to fire.
"Are you some kind of a sap Carlos? You, the smartest person I have ever the chance to meet, acting like this? Is nobody home anymore in that brain of yours?" Anger seethed beneath his skin like hot needles. How could Carlos assume that he was having some fling. How could he start a war between them, killing men from each of their sides, all for this. Carlos may be brilliant, a scientist, and expert shot. When it came to matters of his own heart he was a damned fish to it. Cecil dug his nails into his palm. "I am leaving Carlos, whether it be your gun or a bum's rush out! This conversation is over, this war is over, and we are long over!" Cecil stomped towards the door expecting a shot to ring out in the room. Instead he was suddenly met with the bodily force of Carlos.
Cecil could feel the itch to fight twitching in his arms before Carlos lunged at him, now he had an excuse. The two tumbled, Cecil desperately trying to throw a punch, Carlos doing what he could to grasp Cecil's wrists. Carlos ended up being victorious, being stronger the Cecil, and had pinned both of his wrists above his head. With the adrenaline pumping in his system, the furry in his heart, Cecil couldn't refrain anymore. He wanted Carlos to figure out his own damned mistake but his mouth moved faster than his brain could stop.
"You jealous pill! To get up and leave as you did! Not a word or breath of what was happening in that thick skulled head! A year Carlos that has been wasted, lives that were wasted, all for your jealousy!" Cecil couldn't read the expression on Carlos's face, but he hoped that there was at least a sliver of pain. He scowled and wished that just his glare could give him the same pain he held now in him. "You damned idiot, she was my sister! You're a fool's fool Carlos!"
"Your…sister?"
"Yes dear Carlos, king of saps. That night, by chance, I ran into my sister. Is it so hard to believe I have blood family?" He hissed his words, filled with fury, at Carlos. "Now if you please," Cecil attempted to shift out of Carlos's grasp. "I must be going." Carlos tightened his grip, it didn't hurt but did enough to keep the man beneath him where he was. Cecil could feel himself shaking from the anger rattling in his bones.
"Cecil," Carlos leaned a bit closer to Cecil, now only a few inches from Cecil's face. "I can't let you go yet."
"Oh?" his voice slick with sarcasm. "I believe your right, I have yet to be ridden with bullet holes haven't I?" He could feel nails start to dig into his wrists.
"I don't want any holes in you if I can help it."
"Then don't."
"Listen Cecil, I need you to listen carefully to-"
"That's too bad for I won't Carlos."
"Cecil, you can't ignore what's going on forever." Carlos's voice broke it's long held calm and started to flare in annoyance.
"If it's anything to do with you, I will continue to do as I wish!"
"Just hear me-"
"I won't Carlos."
"Cecil please just –"
"No!" Cecil found himself now yelling at Carlos, all the rage that he had sitting quietly in him burst out. "There is nothing that you could say that would fix this Carlos, there is no reasonable explanation for what you did! Not even time and a hundred bottles of hooch could fix it!" Tears started to threaten Cecil at the corners of his eyes. He squeezed his eyes closed, reminded himself that he was a man and men don't cry. That he should have stifled his lust in the first place and should never have partaken in any unclean actions with Carlos. If he had he might have saved himself such heart ache. Cecil spoke again, his voice much quieter as he struggled to maintain him own feelings in check, his eyes open, trained on Carlos's face.
"I should have never let you dirty me." He watched Carlos's face fall from one of anger, teeth gritted against each other, to a look of shock and pain that strangled Cecil's heart. The moment was belief, and Carlos's face was once again unreadable and plain. 'Good.' He relished in that Carlos could at least hurt from what he did, however Cecil wondered why his chest hurt more now.
"Fine." He spat he words at Cecil and released his wrists. The weight of Carlos's body lifted off Cecil but the pain in him remained. After a moment, regaining himself, trying to lessen the pain, he sat up. He rubbed his wrists just as he heard the clink of a gun being picked up. He looked up and saw Carlos again pointing the gun at him.
"Don't say anything Cecil and just listen." Cecil scowled again.
"And if-" Carlos fired the gun, the bullet whizzed by close to Cecil's head. His eyes went large but he remained unmoved.
"Pipe down Cecil." Carlos watched Cecil for a moment, brow furled as though pondering his next move. The small sounds of moving metal echoed in the quite room as Carlos flipped the gun easily in his hand. Cecil's face scrunched in confusion as he watched Carlos walk closer to him, now holding the barrel of the gun, the handle towards Cecil.
"I'll give you the gun Cecil, I only ask that you please hear me out. Even if you continue to hate me, you might still be able to help me save your sister." Cecil felt like closing the small distance still between then, snatching the gun, and shooting him dead.
"What did you do with my sister Carlos?!"
"I didn't do anything, but she's in danger. For the same reasons to why you're here, and why your still alive." Carlos took another step, holding the gun within Cecil's reach. "I beg you Cecil…" Cecil could feel every muscle in his body twitch. He needed to grab that gun, he needed to shoot Carlos dead where he stood, riddle him with bullets of rage and regret till all the emotions in Cecil ran dry. With as much drive as he felt, he couldn't bring himself to follow through.
"As long as you're on the level with me Carlos. I won't promise how much I will walk away with, but…I will listen." He reached up carefully and grasped the wooden handle of the small handgun. He carefully used a book case nearby to heave himself up to a standing position, holding the gun steadily pointed at Carlos. Once he finished standing he watched Carlos slowly make his way towards the desk, quickly stopping to pick his glasses back up. He wasn't sure why he hadn't killed him yet. He had the gun, he just needed to cock it and pull the trigger. He wondered what was stopping him.
"I'll be a quick as possible." Carlos crossed his arms, his eyes fixed on Cecil's. "That night, when you were at your show, a representative from the Desert Bluff's family approached me."
"Don't razz me Carlos."
"You wanted the truth, that's what it is. The long time enemy of the Night Vale family, your family Cecil, has started to make a move." Cecil started to grit his teeth, his grip on the gun tightened. "They forced my hand Cecil, or how they put it, gave 'An offer you simply can't refuse'." Carlos went ridged at his own words, suddenly sucked into whatever memories that plagued the man.
"What was it Carlos? Money, guns, science equipment…sex?"
"They destroyed…my lab Cecil…so much work…I was so close to a break though…So much research lost in a single night…" Carlos's hands clenched tightly at his for arms, the clothing taunt and wrinkled, nails digging thought the fabric in an attempt to claw at the flesh beneath. Cecil's heart sank, Carlos's research was one of the many things that attracted Cecil to him. The fact that against all odd he still did his best for the world around him even if he left a small trail of dirty money with a light streak of blood mixed in. He wanted to console the man, they had basically destroyed the physical part of Carlos's soul. He held himself back, it just wasn't something he should do, and forgiveness didn't come easy. Carlos's hands loosened after the long pause between them, recomposed himself, and then started again.
"I…They didn't know of our previous arrangement, but they did require I cut off all ties with any people of the NightVale Family. Over the next month they gave me new men, guns, money, anything I needed and told me my goal was to…to kill you Cecil. They need you dead to be able to make their next move. Over months I've taken my time to…" Carlos's face soured with the words he spoke. "try to take over your area, I managed to find out they plan to replace you with a mole of their own upon your death, before your family would figure out your dead. I couldn't get more than that, the how or why's, all of rest was inconclusive information. But I do have a plan." Cecil was quite floored, it made sense and he wanted to believe Carlos. He just needed to listen to him a bit more, ask some questions, and maybe he would be able to believe him.
"Do you know where they got this double?"
"That information was some of the inconclusive information. First the gathered info said he was born to the Desert Bluff directly. A week later new information said he was born to NightVale. Both resources had good backings for the information, but it was entirely contradictive." He moved his arms to his side in a more relaxed pose, as he pondered the information as he spoke. "The last I heard from my source of this info was a month ago, he ended up six feet under. They didn't find out he was one of mine, but they are aware of information leaks now. However-"
"Carlos." Carlos suddenly looked up at Cecil, realizing he had gone into a monologue. "Tell me this, what is your plan. Briefly, please." Carlos nodded, and cleared his throat.
"For my plan to work, I would need you to be dead Cecil. Not in-" Cecil's voice changed into verbal venom.
"If your plan was for me to be dead, I think you've quite messed up your plan by now haven't you?" His chest hurt, he was pissed at Carlos yes. But it hurt to hear him say he wanted him dead. Sure, he had expected to already be dead, long gone to the gun in his own hand but it didn't stop the pain from washing over him. "What if I killed you now where you stand?" Cecil cocked the gun in his hand, the little hammer clicking easily into place, ready to fire.
"There is no one else I'd rather die by." Carlos said it completely matter of fact, like he knew it might have come to that, he had accepted he might be shot by him. Cecil grimaced, and was shocked. He could tell there was a deeper, much deeper meaning to the words then what Carlos let on. Carlos took his silence as a way to continue.
"As I was about to say, I need you dead, but not in a way that you would really be dead. I…did my best to acquire a body. They look like you, any pieces that could identify them as anyone but you has been removed. To the best of my men's abilities and my specifications…" Carlos shook slightly. "Just..please don't ask why or how. They are memories I would like to drink and forget." Carlos breathed a sigh before speaking again.
"You..don't have to help me directly. I just wanted to make sure that you would be safe. With this you can be free Cecil, away from the possibility of death and bloodshed..." Carlos moved his hands to grip the desk and leaned against it before saying his next words carefully. "Free to find someone you cherish and love, without fear of them being in danger."
Cecil was at an utter loss. The words Carlos had said, seemed so true, and he wanted them to be true. The Bluffs family had always been at their throats, always trying to find some way in to bring the family to it's knees. If what Carlos said was to be believed his whole family, his sister, everyone in NightVale was in danger. Then the matter of the tender words Carlos has said, about love. The regret he could hear in the man's voice, he wanted to let his fury melt away, let the hatred of a year disappear without a second thought. He couldn't bring himself to let it happen, not yet. Not after he had just finish telling himself he would never forgive the Hispanic man. He did find that, beyond it all, he had one last question.
"Is there anything else of importance?" Carlos slinked back a bit, pushing into the desk, doing what he could to make himself smaller.
"There is…a personal matter I wish to speak of. If you…don't mind listening again." If Carlos had been pleading before, his voice begged now for Cecil to listen. If what Carlos said was true, he had lost so much, if he hadn't just plain lost everything. Cecil hated how he had been left alone, yes. He didn't know what he meant to Carlos, but he still felt that for now it would be ok to show him a little sympathy. Cecil nodded.
He watched Carlos take a deep breath, his face becoming flush. Carlos opened his mouth but not a sound procured from his vocals. He stood there mouthing words he seemed at a loss for. After a moment of fumbled sounds and noiseless words Carlos brought a hand to his face and the other to his elbow and sighed.
"Cecil," he finally breathed. "In this world there are thousands of people, and for each person during the course of their lives they will experience many things. One facet of this is their emotions, anger, sadness, pride, happiness,…love." Carlos seemed to choke on the last word, but recovered the best he could as he moved his arms back to his sides, resting his palms on the table.
"F-for everyone these emotions can be triggered by a multitude of reasons and events. Sometimes it's because of another person or that person's own emotions, or their beliefs. Sometimes its things they can not control. Their hair, gender, or skin color just to name a few." His voice dropped low, a sadness unhidden laced within the fine workings of his voice, his eyes focused on his feet.
"Despite the fact that these constants can't be changed or helped, they can invoke feelings in others. These feelings could be good, happiness and care, or more spiteful feelings such as anger and fear. Sometimes these emotions can be so strong that they can lead the person to do things that they would normally refrain from, such as the willingness to kill." He lifted his gaze to meet Cecil's, Cecil could feel his breath hitch.
"My point is…regardless of what I have done or achieved my race has always been something that stopped possible prospects, and on other occasions, threatened my life." Carlos absently ran a hand through his hair, Cecil couldn't help but let his eyes follow it as he quietly listened. "I did what I needed to, so that I could work on the research I felt was needed. But…" In this long pause something invisible shifted from within Carlos, and Cecil could feel it. He felt the skin on the back of his neck begin to tingle, it feel like needles lightly grazing his skin. He didn't know if he was nervous, or excited, or if he wanted to run. His gut twisted as some deeply rooted instinct within him tried to tell him what was coming next, but his head felt scrambled by Carlos's words. All he could do, for whatever it meant to Carlos, was listen.
"I had a lot of time to think this past year…" His words came slow and cautious. "I had lost so much that was important to me. In it, I came to know what was truly important. What needed to be cared for and cherished. This past year let me wonder upon all these things, about myself and about others. I…I came to a conclusion that if the variables in the equation of our lives are changed, yet the outcome remains the same…then…then why should the change of the variables be feared? If the outcome is the same then…why be afraid just because it is a different fact about yourself? I…" Cecil watched as Carlos swallowed hard, grasping the desk in a death grip in attempt to steady his shaking knees.
"I love you, Cecil." Cecil felt ever fiber that made what was his body freeze, the wind in his gut escaped him and he could feel his body burn with a need for air. Carlos had done what he would never dare to even think, the fear of what others would think and what his family would do. Yet, here he was, somehow able to speak those words and made it seem so easy.
"I always lived in the knowing that my life was always in threat, for reasons sometimes beyond my control. There are people who are afraid of change, of things that within their own world is alien and not kin to them; and thus to them, must perish." Carlos took a staggered breath. "Regardless of the variable the outcome is still the same." He spoke it almost as a mantra rather than a continuation of his thoughts.
"So, with these facts understood, why should I be scared to accept that I care deeply for you Cecil. Despite that you're a man, despite that I could be killed for loving you," Carlos's knuckled had turned white under his fast held hands on the desk. "I don't care what the world would do to me, I don't care that you…gave me an icy mitt. I-you needed to know. Before we went any further with this plan Cecil."
Cecil became frantic, his chest welled in a sharp pain that made him want to drop to his knees. He had said such horrible and wrong words to Carlos. His own heart knew it and though he wanted to tell Carlos he was wrong that he didn't reject him all he could do was remaining standing, gun in hand, frozen like some store mannequin. There was also the possibility that Carlos's own men had heard him, if somehow word got out to any Mob Family member, they would both be shot with no hesitation. Sure some homosexual men had started to be able to be more open, even if it's only walking together. But the Mob was different, there were rules you could not just break on some sexualized whim.
How could he say what he did, how could he respond knowing all the risks, justifying it with some emotional equation. Cecil could feel the silence in the room as though it was water threatening to drown him. He shifted his thoughts, he would never be able to answer Carlos, the threat for him was too big, the trust they had too broken right now. He instead settled for another topic, another idea, anything that has nothing to do with Carlos and his affections for him. His mind latched onto the need to get proof of Carlos's intent, that he wasn't just lying thought his perfect teeth. The first thought was of Carlos pushing himself onto him, proving his passion with a kiss; he shoved the idea quickly from his thoughts and tried to think of something else. He could feel his breathing starting to come back to him, as he focuses on anything but Carlos. He gazed at the beakers and test tubes of the room, the colors that sat inside them untouched and beautiful. Cecil suddenly knew what he could say.
"Your lab," Carlos's head snapped up to look at Cecil, looking confused and bewildered. "I want you to take me there." The confusion fell from his face and soon was replaced with rapt fear and unfocused eyes. Cecil felt a jut of pain in his heart but dismissed it. "I need to know what you say is truth, if I'm going to go along with your plan." After inhaling deeply, gathering himself, Carlos released his hands from the desk and nodded slowly to Cecil. Cecil began to loath himself. Here was perfect beautiful Carlos, who still cared for him, who had lost so much, and all Cecil could do was lash out at him and throw painful memories in his face. He steadied himself internally and told himself he needed to save those thoughts for later; before he collapses into himself.
"This way then…"
Carlos lead Cecil back out of the office, outside he expected a guard to be waiting, anyone to have heard their conversation, but found the hall and stairway happily empty. Cecil tucked the gun away in his waist band, hand resting on it on the off chance something went wrong, and took a deep breath before following Carlos down the hall. Soon he found himself inside the speakeasy, music from a small live band was playing, flapper girls were dancing, and young gentlemen doing their best to court them, all with drinks in their hands. They went behind the bar, Carlos again tapping on the counter in some odd morose code, and then into a small kitchen. Cecil made a mental note of how it seemed more like a personal kitchen rather than one for the speakeasy, seeing only a small selection of pots and pans and a single, normal, fridge. Before they headed through another door, Carlos rummaged in a small closet, and came out with a suit and hat much like his own.
"You'll need to change your coat, it's too risky for you to be recognized right now." Cecil thought of fighting back, but he knew the supposed reasons and took the coat and hat that was being handed to him. He changed, handed his coat to Carlos and started to tuck his hair up into the hat. It was a large brimmed hat that made it so you would have had to be close to truly see who it was. If he kept his head down he would easily be able to appease Carlos's idea that he was in mortal danger. Once ready they went through the door into another area, it was storage closet with different chemicals, mops, brooms, and other cleaning equipment, as well as a broken washing machine. The next door let them into a laundry mat, they quickly left the building to a car that was waiting outside. Once they were both inside the car, doors close, Carlos harshly sucked in the air before quietly saying.
"The lab."
The two remained in a dead quite for the trip. Cecil tried to focus on the passing buildings, anything to keep his thoughts away from the handsome man he sat beside. He took a quick glance at their driver, a man wearing a tan jacket. He tried to use the various mirrors in the car to see what he might look like, but was unable to get a clear view and gave up. After taking many turns and various small streets Cecil began to recognized the area as one he used to drive though frequently. He bit his lip at the bitter memories and pushed then away for the moment. They were still a block away when Carlos suddenly spoke.
"Stop! Here…here is fine." They driver carefully pulled over and turned off the car. Cecil was puzzled, they were still a block away still far from the lab. Something felt off, and Cecil tightened his grip on the handgun. He watched Carlos and waited to see what his next move may be. Instead all he did was stare ahead, blankly, and spoke in a quiet even tone. "Keep your head down, try not to let anyone see you. You'll have to go and take a look yourself…" Carlos turned his head to gaze at Cecil, his eyes filled with sadness. "I…I can't go in there…I'm sorry Cecil."
Cecil relaxed slightly, he understood. If what Carlos said was true, it would make sense for him to not want to visit the ruins of his lab again. The door on Cecil's side was opened, being held by the chafer. He nodded to Carlos before moving out of the car and walking towards the direction of the lab; he still didn't catch what the man's face looked like.
The neighborhood was run down, all the building surrounding were empty and barren. It was a very old and uncared for part of town, and what Cecil knew as a heaven for Carlos's lab. He rounded the corner and a half destroyed building and three places down he saw it. He sped up his walk to a brisk jog and soon found himself in front of a lot completely filled with rubble. They hadn't just done something like set fire to it, or just destroyed his work, they completely demolished the entire building. Around, only on the bottom floor where Cecil stood were there a few remaining white brick walls, dried blood speckling the area that would have been the main door. Tentatively Cecil stepped through the rubble and wood near the entrance and walked around, gazing at the shattered pieces of what he knew as Carlos's dream.
There were scorch marks, more old and dried pools and splatters of blood, places where corrosive chemicals had been thrown or dropped and ate holes into whatever it touched. There were occasionally pieces of science equipment, broken and battered, unusable for anything, not even as spare parts. Underneath a wall he saw a hand, half decomposed, of someone who had been trapped under a collapsed piece of roof and wall. It might have been a year, but Cecil could smell the vapors of burned flesh and paper, the dust still unsettled, and he swore if he listened really hard he could hear the cries of Carlos being forced to watch his lab annihilated and the sobs of those caught in the wreck.
He didn't doubt Carlos anymore, he didn't know if he forgave him yet though he knew now for sure it wasn't his fault, at least without question he knew he wasn't being lied too. Cecil, now aware of the danger, headed quickly back to the car. As he jumped inside he saw Carlos, head in his hands, look up to watch Cecil; he did his best to forget the look of despair and regret on the man's face. Soon they were off again and Cecil didn't waste any time, but he needed to make sure they were 'safe' to talk first. He pointed at the drive, again who's face he had still not seen, and whispered to Carlos.
"First, is he to be trusted?" Carlos let out a small chuckle.
"Yes, very much so. I trust him more than any of my other men." The man in the front gave a thumbs up to the two of them. "He's mute Cecil, he wouldn't be able to speak a word about our conversations even if he wanted to. Also, he's proven time and time again to be loyal, I trust him with my life," He turned to Cecil who reflectively looked back at Carlos. "and yours." Cecil quickly shifted his gaze to somewhere else, fighting a blush that wanted to play on his face.
"So, then, how is this plan of yours going to work?" Cecil stared ahead, ignoring the glance Carlos gave him.
"As I said before, I've taken care of your death. Now you just need to lay low, until they have 'settled in'." Cecil heard Carlos shift a bit, but continued to refuse to look over. "When the time is right, you'll be able to take back your place, your rightful place in the Night Vale Family."
"What about after that?" Carlos answered in a shaky voice.
"I…don' know. However I do know that I'm going to take that whole damned Family for one hell of a ride." Hate seethed under Carlos's words, Cecil felt tense despite that the words and underlying promise of revenge were not meant for him; he had just never heard Carlos sound like that before. Cecil thought it best to change the subject again.
"So, then where will I stay while I 'lay low'?"
"There are not many options. If you had a place to yourself it'd be easier for you to be caught, so…I thought it would be best for you to stay at my place." Carlos trailed off, a nervous tremble at the end of his words. The thought of being in the same living space as Carlos for some undetermined amount of time made Cecil fidgety. He wondered how he would possibly be able to sort out all of this damned feelings let alone even begin to live with the man when he already had enough trouble waking up every night in a cold sweat and painfully hard from the leftovers of dreams and past memories. He knew he was doing into the lion's den, he was going to have to survive being surrounded by Carlos's musk, his voice muttering lyrics of science, his soft brown eyes that licked though the words of a book or notes that Cecil would find himself lost in. He had to if he was going to save his Family from whatever the Desert Bluffs Family had planned, if he was going to help Carlos achieve the revenge he so deserved to have. He was brought out of his thoughts by the frantic voice of Carlos, he looked over to find him waving his arms defensively in from of him as he spoke.
"You…You don't have to worry! I've already planned to give you my room. I don't have more than a one bedroom but the door locks, I made sure to get that fixed three weeks ago." Cecil couldn't help but relax at the sight of flustered Carlos, his hands running nervously though his perfect hair, the extravagant gestures he made with his hands, his long fingers twirling though the air as though plucking invisible strings. Cecil couldn't help but smirk as he watched him.
"Sure I wasn't completely ready for this to happen so soon, there had been some problems lately and I had to make my move, but I have enough to make sure that you'll be comfortable. Oh! I shouldn't have presumed that you wanted the bedroom. It's not as big as the bedroom but if you need it the living room is open to you as well. I do have a couch, it's quite new and comfy, at least I think it's comfortable but if it's not then- " Cecil placed a hand gently on his knee bringing the panicked ramble of Carlos's to a stop, he turned to Cecil who found himself with a small but genuine smile on his face. A brief thought crossed his mind of how he couldn't remember the last time he smiled.
"It's all jake Carlos," Cecil moved his hand back to his side, he wanted to reassure Carlos but he didn't think he himself was ready for much more or longer contact quite yet. "and the bedroom will be fine. We have a lot more important things to worry about then how I'm going to be a dewdropper." Carlos snorted a laugh as a smile quirked on his face; his opal teeth, perfect and straight, gleamed in the small space between his lips. Cecil felt a little warmth in his chest, just a small spark that he thought had long since been lost reignite at that tiny smile.
"Your too much of a live wire to be a dewdropper Cec." The smile was suddenly gone, and his body stiffed. "Sorry." Was all he muttered at the obvious accidental use of the old pet name. They spent the rest of the drive to Carlos's abode in complete silence. Cecil watched the buildings pass by as they drove deeper and deeper into the heart of the city. He couldn't tell where they were for he was too deep in himself trying his best to keep control of his wild emotions. He only came back to the present once he felt the car stop. He looked out the window to see they were in an intricate series of alleyways, parked at the back of a few buildings.
"Let's ankle." Carlos's voice was again distant; a painful string within Cecil was plucked by that voice. "Keep quiet and don't take any wooden nickels okay?" He just nodded and got out of the car, his mind too shambled from the day to have any kind of retort now. Once out of the car the driver took off leaving the two. Cecil took a quick look around trying to get his bearing of where he was. They were deep in the city, the noises of the streets and the people bustling echoed around him. To both sides of him, as well as further down the alley was buildings that all seemed to be apartments, lines of laundry trailing between each, some with clothes, some barren. He could hear a couple on one of the floors having a heated argument under the screeches of a trumpet player who was still too green.
"This way." He looked to see Carlos wave him towards the building on his left ten stories tall, one that was of dark red brick and white windows, and followed him in. The walls inside were a beige and the floors were white, and overall underwhelming. He was most certainly going to miss his house, was he going to miss each room and all their colors, he was mostly going to miss his own room done in his favorite shade of purple. As they ascended the black stairs that wound throughout the center of the building he thought if being this close to Carlos didn't drive him mad within a week, the lack of color would for sure.
They had just finished climbing the four flights when Cecil realized that this was not the same building that Carlos had lived in a year ago. It made sense that he would get a new place, for his own safety, to be far from the lab that had been taken from him that he lived so close to before. It left Cecil feeling more nervous and self-conscious entering a place he was so unfamiliar, he waited a few feet back from the door trying to get a hold on himself. He watched Carlos check the area, making sure no one had their doors open to see them, unlocking the door, and gesturing Cecil inside.
Cecil found himself stunned upon entering, the lack of color was something he expected but with a quick look around the small flat he found it oddly bare. The old place Cecil had been in had the walls covered in rolling chalkboards, desks with note and test tubes, books, pictures of family; just things that made the place feel lived in and homely. Now all he saw was plain white walls, a simple green couch that was a bit warn, and a kitchen that looked as though it was only ever used for coffee. His heart sank, in a year, in such a short time all that he knew of Carlos had been broken and hurt. Cecil never went to find Carlos after that note, instead all he did was feel sorry for himself for a year; hating, wishing, and hoping. He had been afraid that his heart would disintegrate into dust from the shards that were left if he went to find Carlos, or that he would end up dead for his efforts. Yet here he was, all his dreams lost, everything he held dear out of his reach, and still braving taking steps forward when Cecil was too scared to.
Cecil hated himself in that moment, disgusted with his own actions, to have been childish to ignore what was going on around him, to be ignorant of his own feelings, and to be ignorant of Carlos. He turned back to the door where Carlos was hurriedly removing his hat and coat, fidgeting with the creases trying to form on it and straightening them the best he could. His resentment of himself melted as he watched Carlos fidgeted with his coat as he was putting it way on the standing rack. He had always been calm, calculated, incredibly smart, brave, everything Cecil wished he could be; and he…he desired him for it. He wanted to give him back all that had been taken, to put the glimpses of amber he had seen today back permanently in his eyes, never to leave again. But was all he going to do was stand there and watch as he had done for a year? To pacify himself by saying that all is well? He took off his hat, his hair falling back in place as he fingered the fabric rim.
'No,' he could feel his heart race, beating so hard it hurt. 'No, I won't…I won't run anymore. I'm…' Carlos suddenly noticed Cecil's stare, he glance back their eyes meeting. Cecil's heart seemed to stop the moment those honeyed eyes gazed into his own. 'I'm going to fix this.' He didn't think the pulsing muscle in his chest could writhe in any more pain, longing, and desire, but with that thought it did. Tonight was not the night though, tonight they needed rest, and tonight he especially needed to let everything settle in.
"I think I'm going to turn in."
"Oh…um, t-the closet is where you can find some clothes if you need them. Don't hesitate to ask me if you need something." There was a pull in Cecil's gut as Carlos turned away from him and back to the wrinkling coat. "Goodnight then Cecil to fussing." Cecil frowned and briefly wondered what was going though that beautiful mind.
The bedroom was easy to find, there were only two other doors in the apartment, one lead to the bathroom and the other his destination. The room, like the front room, was devoid of any items that were distinctly Carlos; leaving the closet, dresser, and bed as the only decorations in the desolate room. He went to the closet to take a look at the clothes that had been picked for him. He was, quite surprised! There were a huge multitude of colors, patterns, and types of clothes. He plucked one that was a lime green tunic and felt the course fabric between his fingers. They weren't his clothes, the soft silk shirts he owned in a rainbow of colors, but he was glad to give up all of those for this small selection.
He knew Carlos had to have spent time to pick each piece out himself, no one else could have been able to capture his taste in clothes. He rummaged through the closet until he found a single nightwear set the color of lilac with purple carved glass button that trailed down the front. He began remove his clothing and get dressed in the new night wear when the sound of metal and carpet reverberated softly in the room. He looked to where the sound came from and was surprised to see the gun he had earlier now on the ground. He had forgotten that he even had it, too preoccupied with his own new mental wars.
He decided to first finish getting dressed, pulling the shirt that was too big for him over his head and tying the drawstrings of the overly large pants; he cursed himself under his breath for losing so much weight over the year. Once done he reached out and grasped the cold metal carefully. He pondered what he should do with it and decided for now to rest it on the dresser; he needed to rest and trying to fiddle with the gun now was much less pressing, it could wait till morning.
He quickly flopped on his back onto the bed and let his eyes unfocused as he gazed up at the featureless ceiling. The day had utterly drained him, now that he was alone he could fully relax and allow all the pent up frustrations out. He took catalog of the day's events and groaned as he placed an arm over his eyes.
"Cecil, your some joke. Stupid, Stupid Cecil." He chastised himself, for he felt that all he had done was muck up everything he possibly could that day. The quite possible last bit of reserve or happiness Carlos might have had he took away with a simple sentence. Then he had the audacity in his own scrambling to force him to return to his old lab, memories so painful he couldn't get closer than a block to the damned area. If Carlos didn't seem him as a horrible person by now, and retract what he had said earlier, Cecil's actions today probably fixed that.
He rubbed his hands over his face, he disliked being around Carlos sometimes. The scientist had somehow calculated the quickest way to sink into Cecil's heart every time he saw him. He hated it, for only around Carlos did he lose his tact with words and keeping calm. If he was honest with himself he would admit that he didn't mean what he had said, he didn't regret Carlos or their times together. Carlos had never soiled any of him, and if he was to point blame he would have to turn the finger on himself. It was him who had found him, huddled in the corner of the speakeasy, it was him who bought them enough giggle water to make them both ossified, and it was him who had drug him off for some lovely petting. Given, it had been Carlos who had furthered what they did that night, but it was never anything Cecil didn't want already. If anyone had been 'dirtied' it had been Carlos.
He bit his lip, the urge to curse and yell held back by the pain. He blamed himself for all of this, for getting Carlos into the whole mess. He didn't regret meeting Carlos, he couldn't regret the man that brought him so much happiness; an existence that brightened his dark, smoldering gun, blood covered world. He wanted to make up for it all, for the lost time, for the hurtful words. He was willing to spend all of his natural life to do this, and considering the kind of predicament they were both in, he might not have that much longer. He needed somewhere to start too, something he could do to show Carlos he was willing to try and be at least friendly, to show he really wanted to help.
He realized this was going to be quite difficult seeming as he had just spent most of the afternoon pointing a gun at him.
'Oh, right…' He moved his arm off his face to glance at the small metal death contraption looming at the edge of the dresser. He grimaced and felt that thought, though Carlos would never know what had been going through his mind; he should apologize for trying to convince himself to pull the trigger. The sudden memory of a bullet whizzing by his head made him smirk. 'Okay, so maybe we're more even on that front.'
After pondering the notion for a moment, he frowned. 'No.' a tight churning started in his gut. 'If Carlos meant what he said, if he's the same guy a year ago. He never had it in his heart to even come close to that.' A scare tactic, Cecil was sure of it; and he was glad that it worked too. This just caused all his emotions of regret and disappointment in himself to grow. He felt defeated, there was no possible way that he would be able to climb and conquer the unimaginably tall mountain that now stood between them. A lifetime would be spent before he would be able to make a dent in righting the wrongs he had done to Carlos.
He knew the next step in his thoughts, the logical process of what he should ponder next, the important and hovering question grinning at him maliciously in the dark corner of his mind. He stopped himself before he even let the idea flow between the cracks, instead focusing on the gun he was still visually fixed on. He needed to get rid of it, it would only taunt him further by pushing facts he wanted to avoid into his face at the moment. Maybe he could throw it out the small window that was a little past the end of the bed, toss it towards the setting sun never to see the damned gun again; and to chase it with some hooch to forget it all.
He was then hit with an odd, but possibly brilliant idea. He would of course still have miles to go to repair the damage between them, but Carlos had given him the gun in trust. Maybe Carlos would be able to see the same of him if he returned it in the same manner. He also felt stupid, since it should have been the first thing to have crossed him mind rather than chucking it out the window and getting half-seas over on alcohol he didn't even know where he would get.
Purposely, he lifted himself from the bed and grabbed the gun, made sure it was no longer cocked, and moved to the door. He reached out for the knob and abruptly felt highly uncomfortable and nervous; as though he was about to walk into a forbidden room that once he opened he would find ever dream and horror that ever crossed him mental brain scape. Carlos had said if he needed anything, he had made it clear the door was open for him anytime, but Cecil still felt like an intruder. He steadied himself, he had before walking into rooms, guns blazing, return fire scorching past, and he hadn't even thought to be nervous. If he could do that, and only leave with a few new scars and alive, he could walking into a room with the person of his affection.
Forcing himself, he opened the door and walked into the room. He walked over to the couch and saw Carlos sitting on it, back to Cecil, and unmoved. Cecil moved until he was almost arm's length from the couch and did his best to find his voice.
"C-carlos?" he called tentatively. Carlos jerked and swiveled around to face Cecil, his face painted in panic. He took a moment to eye Cecil and saw the gun in his hand; his eyes went wide and Cecil could see the pin pricks of fear starting to surface on his perfect face. He acted quick, moving the gun to be grasped in his hands by the barrel and held it out as Carlos had. He hoped that Carlos would understand the new message of trust he was trying to show; because he couldn't say it.
"I believe this belongs to you." His eyes stayed large, but the fear eased from his face. He reached over and gently took the gun and brought it into his lap. It took a moment but Cecil saw a smile, a real smile, grace Carlos's lips. He watched as the strong features of his face relaxed, a soothed look coming over him. Cecil wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch that perfect, beautiful face. Cecil could feel his heart flutter about like a bat disturbed by the light and the warmth of that smile was infectious. It was all Cecil could take for the moment, so in quick retreat he ran to the closest door; which happened to be the bathroom. He thought he might have heard Carlos say something, but the scorching on his face and the pounding in his ears drowned out the idea to go back as he closed the door behind him.
He leaned against the rough wooden door, stray splinters poking him in the back. He placed a hand on his face as he tried to catch the breath he didn't notice that he had lost as he felt the heat crawling across his skin underneath his hand. He decided now was a very good time for a bath; a really long bath.
The next few hours were a blur. He had relaxed into the surprisingly large bath, mulling more over his plan to attempt to 'fix everything'. But all he accomplished was backing himself further into un-escapable seeming crook and creating a list of potential things he would need to make up for and not an answer to one of them.
When he left the bathroom he found the living room clear of all light except that which was coming from the bathroom. He could see the form of Carlos laid out on the small couch tucked underneath a large quilted blanket. Not wanting to wake him, Cecil carefully walked back to his room and as silently as he could, shut his door.
He let out a sigh and not particular caring for cleanliness at the moment, tossed the orange towel he had found in the bathroom onto the floor; promising himself that he would take care of it tomorrow. Once to the bed he flopped down on his stomach, and buried his face into the sole pillow he had. He took a deep breath and was graced with the wonderful musky smell that was Carlos laced into the pillow. The light smell of soap, and lavender mingled with the salty pure essence of Carlos. A warm coiling wiggled in Cecil's gut. It wasn't often he had the chance to breath the unadulterated smell of Carlos, he always liked to try to cover up the deep smells of the chemicals he worked with scents that were stronger. It bogged and invaded his mind, washing away the badgering and regretful thoughts he had been struggling with. It melted away the anguish of the day and slowly Cecil found himself slipping into a long forgotten memory of a lazy, carefree day; a happiness spreading over him as he fell asleep.
[+]-[+]-[+]
Cecil was stretched out on the bed, legs crossed comfortably over each other, his head against the wall and his back propped up by a few pillows. The heat of the summer sweltering though the thin walls of the apartment. He could feel more drops of sweat bead on his neck and swim down to the collar of his grey sleeveless shirt that clung to him. He did his best to keep himself immersed in the book he held; anything to distract him from the broiling heat, or that the swamp cooler was in the other room with the only window.
He should have heard the door to the bedroom opening, the sound of heavy footsteps leading to the side of the bed, and the ruffling of a lab coat. But he did not, he knew that this had happened and yet he remained there eyes flying over each typed word.
The book was quite swiftly removed from his lose fingers by a studding mocha skinned hand. He looked up to the man who was standing beside the bed, he could feel himself beaming at him.
"Carlos, you know it's terribly rude to interrupt someone's reading." He reached, straining to grasp the book dangled just out of his reach. He did all he could to reach it, but it never got any closer or farther away from his outstretched fingers.
"Carlos." He whined. He was about to speak again, he didn't know what, but he found his words cut off by a hand that now pressed against his chest pushing him back into the bed. Cecil let himself be guided and with not even a moment to blink found himself being straddled by Carlos.
Despite the heat, Carlos looked cool and untouched; his red button up shirt dry and lose though he wore his lab coat, and black denim jeans seemingly comfortable. How desperately be wished he could feel as unburdened by the heat as he.
He felt pressure from both of Carlos's hands on his chest, book now gone mysteriously. Long fingers traced down to the hem of his shirt, gliding under to caress the wet hot skin encased underneath as he captured Cecil's lips. He gasped into the kiss, his hands instinctively seeking to twist themselves into the perfect dark curls of Carlos's hair. Cecil mewed as chills of light please wove though him as Carlos started to play with a nipple.
Cecil felt like he was baking from the inside out, he didn't know he had been in such desperate need to have Carlos touch him. Carlos sucked and bit Cecil's bottom lip and he continued to pinch and caress, causing Cecil to let out a hearty grown, pulling Carlos's hair, and grind against him. Carlos trailed kisses down to the curve of his neck, and then nipped and sucked at the area. Cecil's hands moved down to Carlos's hips and he bucked further into him as he sputtered his name. Between his legs he felt as though he was on fire, the friction between the two of them was not enough. He tingled in want to have himself buried deep in Carlos, to feel himself surrounded by his heat, to hear the perfect sweet voice call out his name.
Cecil whimpered as he felt the hand under his shirt, and the soft lips of Carlos withdraw from his body. He looked up, wanting to ask why he had stopped. His breathing was heavy and yet Carlos still looked the same, he was untouchable and un-phased. Carlos's eyes looked as though they were taking in ever inch, every small detail of him as he lay under the gorgeous man. Behind the glasses Cecil could easily see clear eyes of brown amber dancing, full with life. The most stunning, loving, and caring smile was on the scientists face.
"Cecil." His voice was like the most delicious chilled custard in the hottest day of summer. He felt a calm wash down him from his head to the tips of his toes. He relished in the feeling; for at that moment the wet crumpled short he wore, the scorching heat of summer, nor could the throbbing in his pants mask or triumph over the feeling of complete adoration.
"Cecil, I-"
[+]-[+]-[+]
Cecil woke up with a start. He found himself to be in a state not farther off then how he was in the dream. His cock ached to be touched; his head too fogged by the sudden start and stress of the day to fully care if he was about to touch himself. Especially in a bed that was not his let alone the bed of someone who, more or less, was currently your ex. He was also too groggy to even wonder why he had woken so suddenly, none of it mattered at that moment. He grasped at the ghosting trails of the dream, doing his best to bring it back to the surface. He imagined Carlos's hands grasped at the hem of his pants, easily sliding them past his hips and releasing his dripping erection. He closed his eyes, head thrown back, hand over his mouth doing what he could to quite himself as he stroke himself to the tune of his imagined Carlos's mouth. He could picture him licking up from the base of his cock, slowly working up to the tip and gliding his tongue over the slit of his shaft. Cecil shivered and could hear his own muffled moans reverberate through the empty room. He turned onto his side and buried his face back into the pillow in an attempt to quite himself.
He didn't know if should regret his choice or not, because he was suddenly encompassed by Carlos. His smell permeated his brain and seemed to kick his own fantasy into something feeling more real and tangible. Like the warm fingers of whiskey he could feel Carlos trailing his hands over his body as he licked and sucked at his cock. Brown skinned fingers trailing across his quivers muscles, moving up his body. The hand continued its path until it came to his mouth, Cecil opening to allow two fingers to slide in. His tongue danced and wove around the fingers, he felt as though all of Carlos was coursing through him slowly, touching and tasting all that he was. He couldn't keep quiet, he could feel the smirk on Carlos's perfect amazing lips as he gave him muffled groans and gasps. After the fingers were slick enough they were pulled from his gasping mouth, un-stifled whimpers at the now empty feeling in his mouth.
Cecil pushed himself back into the pillow, the seemingly glowing eyes of Carlos fixated on him, watched him, and he felt a single digit touch his entrance. He begged into the pillow, a string of pleas mixed with Carlos's name, as the finger slowly worked its way into him. He twitched and jerked at the welcome feeling, the slight pain he felt completely overwhelmed by the waves of please as he felt Carlos finger him.
His lungs cried for more air as he did all he could to stifle his own cries of Carlos's name as a second finger slid inside him. The fingers twisted in him, reaching desperately for his prostate. Carlos was now fully engulfing his cock, his wonderful soft lips gently brushing against the base with each dip. Cecil felt like he was going to overheat and past out in the waves of pleasure vibrating though his body. A tightening started to build at the base of his cock, every touch, breath, and movement became heightened and desperate. The fingers pushed deeper and as they writhed within him they finally brushed upon the spot that cause Cecil to see stars behind his closed eyes. He couldn't help it, waves of release pulsed within him, crashing into him as he cried out Carlos's name; amber eyes still watching, lips still surrounding him, and still moving as he drank in Cecil as he came.
The waves soon started to subside, the coils within him released of their tension, and the calm lull that sank in like a soft blanket on clean skin. Slowly, after he had caught his breath, he became more aware of cold and weightless the rest of the bed was. The illusion of Carlos dissipated and he was left with his own fingers popping out of himself and his own hand covered in his cum. It was like every other time he had been graced with dreams of Carlos, sleep fogged his mind for him only to regret it once it was all over, regret the empty bed and that he felt so desperate for a man he had thought wanted nothing more to do with him.
But, it was different now. Yes the bed still was cold and empty save for himself, but there was a warmth that hovered inside him where a normal chill would have swept in. He took a deep breath and the scent of himself mingled with the lingering of Carlos's scent that seeped out of the pillow and sheets, and the warmth grew. He felt, alright for the first time in a year; comfortable and whole even if only for a moment. He needed to clean up, he remembered the towel and hoped it was close to the bed. He counted himself luckily, and after a small struggle to grasp the fabric quickly cleaned himself up and let himself fall into a lulled sleep.
He wondered if he might have more dreams that drove him to the edges of pleasure like that, if he might wake up many more times during the night because he was in Carlos's bed surrounded by his scent. He wondered if he would be able to keep up with it all as he was especially trapped here in this little apartment with only Carlos as company.
He did a bit of shuffling and managed to worm his way under the covers he had before only been sleeping on and wrapped himself in the warmth of himself and fragments of Carlos. For now, he felt that if he could feel this content at the end of every night, then it was something he could deal with no matter how difficult.