The Odd Couple
Disclaimer: I do not own CSI: Miami or any of the characters.
Summary: They fought like an old married couple. Delko was just glad that he didn't have to work with them both at the same time very often. [Blood Brothers missing scene.]
Eric sighed. They'd been sitting across the street from Pearl for at least six hours.
How could one person spend all day in a club?
Didn't Clavo have somewhere to go?
Something to do?
He loved his coworkers, so much so that he even considered them to be close friends but, then again, he'd never been stuck with them in a car for six hours either. The entire experience left him with the strong urge to march into Pearl and strangle Clavo Cruz.
These two were impossible.
"Do you know what junk food does to you?" Calleigh asked as Speed slammed the car door and settled into the back seat, arms loaded down with various unhealthy snacks.
Eric couldn't help laughing as he caught sight of his friend rolling his eyes in the rear-view mirror.
"Not now, Cal," he whined, throwing a candy bar in Eric's direction.
Green eyes narrowed as she turned in her seat to face him. "If I have to hear about the affects of coffee every time I take a sip, you have to hear about the affects of junk food," she informed petulantly.
Tearing into his candy bar, Eric leaned his head against the driver-side window. He really did love them; he just hoped he wouldn't end up killing them.
How did they work together like this, always at each other's throats?
And more importantly, how had he never noticed before?
"Speaking of," Speed began, handing her an espresso Eric didn't recall her even asking for. "Have fun rotting out your insides, princess. Two creams and a shitload of sugar."
A small smile twitched at her lips as she took the proffered caffeinated drink and turned back around in her seat. "Thanks," she mumbled, immediately taking a sip.
Speed nodded as he dug through the snacks, producing a hamburger in a plain wrapper.
Eric sighed as he chewed thoughtfully on his candy bar. To someone who didn't know any better, the fight was over but he knew better. He knew them and he'd been stuck in the hummer with them long enough to see half a dozen of these little arguments come and go.
Being around them was a little like being caught in a tornado. There was no warning and the destruction could last as long as nature deemed fit.
"Any sign of Clavo?" Speed asked around a bite of hamburger, moving to the edge of his seat so that he could lean forward between them to look out the windshield.
Eric opened his mouth to answer but Calleigh beat him to it. "Well if there was, we wouldn't still be sitting here, would we?"
Hoping to diffuse the situation before it could get out of hand, Eric once again began to speak but Speed proved to be quicker.
"You know, sarcasm doesn't quite suit you," he groused, narrowing his eyes at her profile. "You're too bubbly."
She scoffed, tapping the plastic lid of her cup with a fingernail. "You're right," she conceded with a decisive nod. "Only broody, cantankerous, assholes pull off sarcasm naturally."
Eric choked on a laugh.
"Cantankerous?" Speed repeated with a raised brow.
Calleigh rolled her eyes and switched her coffee from one hand to the other so that she could reach back and pinch him. "It's a word."
Speedle nodded, easily evading her searching hand. "Oh I know it's a word. I just didn't know anyone still used it."
"My grandmother does."
"And since when did you have the vocabulary of an eighty two year old woman?"
"She is seventy nine," she shot back in an affronted tone, her southern lilt an octave higher than normal. "And you don't have a lot of room to talk. You said two shakes of a lamb's tail just the other day."
Speed's eyes widened comically as Eric cracked up in the front seat. "Two shakes of a lamb's tail?"
"I did not!" the trace expert denied vehemently. "And even if I did, how can you blame me? I've been paired with Little-Miss-Deep-South over there for three months. It's her fault," he insisted, pointing his half eaten burger at the blonde ballistics expert.
Calleigh's mouth dropped open a bit before her eyes narrowed. "Well if you feel that way about it, I can have a talk with Horatio once we get back to the lab," she offered, blindly shoving her espresso at him. "I'm sure he'll be more than happy to assign us to different cases from now on."
Oh hell, Eric thought, watching as his friend fumbled with the coffee that had been shoved at him while trying to hold onto his burger.
"Oh come on, Cal," he began, wincing as the cup tipped a bit, dripping hot coffee on his arm. "I didn't mean it like that and you know it."
"No I think you did," she shot back, crossing her arms.
Silence settled over the hummer as Speed flopped back against the back seat and Calleigh turned to look out the window.
Sighing again, Eric wondered how much longer they'd be stuck together. The little arguments from before had been annoying but could be endured. This, on the other hand, was serious. He was used to them fighting but the silent treatment? That was new and it changed the entire atmosphere of the car.
Not that the atmosphere had been overly amazing in the first place.
Rustling from the back caught his attention and, glancing in the rear-view mirror, Eric saw Speed rummaging around through his pile of snacks. After a moment, he slid back up to the edge of his seat and leaned toward Calleigh.
She smiled weakly and took the bag he offered. "You got me trail mix?"
He nodded before producing a magazine from behind him. "And a Cosmo."
Eric watched as she laughed and thanked him before catching Speed's eye curiously.
Clearing his throat, he said: "Yeah well, I didn't want to hear her complain all night about not having anything to read."
Calleigh turned around in her seat in an attempt to pinch him. "You were almost sweet," she accused, smiling in satisfaction as she finally caught the skin of his arm. "And then you ruined it with your big mouth."
"Damn it, Calleigh," Speed began, slapping her hand away. "Do you have to pinch so hard?"
"Yes, you deserve it," she answered, opening her trail mix. "You're an asshole sometimes, like when we went to get lunch earlier. Did you have to be so mean to that nice man?"
Speed groaned and rubbed a hand over his face. "Don't start that now, Cal."
"You know I don't like to nag but you do catch more flies with honey than water," she advised and, from the look on Speed's face, Eric gathered that they'd had this conversation before.
"Well that's why I took you with me, honey," he bit back sarcastically, though there was a teasing glint in his dark eyes. "So I wouldn't have to compromise my h20 sensibilities."
Eric sank back in the driver's seat and rubbed his eyes. It was going to be a long night.
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