Barely Surviving
By The Meepy Freak
July 1, 1916.
To my eldest brother Garvyn,
Tears constantly fill my eyes as I see Ernest, Bernhard, and even little Arnold fall to the ground clutching their stomachs with their hands. I desperately want to help them, but instead, I simply watch as they bleed out in pain, screaming in the chaos for air. As their screams stop, I realized that I want to take their place. They were too innocent. Arnold, being 4 years younger to me, still had a great life to live. He never should have enlisted, but then, I should not have either.
As a result, only thoughts of suicide flutter my mind. I know it is sinful to kill yourself, but I cannot stand being the one left alive. The commanders starve us, order us around as if we are dogs, and use us as bait in war. I was so oblivious before, yet now I have actually been in war, I want to retreat.
It all started today when Ernest, Bernhard, Arnold, and I were eating the little food we were supposed to survive on. The commander's loud screams made us all jump in a mixture of fear and shock. The other soldiers only acted as if this was normal, yet I guess unfamiliarity was the cost of being the new recruits. Then, we stood in a line saluting the commander as he numbered us.
At first, I was devastated. Ernest, Bernhard, and Arnold were all put in the first line of soldiers while I was put in the second because of my advanced bayonet skills. However, I soon realized that I should have been glad of this. My hunger became my least concern as the bullets emerged from the French trying to break through the south border Champagne and Artois.
As each of my friends fell to the ground, I bit my lip to the point where blood dripped out. I saw red as I only wanted to kill the French. They deserved to die. They were all murderers! However, whilst cleaning my bayonet after shooting a vicious round of bullets with rage, I realized that the French were humans too. They had people who would miss them just as much. Guilt suddenly overwhelmed me as I could fire no more. Was this the true meaning of war- to destroy joy and love? All I knew was that I never want to fight again in vicious battle. However, as our line of soldiers (which had been reduced by half) walked back to safety to rest, the commander instructed that we were to wake up early to fight tomorrow.
Oh Garvyn! What do I do? I know I need to stay alive because I promised Mutti and Liesel, yet I do not know if I have the courage to. Bernhard was the bravest of our group of friends, and now, he is dead. I am going against my morals fighting for my country. I do not want to betray the Kaiser, but I do not want to endure this pain anymore.
Please save me,
Your younger brother,
Tybalt