Title: This is a Beautiful Mess
Title: This is a Beautiful Mess
Author: Nicki
Rating: PG
Genre: Romance
Character Pairings: Bella Jacob
Summary: Jacob says goodbye to Bella. This is my first fan fiction in a long time so please be gentle. A Songfic from the wonderful song "Beautiful Mess" by Jason Mraz. Please visit my Twilight podcast's website at /twilightersanonymous :D
I stood in front of my bedroom mirror dressed in my wedding gown but I kept my eyes tightly closed. I had to ask Alice, who was very insistent on attending to all my bridal needs, to give me a moment to myself. Reassuring her I wasn't going to try to escape through a window, she said she would check on the alter and be back in 15 minutes.
I ran my hands over the soft silk skirt, fingering the beads that laced the bodice before twisting my fingers around the ribbon of lace that hung loosely against my waist. I had to give it to her, Alice did know her style and what I wouldn't protest against or complain too much. The things I had come to hate, this dress, the cake, this wedding, was actually starting to grow on me.
And yet, I still couldn't look in the mirror. It was a childish thing to do but looking at myself in the wedding dress, seeing parts of my mother in my face while wearing this overly expensive and elaborate dress, could push to the surface a million emotions and thoughts I was trying to keep buried.
I concentrated on my breathing and focused on not getting sick. I began breathing through my nose and out through my mouth. A tiny voice in the back of my head was urging me, telling me I can do this. That I needed to do this.
I grasped the skirt of the dress, probably looking for something to hold on to, and opened my eyes.
A gasp left my lips as I looked in awe at the image in front of me. Was that me? It all looked the same but polished, prettier. Instead of my boring brown hair hanging lifelessly on my shoulders, it seemed buoyant, almost bouncy. My normally sickly pale skin had color to it, a warm inviting color that stood out against the pure white of the dress. Most of all, my eyes looked … excited? Nervous? Scared to death? They weren't the eyes I was so use to seeing in the mirror.
"Wow," said a familiar, husky voice from behind me. I looked over my shoulder in the mirror and saw Jacob. It was the most clothes I've seen him in the past few months. He wore a simple, white button up shirt with a black jacket. His hair looked wild, like he had just spent hours on his motorcycle, allowing the wind to give his hair that rebel style.
"You look stunning," he breathed, his eyes raking over me. I instantly wrapped myself in my arms, feeling rather vulnerable and exposed in front of Jacob's hungry eyes.
"Jake, what are you doing here?" My whisper escaped. Inside, my heart was bouncing off the walls with joy but I didn't dare show this. I was more curious at his intentions of showing up in my room on my wedding day, mere minutes before I was going to walk down the aisle. He held a note in his hand and I instantly recognized Edward's handwriting. Anger boiled underneath my skin for a moment before allowing it to melt away. I couldn't be mad at him for doing this behind my back. Not today, not on our day.
"I wanted to see the bride," he said with a smirk and took a step forward. I noticed the way he moved, he felt constricted by the clothing on his back. I inwardly laughed, knowing this ensemble is a far cry from what he was use to wearing, or not wearing.
"You really do look beautiful," he insisted, taking another step towards me. I watched his hand flex, as if he wanted something he couldn't get a hold of. I bowed my head and squeezed back the tears that were threatening to escape. I felt like dirt knowing that when I were married, he would no longer want to my friend. Seeing me in my wedding dress, preparing to walk down the aisle to one of his mortal enemies, must've been torturing him inside. I could feel the pain in his eyes as he continued to look at me up and down. Still, I wondered what could bring him to inflict this type of self torture upon himself.
"Jake, what are you really doing?" I asked quietly, my voice wavering with emotion. I opened my eyes and looked at my feet, fearful to meet his eyes, to see that pain again.
"Because," he breathed, I could hear a faint laugh in his voice, "I wanted the first dance with the bride." This didn't sound like Jake at all. For a moment, I wondered who this impostor standing in my room because what he just said was so un-Jake-like. I fought back laughter as I wheeled around and looked at him, his face red from holding his laughter back too. "Shut up, Bells. I had to watch three chick flicks to get that romantic. Don't ruin the moment."
He reached over to my stereo; plopped in a CD he took out of his pocket and turned back to me. He gestured to me with his hands as the music began rushing into my room. I smiled back at him and took his hand.
You've got the best of both worlds
You're the kind of girl who can take down a man,
And lift him back up again
You are strong but you're needy,
Humble but you're greedy
Based on your body language,
your shouted cursive I've been reading
You're style is quite selective,
though your mind is rather reckless
Well I guess it just suggests
that this is just what happiness is
I rested my head against his chest and listened to the beating of his heart. The slow, rhythmic beat slowed my racing heart down and I suddenly felt at ease with the world. The heat radiating off his skin and the musky scent he was emitting was intoxicating. I sighed in contentment and let the music take over my mind.
Hey, what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses
Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
Kind of turn themselves into knives
And don't mind my nerve you can call it fiction
'Cause I like being submerged in your contradictions dear
'Cause here we are, here we are
I never thought Jacob was that graceful of a dancer but he surprised me with his moves. I imagined him taking dance lessons in between chick flicks and laughed.
As the music began to rise and the singer was belting out the lyrics, I felt Jacob's hold on my waist tighten. He nuzzled his mouth in my hair and I let his warm, hot breath bathe over me. I tried to control my breathing and once again, concentrated on the song.
Although you were biased I love your advice
Your comebacks they're quick
And probably have to do with your insecurities
There's no shame in being crazy,
Depending on how you take these
Words that paraphrasing this relationship we're staging
I thought about the party going on outside, the people mingling and laughing. I thought of the old family members and new ones greeting each other and celebrating the love of two people. And my soon-to-be husband, the love of my life, waiting for me. It brought me happiness but great sadness at the same time. I would be gaining an eternity of love and a new family but I will loose a best friend, another great love of my life.
For once, I pushed thoughts of Edward, the Volturi, vampires and werewolves aside and continued to dance.
And it's a beautiful mess, yes it is
It's like, we are picking up trash in dresses
Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say
Kind of turn themselves into blades
And the kind and courteous is a life I've heard
But it's nice to say that we played in the dirt
Cause here, here we are, Here we are
Here we are
We're still here
And what a beautiful mess this is
It's like taking a guess when the only answer is yes
I was content where I was but deep down, I knew Alice would soon return and knew how awkward it would be found dancing with a werewolf on my wedding day. We soon stopped and looked up at him with tears in my eyes. Lately i've become so weepy with final goodbyes to friends and family. However, these tears had a small amount of happiness in them.
"Thank you," I said. He grinned my Jacob grin and kissed the top of my head.
"I wanted your last memory of me to be a good one. A happy once," he told me, brushing a loose strand of hair behind my ear.
"Last?" I asked, confused at his words. I looked in his dark, brown eyes, searching for the answer I didn't want to hear. Instinctively, I held onto his arms tightly, not wanting him to disappear.
"I want you to be happy and I refuse to make you feel guilty," he said, his hands rubbing my arms, sending shivers up my spine. He heaved a heavy sigh, "This is my acceptance of defeat."
Traitor tears began to spill from eyes and down my cheeks. "Don't say that, Jake. Please, I want this to work out." My voice cracked and I buried my face into his shirt.
"Oh, Bells," he sighed, rubbing the back of my head with his large hand. "I wish there was another way, a possible chance but you've ... you've chosen who you want and ... and I want you to be happy," he said through gritted teeth. I could tell it was taking all his strength not to let his anger get the best o him. I took a step back and moved my hands to his chest, memorizing his hearts rhythm and committing it to memory.
"Do me one last thing, then." It was more of a demand then a request.
"Anything," he looked me in the eyes again, his expression solemn and serious.
I didn't explain but I let Jacob's Bella loose one last time. I reached up, standing on the tips of my toes, and leaned towards Jacob's face. Jake caught on and leaned down towards me, capturing my lips with his. The heat of his mouth only intensified the sensation as I wrapped my hands around the back of his neck and pushed his mouth open with my tongue.
This obviously took him by surprise as he wrapped me in his arms and lifted me off the ground. He moaned deeply against my mouth and I felt myself melt into him one last time.
--
And through timeless words in priceless pictures
We'll fly like birds not of this earth
And tides they turn and hearts disfigure
But that's no concern when we're wounded together
And we tore our dresses and stained our shirts
But it's nice today, oh the wait was so worth it
Comments would be lovely!