So I am back after a long, LOOOONG hiatus XD I know that I have been terrible with Buried Feelings. I have a full explanation on my author page for my absence with that. But here I am, posting another random story. A one-shot, oddly enough which I never thought I'd do. For those of you who read AAML stories, you may be familiar with Warlordess. They write great stories (if dark and sometimes depressing) but one that sort of bothered me when I read it was the story "It's Better". The first section of this story is basically taken directly from that story. I want to point out that for that part it is completely WarLordess's work and that I only adapted parts of it so that my story would flow better. I originally tried to write my own, but I found it was too similar to Warlordess's anyway, so I just used theirs. I changed the ending of the main conversation in that story and changed the thoughts of the characters. Basically one problem I've always had with WarLordess's stories, despite them being well written was that there is always something I see that makes me think "Well couldn't they have solved the situation like this?" Any way, none of them really bothered me until I read "It's Better" because those other ones had sort of happy endings and I can take that then but this story had a really sad end and all I could think of was "They wasted a chance to be together!" That led me on a muse to write this. I'm sorry if I go over the top with the emotions at times. When I wrote this I was listening to a sad song to help me put myself in the situation better and I think I went a bit overboard. I also have a slightly happy ending so... yeah.
Anyway, here you go.
Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon. I do own almost every game up until Black and White however and watched pretty much all of the episodes up until the Sinnoh region series.
This first part also takes large parts of WarLordess's story "It's Better" I have tweaked parts of it and added to it but I take no credit for the parts that come directly from her story.
It all started with her ignoring him.
Ash had just won an especially hard battle, one even he had had doubts about winning. Yet he'd pulled through, had managed to outwit his opponent, and his pokemon had pulled through. He was, justifiably, excited and so he practically ran to the Pokemon center. He had a phone call to make just as soon as his Pokemon were healed.
Yet when he made his phone call it didn't go quite as he expected.
Ring… ring… "This is the Cerulean City Gym, Violet Speaking. How can I help you?"
Ash fought down a feeling of disappointed. He'd, obviously, been hoping for Misty to answer the phone, not one of her sisters.
"Oh, um… this is Ash. Could I speak to Misty?"
"Ash. . . ?" The tone of confusion in the older girl's voice told Ash that she was having trouble placing the name to a face. "Oh. . . Oh! You're Misty's little boyfriend, right? Well, sorry but - like - she's not here at the moment. She went out with a friend, but she said she'd be back in about two hours. . . Do you want to call back then?"
Ash shook his head, slightly dejected, before realizing that the monitor wasn't on and he'd have to voice his reply.
"Nah, sorry for bothering you. I guess I can see her having things to do and other people to hang out with when I'm not there to bug her." He laughed, hiding his disappointment fairly well. "But could you pass the message along for her to call me at the Pokemon Center I mentioned to her last time? She'll know where it is. Whenever she gets back."
"Oh, yeah, sure. Okay then, bye!" And the girl hung up before Ash could even wish her the same farewell.
Ash sighed and hung up the phone. He had to admit he felt a little bit odd. This was the first time Misty hadn't answered his call. Sure, he knew she wasn't just going to sit by the phone all the time, waiting for him to call, but still it was a bit disappointing.
Still, he knew she would call him back once she got his message. They were best friends after all.
With that thought in mind he turned away from the phones, heading back towards Dawn and Brock.
-oOo-
It had been two weeks now.
Ash felt his irritation flare as he listened to another stupid excuse from one of Misty's sisters. He wasn't even sure who it was at this point and to be honest he didn't really care. They'd all been giving him excuse after excuse for the past two weeks and it was so obvious that even Ash, in all his self-admitted denseness, could easily see through them.
He mechanically told the sister he was talking to to leave a message, knowing full well she probably wouldn't, and hung up, his eyes staring blankly at the phone.
What was going on? Why was Misty avoiding him? She couldn't possibly think he was stupid enough to honestly believe that not once in the past two weeks she hadn't had time to call him, right?
They were best friends, right? At least, he had thought they were.
Ash didn't like the fact that Misty was ignoring him. They'd always been able to talk… no matter what the situation was.
He lost a battle, she consoled him until he decided to go outside and stop sulking. He won a battle, she made some rude comment to ensure his ego didn't crush him due to the weight. She needed a boost of confidence, he made a poor joke with the word "scrawny" snugly fit in there somewhere and, while the confidence wasn't given, it did happen to shake her from her reveries. And even when she was gone, they'd been able to share some of that. It was the reason - dare he admit it? - that he told her of his won and lost battles. Because, apparently, not only did Ash thrive on companionship, but now he thrived on Misty's duty to keep him in check.
Because he liked talking to her.
The thought flashed through his thoughts. He liked talking to her. He really did. So why was it that he was being ignored? Did Misty not like talking to him? Did she hate their conversations?
It was with this fear in mind that Ash picked up the phone again, his fear and, dare he admit it, anger at being ignored fueling him.
He was disappointed when Misty answered and not one of her sisters. It confirmed that she was ignoring him. And a small part of him, the delusional part he realized, had been hoping that she truly was busy all this time.
"Hello, Cerulean City Pokemon Gym; this is Misty. How can I help you?"
". . . It's me," was all he could think of to say.
The monitor switched on and his "best" friend's horrified expression was the only thing he saw.
"A - Ash, I thought Violet told you I was going to be out for a couple hours. . . !" She had a watery expression on her face, and it was slipping more and more each moment he stared at it.
"Yeah, yeah; she did. But I guess I caught you anyway. . . Huh, I wonder how that could have happened. Did your friend… cancel on you, maybe?"
He wanted her to say yes. That small delusional part of him was growing, crying out for her to say yes, screaming at Ash to throw her any lifeline he could think of.
"No, Ash. They didn't. There wasn't one. I'm sorry." He wasn't sure if she sounded the part, though. She seemed upset, but it could have simply been 'cause he'd caught her in her act. And a sick part of him thought it was far more worth talking to her now when she would squirm at the sight of him and the acknowledgement that he recognized her lies, rather than before, when they were just two friends talking about anything.
And another thing hit him, then. Whatever it was, she was keeping something. Because, otherwise, she wouldn't be squirming around like that. There may not have been a friend, but there must have been something else.
"What's going on? Why won't you talk to me? I'm your best friend, still, right? Can't you at least not screen my calls and come up with weak excuses every time? I thought we were more than that. . ."
"W - we are… ! But I've been busy! The Gym and the trainers and my sisters and… and Tracey, too! They keep me busy!"
His temper was quickly building. So she was busy, was she? He was busy too, but he managed to take time out of his day, managed to run the last kilometer to a pokemon center just so he could talk to her at times. Did she not think as highly of these conversations as him? What was he to her that she had to make up these weak excuses rather than tell him the truth?
"What about the lies, then? Don't act like you don't know, Mist. Violet told me you'd be out with a friend, and you just said you weren't. What was that, then?"
There was silence on her line. It went on a long time, much longer than any silence between the two of them had ever lasted.
"I'm sorry, Ash. I'm sorry you feel you need to know everything about me, and I'm sorry that you feel you need to talk to me whenever you call, and-"
"-No, don't give me that! Don't make this about me!"
"-and I'm sorry. . ." She emphasized, and he shut his mouth impressively quick to hear what else she had to say, ". . . that my lies hurt you. I made up a lot of bull to avoid you, I admit it. I'm sorry. I knew it was wrong at the time, but I was trying to stall. I didn't want you to stumble upon it, finding it out at the wrong time."
"It? What's it?" He asked confusedly. He hadn't expected the conversation to turn around like that.
"Tracey and I. . . we're. . . not friends - wait, not just friends - anymore."
Not friends? With Tracey? So what? It was sad, Ash assumed, if the two had had a falling out, but it was even worse if Misty thought that something like that would disrupt her friendship with him - Ash. They had far too many years belted behind them to fall apart because one of their other friends had. . . had. . . wait. . .
Not just friends? Just? What the hell was that supposed to mean? What else could they have been? What else was there to be?
"We're dating." She said it so bluntly, like it wouldn't hurt him. Or maybe she'd hoped the pain would come swift and silent, and then pass, and they'd laugh like they had a few weeks ago.
And he felt himself crack a bit of a smile. It all made sense. She was pulling his leg now. . . Maybe it was all part of a new prank? Maybe something a little ahead of April Fools Day? She just wanted to stir his blood a bit; that was cool. He'd learn to get past the tactics she'd used to get this far because, honestly, it was worth a giggle or two now. . .
"What's that look for, Ash? Didn't you hear me?" She quirked an eyebrow at him and the grin widened. She wanted to be sure he heard her, huh?
"Yeah, I did! Heh! Good one, Myst; you always did come up with the best jokes. It's one of the reasons I like to talk to you so much."
"J - joke? It's not a joke. . . !" She replied fiercely, a glare suddenly setting on her face.
"Right, right; 'cause Tracey would so totally want to date you, huh?" He laughed again and her glare deepened even more in response. For one moment, he thought she might have been serious, but he denied it and went on anyway, "C'mon, c'mon; it's your turn to say something equally ego-ripping!" It was, after all, their game. Ash simply mistook what she'd said as a part of it.
Misty set him straight.
"I'm not joking! Ash, you wanna know why I haven't talked to you all week? And why I've not talked to you much for the past few months? It's because I've been out and around with Tracey! We've gone out to eat together, swimming in the Gym pool, up to the Cape. . . He's my boyfriend, and he's been treating me like I've been wanting to be treated for years! I always told you that, but you never listened because you thought it was all a girl-thing! Well, now you know!"
"Wait. . . you mean, you two have been. . . you know. . ." He gulped. He suddenly didn't like this. He suddenly didn't want to talk to her. He suddenly didn't want to be here, like this, hoping still - even seeing how fruitless it was to hope like that - that she'd just been having a go at him. "You two have been. . . hugging and kissing and stuff? But. . ."
But what? What else was there to say? This was nothing new to him. Well, sure, he'd never been in a relationship before, but he'd seen it, and it wasn't like he'd never thought of his friends getting into them, too. After all, May had obviously had a thing for Drew, and Brock went on about his own forever and a day - too often to count the times he'd been shot down mid-thought. But Misty? And Tracey? Together?
It was wrong on more than one level. They were his friends! They weren't supposed to go behind his back like that! It made no sense! Misty was his best friend! He knew her better than anyone else, maybe even her sisters! It made more sense that he. . . ! That he would be. . . the one. . . that she would choose. Right?
He was making sense, right? It should have been him, right?
"Yeah, Ash. . . we've been doing that stuff, too. . ." And while Misty was red in the face as she said it, it wasn't out of embarrassment. Rather, she knew how awkward saying that would make the situation out to be. "I'm sorry, I really am. . . ! But. . . I did want to tell you, I wanted you to know!"
"But. . . what about me, Myst? Where does that leave me? Where does it leave us? What do I do now?" He sounded almost hopeless and Misty would have laughed almost any other time, but he didn't seem to be faking.
Had she known he would be so honestly hurt, she would have lied about having a boyfriend years ago and saved herself the trouble of finding out how he felt for her this way. Because now, it didn't matter. As of a few months ago, it wouldn't have mattered.
"I still care about you, Ash; you're my best friend! Don't think you'd ever be any less to me." She tried to smile reassuringly but it got lost in the breath she drew a few moments later.
"But… what if I want be more to you…?" He hadn't meant for that to come out, hadn't even thought about it really. Yet he knew he meant it and he knew what he wanted her answer to be.
He looked up, hoping Misty would take his comment in a way that would leave him feeling far better than he was as of now, but she was glaring again, and obviously-so. Nevertheless, she held her breath - the breath that otherwise would be yelling itself hoarse - and explained just slightly further.
"You want to be more? Ash, stop it! I know I hurt you but… do you really want to hurt me, too? Look, you're my friend, and that's all you've ever been, all you'll ever be! You want to be more now? After I've. . . after I've waited for so long. . . ?" She withdrew another shaky breath and turned her head, "Well, it's too late. I've moved on. I don't know how long you've thought the way you do now, but maybe it's time… you move on, Ash. I'm not going to go back to the way I was before. I'm sorry."
It was like she'd left him all over again. Viridian City came back in a flash and left him stoned; he couldn't breathe. He couldn't move.
"Ash, I'm going to go now. I'll call you back in a little while... maybe…" Misty whispered the last word disappointedly and she moved enough to tell Ash that she was about to end the call. But he wasn't done. He wasn't about to end this conversation like he'd allowed her to do with her excuses.
"Wait!" he yelled, probably attracting the attention of a few of the others in the center and causing Misty to jump. "What did you mean you've waited so long?" he asked. He knew what she'd meant, especially considering his very, very recent revelation of his own feelings. But he needed her to say it, to stall.
Misty sighed deeply. "Ash, lets not-" she began, but Ash didn't let her.
"No. You don't get to do that Mist. You said you've moved on. You said you waited so long. So let me ask you this, Mist. Why. Didn't. You. Ever. Tell. Me?"
He could feel his anger growing, his hurt fueling it. He hated the way she just assumed he hadn't felt that way for her, had assumed she knew how he would react. He hated the way his best friend had kept something like this from him and had never, even once, given him a chance by telling him straight to his face.
Misty's eyes were wide and teary, and he knew he was probably hurting her, but he couldn't stop himself now anyway. She'd cut a huge hole into his heart, had basically cut off any sort of chance he had with her when he had never been given an opportunity. It hurt.
"I-" Misty tried, her wide eyes still staring into his blazing ones.
"You know what Mist? You're right I guess. I should move on. I mean, it's not like I'm clueless about things like this, like you've been telling me for years. It's not like you could've said something all that time, could've said 'Hey, Ash. I know this is a little weird but I think I like you'. You're right and I should just move on because the girl I think I love just told me there is no way we will ever have anything more than friendship because she decided what my feelings were without ever talking to me about it. So yeah, you're right Mist. I should just move on. You obviously have."
Every word he spoke made his heart throb, made his pain just a little bit worse. And that fueled his anger on.
Misty, oddly enough, was staring at him with a horrified expression on her face. He had to admit a sick part of him, the one that hated her just a little bit for causing him this pain, enjoyed the way he was probably making her feel. It wanted her to feel like he did, wanted her to understand just how deep she had cut him by not even once asking him how he felt. It was cruel but he just wanted her to understand how he felt, even a little.
"You can stop telling your sisters to lie for you Misty," he continued, his eyes watery, "I don't think I'll be calling anytime soon anyway. I have to move on after all."
And with that he hung up, the phone slamming harder into place than necessary. He stood there for a moment, staring blankly.
Then he turned away. He didn't go back to Dawn or Brock. He didn't go and fetch his Pokemon. Instead he walked out of the Pokemon center, back towards the road out of town. Once he was far enough that he was sure no one would see him he allowed his own tears to fall. He stayed there a long time before finally heading back to the Pokemon center.
-oOo-
Ash wasn't quite the same after that night. Brock noticed, Dawn noticed, and his Pokemon all noticed. He wasn't as… warm as he used to be after that.
He trained a little bit harder and spent less time laughing over old stories. His special Misty lure, once very special to him, was lent to Dawn the instant they started their next fishing day.
Brock, as the only person to have been with him nearly as long as Misty, asked him what was wrong. He asked him if it had anything to do with Misty (which it obviously did) but Ash never answered. It was a bit worrisome how Ash, who had always loved to talk about himself and had, especially, loved telling stories of his other adventures, just seemed to close up.
Brock called him colder. Ash thought of himself as more focused.
And while he was still overall the same Ash that they had all come to know and love, there was just that little bit of him that seemed to have gone.
He won the Lily of the Valley Conference that year. And while many people congratulated him and told him that he was a great trainer, Ash couldn't help but wonder if he'd have made it as far if he had spent more time with his friends, spent more time opening up to them, instead of training his Pokemon to avoid his friends' probing gazes and questions.
When it came time to go home though, Ash found himself hesitating. He hadn't told anyone of the reason for his attitude change. This would mean that when he went back he would probably have to see both Misty and Tracey, as his Mom would probably invite them over.
He wasn't ready for that, he knew. So he changed his plans and set out for Unova alone. Brock worried about him but Ash waved him off, telling him he just wasn't ready to go home. His Mom, when he called her, was understandably upset but he told her he'd call more regularly than he had in Sinnoh. It would be easy enough as he had a lot of free time now that he wasn't calling Misty.
And so he set off for the next region, one that took him even further from Kanto.
-oOo-
When Ash had ended his last phone call with Misty she had cried for a long time. She had also raged against him, wondering what right he had to say those things to her after he'd caused her so much pain. But then she'd cooled down, had time to think about it.
And despite how much she hated to admit it, one thing that Ash had said multiple times stood out to her.
She hadn't told him how she felt. She had never given him a chance. After all, she had known how dense he was. She had known what he was like. It was why she had liked him after all. Yet she had assumed… what? That he would suddenly realize his feelings? That he would have an epiphany and fly back to her? It was unrealistic to think that way. It could have happened, but the chances of that were astronomically low. And the fact was, no matter what she'd told herself, she could have told him how she felt. She was equally as responsible for their relationship not progressing as he was. More so really, as Ash had never really understood things like relationships. You can't blame someone for not knowing a subject if they'd never been taught about it.
So really, she'd been the one to stop all chance of a relationship.
The realization was more than a little disturbing.
It didn't help that, once she realized he did have feelings for her, that her mind began to wonder what if? What if she had confessed to him? What if she had stayed with him on his journey? What if she'd pretended to have a boyfriend, just to see his reaction? What if, what if, what if.
She cried for a while after that.
She remembered how she'd agonized over his reaction at times, had pained herself wondering how he felt. And for what? Hindsight is 20/20 after all. Looking back, she realized that Ash wasn't the kind of person to let a friendship go over a little awkwardness. Had she confessed, what was the worst that would happen? She probably would've moved on anyway, as she had done already, and it would've been similar to now, except Ash would probably still be talking to her.
Yet here she was, crying over the boy who she'd gotten over while he refused to call her.
-oOo-
The true extent of how much her relationship with Ash had suffered seemed to come to a head a few weeks later. Ash had won the Lily of the Valley conference. It had been a tough fight, one that had obviously pushed all of his Pokemon. Yet Ash had managed to pull through.
Misty watched the whole thing on TV while she sat on her couch with Tracey. Despite how Ash may have felt about her at the moment, she knew she had meant what she'd said. To her, he was still her (best?) friend. She watched all the way through, and cheered with Tracey when Ash won.
Of course with the Conference over, that meant that Ash would be coming home. Misty wasn't quite sure how she felt about that.
So she waited. And waited. But he didn't come home from that conference. She called Tracey eventually, wondering if he knew what was happening. Her boyfriend told her then that Ash was travelling through Unova directly from Sinnoh, something he'd heard from Mrs. Ketchum.
That hurt. She was pretty sure she knew what his reasons were for not coming home.
This was confirmed when, three weeks after Ash's victory and a week after she'd found out about Ash not coming home, she had an unexpected visitor.
"Brock!" she cried, her arms going around the older trainer in a hug.
Brock chuckled, hugging her back for a moment before pulling away. They caught up that day, Misty's sisters taking over the running of the gym for the day. It was nice to catch up with Brock. It had been a long time since they'd talked.
Of course the elephant in the room had to be discussed sometime.
"What happened between you and Ash?"
Her breath caught in her throat and she stared with wide eyes for a moment before they narrowed angrily. "Nothing happened," she muttered, her old defences going up at once.
"I normally wouldn't get involved in this but… whatever happened, it obviously involved you. That lure you gave him, the one he never let anyone touch, he let Dawn borrow it after whatever happened between you two. He was so protective of it before but after that he just seemed so… detached."
Something in her clenched at the thought that the lure she'd given him had been 'special' to him. That same part of her withered a little when she realized what it meant if he was willing to part with it so easily later.
"He's changed," Brock continued, unaware of Misty's inner turmoil. "He's… colder now. Seems less… trusting I guess? It's just… odd to see. Whatever happened between you two, Ash has changed."
Misty looked away angrily, guiltily. However after only a moment she began to talk, to recount what had happened between her and Ash, as well as her later revelations.
Brock stared once she was done, not saying anything for a full minute before he shook his head wearily. "Well Misty, I have to say I don't blame you for moving on." Misty's head shot towards him, surprise etched in her features. Brock shrugged. "Well if you decide that you can't hold a torch for him forever, it's understandable. It can be… painful." Brock's eyes clouded up slightly, and it was obvious that he was remembering his time with Professor Ivy, whatever it was that happened.
He shook his head after a moment, clearing his thoughts. "But… Ash was right. It was you that decided to give up Misty."
Misty growled angrily. "I know that! I know that now. That I never really, really thought about how Ash might feel. I was just… scared I guess. I panicked. And now… I think I've ruined my friendship with Ash! He travelled to Unova to avoid Tracey and me!"
Brock could only shrugged as tears stung her eyes. "Well why don't you call him? Isn't waiting for him to make a move how you got into this in the first place?"
That comment started one of the first arguments Misty could ever remember seriously getting into with Brock. It was only after he was gone, after Misty's anger had burned out, that she realized that maybe Brock was hurt by this as well. His two best friends, both of whom had held feelings for each other, were barely even friends anymore.
She called Ash's mom that night. When she asked if Mrs. Ketchum could tell Ash to call her the next time he talked to her, she had to explain, to her embarrassment, why it was that she didn't know how to get in contact with Ash.
When she finished, Misty could practically see the disappointment radiating off of Delia.
"Well dear, I'm sorry to hear that. I will get Ash to call you though, the next time I talk to him."
She was just about to hang up when Misty called out "Wait!"
It was very similar to when Ash had done the same to her, she absently realized.
"I just... I wanted to know… are you disappointed in me?"
Delia pursed her lips and Misty closed her eyes in pain, as if hoping that it could shield her against it.
"I am, dear, but I realize how… confusing love can be at your age so I don't blame you for your decision. But I am disappointed that you two have let your relationship fall so far. Ash… well, he wouldn't want me saying this, but he adored you whether he knew it or not," Delia said. Misty wondered if she knew how much that comment hurt now. She probably did, which was probably why she'd said it. "And now you don't even talk to each other? It's just… sad to see your friendship so damaged."
And with that it seemed that Delia was done talking to her. She hung up, leaving Misty staring at a blank screen.
-oOo-
It took a week for him to call her. When he did, she was so surprised by the call that she just stared at the screen before Ash, his face expressionless, started it off.
"Hey Misty."
Misty. Not Mist. No joy in his greeting. Was this how far their friendship had fallen?
"Hey Ash."
"What did you want me to call for?"
Misty closed her eyes briefly, trying to keep her own pain from showing. She figured he'd be cold, but this was worse than what she'd expected.
"I just… I wanted to see how you were…"
Ash's jaw tightened slightly. She doubted many would've noticed the way his stance seemed to tense up, given she could only see his head, but she'd spent a long time looking at him and she knew him well. Oddly enough, she had no idea what he was thinking at the moment, which was rare.
"I'm fine. Arrived in Unova a week ago. Haven't really met anyone new yet. How about you?"
"I'm… fine. Just the usual for me I guess. Teenagers battling me every day for a shot at our badge." The corners of her mouth twitched slightly in a pathetic attempt at a joke but Ash didn't seem to catch it. That or he just didn't feel like pretending to be amused.
"Look Misty, is that all you called about?"
Misty felt tears sting her eyes. Their friendship was disintegrating. This caused a whole new pack of emotions to swell up within her. And like she seemed to do a lot with Ash she fueled her feelings into anger.
"Well sorry. I just thought I'd see how my friend was doing!" she growled angrily. Ash seemed unfazed, which was rare for him. It unnerved her. "Some of us don't mind checking in now and again you know!"
That seemed to get Ash's attention, if the sudden flare in his gaze meant anything. He was irritated and it comforted Misty somewhat that she was able to still provoke some sort of emotion from him other than depression.
"That's funny, coming from you. I remember calling a lot a few months ago. Where were you? Oh, right, with your 'friend'." The venom in his voice shook her. In all of their fights, all of their arguments, he had never spoken to her like that.
"Look Misty, I'm tired. I just got off the boat. And, if I'm perfectly honest, I can't take this anymore," he said, gesturing between the two of them.
Misty's eyes widened. "What do you mean 'this'?"
"This, as in… well talking to you I guess," he said, his voice tired. "I've tried calling you, to be honest. I thought about it. I figured you'd try to avoid me again." That jab stung at her. "But I just… I don't know how to act around you. So I ended up just hanging up before I even dialed."
Misty's breath caught in her throat. She had to clear it before she could speak again. "Well… can't you just act like you did back when we were kids? Back before… all of this?"
Ash stared at her for a long moment. Then his jaw tightened in annoyance again. "And what if I don't remember how it used to be before I felt this way? I may not have known what my feelings were but I don't remember a time when I didn't feel the way I did the last time we talked."
Misty's throat went dry. From what he was saying it sounded like… well like he'd had feelings for her as long as she'd had feelings for him.
"You… for that long…?" she muttered, her eyes shining with tears again. Ash's eyes were also suspiciously wet but he seemed determined to scowl at her for as long as possible.
"Yeah, that long. I mean, sure I didn't know what that meant at the time, but I do now."
"But… that means…" She was stunned and unable to truly complete her thought. She hadn't really thought about how far back Ash had had these feelings before. How long had she wasted, wondering about his feelings?
Ash shrugged. "Yeah. I know that you said that I obviously didn't have those feelings as you obviously know me better than I do. But I just thought I'd let you know Misty. You were wrong."
Misty nodded absently. Her mind was unable to complete sentences really. Tears were falling freely now. And she'd thought she was done crying over Ash Ketchum.
Ash sighed and it drew Misty's attention again. "Look Mist… Misty," he corrected and it pained Misty to hear that, "I can't talk to you right now. I'm not… over you, okay? I don't know how long it took you to move on, but I'm still trying. So… unless you really need me, I can't talk to you right now. In the future I guess. I have to go. Bye."
The screen flickered and Misty slumped back into her chair. When she'd made the decision to get over Ash Ketchum so long ago she had never expected any of this.
-oOo-
Over the next few months, Misty tried her best to forget about Ash and all of the complications that came with him.
She focused on her relationship with Tracey and it was great while it lasted. He treated her like a girl, was sensitive, didn't mind travelling the distance to see her, and made her feel happy. Unfortunately, that ended only two months after the phone call from Ash.
While they worked fine as friends, the two found themselves pushed a little bit over the edge by the strains of their relationship. They lived far away from each other which caused their dates to be few and far between, plus Misty found that Tracey was sometimes too laid back while Tracey thought Misty a little too hot headed. They ended it on amicable terms with the pair of them promising to remain friends.
Once that was over, the next few months passed slowly for Misty. She had nothing to do other than battle trainers at the gym. She tried to date a few people but no matter where she went there was always a trainer barging in demanding a battle. It was a little disconcerting how easily they found her.
Her sisters left on another tour about a month after her relationship with Tracey ended, meaning that she had to remain at the gym more often to watch over it. As such she often found herself to be extremely bored.
It was during this time that Misty found herself looking more and more towards the phone. It took her a week of constant headaches from jerking her head away to realize the cause of the problem.
She missed Ash. As in really missed him. She hadn't really spoken to him for a long, long time. The two conversations that had left her in tears afterwards didn't count. She longed for him to call her, to have a chat with him, like they used to. She found it a little odd that she hadn't noticed how much she missed him until now, but she realized she'd always had Tracey to distract her, not to mention the fact that her avoidance of Ash those first few months kept her longing for his presence down.
It was a real wake-up call to realize that she longed for his presence at all. And it was more than a little bit upsetting to realize that the chances of him spending any time at all in her presence was low, given he hadn't called her once since that night several months before.
Still, she kept up with things, kept having dates that continued to be ruined, kept running the gym, met up with Brock and Tracey a few times, and just enjoyed her life as much as she could. As much as she knew she missed Ash she knew that there was nothing she could do about it at the moment.
-oOo-
Ash cursed as his last Pokemon of the match fell. Pikachu wobbled in place, collapsing as the last of its energy left its body. Ash ran out on to the field, ignoring the referee and the crowd as he went to collect his oldest partner.
"You okay Pikachu?"
Pikachu nodded weakly and was out a few moments later. He gathered the yellow mouse in his arms, drawing a few 'awws' from the crowd. His opponent came over to greet him, hand out. "It was a good match," he said, his eyes flicking to Pikachu, who had put on the toughest fight of all.
Ash nodded, grasping his opponent's hand. He hadn't won the tournament but he'd come second. Second out of a few hundred people. That was pretty good. And he'd even restricted himself to only using the pokemon he caught in this region plus Pikachu. He wondered how he'd do if he took all of the Pokemon he'd caught over the years and used them in a league tournament.
That was all he had time to wonder as the officials made their way onto the field to congratulate them. Ash grinned sheepishly, excusing himself to get his Pokemon to the Pokemon center. That seemed to earn him a few more points in the judges eyes and he escaped a soon as possible, a smaller trophy than his opponents clutched in one hand.
Later, when he was in the Pokemon center, his trophy stuff awkwardly into his bag, he noticed his opponent walking towards him.
"Hey there Ash. How are your Pokemon?"
Ash grinned. "Well they're tired, obviously, but they should be fine. You put on quite a hard fight."
The man grinned back. "You too. It was close there. You're obviously very experienced."
"Well I did come first in the Lily of the Valley Conference in Sinnoh last year. I have a reputation to maintain." Even though his words were cocky, his grin gave him away. The man chuckled in response.
"Wow. Impressive. Well that makes me feel even better if I managed to beat a champion from Sinnoh. Are you going to be competing in another league?"
Ash paused, thinking of the possible tournaments he could join. There were other regions out there to explore, each with different leagues and tournaments. Yet even while he still depated in his mind, the words seemed to flow from his mouth without thought. "Well actually, I've been thinking about going to the Indigo League."
"Interesting choice. That's far away. What for?"
"It's my home region," he said with a large amount of pride.
The man laughed. "Ah. I may see you there then. I haven't chosen where I want to go yet, but if it means I'll face you again I'll consider that one."
His opponent walked away, probably to tend to his own Pokemon. Ash watched him go for a moment, then turned his thoughts to his next course of action. "He'd said the Indigo League as an on the spot sort of thing. Did he really want to try it? He'd have to collect all of the badges again. And that meant Cerulean of course. Did he really want to do this?
He realized, with a start, that he did. He wanted to take on his home's league. He wanted to see how far he'd come. And, he admitted, he missed his friends.
Not to mention the fact that he was pretty sure he could face a certain few of them.
A few days later, he was on a ship that would take him to Olivine. From there he would head to Vermillion City. Then he would head home.
Lost in his thoughts, he almost missed his partner trying to speak to him. "Pika?"
Ash laughed lightly. "We're going home buddy. Back to Pallet."
Pikachu quirked his head, a puzzled yet concerned look on his face. "Pikachupi?"
Ash closed his eyes momentarily, trying to sort out his feelings, then nodded. "Yeah. I'm fine Pikachu."
His partner looked less sure but nodded in agreement.
It took a long time, a few weeks in fact, to make it all the way home. The journey from Vermillion to Pallet alone took about a week, even with a new tunnel they'd managed to build that ran to Viridian.
Of course, somehow, his mom had managed to predict the exact date he would be home.
"Surprise!"
Ash jumped slightly. Pikachu nearly toppled off of his shoulder in surprise, then clutched at its tiny little heart. Neither had been expecting this.
There were a lot of Ash's old friends there. Professor Oak, Gary, Brock, May, Dawn, Max, and a few others. And of course, Misty and Tracey were there. Tracey was as warm as ever, while Misty looked uncomfortable and like a dear in headlights.
Pikachu shared a long look with his trainer when they noticed her there.
"Well then… I guess we'll be testing how fine I really am, buddy," Ash whispered.
Pikachu nodded his agreement.
-oOo-
Misty fumed quietly in her corner, her eyes glued to her drink in front of her. Behind her she could hear the sounds of the reunion, the voices happy and light hearted. A moment later Ash's laughter boomed through the house and Misty felt her grip on her cup tighten.
She wasn't even sure why Delia had invited her. Maybe the older woman had hoped that their friendship had been restored.
"Something wrong?"
Misty jumped, startled at the voice, and gave a sideways glance at Brock, who was staring out at the party. She sighed. Of course Brock would be the one to notice.
"He's treating me like a stranger," she muttered, her bitterness coming across in her voice.
"Hm, yeah I've noticed."
So far every time Misty had been in a conversation with Ash it had been like there was an emotional brick wall between them. He didn't react to her jibes as much, showed only a fraction of the emotion he had before, and just seemed uncomfortable talking to her. She knew she hadn't expected much different, but that longing to talk to Ash had been strong and a large part of her had been hoping that somehow he'd miraculously gone back to the way he was with her.
Misty sighed, her eyes seeking out Tracey in the crowd. She found him after a moment, in a conversation with May and Dawn. He'd gotten a cooler reception as well, though he'd seemingly brushed it off as the natural effect of two people not talking for a long time. Misty knew better.
"I just… I just wish that we could act like we're friends!" she hissed, a suspicious prickling sensation against her eyes adding to her irritation.
Brock shrugged absently and she glared at him in irritation.
"Thanks for the help," she muttered.
"Well what can you do? He was obviously head over heels for you. And for so long too. He probably doesn't know how to act anymore."
Misty gave him another searching look. "Have you been talking to Ash about this?" she wondered. His comments seemed to be very similar to what Ash had told her the last time they'd talked.
Brock snorted. "No. He won't talk about it at all. No, I knew that from watching you guys. I've been with you guys for years after all. And I don't remember a time when Ash didn't look at you in that way, even if he didn't get it."
Misty felt her throat catch again but she pressed on. She scoffed. "Come on Brock. He didn't… well he didn't like me like that. We were best friends but that was it. Even when I left he had no problem leaving."
This time it was Brock who scoffed. Misty had to admit she'd never heard Brock sound so exasperated. "Oh, believe me I know what I saw. Sometimes those most blind to something are the ones staring it right in the face. I didn't say anything because… well honestly I thought that one of you would burst at some point. I mean, that lure you gave him was the most obvious clue, but there were times where it was just… obvious."
Misty took a shaky breath. She didn't want to believe what Brock was telling her, didn't want to admit to herself that maybe, just maybe, she'd been as dense as she'd always called Ash. Yet here it was. Both Ash and Brock had told her that Ash's feelings had been there for as long as hers had. Yet she'd moved on because she'd been unable to see that. She'd given up on it ever happening and had broken Ash's heart in the process.
Well that just didn't help her already considerable guilt.
"So it's all my fault then?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper. She was a little surprised that no one had come over to investigate, but luckily (for she didn't want to explain why she was so upset at the moment) they seemed to be listening as Ash talked about Unova. As the only one who'd been there he explained all of the strange Pokemon, the places, and the people he'd seen.
Brock let out a rush of air from his nose and Misty couldn't help but notice how irritated he sounded. "I wouldn't say that." He paused for a moment then sighed and turned to face her fully. "Listen, I have a theory, okay? I want you to listen to it and not get mad or whatever until I'm done."
Misty nodded, though she was apprehensive.
"Have you ever wondered if, maybe, the reason why your relationship with Ash worked so well was because of your feelings for each other? Ash has never been quite as… close with any of our other travelling companions." He paused again, his eyes reaching hers. "And Ash changed a bit after he found out about you and Tracey. He didn't open up nearly as much, didn't let anyone but me in, really. So I mean, maybe you've never really known each other as just friends. Maybe your relationship has always been as two people who like each other. So really, when you two tried to take away those feelings, it just didn't feel the same."
Misty felt herself blush and looked out into the crowd. They had broken up now, some of them gathered around what she presumed was Ash's Pokedex, while Ash stood alone for the moment. Pikachu was with Delia, enjoying the attention she was giving it, and so for the moment Ash was alone. She saw Ash sigh and stretch lightly, obviously trying to work out a stiff muscle or two. Suddenly his eyes, which had closed during the stretch in a moment of relaxation, opened and immediately met hers. He was obviously surprised to see her looking at him.
They stared at each other for a long moment and she was caught off guard by the raw emotion she saw there. She saw confusion, sadness, irritation, and… longing? For one glorious moment it was as if the past few years where their relationship had deteriorated hadn't happened.
But then the moment passed and it was like a wall came down between them. He was shut off from her again and she hated it.
She wanted things to go back to the way they were before. Maybe Brock was right though. Maybe they had never been 'just' friends. Maybe they had always acted as two people who liked each other.
Ash turned and opened his back door. He stepped outside after a moment and Misty watched him go.
Something in her snapped then. She no longer cared about being 'just friends' with Ash. If Brock was right (and she was beginning to see that he probably was) then she wanted that relationship back. Even though she had moved on, she couldn't take the thought of not having that relationship with Ash.
She sighed and stepped away from her little corner. Brock seemed to be watching her warily, as if afraid she would bite his head off for his theory.
"Thanks Brock. I need to go talk to Ash."
Maybe she hadn't moved on quite as much as she'd thought.
-oOo-
"Hey Ash."
Ash jumped slightly. He hadn't expected her to follow him out here, especially after his little slip up earlier. He'd been acting fine with her up until that point, even with the raging emotions in his gut.
He turned and eyed Misty, trying to keep his emotions in check. As much as he hated to admit it, he obviously still had feelings for her. It was obvious by how he couldn't act quite as friendly to Tracey as he'd meant to. The jealousy that had burned in his gut when he talked to the older man had surprised even him.
"Hey Misty," he greeted, trying his best to give her a smile. It was a pathetic attempt, even he could tell, but he gave it his best.
It didn't seem to work as Misty's brows furrowed. There was a long moment of silence, each of them sizing up the other, trying to figure out what to say.
Misty was the first to break it seemed. She sighed and looked up at him with a tired gaze. "Look Ash… I know that this whole thing has been… hard I guess," she said, shrugging.
Ash placed his hands in his pocket, trying to look nonchalant about it. "It's okay Misty-"
"No, it's not. I… you were right, back then. I didn't talk to you. I just… I gave up. And I know that I hurt you."
Ash frowned. A part of him was glad to hear her admit it after so long but the rest of him just… felt empty. He didn't want to talk about this.
"Misty, can we not talk about this?" he asked.
Misty frowned and looked pained. And despite everything they'd been through he still hated to see her like that.
"Dammit Ash, I know that I hurt you. I'm sorry. I hate how badly our relationship has been damaged."
Ash shook his head and backed up a few steps. She was really going to talk about this?
"No Ash, please I just… I want to talk to you again. To have conversations like we used to."
Ash frowned. He'd thought he'd done just fine. "We are. We talked just fine tonight."
Misty scowled at him, taking a step closer. Ash instinctively took one back. "That wasn't like we used to be. I couldn't tell what you were thinking at all! It was like we were strangers! I want to talk to you like we used to, before all of this!"
Ash just continued to shake his head. "You know why we can't do that."
Misty stepped closer, her eyes wet. "I know. I… I was talking with Brock tonight and he said that... that maybe if we were just friends we would never have conversations the way we used to. That we couldn't be just friends if we wanted to talk like that again. And… and I realized that… well that I wanted to talk to you like that again. That maybe… I hadn't moved on as much as I thought."
Ash could feel his heart clench. He couldn't believe she was doing this to him. "You can't just act like that Misty. You can't just say that after all this time!"
Misty's eyes closed painfully and she swallowed, as if preparing to be hurt herself. "I know. I know that I can't just take back everything we said. But… I just…" She stopped, her eyes opening to reveal the most honest expression he'd seen her wear since this whole thing had started.
"I know that you might not want to… well, you know. But I want us to go back to the way we were. It's selfish and… and it won't be easy… but… I want to try."
He couldn't look at her, couldn't bring himself to face her. She wanted him to just… like her again? To… dare he admit it, love her again? Well that wasn't hard. He did love her, as much as he hated himself for it. It was going on like she hadn't hurt him that was the problem.
Misty sighed and she looked so tired then, so worn out that he felt pained watching her. But he couldn't give in. He still remembered how much it had hurt when she broke his heart the first time.
"Just… know that if you can trust me again… I'll be waiting. I'm… I'm asking you about your feelings this time."
She turned and entered the house again. Ash didn't look in her direction for the rest of the night.
-oOo-
"Hello, Cerulean City Pokemon Gym; this is Misty. How can I help you?"
"… It's me."
Misty's eyes widened with trepidation as she switched on the video screen. Ash was on the other end, an unfamiliar Pokemon Center in the background.
It occurred to her how this situation seemed to parallel the one that had started this whole thing around two years ago. She stared at Ash. He stared back. Despite her desire to talk to him, she just didn't know how to start it off.
But Ash had always been better at that than her.
The corner of his mouth twitched, causing her own nervous smile to grow slightly.
"You should watch your badge closely Misty."
Her smile turned into a frown of confusion. "What are you talking about?"
He grinned and she was struck by the familiarity of it. He held up his hand, displaying something for her to see and she squinted at it before realization struck her. "Is that the boulder badge?!"
Ash's grin only widened. "Forrest is pretty good but…" he paused for dramatic effect before finishing with, "But Brock is much better."
Misty laughed lightly. "I see. Getting a big head already Mr. Pokemon Master?"
Ash smirked. "We'll see who's got a big head when I take your Cascade Badge Mist."
Misty froze at the use of the nickname. It had been so long since he'd used it. She felt tears well up in her eyes. Ash seemed to have realized the importance of it too for he suddenly looked awkward.
She scoffed at him, hoping to get the conversation back on track. "As if. Let me guess, you're going to use a fire type when you fight me, right? I mean that's almost as bad as sending out a Pikachu against an Onyx. Oh, wait."
Ash scowled, though she could read in his body language how lightly he took the comment. He was opening up to her again. "I was ten!"
She laughed then and Ash joined her a moment later. It was obvious to her that their relationship would need a lot of work. They were still awkward and nervous and it would take time to make that go away. But Ash was willing to work for it with her, to make their relationship even stronger than it had been the first time.