A/N: This was a story bug I just had to get out before I continued with the Raising of Children (don't worry, will post more chapters today)
The day Severus Snape admitted that he had been wrong was the day Sirius Black, Golden Boy of Gryffindor, begged him to die.
The day had started out routinely enough. It was a few days before Christmas and Regulus Black had invited him over to spend the day playing chess and such. Severus readily agreed, eager to escape Spinner's End for the day. He forgot, in his moment of excitement, that Sirius was Regulus's brother, and would likely be in residence at Grimmauld Place. Nonetheless, the afternoon had passed pleasantly enough. Sirius had not appeared, and Severus had beaten Regulus in three of their five games of chess.
As they packed up the chess set and retreated to the library (the Black collection was immense, and full of the dark arts), Regulus asked Severus to stay for dinner. Seeing the look of horror on Severus's face, he quickly explained, "Oh, not to worry. Sirius will not be in attendance. He has been grounded until at least the Ministry Ball."
Severus nodded, relieved. He couldn't possibly live through an entire dinner with Sirius. "Very well, as long as your father has agreed."
"Oh, he has. He is quite fond of you. You see, your potential as a future potions master and member of our Lord's organization outweighs the flaw of your breeding."
Severus looked down. He hated being a half-blood. All it brought him was shame. Most people in the house of the snakes were unaware of his parentage (he hid it well), but the Blacks, being who they were, had immediately looked into it when he had befriended Regulus. Only this past year, after he had made his plans to take the mark upon his seventeenth birthday (a few short weeks away) had he been allowed into the house. "I will have to call my mother and let her know. May I use the floo?"
Regulus gestured towards the formal living room. "You can use that one if you want." Severus nodded, and left the room, quickly flooing his mum. He knew she wouldn't care, but it would make things easier when he returned home.
Dinner was just finishing when Severus saw Sirius coming down the stairs. He tensed instinctively, waiting for the tormenting to start, but to his surprise, Sirius merely glared at him for a second, then headed into the kitchen. Seeing Severus tense, Regulus looked into the hall, seeing Sirius as well.
"Mum, Sirius is downstairs," he intoned bored.
"BOY! GET IN HERE!" Walburga cried, tone full of hatred and malice.
Sirius entered the room, holding a plate with some meat and potatoes from the meal.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING DOWNSTAIRS? I TOLD YOU TO STAY UP THERE!"
"I was just leaving," responded Sirius, his tone lacking any of the energy and sarcasm Severus was used to hearing.
"Is that food I see on your plate?" drawled Orion Black.
"Yes Sir. I need to eat." Looking at Sirius carefully, Severus noticed how thin and ill he looked. Sirius was always on the thinner side, and proudly displayed his toned body, but this was different. In the week and half since term had ended, Sirius appeared to have lost several kilos. There were bags under his eyes, and his skin was pale, almost as pale as Severus's own. In total, Sirius looked awful.
"I TOLD YOU NO FOOD WHILE YOU ARE UP THERE!" screamed Walburga, vanishing the food on Sirius's plate.
Regulus started to stand, motioning for Severus to follow.
"Is this normal? Questioned Severus quietly.
Regulus nodded, "They'll argue for a while now," he whispered, "we should leave."
Severus nodded, but found himself unable to leave the room. Standing in the entryway to the hall, opposite the room from Sirius he looked on in interest. While he had been talking to Regulus, the argument had escalated. Orion Black was standing, glaring menacingly at Sirius, while Walburga had pulled out her wand.
"If you had simply listened to me, your Father, this would not be a problem. You would have been sitting here alongside us, eating dinner like a civilized being. Like the heir to the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black that you are," lectured Orion.
Severus made a move to leave, this seemed like private business, and if he stayed, Sirius was likely to kill him when they returned to school. Not that he hadn't done just that, when he sent him to face that creature, Lupin. But before he could leave, he heard Sirius's response.
"And joined the Death Eater's? No thank you. But that isn't the worst, is it!" yelled Sirius, his magic swirling around him. Severus shook. The power around Sirius was immense. Suddenly, he realized if Black wanted him dead, really wanted him, he would be. "The worst is you Imperiused me! You tried to force me! To kill a little girl!" Sirius continued, as plates shattered and the walls shook.
"YOU INSOLENT BOY!" cried Walburga. "Crucio!" The spell shot across the room, hitting Sirius in the chest. He fell to his knees, not crying out. His eyes were losing focus as Orion forced his wife's wand away.
"Now now, Walburga. If you torture him into insanity, he will never do as we tell him. Besides, he broke the imperius. He has a strong mind. No. We will hurt him physically." Excitement and pleasure appeared on Orion's face for a fleeting second as he too, pulled out his wand.
Severus blanched. The imperius curse? Cruciatus? He knew the Death Eater's used these curses, but on a sixteen-year-old? On their own son. Still unable to move, Severus disillusioned himself. He doubted Orion and Walburga would be happy to see him there if either of them turned around.
"Kreature!" snapped Orion.
"Yes master? How may Kreature serve master?"
"Clear the room. I need to teach the boy a lesson."
"Yes master! Young master is an evil wizard, must be taught a lesson. Yes, Kreature will clear the room." With a snap of his fingers, Kreature removed the dinning room chairs and table and disappeared, leaving the four of them in an empty room.
"Perfectus Totalis," cursed Orion, causing Sirius to snap like a board. Seeing a look of terror on his son's face, Orion continued. "Good, I have your attention. Whenever you want this to stop let me know. All you need to do is swear loyalty to the Dark Lord."
"Never," muttered Sirius, spitting up blood. His voice was weak and shaky, but somehow more defiant for it.
"Very well, Walburga, would you like to start?"
"Oh yes, Ossis Effergo," she shot, a dark blue light hitting Sirius in the leg. He cried out in pain, and Severus felt his legs shake. Yet somehow, he still couldn't turn away. He couldn't leave.
Severus was unsure how much time had passed when Orion and Walbuga left the room, citing a need for refreshments. He felt ill. He had watched in silence, as Orion and Walburga shot curse after curse at their son, who was petrified on the floor. He had always thought his home life was terrible- neglect, disdain, and occasionally physical abuse from his father- but it was nothing compared to this. Sirius was laying on the floor, covered in his own blood, eyes unfocused in pain. And his parents seemed to enjoy it.
"You just going to stand there?" questioned Sirius, his voice barely audible. "Do you enjoy this? Would you like to join in?"
Severus stood completely still. Did Sirius know he was there?
"You can drop the disillusionment. I know you are there. So do my parents. They wanted you to watch. To enjoy. It is a test." Sirius wiggled his finger slightly, and shifted, wincing in pain. The perfectus totalis was wearing off.
Severus dropped the disillusionment and stepped forward, leaning over Sirius. He was a mess, covered in blood and bruises. "Enjoy it?" he paused. "Why, should I care what happens to you?"
"You shouldn't. I am a bastard towards you."
Severus frowned. That was not the answer he expected. Sirius Black never admitted he was wrong. Never admitted he was less than perfect.
"But this isn't about me." He coughed up blood, breathing heavily. "This is about whether or not you enjoy watching someone being tortured. Because that is what the Death Eaters do." Another pause as Sirius tried to catch his breath. Severus figured he had a few broken ribs. "Trust me. I know. I was forced to watch as they captured and killed a muggle family."
"And?" questioned Severus coolly, but inside he was feeling sick.
"They tortured the daughter and mother in front of the father. Made him watch. Then they killed them all. My father tried to make me join, but I broke his imperius, tried to save the girl. It didn't work."
He said nothing. This was certainly not the conversation he expected to have with Sirius. A minute passed, and Severus heard Orion and Walburga heading down the hall towards the dining room.
"Kill me," Sirius asked, his eyes full of pain and terror. "Please. Kill me. I can't," a pause, and gasp for breath, "It hurts too much. Please."
"I…" Severus paused. Could he? Should he? He was going to be a Death Eater in less than a month. He would have to kill then. But should he put Sirius Black out of his misery? After all, Sirius had bullied him from day one. But, then again, he hadn't exactly been innocent. Thinking back to all the confrontations he had had with James and Sirius, Severus realized something important, or rather admitted something rather important. Sirius had never started it. Except for the snide remark on the train to Hogwarts for the first time, he had never started a fight. Finished, retaliated, escalated- yes. Started, no. Even the werewolf incident hadn't entirely been Sirius's fault. He had, after all, cursed a drunken Sirius into anger. He had known Lupin was a werewolf. He had mocked him and dared him to tell him where he and his friends went at night. He wasn't saying Sirius was blameless, no far from it. He was just admitting that maybe, just maybe, he was a fault too. That Sirius wasn't evil incarnate. That Sirius had more depth to him than just pranks and bullying. He reached a decision. "I can't. I can't kill you. And I didn't enjoy it."
Sirius coughed up more blood and stared at Severus in confusion. "What do you mean?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper now.
"I mean I can't kill you. I can't kill anyone. I can't stand by and watch someone be tortured." Severus paused. Was he really going to do this? "Let me help you. I can help you escape."
Sirius looked into Severus's eyes without hate for the first time in over five years. "Really?"
"Yes. I can make a portkey, if you help me let it through the wards. Do you have enough strength?" Sirius nodded. Grabbing a quill from his pocket, he placed Sirius's hand on top of his. "Okay, where too?"
"James's house," muttered Sirius.
Severus nodded. He hated James, but he had already committed to doing this. He could hear Walburga and Orion talking to Regulus in the hall. They had to act fast. "Right, on the count of three, think of James's house. Ready?" Sirius nodded. "One, two, three. Portus," Severus whispered. Removing his hand from the quill he tapped it and repeated "Portus. Good luck Sirius," he added as Sirius's body twirled away, leaving behind a pool of blood. Reapplying the disillusionment curse, he left the dinning room and headed for the library.
He was sitting in the chair comfortably, when he heard Walburga scream in rage. "HE GOT AWAY! HOW DID HE GET AWAY?" As Regulus entered the room, Severus looked up from the potions book he had picked up.
"Oh, there you are," he said, trying to hide the fear he felt from his voice. "I was thinking," he glanced towards the dining room, "that it would be best of I returned home."
Regulus nodded. "Yah, probably. Sorry about all this. You know how annoying Sirius can get. You can floo out from the living room. I will let mum and dad know."
Severus merely nodded and rose. Brushing down his robes, he gazed at his friend. Regulus seemed relaxed, as if what had happened was normal. Maybe it was. Maybe he didn't know exactly what happened. Severus guessed he would never find out. After all, just because he had helped Sirius, it didn't mean they were friends. Turning, he strode out of the room, suddenly eager to return home. Eager to return to the cold indifference of Spinner's End. It was certainly better than here.
As Severus stepped out of the floo into the shabby living room, he realized he had made a decision while at Grimmauld Place. He could never be a Death Eater. He could never torture someone like he had witnessed. He couldn't even kill a man who begged for it. No. For the second time that day, Severus admitted he was wrong. Removing his robes to reveal a shabby pair of muggle jeans and a t-shirt, Severus headed out the door. He was going to apologize to Lily. And he would continue to apologize until she realized how sorry he truly was. No matter how long it took.