Author's Warning: Like everything else, this takes place in my series, set up by the events in my first story "More Than My Friend" where the big event is that Frankie adopts Mac as her "little brother". If you haven't read that story yet, I strongly suggest you do so now, or else you might get confused.
"...Humph…Look at you…strutting around the yard, like you're God's gift to creation, acting like you own the place…who do you think you are?" The lanky redhead murmured spitefully. While she glared through the window at the goofy-looking bird scratching idly around the front lawn, she clenched her fists and curled her lips into a hateful snarl.
"Stupid poultry…" she hissed venomously. "I hope you end up swimming in gravy when Thanksgiving comes around, you fat-"
"Frankie? What are you...oh, not again!" she suddenly could hear someone groan loudly in exasperation behind her, followed by the patter of footsteps and the distinct sensation of someone tugging sharply upon her sweater.
"For Pete's sake, you're looking at a turkey out there, aren't you? Aren't you? Frankie, it's just a stupid bird!" an exasperated eight-year-old reminded her as he tried to drag her away from the window. "C'mon, leave it alone! It's not doing anything, it's just-"
"I can't help it!" she protested, never moving her hateful unblinking gaze from the wild bird for so much as one second as the boy attempted to yank her away. "I hate them, Mac! I hate them! I just hate those goony things so much!"
"Why?" Mac implored as he struggled to pull her away. "I know you had a bad experience with one in the second grade, but seriously! That was years ago! What else is there to not like about them?"
"…Everything." The redhead growled and narrowed her jade eyes. The child sighed heavily.
"Thanks, that really explains a lot." He murmured sarcastically as he clung tightly to her arm. "C'mon, Frankie, this is...this is...well, weird. You have any idea how much this creeps me out when you do this? Normal people don't spend their time doing this kind of thing, okay? Why can't you-"
"Pal, like you really don't see it?" Frankie countered incredulously. "Just look at them! Turkeys are mean, dumb, aggressive walking holiday main courses that don't care about anyone or anything else! Just look at them, how can you not distrust those feathery monsters? What with their black beady eyes, razor-sharp talons, and even their long red danglies, I just-"
"Excuse me?" Mac paused and inquired quizzically.
"Huh?" Frankie murmured as she finally glanced at him for the very first time. "Wait, what'd you say?"
"No, no, what did you just say?" the bewildered boy demanded, much to the redhead's puzzlement.
"Um, you mean the part of their beady black-" she asked.
"No, no!" Mac replied. "I mean-"
"Oh, their claws? Well the thing you need to know is that they don't look like much at first, but I'm telling you, those things are as sharp as-"
"Nuh-uh!" he hastily cut her off. "Not that either! The very last thing you said! The part about-"
"Ohhhh, right!" Frankie answered as she nodded furiously in acknowledgement. "Their red danglies! Ooooh, those things creep me out more than anything else in the world! Blecch!" she spat and shuddered violently in revulsion. "Why they have those things in the first place I'll never know, but-"
"Red danglies?" Mac repeated dumbly in complete disbelief, much to her brazen annoyance.
"Give me a break, Mac!" Frankie sighed as clambered onto her knees to clarify. "Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about! You know, that weird fleshy growth they have on their necks? Hmm? Their red danglies? Y'know?"
For a few moments Mac just gawked at her silently, simply unable to believe that this wasn't a cruel joke.
"…You call those things red danglies?" he finally inquired softly with a grimace, throwing her off guard. .
"Huh?" she muttered as she cocked an eyebrow at the almost irritatingly inquisitive child. "Well….yeah."
When he saw that she was clearly quite serious, Mac gawked speechlessly at her for a few more seconds before finally,
"…And you graduated from college?" he asked incredulously.
"What?" Frankie shot back indignantly. Feeling unspeakably offended by his comment, the young woman crossed her arms and glared daggers at the little boy, and nearly skewered him on the spot with her piercing emerald eyes.
"Oh, what's this? Would it have been more to your liking if I majored in avian anatomy instead? Well excuuuuuuuse me!" she snapped huffily.
"Hey, you know that's not what I meant!" Mac grumbled as he jabbed accusingly at her. "I'm just saying that for someone who has a college diploma, you really could've come up with a much better name than-"
"What, it wasn't eloquent enough? Oh great, now I'm in trouble for not studying enough Shakespeare!" she groaned and tossed her arms up in the air in her exasperation. "Would you like me to write a sonnet for the turkey then? 'Oh remarkable poultry, greatest gift of creation itself, please reveal to me the mysteries of thy bulbous mound of flesh so crimson like the blood beating through my heart?'"
"I can do without the low-budget performance, thank you very much." the boy snarled.
"Cripes, Mac, what's the big deal? So I don't meet whatever outrageously high standards you have for names of poultry parts, why do you have to-"
"Let me make this clearer!" Mac snapped. "You completed four years of college! But you took one look at a turkey, and all you could think of is red dangly? What kind of name is that?"
"What do you mean what kind of name is it? A good name!" she proclaimed stubbornly. "Mac, what more than you want? Those things the turkeys have are red, and they dangle! They're red and dangly! It's a red dangly! Do I need to make this any clearer to you? This is basic logic!"
"So? I don't look at your ponytail and call it a red sprouty!" He argued.
"Well of course you don't, because it already has a name to begin with; ponytail!" Frankie reminded grumpily with a fierce glower. "It's not like anyone's actually going to take the time to look at some dumb bird and name their lumpy growths-"
"Yes, they have!" the immensely frustrated Mac countered. "It's called a wattle!"
Immediately Frankie pursed her lips shut and gazed incredulously at the child for a few seconds as he faced contorted with pained bewilderment.
"….Mac?" she mumbled uneasily. "These are turkeys we're talking about, not ducks-"
"No!" he groaned as he tossed his arms up in exasperation. "Not W-A-D-D-L-E, W-A-T-T-L-E! Wattle! Wattle!"
"They're called what?" she cried skeptically. "No way!"
"What do you mean, 'no way'?" Mac shot back. "Frankie, I swear-"
"I have never, ever heard of that word before in my entire life!" she protested.
"What?"
The girl shook her head resolutely in unmistakable affirmation. "Nuh-uh! Never!"
"You've got to be kidding me!" he exclaimed with a frustrated groan.
"What, do you need that in writing? Mac, I swear to God and everything that is sacred, I have never heard such a ridiculous thing, and I was raised in a home for imaginary friends!"
"Please tell me you're not serious!" Mac begged shamelessly. "Please!"
"I just don't believe it! There is no way someone looked at a turkey's red dangly and actually took the time to name it! Nuh-uh, red danglies serve no purpose!" she declared defiantly.
"Oh yeah? Your earring doesn't serve any useful purpose, but do you call it a small shiny? No!"
"They're not the same thing, Mac!" Frankie groaned. "No, no way did intelligent people actually set aside time to study turkeys' red danglies to-"
"Stop calling it that!" He winced and pleaded desperately. "Frankie, you don't really believe that-"
"Red dangly! Red dangly! Red dangly! Red dangly! Red dangly!" she chanted impudently. "No, Mac, I won't stop calling it that because that's what it is! It makes perfect sense, and you know it! Red danglies are bright red and they dangle from a turkey's neck! Wattle? Unless it's a horrible mispronunciation of waffle, it doesn't sound like anything!"
"Just because you've never heard of it doesn't make it true!" Mac nearly screamed.
"Those birds have been living in the woods behind the house for as long as I can remember!" she argued. "If anyone would've known that the red danglies had an actual name, it'd be me!"
"They do, and it's called a wattle! A wattle!" the boy reminded her unhappily.
"Nuh-uh, now you're just making up words, kiddo!" she accused. "Don't lie, I did the exact same thing when I was your age, and-"
"What do I possibly have to gain from making this up?" he demanded.
"I dunno, you tell me! To confuse me for your amusement? I would do the same thing to the rabbit, so trust me, I know when someone's just messing with me by-"
"I don't want to fool you! I swear, the correct name is wattle!" Mac persisted.
"Nuh-uh!" she refused obstinately.
"Yeah-huh!"
"Nuh-uh!"
"Yeah-huh!
"Nuh-uh!"
"Yeah-huh!"
"Nuh-uh!"
"Yes, Frankie!" Mac wailed as her stubbornness nearly brought him to wits end. "The proper name is a wattle! Wattle! Wattle! Wattle!"
"Yeah, right!" Frankie countered. "So you're saying if I marched down the hall to the library right now and look this up, you're telling me I'll see that some harebrained birdwatcher actually took the time to come up with the word wattle?"
"What have I been telling you?" he groaned.
"Oh, like that's the God-honest truth!" she sneered, completely unconvinced.
"I swear!" he persisted doggedly. "Honest, Frankie!"
"Yeah right! If there's actually a single ounce of truth to any of this nonsense, then I'm the Queen of England!" she proclaimed as she curled her lips into a defiant snarl. "Seriously, I'll parade around the house like the royalty I apparently am! No joke!"
"Oh yeah?" Mac snapped crossly. "I'd like to see you try it- HEY! What are you-"
"We'll see about that!" she grumbled as she smartly nabbed him by the shirtsleeve and dragged him in the direction of the library. "C'mon, we're going to put an end to your stupid little joke once and for all..."
"Argh…stupid, no-good son-of-a….mmph…"
The caretaker mumbled bitterly to herself as she fumbled about with the vacuum cleaner. Now normally of course, all of her experience with the device would have enabled her to handle it easily like a pro. But then again, it wasn't exactly normal of her to be performing any of her chores while garbed in a flowery red dress dug out from the back of her closet, matching high-heeled shoes, and a cheap plastic crown than had once been part of an old Halloween costume.
As Frankie stumbled about awkwardly in her ludicrous attire, Mac dutifully hovered only inches away on the alert, lest her long heels became entangled in the power cord or she tripped over her own gown. While voluntarily providing the all-too-necessary assistance, the sincerely mortified child incessantly begged,
"Frankie, for the last time!" he beseeched shamelessly. "You don't have to do this!"
"Frankie?" she just replied ruefully with a blazing blush marring her cheeks. "Who's this Frankie you speak off? Don't you mean 'Your Majesty'?"
"Will you cut it out? This is completely unnecessary! I swear, I didn't actually mean for you to do this!" Mac exasperatedly explained for the umpteenth time. "All I wanted was to make sure you knew what a wattle is! Honest, I didn't think you were actually serious about dressing up like-"
"Well, I sure wasn't planning on it at the time." She acknowledged truthfully with a heavy sigh. "But I gave you my word, pal, and if you can't trust me to keep an oath, then who can you trust? As dumb as it was, I made a promise that-"
"I know, I know! Honesty and integrity, I get it! But I never actually thought you were really going to dress up like British royalty! Do you actually think I like watching you stumble around like this? I don't like humiliating people! Frankie, I'm not joking, this is actually embarrassing for both of us!" he lamented.
"Mac, I told you, I-whoa! Whoa! Easy, easy! I'm not exactly on stable footing here!" she yelped and wobbled a bit in her heels as the child hugged her leg and pleaded desperately.
"Please, just go get changed!" he whined morosely, looking truly horrified by what he had reduced her to. "Please! I take it back! I take it all back! I'm sorry about insulting you earlier, I don't care at all anymore you don't know everything there is to know about stupid birds! I never, ever wanted it to end this way! It didn't have to turn out like this at all! Quick, you can go upstairs right now and…"
Despite his frantic yet tempting urgings, Frankie sighed heavily, comfortingly ruffled the frazzled child's hair, and resolutely replied,
"No."
"But-"
"Mac, let's be honest here," she explained somberly. "Off all people, I should've just believed you from the start, but…well, I dunno, maybe I was too proud or something to admit I was wrong, maybe I thought you were just fooling…look, whatever happened, I did not handle it well, I can tell you that much. I so had this coming, and-"
"I know, but-" he tried to object one last time before she motioned for him to stop.
"Oh for Pete's sake, just look at me! I've earned my bachelor's degree, but I'm still not smart enough to figure out when I need to just take three minutes time out to pick up a stupid book to look up something. If anything, I say I completely deserved this." she proclaimed humbly.
"I…I guess…" Mac relented begrudgingly, before adding, "But I was really kinda a jerk about it when-"
"Oh c'mon pal, don't-"she implored.
"I acted like everyone should be familiar with turkey anatomy! Like that makes me any better?" he demanded, as he suddenly grabbed her by the arm and began forcibly tugging her in the direction of the staircase. "Please, Frankie! For Pete's sake, just look at yourself! This is crazy! C'mon!"
After a bit of half-hearted resistance in last-ditch attempt to honestly carry out her part of the ridiculous bargain, she finally acquiesced to his unyielding dogged persistence.
"Okay, okay, you win…." She chuckled weakly as he allowed led him to lead her off. "And you got a point there…I mean, let's face the facts, I'm not exactly an expert on the animal kingdom."
"You don't need to tell me that twice," the boy quickly agreed.
"I mean, seriously, what do I look like, some type of zoololologigist?" she murmured as the two ascended up the stairs, although she couldn't help but notice appalled grimace that swept across Mac's face out of the corner of her eye.
"…What? What'd I say?" she muttered. The child looked like he was about to say something when he just turned away, draped a hand over his face and elicited a long, exasperated groan.
"Oh, forget about it…"
The End
Hey, having a college degree (or in my case, just starting to earn one) doesn't mean you have to know everything; I'd be a filthy liar if I said this wasn't based off a real conversation someone had the severe misfortune of having with me.
Thanks for reading! All feedback is welcome!