Author's Note: Written for TML9115, who needed something a bit fun.

Leonard stared at the shelves in front of him in consternation. He'd only ever had to do this once before and he didn't remember it being so complicated.

This should not be this hard. He was Captain Cold; he'd stolen priceless gems from museums with the best of security. This should be nothing compared to those jobs. Tapping his index finger against his thigh, he shook his head and pulled out his phone. It was time to contact the person who had sent him on this job in the first place. His fingers flew over the keys, typing out a quick message before hitting send.

Why are there so many?

As he waited for a reply, Leonard began to tap his phone against his hand. A few moments later, it beeped to signal a new text, Sara's name appearing on the screen. Letting out a breath, he opened it.

OMG Len, because no vagina is exactly alike and they all deserve to be loved, okay? Like snowflakes.

Leonard's lips twitched before he pressed them together to keep from laughing right there in the middle of the aisle. A noise from the end of the aisle nearest to the wall had him turning his head. He raised an eyebrow at the guy standing there before turning back to his phone.

Some guy is in the aisle now and he keeps staring at me.

Sounds like a criminal. I'll call my dad, he'll protect you.

You're the worst vigilante girlfriend, you know that, assassin?

You get what you pay for, Captain, and last I checked you don't pay a cent for me.

That's me, keeping you from a life of prostitution.

Your generosity boggles my mind.

I'm a giver.

Leonard ticked his eyes to the side and glanced at the guy out of the corner of his eye.

He looks smug. What does he have to be smug about?

I don't care. Just pick a box and buy it or I'll tell Mick where you hid the matches last week

"Vicious," he whispered to himself with a smirk. He glanced up and grabbed one of the boxes that said something about different size tampons for different cycles. For once, he didn't want to know.

He'd only made it a few steps before he heard the cut off laugh from the guy at the other end of the aisle and he stopped, turning to face the other man. Leonard simply stared at him for a few moments before he slowly smiled.

Less than ten minutes later, he smiled and nodded at the cashier as he paid. He pulled out his phone as he left the store, sending off another text.

Froze his wheels to the floor. Bastard's not so smug now, is he?

There was no response for the full five minutes it took him to get to his car and it wasn't until he was closing the door behind himself that his phone beeped.

...tell me you didn't take the mini cold gun to Target.

I didn't take the mini cold gun to Target.

Well don't lie to me!

Make up your mind, I can't tell you what you want to hear and tell the truth!

You're impossible

What?

You're not supposed to take the mini cold gun to the store Len

You never know when you'll need it for an emergency!

Just get home and try not to freeze anyone else on the way.

I make no guarantees.