As Calleigh read on through Dr. Marsh's notes about Eric's most recent session, her breath caught in her throat. After I got shot, it really put things into perspective…made me start thinking about my future. About settling down. It'd be nice if it were Calleigh. What she read for the next few minutes after had Calleigh's heart stopped for a second and she had to take a breath because her lungs were empty. Her throat was tight and then her heart began to beat double time. She couldn't catch a breath.

Eric noticed her expression. "Find anything?" he asked leaning slightly toward her.

"Nope," she said, after taking a breath. "I think this is a bust."

After having caught Burnham and the short talk with Eric outside Miami-Dade HQ, Calleigh was driving in home in rush hour traffic, still in a daze, her mind on what she had read. She couldn't quite believe what was written in those notes. Eric and she had always had a close relationship, closer than mere friends but still not as intimate as lovers, and she knew he had feelings for her. He'd done and said many things these past two years since his shooting to indicate that, but she'd never thought his feelings ran that deep. She thought what he'd been feeling was mostly gratitude and friendship manifesting in a crush that had continued past the shooting and his recovery because she'd helped him so much since that terrible time. But something this serious? Never.

A rude driver honked loudly behind her and Calleigh started, and then began pulling forward the short car length the other driver was angry she hadn't moved up. Eric was her best and closest friend, one of few she saw socially outside of work and could trust wouldn't blab around the office about her antics when they went out together on the few occasions she actually wanted to go to the local bar or nightclub. They'd been through so much in the last seven years. Speedle's death, Hagan's suicide, Marisol's murder, Alexx's resignation….. It seemed that everyone they loved left, in one form or another. She didn't think she could take it if she lost him, even if he didn't physically leave the force. Because Calleigh knew she couldn't give Eric what he wanted, what he needed, as much as she wanted to. She couldn't jeopardize their relationship over sex, even with the promise of so much more…

Calleigh read on, absorbing every word. She couldn't stop herself, even knowing these were some of Eric's most private and intimate thoughts. She had to know…

When we started these sessions, and before, when I was seeing the department psychologist, I said I was having dreams, nightmares really, seeing and hearing, reliving the shooting. For days and nights afterward I couldn't hear a gunshot without flinching and the sound of the report bringing me back to those moments when I was in that gunfight. But now, those dreams, they've stopped, and been replaced. Replaced with these dreams… About Calleigh…About what it would, what it could be like with her. I dream about our life together as if it's already happened. I feel such, Eric chokes up, tears clogging his throat, burning his eyes, such calm when I'm there in that place. I want that peace I've found in those dreams. There's been such little peace in my life these past years…When I wake up, sometimes I have trouble coming out of it. I don't want to leave that place I've found with her. It's perfect. I want that with her in reality. I want her. I love her. I think I've been in love with her for several years and it's taken this long, this event, to realize it. I love Calleigh.

Calleigh shivered slightly, remembering the words printed on that handwritten sheet, a stark and bold statement testifying to Eric's feelings. Just thinking about it had her heart racing in sheer panic. What was she going to do? She couldn't start a relationship with Eric. Office romances never worked out. Look what happened with Jake. Wait a minute, Calleigh mentally paused. She was considering it? How could she be considering it? She didn't care about Eric that way. Did she? Calleigh evaluated her feelings for him on the long 45 minute drive home.

Facts I Know About My Relationship with Eric

We've known each other for seven years.

He's my best friend.

He's one of the most important people in my life.

I depend on him sometimes. (Okay, a lot.)

He's my sounding board.

I trust him implicitly.

I love him.

The first and fourth facts revealed they had a lot of history, professional and personal. He'd been there through some of the toughest times in her life: Speedle's death, her father's many falls off the wagon, Hagan's suicide, her kidnapping—the list goes on. The second was directly related to the first, fourth, fifth, and sixth. Before Tim died, the two of them were thick as thieves. They'd been partners and friends for over five years before that newbie Eric Delko showed up on the scene. Calleigh smiled, remembering the first time she met him. He'd been so green, fresh out of underwater recovery, the new kid on the block, and eager to please. During that early period, Calleigh, being the senior investigator, had trained Eric and gotten to know him. Over the last seven years and especially since Tim died, they'd grown considerably closer and now she didn't know what she'd do without him. She went to him when she wanted to talk (even though those times were few and far between). She knew she could tell him anything and he wouldn't judge or laugh or taunt. She thought it was a given he could do the same, but with these notes and his words on that paper…. Didn't he trust her? She trusted him to watch her back, personally and professionally. Why couldn't he come to her?

Calleigh felt kind of betrayed that he wouldn't talk to her about what he was feeling. Although, a small voice inside—which sounded suspiciously like her own—said, you didn't make it exactly easy with dating Jake the better part of two years. Jake's different. He's got nothing to do with this, she replied mentally. He's got everything to do with this! the voice resounded. Eric's felt insecure and with the way you've treated him the last two years since his shooting, he probably thinks you pity him. How have I treated him? she asked internally. Like he was a child that has to be taken care of.

Calleigh thought back to their interactions since the shooting and judged each gesture, look, or word. She had treated him with kid gloves for most of the year. And with her involvement with Jake, she'd tried to gently let Eric down. She'd seen his growing crush, and she'd thought that was all it was, a crush that had extended long beyond the normal time and even so, would eventually fizzle out and die. Never mind your own feelings for him. What feelings? Calleigh asked silently, stubbornly. Oh, I don't know. Why don't you examine number seven on that list there? Hmmm?

The voice inside was silenced briefly as she finally pulled into the driveway of her house. Entering the garage and turning off the alarm, Calleigh made her way into the kitchen where she dropped her keys and purse on the table and went to the counter where an opened bottle of Savignon Blanc was waiting. Pouring herself half of a glass, she made her way back though the hall and into the living room, where she reclined on her chaise lounge, kicked off her shoes, and took a sip of the dry, but refreshingly cool wine. When are you going to admit your feelings? the little voice spoke up and startled Calleigh so she almost spilled her wine.

"I do not have feelings for Eric," she said out loud. He's my best friend and that's all. Nothing more, nothing less.

Keep telling yourself that… Then why is it you sometimes get the butterflies in your stomach or when he's talking to you the hair on the back of your neck stands up and takes notice. Your heart races and the place between your le—

That's enough! Alright, I'll admit it. I'm aware of him. Sometimes. It's perfectly natural. It's nature. I'm a woman, a normal healthy woman. He's a man, an attractive man, a very attractive man, with the cutest little dimple when he smiles and— Calleigh's face softened as she visualized Eric's face— those gorgeous brown eyes, so deep you could sink into them (And you have). Calleigh mentally traveled down his body. A nice firm chest, nice six pack abs, strong arms, all that tanned sk—

Calleigh realized where her thoughts were going and put a brick wall down fast. She'd never thought of her colleague like this before. Not when you were conscious.

What?

Anyway, gutter mind, I wasn't talking about those feelings, although that was a nice reminder. Thanks. I was talking about emotional feelings. Remember number seven?

I love Eric. I do. As a friend. He's my best friend. Of course I love him. We've been through a lot together. He's like a brother to me, Calleigh mentally stated firmly.

Snort Brother, my ass. So that's why you almost broke down when he was shot? Seems like much more. Seems like a permanent, love-you-in-a-forever-kind-of-way love. Why you didn't leave his side?Why were you crying? Why did your heart hurt so much? Why was it in your throat the entire time he was in the coma? Why did you pray, when you'd stopped praying a long time ago? Why the intense relief when he woke up? You've lost friends and other loved ones before, but no one you were—

"—In love with," Calleigh whispered in shock. She was, she realized, her heart pounding so hard in her chest she thought it was going to jump out. Her breath was short again. She was gasping, feeling slightly lightheaded as she consciously realized what she'd subconsciously known the whole time: She was in love with Eric Delko. Like any good addict on the road to recovery, she'd taken the first step and admitted it. Now what?