DISCLAIMER: All of the places and characters in this story belong to the genius Ms. J.K. Rowling. No profit is being made from this story. It only serves to (hopefully) entertain.
Rated T for profanity, allusions to smoking/sexual content, and reference to a sensitive topic.
-Turn and Face the Strange-
Time may change me...
If the state of the world were different, Remus would have simply walked right into the flat, but the last thing he wanted was terrify two of his closest friends, not to mention risk getting hexed or worse. In fact, if he did walk in unannounced, Remus was fairly certain his punishment would fall into the category of "worse"; he knew what Sirius and Marlene were capable of.
For safety's sake, Remus knocked on the wooden door. He was greeted with two seconds of silence before someone spoke.
"Who are you?" the voice demanded. Marlene.
"Remus John Lupin," he answered, "werewolf, sometimes known as Moony, former Gryffindor, former prefect, and member of the Order of the Phoenix."
He felt silly reciting his name so formally, but it was for the best.
"Tell me something only Remus John Lupin would know."
"How about that one time I found you in the boys' dormitory flipping through Sirius's copy of Wanton Witches so you could figure out what he was into?"
The door swung open, and though Marlene was grinning, she was obviously trying very hard to look angry.
"I hate you. Come in."
"Ah, but before I do," Remus said with cheeky grin, holding up his wand, "who, may I ask, are you?"
Marlene huffed.
"Marlene Maura McKinnon, not a werewolf, sometimes known as Marls, former Gryffindor, not even close to being a former prefect, and member of the Order of the Phoenix. Additionally, I think my reaction to your comment about Sirius's choice in literature is evidence enough that I am me, yeah?"
"I'll buy it."
Marlene laughed and pulled him into a hug.
"It's good to see you, Remus. I'm just making some breakfast. Care for some toast?"
"I'd love some, but I don't have much time. I just stopped by to go over something with Sirius. Is he around?"
"Nah. He's out on a mission. Had to cover for Caradoc. Poor bloke's got dragon pox."
"That's unfortunate, but I guess I have time for a slice of toast, then."
"Rye alright?"
"Fine. Thanks."
They walked through the sitting room toward the kitchen. The flat was the perfect reflection of Sirius and Marlene. It wasn't dirty by any means, but it was certainly untidy and cluttered. There were random articles of clothing tossed here and there, a few empty mugs and beer bottles abandoned on end tables, and stacks of records, both magical and Muggle, were piled in a corner of the room.
The small kitchen smelled of orange juice and burnt bread; even when it came to simple things, Marlene was never a very good cook. Remus plopped down in a vacant chair at the tiny table in the corner while Marlene busied herself at the counter. The Daily Prophet was in front of him, and Remus flipped to the obituaries. Such an act was, sadly enough, becoming commonplace without so much as a second thought.
"Anyone we know?" Marlene asked, knowing exactly what he was doing without looking up. "I haven't had a chance to look yet."
"Nah," Remus answered as he scanned the surprisingly small bunch of names and photographs. "No news is good news, right?"
"Absolutely. Tea or juice?"
Remus looked at her incredulously over the top of the newspaper, one eyebrow raised.
"No coffee?" Remus asked. Marlene had always preferred coffee to tea; in fact, he hadn't noticed until now that the scent of it, a staple in Sirius and Marlene's flat each morning, was absent. "That's unusual."
Marlene shrugged. "I've been on a bit of a juice kick lately. I can brew a pot, though, if you'd like."
"Oh no, juice is fine, thank you. I'm just not used to it here is all."
Remus continued to skim through the Prophet as Marlene toasted several slices of rye. A few minutes passed before she brought them over, along with two glasses of juice and a jar of strawberry jam. There was an ashtray on the table, and Remus pulled it closer to him before reaching into his pocket for a lighter and pack of cigarettes.
"Really, Remus? At breakfast?" Marlene scoffed.
"What?" Remus asked, unlit cigarette dangling between his teeth. "When have you ever cared?"
"Just... just not at breakfast, alright?"
"Alright."
Remus obliged and tucked the cigarette back into the pack, which he unceremoniously tossed beside his breakfast plate. He didn't question it further. It was odd, considering he'd seen Marlene smoke at several meals (and pretty much everywhere else,) but it was her flat, her rules.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you," Marlene said after a while.
"Don't even worry about it."
"It's just... well, I quit a couple weeks ago."
"What, really?"
"Yeah. But I still itch for one every once in a while, and seeing them doesn't help, so-"
Remus held up a hand to stop her.
"Honestly, Marls, it's not a big deal. What made you decide to stop? You've been smoking since... what? Sixth year?"
"End of fifth," she corrected. "I don't know. Just felt like it was time, I guess."
"Fair enough. Aren't you going to eat anything?"
Marlene was ripping the slice of toast in front of her into little pieces, but Remus hadn't seen her take a single bite. She hardly touched her glass of orange juice.
"I will," she said. "I just feel a little funny."
"Marlene... are you okay?"
"Of course. Never better. Why?"
"I don't know, you just seem... forget it."
Maybe she was having a more difficult time dealing with Dorcas's death than he thought. The loss of their dear friend and colleague two weeks before had been a blow to them all, but Marlene in particular had been very close to Dorcas.
But... no. It had to be more than that. Remus was sure of it. He'd known Marlene for a long time. She became incredibly indulgent whenever she was troubled, and food, coffee, and cigarettes were her vices. She devoured them whenever she was foul mood.
Unless...
No coffee. No smoking. Not in the mood to eat.
No way.
"Marls?"
"Yeah?"
"You... you're not...?"
Her hand was covering her mouth, but with the way her cheeks puffed up slightly, Remus could tell she was grinning.
"You are, aren't you?"
"Okay, yes," she conceded with a smile. "No point trying to lie to you."
"Merlin, Marls! That's fantastic!"
"It's... yeah, I guess it is, isn't it?"
"You guess?"
"No, I... well, I don't know," Marlene sighed. "It's just horrible timing, don't you think? With everything that's been happening, and it's hard to be happy when we just lost Dorcas, and Sirius..."
"What about Sirius?"
"I kind of haven't told him yet."
"What?" Remus exclaimed. "Why? How long have you known?"
"A couple of weeks."
"And you haven't told him?! Marlene!"
"I found out the day after Dorcas died, Remus!" Marlene defended. "What was I supposed to say? 'Hey, Sirius, I know one of our best friends was just murdered by the Dark Lord himself, but guess what? I'm pregnant!' That would have been awful, and I didn't want the news to always be associated with losing Dorcas."
Remus nodded. He couldn't argue with that.
"And it's scary," she added, "to be bringing a baby into a world like this. I'm just worried what he'll think. Maybe he won't be happy."
"Marlene, believe me, he's going to be ecstatic. Sirius loves you and he's always wanted a family."
"But with the war going on..."
"Maybe that's the best reason to be happy about this," Remus thought out loud. "It's another reason to keep fighting, you know? Look at James and Lily. They've been more determined than ever since they had Harry, and on top of that, they're beyond thrilled. I mean, yeah, the world isn't exactly in a great place right now, but we're going to make it better. We're going to end that bastard and everyone with him once and for all."
"I hope you're right. I'd hate for her to grow up surrounded by all of this."
Remus grinned.
"Her?"
Marlene chuckled and buried her face in her hand.
"Why is it so easy to spill secrets to you?"
"It's not my fault," Remus laughed. "You all just... tell me things. Always have. Half of it I don't even want to know, to be honest."
"It's because we know you won't say anything, that's why. You... you won't say anything about this, will you?"
"Of course not. Promise," Remus confirmed. "How do you know it's a girl?"
"There's a spell."
"I've never heard of it."
"Wow, I know a spell the brilliant Remus Lupin doesn't. Write it down."
"To be fair, I've never had a need for such a spell."
"True. Anyway, I just had to know. I hope Sirius won't be mad."
"He can't really be mad about something he doesn't know about," Remus said. "Marls... you really do have to tell him, and soon."
"I know," Marlene agreed. "I'll tell him tonight once I get back."
"Back from where?"
"My parents' house. The whole family's getting together for Magnus's birthday. Sirius was going to come, but the Order's priority."
"Mind if I stop by this evening when he's home? I really do have to go over those plans with him."
"Oh, sure," Marlene said. "He should be back around seven."
"Are you sure you don't mind? I don't want to intrude on your... er, conversation."
"Remus, it's fine," Marlene confirmed with a smile. "He'll be home long before me, anyway."
"Alright then. I should get going, though," he added, glancing at the clock. It was nearing nine. "Thanks for breakfast."
"Anytime."
They both rose from the table and Marlene pulled him in for a hug.
"Remember," she said, "not a word to anyone, alright?"
"I promise."
"Thanks."
Remus smiled.
"Marlene... congratulations. I'm thrilled for you, really. You're going to be such an amazing mum."
"Remus..." she mumbled, cheeks turning crimson.
"What? It's true. That baby's really lucky."
"Thank you."
"I'll see you soon, alright? Wish Magnus a happy birthday for me."
"Will do. See you later."
Remus let himself out of the flat, and as he descended the three fights of stairs to get to the crowded London street, he wondered when the hell they'd all grown up. They were still young, but James and Lily were married with a kid, Sirius and Marlene were expecting, and all of them were voluntarily fighting a war while defying one of the most vile wizards to ever walk the earth. They'd lost Dorcas, but he knew she went down fighting proudly as she always did, and he had a sneaking suspicion she didn't regret it.
This was worth fighting for, worth dying for if need be, and they all knew it. And now, Remus thought with a smile, there was yet another child on the way to think about.
Yes, against all odds, the future was bright. They were going to make it. They were all going to get their peace.
At seven-thirty that night, Remus found himself back outside Sirius and Marlene's flat, knocking on that same wooden door and prepared to declare himself as friend, not foe.
"Who are you?" came the reply.
Remus raised both an eyebrow and his wand. That wasn't Sirius. At least, it didn't sound Sirius.
"James?" he queried. "What-"
"Who are you?" James demanded angrily.
"Alright! Remus John Lupin, werewolf, sometimes known as Moony, former Gryffindor, former prefect, and member of the Order of the Phoenix. I put Harry's nappy on backwards once, and instead of helping, you just laughed and called me a buffoon. Who are you?"
"James Charlus Potter, animagus, sometimes known as Prongs, former Gryffindor, former Head Boy, and member of the Order of the Phoenix. I showed you Lily's engagement ring when we were out in the courtyard on our last night at Hogwarts."
The door opened as Remus lowered his wand, but before he could say anything, his breath caught in his throat at the sight of James. His friend, eyes red and wet, was gesturing him inside with a shaking hand.
"Quickly," he choked out. "No way of knowing who could be following."
Remus stepped in, heart plummeting further and further as he looked at each person in the sitting room. Emmeline stood by the window, face horror-stricken and wand at the ready. Peter was in the corner, hands deep in his pockets as his stared at his feet in what appeared to be disbelief. Lily was pacing the room, rocking a fussy Harry to sleep as tears streamed down her cheeks. Mary, perched on the couch, covered her mouth with a trembling hand. And Sirius, face pale and tear-stained, sat in the armchair by the fire, hypnotized by the flickering flames.
"What's going on?" Remus asked.
James took a deep breath.
"It's... it's the McKinnons... they..."
Remus quickly looked around the room. James. Lily. Sirius. Peter. Emmeline. Mary. Dorcas was gone, and... Marlene. Where in the name of God was Marlene?
"Marls?" he whispered.
At the mention of his love's name, Sirius let out a strangled cry and departed for the kitchen. James just shook his head, stifling a sob. Remus thought he was going to be sick.
"No, she... she can't... she can't."
And she simply couldn't be gone, couldn't be dead. No. They'd just lost Dorcas; they couldn't have possibly lost Marlene, too! And Marlene was pregnant, for goodness sake! It couldn't be true. It had to be a mistake.
"They got them all," James said. "Those bastards got the entire family, all eight of them."
Nine, Remus thought somberly. It was nine.
And Sirius...
Remus stepped into the kitchen, heart shattering at the sight of Sirius. He was at the table, sitting in the same chair Marlene had been in at breakfast that morning, perfectly alive and well, happy and healthy. Sirius was completely broken, shoulders hunched over and body quivering. Remus pulled the chair he'd used earlier right beside Sirius and placed a hand on his shoulder.
He had no idea what to say. He knew what he wanted to say, of course; he wanted to tell Sirius that everything would be okay, to think of all the good times he and Marlene had, but Remus knew no matter how many times people used those phrases to comfort the grieving, they were all a bunch of shit. His friend had just lost the love of his life, and Remus wasn't sure if the fact that Sirius didn't know he'd also lost his unborn daughter made it better or worse.
"What's that you got there?" Remus asked after a long while.
Sirius was clutching something in his left hand so tightly that his knuckles were had turned white. When he slowly opened his fist, Remus wished he hadn't asked. In Sirius's hand was a small, black velvet box, and there was no need to question what it contained.
"I was always too scared to ask her," Sirius wept. "But I should have. I should have married her and taken her far away from here. I loved her so much, Remus. She was everything. She... she didn't deserve this... "
"I know," Remus whispered. "I'm sorry. Sirius, I'm so sorry."
It was all he could say. He stayed with Sirius as he cried, and Remus allowed a few silent tears to fall himself. Sirius was right: Marlene didn't deserve this. Neither of them did. Remus thought if anyone deserved a happy ending, it was them, because they were two of the best people he knew.
And Remus wished, prayed, that this was all just a dream, that he'd wake up from this nightmare and be able to tell Sirius and Marlene to waste no time, because there are no guarantees. He wanted to give Sirius a chance to marry his love, give Marlene a chance to tell Sirius she was carrying his child. He wanted to give them a chance to have a life together, like they both always wanted but were too stubborn to admit.
But the clock kept ticking. Both men kept crying. Somewhere, the war was carrying on.
Peace was still far off. Remus, against all odds, had faith that it would come, but with each life lost, he was losing hope that he or any of his friends would ever get to see it.
...but I can't trace time.
Author's Note: The beginning/end lyrics, as well as the story's title, were all borrowed from David Bowie's song, "Changes." The story also has lovely art, the link to which can be found on my profile page.
This story was written for Emily as part of the 2014 GGE. Hope you enjoyed it, love, even though it turned out a bit more angsty than expected. :p
Thanks for reading!