A Past Forgotten
By Annanara
Set after Season 2 "Conversion"
Summary: Summary: Visions of a life she doesn't remember begin to haunt Dr. Elizabeth Weir. Is she going insane or is there a meaning behind what only she can see?
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Elizabeth strolled through the deserted halls of Atlantis, taking some comfort in the fact nobody would be bothering her this late at night. She sighed, frustrated at the worries that seemed to cling to her thoughts. Ever since leaving Earth, she couldn't shake the sense of detachment that seemed to plague her, nor the feeling of loneliness that still clenched her heart when she thought of "home".

But, Atlantis was home now, she reasoned. She should be happy to be back. She frowned in thought, feeling the silence of the city at night around her. Again, the sense of being alone grabbed at her mind and she shook her head, as if the physical motion could make it vanish.

Without thinking about where she was going, she soon found herself at the balcony near the cafeteria. Walking out onto the balcony and into the Atlantian night, she felt her frustration and loneliness slip away. It was replaced with a feeling she could not describe, something that seemed so familiar yet foreign.

She inhaled deeply, smelling the rain that had so recently fallen over the city. A cool breeze brushed her hair back and she closed her eyes. Suddenly, it was as if every part of her was alive and she smiled.

"I always loved the boulevard, especially on nights when it rained. The lights reflecting like stars in the puddles beneath my feet..."

The hazy vision of riding in a convertible with a blonde haired man faded as she opened her eyes again. The slight lightening of the night's sky that greeted her eyes made her groan as she realized how late, or early, it really was.

Quickly leaving the balcony, she made it back to her quarters without anyone stopping her. After glancing at the coming dawn from her window, she changed clothes and climbed into bed praying that sleep would claim her, if only for a little while.
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Walking into Dr. Weir's office, Col. John Shepard lightly knocked on her wall before taking a seat in front of her desk. Seemingly not noticing his entrance, he grinned and rapped on the top of her desk.

Surprised, Elizabeth's head jerked up, looking around her office until John's presence registered. She gave him a quick smile as she placed her datapad on her desk.

"And how are you doing today, John?" she asked lightly, leaning slightly back in her chair.

He grinned at her, "I'm feeling 100 like John Sheppard."

Elizabeth smiled genuinely, but he caught the slight furrow in her brow, as if the comment had disturbed her. Before he could say anything, it was gone. It was then that he took a good look at the doctor. Her eyes looked tired and dull as if she hadn't slept in days.

He frowned, looking her straight in the eyes. His face became serious and Elizabeth returned his look with curiosity. "And how are you doing, Elizabeth?"

As soon as the question was asked Elizabeth broke eye contact with him and took a breath. She sat straighter in her chair, a forced smile on her face. "Better, now that you'll be able to take over your base duties again. You have no idea how much Col. Caldwell has been using this Iratus bug virus as an opportunity to..."

"Actually, I know," John interrupted, "some of the men have been keeping me informed."

Elizabeth nodded and picked up her data pad again. "I'm sorry John, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to cut this short. I have a lot of work to do right now." She glanced at the data pad again before looking back to him. "I really am glad you're better."

She smiled and he nodded as he reluctantly got up from the chair. Halfway to the door he paused and turned around. "I'll catch you later."

Elizabeth smiled and nodded before turning her attention back to the data pad. When he reached the door, she was already engrossed in whatever work she had been doing before his arrival. Looking at her now, she looked almost like a hermit. She was hunched over her desk, as if her shoulders were trying to bear a great weight. And, in a way, he mused, she was. He was tempted to stay, see what he could do to help, but he still had a lot of other apologizes to give out. He'd just have to finish them off, give Elizabeth's hers, and see what he could do to help her out.

Resolved in his course of action, he made his way to the next name on his list. Teyla.
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The hour was late as John walked to the cafeteria, wondering what kind of food he'd be able to pilfer from the kitchen. After having been bedridden for weeks he found himself restless, especially at night when he should be sleeping.

Not quite cleared for off-world activity, but well enough to take over his normal duties in the city, he found he couldn't wait to get through the gate again. He chuckled as he remembered his conversation with General O'Neill before he left for Atlantis. The General thought he was whacked for not wanting to go through the gate. Now, he couldn't imagine what his life would be like if he hadn't.

As he neared the cafeteria, he caught a flash of movement out of the corner of his eye. Looking toward the balcony, he could make out the silhouette of someone moving outside. Wondering who would be out so late, he moved to the balcony quietly so as not to disturb the person. Looking through a clear piece of the glass, he found himself utterly surprised.

Quietly, he opened the door. There was Elizabeth, dressed in a long white nightgown, holding a doll and dancing lightly on the balcony.

"Elizabeth?" John asked, unsure. The woman in question spun around, surprised. He stepped out onto the balcony and smiled. Elizabeth frowned, backing away from him. His smile was short lived as he saw the look of confusion in her eyes.

He took a cautious step toward her and again she backed away, the doll in her hands clutched to her chest. "Elizabeth?" he queried again.

She didn't reply, but he noted the way her eyes roamed up and down as she looked at him. Her brows knitted together in concentration and her head cocked slightly to the side. "You seem familiar," she whispered softly.

"It's me, John. Col. Sheppard." He took a small step toward her again. This time she didn't move away, just continued to stare at him, appraising him.

"Col. Sheppard..." she repeated.

"Hey, what are you doing up so late?" "Couldn't sleep. Must be the, ah, burden of command. You know, ever since I was promoted to Lt. Col."

"You know me," she asked, taking a step towards him. He nodded and stood still. His mind was racing with questions. He was sure this was Elizabeth, but she didn't exactly seem to be all there, mentally speaking.

"I'd like to think we know each other pretty well," he said teasingly, watching her reaction to his comment. She smirked and tilted her head to the side, considering. It was a manner he had come to associate with the doctor when she was amused.

He held up his hands. "Ok, maybe not THAT well," he conceded. Her easy smiled faded and her eyes drifted to the view of the ocean.

"Where are we? I can't remember ever seeing a city so wondrous. Nor do I recognize any of the constellations." She raised her right hand. It wavered as she tried tracing the patterns in the stars, but dropped it back to her side a few seconds later.

John frowned. "You really don't remember, do you?" The woman shook her head. "Maybe we should go see Beckett..."

"No!" she stated firmly. The name Beckett conjured images of hospital beds and equipment. "I have no need for a doctor." Elizabeth stepped away from him and to the edge of the balcony. Sighing she looked out to the ocean, ignoring him.

As John watched her, he knew something was very wrong. Had the stress of leading Atlantis gotten to her? She had been under a great deal of stress lately, especially with having to deal with Col. Caldwell. The man never gave her a moments rest with all his "ideas". He'd heard from his men about the many meetings with raised voices coming from her office.

First things first, he told himself. Need to get her to Dr. Beckett whether she wants to see him or not. And the quieter they could do it the better. No doubt Caldwell would use this against her if it got back to him.

"So...," he started out, hoping Elizabeth couldn't sense his motives, "what's the last thing you remember?"

She turned her head to glance at him before looking back to the horizon. He followed her gaze out to sea. The lights from Atlantis reflected off the dark water and the moon could be seen mirrored in its waves. The view truly was spectacular, but that didn't stave off his worry over the woman next to him.

"The last thing I remember," she mused, "I remember seeing the sun." He sensed a hint of wistfulness in her voice and turned to look at her. As he did, he heard and felt a slight rush of air next to him. Elizabeth was gone.

He looked around quickly, but she was nowhere in sight. There was no way she could have moved to the door that quickly. Still, he looked around the balcony, went through the door into the cafeteria, and yet, there was no sign of Elizabeth.

Going back to the balcony, he wasn't sure now that it wasn't him who was having a mental breakdown. After all, mutating into a bug can take its toll on a person. He turned to leave when his eye caught something on the balcony.

Bending over, he picked up the object. It looked like a piece of yellowed cloth. His mind flashed to the doll that Elizabeth had been holding. Holding the piece of cloth in his hands, he walked back to bed, confused by his late night encounter.
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The night was cool and fresh. The smell of fall making it's way into the evening breeze. Finding an empty bench, she sat and watched the night. The lights of the city were constant beacons of light while the stars above turned with the coming of dawn.

She watched the horizon. As the sky slowly brightened, she pulled up the hood of her jacket. She could already feel the stinging sensation on her hands and face. As if pins where pricking her in a thousand places all over her skin.

The sun began to peak above the horizon and she clenched her hands in pain. Looking down, she could see smoke beginning to rise, the smell of burning flesh filling her nose.

Still, she sat and watched as the sun rose completely above the horizon. Relief and regret engulfed her as her body combusted into flames.