Hey guys, this was hard to write but here's my first attempt at a one-shot. Please read and review! Hope you like it!
"You've always been a hero, my beautiful body," Katherine Halstead whispered, her fingers weakly tracing over the stitches above Jay's right eyebrow. He had sustained the injury two weeks prior to coming home, when his humvee had been blown to pieces by an IED. Shards of glass had cut into his skin, leaving him bleeding badly, while all his men had died, except for him and Mouse.
Somehow, his mother's words brought Jay some solace. She was dying but up till now she had been holding on for him. He'd been in the hospital when the news of his mother dying of cancer reached him. Jay had immediately talked to his commander, who graciously agreed to let Jay go home for a couple of weeks.
" Remember, I love you. And I'm so proud of the man, the hero, you've become, Jay. Never give up your morals for anyone. I know you can always be the man any woman would be proud to call her husband. Just promise me you won't ever compromise your morals for anyone."
Holding his mother's hand, Jay pressed his lips to her pale and cold hand. " I promise, Mom," he vowed sincerely. "I love you too."
Tears in her eyes, Katherine Halstead pulled her younger son to her, kissing his forehead. " Be strong for Will, okay?"
Jay nodded, not trusting himself to speak for fear his voice would crack or get caught in his throat.
A small smile lit up his mother's beautiful face, before she slowly closed her eyes one last time. Her hand still holding onto Jay's, Katherine Halstead breathed her last.
And Jay finally let himself cry. His mother was gone. He was alone.
Present Day
Ever since Erin had left Chicago five years ago, Jay Halstead's PTSD had progressively gotten worse. He could barely sleep, he would sometimes black out if he drank too much, which happened frequently. At night in his apartment, he would usually just have one beer, but now that had increased to two, sometimes three. His life had become a complete mess.
Jay had stopped attending the peer support talks because most nights, the unit would be working over-time to catch the bad guys. The unit was different without Erin. Although Antonio Dawson had returned, nothing was the same. It had all changed overnight.
When Jay had found out from Hank Voight, that Erin had left, he hadn't accepted it. He refused to believe that his partner, and ex-girlfriend, would walk away from him without even a goodbye hug. She had progressed so much in such a short time, opening up to Jay and letting him fully in, and he could not believe she wouldn't confront him about such an important decision. Although, given everything, he could understand why she had to leave and why it was necessary. He just wished she had said goodbye.
After that, Jay had returned home, drunk. Will had been the one to drive him home, definitely not letting his younger brother drive under influence. Jay had taken the ring from his pocket and handed it to Will. Will had looked stunned, not sure what to do or say. Instead, with tears in his eyes, Jay had told Will that when the time was right, Will should propose to Natalie Manning, using that ring.
Then, Jay went to his room, ready to fall asleep. He had woken up with a pounding headache, but knowing he couldn't skip work, he had gotten up and changed. He drank a cup of coffee and had an Advil before work.
Driving to work, Jay tried to block his mind from everything that had happened. Instead, he walked into the district with an impassive look on his face. Although his friends could see he was hurting, he didn't want their sympathy or pity. He just wanted to work. It was the only constant thing in his life. So they said nothing. Erin was never mentioned again.
This had been the routine for five years now, and Jay was okay with it.
Sitting at his desk, Jay went through his paperwork. A few cases had hit him hard but Antonio had been there to help him, for which Jay was grateful to him. The current case the Intelligence Unit was working on involved a suicide bomber, who had blown himself up in a crowd full of people, leaving around fifty people dead and more than a hundred injured badly.
The case brought back bad memories for Jay. He did his best not to show he was affected and for the most part, his team-mates believed him. They believed he was okay.
"The CCTV cameras that weren't damaged in the blast show a man wearing a dark blue cardigan approaching the centre of the crowd," Antonio reported. "I ran him through a facial recognition software. His name was Jonah Graham. He was a recent Chicago Central University mechancial enginer graduate and had just been offered a job at C-Tech. I guess he got pulled into the wrong crowd and was brainwashed."
"Are his parents living in Chicago?" Hank asked.
"Well they were," Kevin Atwater piped up. "But he killed them before he went to blow himself."
"The bodies were found ten minutes before the bombing happened," Adam Ruzek added.
"Halstead, any word from your CI?" Hank inquired.
"No dice," Jay shook his head.
Hank scratched his chin thoughtfully before making making decision. "Go home, all of you. We'll transfer the case over to the FBI."
He had been careful not to take Erin or her unit's name, knowing that it was a better option not to bring up painful memories. Especially for Jay.
Truthfully, Jay didn't need to know about reasons Hank had decided not t mention Erin or her counter terrorism unit in the FBI. But what he did know was that he wanted to get some sleep. He needed to rest.
Grabbing his jacket off the back of his chair, Jay walked out of the precinct. He was home twenty minutes later. Although he was tired, he settled down on the couch, and switched the television on, a beer in hand. It would take him a while to sleep, if he ever did.
His eyes closed almost ten minutes later but his sleep was in no way peaceful.
*flashback*
Jay and his team of six men were on high alert, after having been warned about the possible suicide bomber making his way to where they had been having dinner, just enjoying a couple days off after having successfully apprehended a couple of terrorists hours earlier.
It was a crowded place, and the soldiers were trying to evacuate as many people as they possibly could before the bomber arrived. They had no idea what he looked like or what he was wearing but they had been trained to spot suspicious people.
Jay had his hand ready on his gun that wa holstered to his hip and his eyes scanned the entire area multiple times. He was the officer in charge and right now his job was to stop as many people dying as he could.
Mouse was not too far away from Jay. He too had his gun ready but he was also coaxing people to leave, sending them to safety. Jay couldn't spot anyone who looked suspicious yet, everyone around were people who were attending the dinner.
The seconds ticking by were filled with tension, each soldier breaking a sweat as they scanned the horizon, waiting for the suicide bomber to show up. Ready to stop him.
It was Mouse who finally spotted the man walking, wearing a dark green jacket, zipped up. But in his hand he held a button, waiting until he got just to the right spot before he would detonate himself. When Mouse shouted out a warning, the rest of the soldiers immediately ran to cover those who still hadn't been evacuated.
One of the soldiers, Jason Parker, raced towards the bomber, launching himself onto him. They both went down hard, struggling. Jason tried to grab the button and the bomber tried to keep his grip on it, forcing himself to reach the button and press it.
But the bomber proved to be successful and he detonated himself, with Jason. They both went up in a blazing ball of fire and smoke.
That image forever haunted Jay. He had failed.
*flashback ends*
Jay woke up drenched in sweat. His heart had picked up its pace and his bare chest was heaving, he could barely breathe. As much as he tried, he could never forget the day he had watched his friend go up in flames, leaving behind his pregnant wife.
Jay tried to control his breathing, his body sweating and tears in his eyes. His whole world had been ripped apart the moment Erin had left, but the last five years had only gotten worse. They both never even texted. It was all over. All that they had been through, the love they had shared, all of it gone in a flash. Never to return, and he knew that. They could never be together.
Checking the time on his phone, Jay saw it was 6am. He might as well get up and start getting ready for work. As he showered and changed, he couldn't fight off this nagging feeling that something just didn't seem right today. Of course, Erin wasn't here. But it was something more than that.
Deciding he was just being paranoid and that this was all his broken heart talking, Jay ignored the feeling and went to the kitchen to make his morning cup of coffee. He felt slightly better, but he knew within the next two hours, he would need another cup of coffee to keep him up.
Finally, he finished up his coffee and grabbed his gun and badge, along with his car keys. Then he headed towards the district, ready to dive into his work and forget about his nightmares and the woman he had once loved...And still loved, despite everything.
When Jay stepped into the bullpen, his boss's voice rang. " Halstead, my office."
Those familiar words made Jay wonder what the problem was now.
Dumping his jacket on the back of his chair, Jay followed Voight into his office.
"I want to be sure your head is where it should be, Jay," Hank informed his detective. Even he hadn't missed the signs of stress and fatigue that had plagued his detective for the past five years.
"I'm fine, Sarge," Jay assured him. "I can handle myself on the field. I think I've proven that time and time again."
"Alright then," Hank nodded. "We roll out in ten minutes. There's been a bomb threat at a charity event."
Jay nodded and left the office.
Ten minutes later, squad cars were rolling out of District 21, including the Intelligence team. Jay and Antonio were partners. They were the first to reach the event.
"Jay, you good?" Antonio asked, concerned for his best friend's well-being.
"I'm good, Toni," Jay replied, getting out of the car. He was tired of being asked the same question over and over again. Couldn't it just end?
Jay kept his eyes peeled for any suspicious people. As the crowd gathered, it got harder. He needed to blend in with the crowd and also keep his eyes peeled. But that was something Jay knew how to do well, having worked undercover a lot and that included his time in the Army.
Thirty minutes later, the event began. Jay's sharp eyes spotted a dark hooded figure shuffling through the crowd, a weapon concealed in his hoodie pocket. Jay grabbed his radio, pulling out his gun as he spoke into his radio. "Suspect is wearing a dark hoodie, fleeing north towards the alleyway behind the stage. He's armed. I'm in pursuit."
"Halstead, wait for Dawson," Hank warned.
But Jay knew that the longer they waited, the more chance there was that the suspect would get away.
Jay made his way through the crowd, flashing his badge. "CPD! Move out of the way!"
The suspect heard Jay and ran, cocking his gun. Jay was hot on his heels. He knew he couldn't let the man hurt anybody.
The man headed into the alleyway, grabbing onto a young girl as he did so. He spun around, placing his gun to the girl's temple. "Move closer and I will blow her brains out," he threatened.
"Drop the weapon, or I swear to God I'll drop you," Jay replied, his voice calm. "Let the girl go."
The suspect shook his head. He shoved the girl towards Jay, who caught her as she stumbled. And the suspect fired. He dropped dead right after, a bullet in his skull.
"Jay! You okay, buddy?" Antonio panted, worried.
"I-I'm okay," Jay nodded. He didn't feel okay but his main concern was the girl. "Are you hurt?" he asked her.
She shook her head. "You saved me..." Her worried eyes were filled with tears.
After a long day at work, and bad day too, Erin sat back on her couch tiredly, a beer bottle in hand. She was exhausted and the sights she had seen today would haunt her. That much she knew for sure.
Five years ago, she changed her life. But the one thing that never changed was the feeling of missing Chicago, missing Hank, her team, her partner...God, she never thought she would miss Jay this much but she also knew, it could never have been. It was impossible for them to work out. She had a dark past, so did he. But he could never lean on her, although she leaned on him. Where was the mutual trust?
Rubbing her eyes, she switched the television on. She was a little more than stunned to see Sargeant Trudy Platt on the screen, it was a press conference. Erin turned the volume up.
Platt was speaking with a sombre expression on her face but her eyes glistened with unshed tears.
"Every day, men and women of the Chicago Police Department put their lives at risk to save the citizens of this city. Everyday, some officers never get the chance to go back home to their loved ones. Today, we stand here to honour one of the finest and most valuable detectives the CPD Intelligence Unit has ever had: Detective Jay Halstead was shot in the line of duty while saving a young girl's life. Those of us who knew him well, knew he always fought for justice. He was young, he was brave, he was one of the best police officers and I am privileged to have been able to work along side him. We honour his service as a police officer and as a former Ranger."
Erin had a hand to her mouth, tears streaming down her face. This couldn't be happening, Jay couldn't be dead, he had always seemed so invincible to her.
Platt droned on. "We can't bring back those we lost. But we can always remember them and the memories we made with them. My thoughts are with our fallen detective's family. I would like us all, and that includes the citizens of Chicago, to remember one thing: Detective Jay Halstead died a hero."