Disclaimer: I do not own, as if I would own something like South Park. Shudder It's too twisted for my imagination... but that doesn't mean I don't have fun playing with it.

Summary: When he is dared to respond to a love ad, Pip meets someone who he never expected to see again. Pip/Damien

Authors Notes: CLASSIC SOUTH PARK FIC. Written back in 2006! I am currently re-uploading my Classic South Park fics which were taken down when I left. This fic will be posted a chapter a day or two every two days depending. If i get a good response I'll post the rest.

This fic is based on Fuzzle-Foot's challenge, which can be found on Slash Park.

Write a fanfic, long short or drabbled, about an add in the paper. A love add (one of those ads that advertise love).

This was kindly BETA'd by Fuzzle-Foot, mainly because she wanted to read it first and the fact that the challenge only went out this morning and I had a quick response. Many thanks go out to Lifelike for her BETA's for my other South Park fanfics. Read her stuff, it's excellent.

Also, watch out for the blatent Ever After references towards the end.

Enjoy!

Me-ladie

*~-~*

Prologue

The sun rose over the mountains setting the cold valley aglow with orange. Very few people were awake to witness the early morning beauty of the sunrise, but it hardly mattered. Every morning the sun would rise to greet the sleepy mountain town of South Park, and only one person would regularly greet back.

Pip loved to watch the sun peak over the mountains and saturate the valley with a golden glow. It was the highest point of his day for it reminded him that there were things of beauty in the small town where he lived. Pip needed the reminder, because his life was far from beauty.

His life was shit.

-

"Hey Frenchy!"

Pip stopped dead in his tracks, the familiar voicegrinding into him. He breathed in deeply, letting the sensation leave him. He turned to face his aggressor, Eric Cartman.

"Hello Eric," He said, trying not to let his voice squeak. "How are you feeling today?"

"How are you feeling today?" The larger boy mimicked, moving towards Pip. "I'm feeling mean. And it's all your fault Pip."

"M-my fault?" Pip stuttered, backing away. "I-I don't realise-"

"I-I don't realize," The larger boy imitated. "I was called into the office yesterday Pip, because of you. I wasted my entire afternoon because of you."

"It's not my fault if you're held up Eric," Pip sated, pressing himself against a locker. Pip saw the larger boy raise his fist, so he braced himself. After all, it was just another day in the life of Phillip Pirrup.

-

It was last period, and once again the teacher had failed in getting most of the boys to work. They were reading the personnel's, laughing at what had been deemed the 'love ads'. Pip on the other hand had decided to begin his English assignment; it was on his least favourite subject, poetry.

"Hey listen to this one," Kyle Broflovski sniggered, putting on a high pitched whiny voice. "Attractive Blonde lady seeks polite, eligible bachelor. Enjoys long walks on the beach and candlelit dinners."

"Sounds like Pip's kind of girl," Kenny McCormick sneered. "Too bad he's too chicken to answer the ad."

"Too bad you've already fucked her," Pip muttered, tapping his pencil gently against the desk.

"What did you say?" Stan Marsh asked, overhearing the shy boy.

"Too bad you've already fucked her," Pip said loudly, causing everyone to stare.

"I never knew you had it in ya Pip," Kenny said, grinning wildly. "Do you feel brave?"

Pip slowly nodded his head, not liking where the conversation was going. Kenny had moved so he was standing over Pip, glaring down on him. Pip raised his eyes to meet Kenny's, ignoring the feeling that he was going to hate whatever had been planned.

"Well then Pip," Kenny said, sitting on top of Pip's desk, crushing his work. "Answer one of these ad's."

"Answer an ad?" Pip whispered, tearing his eyes away from Kenny's. "You want me to answer an ad?" He licked his lips then looked directly into Kenny's eyes. "Which one?"