Pretty short, I just wanted to write some Sellie:)
Warning: Deals with self-injury
Disclaimer: Don't own shit:)
"Sean? Are you awake?" Ellie whispered as she turned over to face her boyfriend, who she found to be sound asleep. She gave up with a sigh—when Sean was asleep, he could sleep through a fire alarm, and would only wake up by his own steam or if she was relentless in waking him up.
Tears slipped down her face as she tried to avoid thinking about her pain, and especially about the razor sitting in the shower. Sean had seemed very unsure about her leaving that there, and had almost insisted it stayed in their room, but she had convinced him.
She hadn't lied when she said she quit cutting. For the most part she had, but like any addict she had an occasional relapse. Now, rather than cutting multiple times a day whenever she felt remotely unhappy, she would only give in at extreme times.
She had gone home that night. It was a Thursday night, the night her dad always called. She had to be there to talk to him so that he didn't know she had moved out. Her father, her mother and her all acted as if her father had no idea what happened when he left, but deep down they all knew the truth. Regardless, if returning to her home once a week would keep up the illusion and keep her family together, she would do it.
That night, however, instead of finding her mother sober—struggling, yes, but sober—she found her passed out on the couch. Answering the phone and giving her dad an excuse brought back so many memories that she tried to avoid. She couldn't blame her mother though. No, that would be hypocritical. She was an adict too, just like Ellie. They both had the right to make mistakes, to relapse sometimes, but it didn't mean it hurt any less.
She hadn't mentioned it to Sean. He didn't need to know, to worry about her. As she lay back and continued to reflect on her screwed up childhood, it became too much. If her mother could slip up, she could too.
Before the rational part of her brain could even stop her, she shot out of bed and headed to the bathroom. As she shut and locked the door behind her, she kneeled down in front of the cabinet where, taped securely in the back corner, out of the way from where someone may pick it up accidently, sat her razor blade. The one blade she didn't keep hidden in the back of the closet with the rest of her supplies.
She turned it back and forth in her hand, revelling in the moment as it gleamed in her palm. The anticipation of the cut she was about to make was another feeling she missed. Finally she brought the blade to the flesh of her arm, as she added one more cut to her collection. She watched with satisfaction as blood bubbled to the surface. She had just laid her head back against the wall when she heard footsteps.
"El?" she heard Sean call from the outside. Panicking, she immediately sat up and grabbed a wad of tissues to press against the bubbling wound.
"Um, one minute…" she called as she pressed down on the wound, desperately trying to stop the bleeding. She jumped as the door swung open, and she froze.
Sean yawned and rubbed his drooping eyes as he stumbled out of the bedroom and toward the bathroom. He paused for a moment, confused when he didn't see the crack of light ahead of him. Ellie always insisted that they keep the light on and the door cracked open, no matter how many times he argued back that the electric bill would be ridiculous; he just couldn't say no to her.
As the fog began to clear up and he woke up more, he realized he hadn't felt the warmth of the tiny redhead next to him as he got up. Without another thought he continued toward the bathroom door. As he reached forward to turn the knob, but found it wouldn't turn.
"El?" he called as he rapped on the door. He heard something clutter to the ground from the inside. "What are you doing? Why is the door locked?" He stepped back, concerned. As Ellie had put it, "you've been inside me, we can pee in front of each other."
"Um, one minute…" he heard her call from inside. Without another thought he found his way back to their room, went through Ellie's hair supplies and grabbed a bobby pin. As soon as he found one he turned back and headed to the door.
"Come on, come on…" he whispered as he fiddled the bobby pin in the lock. Finally he heard a tiny 'click' and stood up, pushing the door open. What he found on the other side was pretty much as he expected, but it didn't make it easier.
Sitting on the floor, huddled in the corner next to the shower, sat his girlfriend with a bloody tissue pressed against her arm. As soon as she saw him she froze and tried to turn her body so that he couldn't see her arm.
"Sean, um…" she whispered as she scrambled to grab the blade and hide it from his sight.
"I thought you stopped cutting, Ellie," he finally managed to say as he stepped forward. His heart practically broke as she stared back up at him, tears dripping down her face. He sat down in front of her and pulled her arm forward. He winced as he looked down at her cut and pressed his hand over hers on the tissue.
"I… I did, Sean, I did…" she argued, keeping her eyes on their hands.
"Ellie, look at yourself," he answered softly. "You haven't stopped."
"But I did… I did stop. I just… I don't need to. Just sometimes… sometimes it's easier."
"You don't need it, Ellie. Even if it is easier, just talk to me," he answered. Words weren't really his thing, he just wanted to say anything to make her stop.
"Yeah, Sean, I know. I'm sorry," she whispered.
"So why did you do it? When I saw your stuff when you came you said you just couldn't leave it but you stopped."
"Sauvet has helped me, but she's not magic. The most she can do is listen to me, give me advice… I'm going to relapse sometimes. I don't cut nearly as much as I used to, things just get hard sometimes," she explained.
"Okay," he conceded. "But please, next time talk to me. I want to help you."
"I love you, Sean," she whispered as she finally looked up at him. Even though she had tear tracks on her face, a smile fought its way to her lips, and she looked as beautiful as ever.
"I love you too, Ellie. I'll always be here for you."
Yeahh, ended the same way as "Relapse" but that's okay:)