When he was eight years old he told his Ma that he'd watch the sun set over the Pacific Ocean someday.
He's got a beer in his hand and his toes in the sand but somehow it doesn't feel as good as he thought it would. He feels like his life is made up of one night stands and bottles of Mexican beer and a year ago that would have been the fucking life.
Now it just stings because he's watching the sun set over the Pacific Ocean and he has no one to share it with. He didn't even realize that was something he wanted until recently. He doesn't even feel like a pussy for thinking it.
His phone rings in the sand next to him and he glances down to see Tina's name flash across the screen. He knows why she's calling and he doesn't want to hear it so he lets it ring as he takes another swig from his bottle.
He doesn't want to have to tell anyone why he's not attending his best friend's wedding so he just lets all their calls go to voicemail and doesn't even consider calling them back.
So he just sits there, on the beach, with the notes of "Hotel California" softly coming through his cell phone's speakers.
He works at a hole in the wall bar in North Hollywood. The customers leave something to be desired and the pay is shit but it keeps a roof over his head so he can't complain.
He pulls in pretty good tips because he's hot and it's NoHo where the girls travel in packs and have their daddy's money to burn. His favorite night of the week is Thursday because it's open mic night and it's almost always a full house. He likes the feeling he gets when he's sitting on a bar stool and singing songs that mean something to him.
He writes a lot more now too. He writes a song about a girl that gave up everything for a guy that didn't deserve it but he doesn't play it there (or anywhere). The sheet music just sits in a dresser drawer in his studio apartment and he brings it out every once in a while to tweak a note or a lyric. It's almost always when he's drunk and it always ends with him with his phone in his hand and a finger over her name in his contacts.
He never dials because he knows the one time he does his best friend will probably be the one who answers.
He's lying in bed one night when his phone rings and because he's half asleep (and half drunk) he doesn't have the common sense to check the caller id before he picks up.
"'lo?" His brain is barely functioning when he hears a soft laugh.
"Noah?" The sound of her voice brings back memories that he's not ready to deal with and he sits up in his bed and looks at the clock. It's two in the fucking morning which makes it five her time and he has no idea why the fuck she's calling him so late (early).
"Ya, it's me. What's up, Rach?" He tries to sound as calm as possible even if his fucking heart is being a bastard and beating too hard in his chest.
"Why aren't you coming to the wedding?"
Fuck.
The girl doesn't waste any time in asking the exact thing he's not ready to answer so he does what he does best. He lies.
"I'm just really busy with work and shit. And it's not like I can really afford a ticket back home right now anyways." He knows immediately that she can see right through him so when she tells him as much he's not really surprised.
"You are so full of it, Noah! Finn is your best friend, and I thought I was your friend too." He sighs and lets his head fall back against his headboard. He doesn't even flinch even though it hurts like a bitch. He's felt worse.
"I don't know what you want me to say, Rach." She sniffles and he swears if she's crying right now he's going to be pissed. Not at her for crying, at himself for making her feel bad because that is that last thing he ever wants to do.
"I want you to say you'll come." He bites back his natural instinct to say something stupid (like 'that's what she said') and runs a hand over his head instead.
"Rachel…"
"I would do it for you, you know? If you wanted me at your wedding, I'd be there. No matter what." She sniffles again as she says goodbye and hangs up before he can say anything back.
He knows it's pretty fucked up that the first thing he thinks of is that he does want her at his wedding. Just not in the way she meant.
Mike gets a gig choreographing Justin Beiber's new video (and Puck gives him shit about it at every possible moment) and he stays at Puck's while he's in town. It's the first time in almost a year he's seen anyone from home and he hugs the guy tight when he picks him up at LAX.
"It's fucking good to see you, man! No homo." Mike rolls his eyes and they laugh as they make their way to baggage to get Mike's stuff. "How's Tina?"
"She's fucking pissed that I'm in Los Angeles and she's stuck in school. She told me to tell you hi and that you suck for ignoring her calls." Puck rolls his eyes and they make their way out to the parking garage. Mike grins as he throws his bag into the back of Puck's truck.
"I really missed this stupid thing." Puck feigns a hurt look and places his hands on the dashboard.
"He doesn't mean it, baby. He's just an asshole." Mike laughs hard and Puck feels happier than he has in months.
It takes them almost forty five minutes to get back to his apartment (fuck you, LA traffic) and Mike tells him that he's exhausted from his flight and they will catch up when Puck is done with his shift. He leaves Mike to sleep and jumps in the shower before throwing on his favorite jeans and a black tee shirt.
He leaves a note with the bar's number on the counter and grabs his keys so he can start his walk to work. It's only four blocks but it gives him time to relax before his hectic shifts and then unwind after.
He's only got thirty minutes left when a hot blonde with a smoking body sits at the bar and eye fucks him until he walks over to her.
"What can I get ya?" She attempts to give him a sexy smile but it just comes off slutty and he's already over it.
"Sex on the beach." He smiles and takes her money before turning around and rolling his eyes. Like he hasn't heard that one twenty times this week alone. He mixes her drink and she winks as she slides her tongue over the straw. He leans down closer to her and she thinks he's gonna make a move. He's not.
"Not gonna happen, sweetheart." He wants to laugh as she narrows her eyes and slams her glass down on the bar.
"Don't flatter yourself!" He actually does laugh when she leaves the bar in a huff. He just shrugs when one of his regulars tells him she was a sure thing.
"A sure case of the clap, maybe. I'm good." They all laugh and Puck is glad when his shift is finally over.
Mike is wide awake when he gets back to his place and he grabs two beers out of the fridge before throwing himself down on his couch.
"So…" Puck rolls his eyes because he knows the question that's going to follow that and Mike is one of those guys you can't really lie to. He's too fucking smart for that and he sees through bullshit a mile away.
"Don't even fucking ask." Mike laughs and pops open his beer.
"You know I have to. Tina will kill me if I don't at least try to get you to come." Puck scoffs as he twists the cap off his own beer.
"Tell your girlfriend I'm not into all that." Mike punches him in the arm when he finally gets the joke (took the guy long enough, fuck) and shakes his head.
"Seriously, Puck. Why aren't you going?" Puck fucking hates this, talking about feelings and shit, especially with one of his boys.
"Because I can't." Mike rolls his eyes and shakes his head.
"That's fucking bullshit and you know it." Puck sighs and grips the beer bottle a little tighter.
"No, I mean, I can't. I can't sit back and watch them get married." Mike just waits for him to continue and Puck doesn't want to but he does. "Remember last year when I came back home for a couple of weeks during the summer?" Mike just nods so he continues. "Rachel showed up at my house at like one in the morning the night before I left and told me Finn was getting on her ass about NYADA and New York. Anyways, she told me that she was leaving school and moving back to Ohio because if no one believed in her, she couldn't believe in herself."
He can tell Mike has never heard any of this and it dawns on him then that Rachel felt comfortable enough to tell him things that she'd never even told her closest friends. He knows she told all of them that she was just holding off on finishing school until they were able to move to New York together. He was the only one she told the truth to. That's gotta mean something, right?
"So that's why you're not going? Because Rachel chose Finn over NYADA?" Puck laughs and shakes his head as he downs the last of his beer.
"I'm not going because I fucking kissed her and told her that I've always believed in her." Mike's eyebrows raise and Puck looks away. "I'm a fucking idiot, right?"
"Well, yeah." They both laugh and Mike shakes his head. "You fucking love her don't you?" Puck punches him in the arm.
"Fuck off." He knows that's as good as a yes but it seems to be enough for Mike because they finally drop the subject. They play a few rounds of CoD before he's struggling to keep his eyes open. He's getting up to go to bed when Mike calls his name from the living room.
"Have you ever thought about telling her?" He doesn't specify and Puck doesn't need him to.
"Yeah, but that just makes me a selfish asshole and she deserves more than that." Mike just nods and Puck tells him he'll talk to him tomorrow as he closes his bedroom door.
He thinks about what it would be like to tell her everything he's been feeling since he kissed her that night. He remembers it well too, the tears in her eyes when he told her she was better than everyone else in that town and that anyone that didn't believe in her was a fucking moron. The look she gave him when he put both hands on her face and kissed her gently. The fucked up thing was she didn't even pull away, she just stood there with her fingers pressed against her lips and her eyes closed.
He tries (and fails) not to think about what that meant.
The day Mike goes back home sucks because it was cool having a real friend in the city.
He has friends, mostly guys that he works with, but no one that he can really trust. He knows Mike well enough to know that everything he told him about Rachel will stay between them.
The last thing he needs is Rachel finding out the real reason he's not going to this stupid wedding.
And it was cool of Mike to not really talk about it too much, considering he's in the damn thing and it's all anyone in their group of friends seem to talk about. He barely even checks his Facebook anymore because her face is always there, smiling; talking about how excited or stressed she is over wedding planning.
The thing is still three months away but it's like everything else in her life is on hold for it and that really pisses him off.
He meets a cute brunette at the bar that night and lets her take him to her place. The sex is good but it's not what he really wants because her hair doesn't smell like coconut and she doesn't taste like strawberry lip gloss. He tells her right after that he's got somewhere to be early in the morning and she types her number into his phone as he's pulling on his jeans.
He deletes it the second he's outside her door and he doesn't even feel bad about it.
No one ever said he wasn't a jerk.
He knows he's fucked when him mother is calling him and even though he wants nothing more than to ignore it, he can't because the woman would never forgive him.
"Hey, Ma." His mother sighs and he can just see her shaking her head like she always does when she's disappointed in him.
"Noah, why aren't you coming home for the wedding?" He rolls his eyes and he thinks (not for the first time) about dropping his phone in the toilet so he can get all of these people off his back.
"Jesus, is everyone on fucking repeat with this shit?" He laughs when she gasps as if she's never heard him swear before.
"Watch your language! I don't care if you're 21 now, you're still my son and I don't like you speaking that way. Now tell me why you aren't coming home to see your best friend get married."
He knows he can't tell her the real reason so he just tells her what he told Rachel.
"I just can't afford it, Ma. I'm working a really shitty, sorry crappy, job right now. It's not really in my budget to spend a couple of grand to come home to watch a wedding. I'm not a fu...freaking chick, you know." His mother sighs again.
"It's not just coming home to watch a wedding, Noah. Don't you want to come spend some time at home with me and your sister?" He groans because he doesn't know how he's going to get out of this conversation without agreeing to come home.
"You know it's not even like that, Mom. I just don't want to go." He's sincere when he says it and he thinks she might have picked up on something because she just sighs and says 'Oh, Noah' and he thinks maybe she finally gets it.
No one really tries to get him to come after that. He thinks it's about damn time they all just left him the fuck alone.
Over the course of the next couple of months he sticks to what he knows.
He plays his guitar every Thursday night for a packed room. He pours drinks for rich chicks that crave a bad boy before they go back to their husbands. He sits on the beach with a beer in one hand and a pen in the other as he scribbles lyrics into a weathered notebook.
He starts singing original songs at open mic night, and they are well received but he still refuses to play her song.
He thinks it's just because he doesn't want anyone to hear it before she does.
He's got his guitar across his lap and a pencil in his teeth when his phone beeps and the one thing he fucking hates more than anything is being interrupted when he's writing.
Rachel's name is the one on the screen though so he's not really that mad.
I really need to speak with you, Noah. Please call me back as soon as you can.
Leave it to Rachel to write a text like an email with punctuation and shit. That's totally beside the point though. The point being that it's barely a month until her wedding and she's texting him out of the blue.
He calls her because honestly, what was he going to do, say no?
She answers on the second ring and he likes the thought of her waiting by the phone for him to call her.
"Hi." She is talking quietly so he assumes either Finn is asleep or she is upset. Probably both.
"Hey." Neither of them says anything for awhile and he's almost a little uncomfortable by the silence when she finally speaks.
"Do you remember that night, last summer?" Of course he remembers that night. He made an ass out of himself to his best friend's girl and basically told her he has feelings for her. All he says though is, "Yeah," and waits to see where she's going with this.
"I have been thinking about what you said that night. And I just want…I need to ask you something. "
He feels like he can hardly breathe and his heart is pounding and he knows that no matter what she asks him, he's going to tell her the truth.
"Okay…" She takes a deep breath and he knows he's fucked before she even speaks again.
"Why did you kiss me?"
Oh.
"I dunno." It's a half assed answer and they both know it.
"Noah, I'm serious. You told me that night that you've always believed in me and my dreams. I just want to know, why did you kiss me? Why did you say all of those things?"
"I said that stuff because it's fucking true, Rachel. I've never once thought that you wouldn't make it. And I kissed you because I wanted to. And it's fucked up because every time I'm around you I want to kiss you and I knew that I would never get the chance again." He's already said way too much so he shuts up and waits for her to react.
"Because I'm marrying Finn…" She doesn't ask him if that's why, just states it like she finally gets why he's not going to her wedding.
"Because you're marrying Finn."
She sighs and starts to say something but she must change her mind because she just tells him she has to go and hangs up without saying goodbye.
He thinks about that conversation way too much over the next couple of weeks.
He hates that he told her as much as he did because it doesn't matter why he did what he did or said what he said. None of it fucking matters when she's in Ohio and he's in California.
When he thinks of her wasting her time in Ohio when she should be off living some fantastic life it makes him want to punch something. She should be in New York, going to school and auditions and trying to make a name for herself.
Or she could be here in LA, showing the world exactly what she's made of and proving every asshole in Lima, Ohio wrong, including her fiancé.
That's when it kind of hits him and before he even realizes what he's doing he's buying a place ticket online and calling his boss to tell him that he's going to be out of town for a few days.
He doesn't tell anyone except his mom that he's in town and she seems to understand when he tells her he doesn't want anyone else to know.
He's not stupid and neither is she. She knows what he's here for and he knows there is a part of her that is hoping this turns out in his favor. She offers to make him dinner but he tells her he just needs some time to relax after his flight and she lets him be.
She smiles at him fondly when he presses a quick kiss to her temple before he takes the stairs up to his bedroom. He throws his duffle bag onto the floor and lays down on his bed, throwing an arm over his face to block out the sun.
He wakes up a few hours later to the smell of lasagna in the kitchen and his sister telling him to get his ass out of bed for dinner. He has to admit that it feels pretty good to be home.
"You can't tell anyone why I'm here. In fact, just don't say anything at all."
Mike pauses the game they are playing and looks at him like he's crazy.
"You do realize that this is Lima, right? Everyone and their fucking mom is gonna know that you're back in town."
"Michael Chang!" Puck snorts when he hears his mom yell from the other room. The woman has insane hearing and apparently being old enough to drink is still too young to curse.
"Sorry Mrs. Puckerman!" Mike yells it back but then turns to Puck and makes a face. "Dude, your mom is scary." Puck laughs hard and Mike looks back over his shoulder before he says anything else and when he does it's a lot quieter than before. "The wedding is less than a week away, Puck. Do you really think this is going to work?"
Puck just shrugs and unpauses the video game.
"Not really but, I gotta try."
Mike tells him that Rachel is staying with her dads until the wedding because of 'tradition' and he rolls his eyes because that sounds like something she would insist on.
He tells his mom he's going out and she gives him a look like she knows exactly where he's going. He just tells her that he'll be back soon and she hands him the keys to her car. He grins and kisses her cheek and she tells him to be careful. He knows what she means and he nods before he pulls the door behind him.
The ten minute drive to her house goes by way too fast and before he knows it he's parked across the street. He looks up at her window before pulling out his phone.
Are you awake?
He can see the light on in her room so he figures she is and her text back confirms it.
I need to talk to you. It's important.
His phone rings not a minute later and he loves that she has no idea he's sitting in front of her house.
"Noah, is everything all right?" He smiles at the urgency of her voice and he rests his head back on the seat while he looks at her window. He can imagine her pacing the floor with the phone pressed close to her ear. "Noah?"
"I'm here, Rach." She sighs a little and her voice softens.
"Okay, good. I thought I'd lost the connection or something." He laughs softly and looks back at her window.
"No, Rachel. I'm here. Look out the window." She doesn't say anything but he sees her curtains move and her surprised face when he waves. The line goes dead and he's getting out of the car when she opens the front door. She's just standing there in shorts and bare feet and fuck him if she's not the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.
"What are you doing here? After we talked last, I thought for sure you wouldn't come." He just shakes his head and she frowns when she realizes that's not why he's here. "You're still not coming."
"There's something I need to say to you before you marry Finn. And I know that this makes me like the world's biggest asshole and I know that it's selfish. But I have to tell you this because not telling you is killing me every fucking day." She just licks her lips and nods and he can see her eyes watering and he just needs to say this before he loses his nerve. "I don't think you should marry Finn. I don't think you should be living here. It's not right, and I don't think it's what you need."
She is just standing there tugging at the bottom of her shirt with tears in her eyes and he doesn't know how to read the look on her face.
"And what exactly do you think I need, Noah?" He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath because it's now or never.
"Come to California." She scoffs at him but he grabs her hands and pulls her closer to him. "I'm serious, Rachel. You could be amazing there, you can do amazing things. You just need to be somewhere that you can have everything you've ever dreamed of."
She pulls her hands free of his but she doesn't back away.
"And you think I should do this a week before my wedding…to your best friend?" He rolls his eyes and takes a step back.
"Fuck Finn! All he's ever done is held you back and you're better than him, don't you see that?" She shakes her head and it breaks his fucking heart to see her so unsure of herself.
"He's been there for me, Noah. He's always there for me. I can't just leave him." He shakes his head as he turns to the door and she puts her hand on his arm. "Please don't just go, I don't want you to leave like this." He pulls his arm out of her grasp and looks back at her before he shuts the door.
"If I thought for a second that staying here was what you wanted, I'd go to your wedding. But I love you too fucking much to watch you lie to yourself and everyone else." He pulls the door shut behind him before she can say anything.
He sits in his car and watches her window until he sees the room go dark.
He ignores his phone for the next two weeks.
He doesn't want to hear about how nice the ceremony was or how beautiful Rachel looked in her wedding dress. He doesn't login to Facebook or answer anyone's call. At one point he leaves his cell off for three days because it seems like the damn thing won't just stay quiet.
He goes to work and he comes home and he sleeps. Every day for two weeks, that's all he does. He thinks it's almost like a mourning period or something. He's been mourning the loss of girl that's not a girl anymore. She's a woman with a new last name and a shiny new ring on her finger.
He's watching The Godfather on TV a week later (and it sucks hard because all the good shit is cut out) when his doorbell rings.
He doesn't know who would be coming to his place at eleven at night. He assumes it's probably the old lady down the hall needing his help with a spider or mouse or something.
The last person he expects it to be is Rachel but that's exactly who it is.
She's minus an engagement ring and plus two bags so of course he's confused.
"What are you doing here?" She just holds up her bags and shrugs.
"Following my dreams?" He grins as he opens the door and she drops her bags on the floor before pulling him into a hug. He doesn't know what happened between her and Finn (the millions of unanswered phone calls he's gotten the past couple weeks make a little more sense now) but he knows she'll tell him when she's ready.
He breathes in her coconut shampoo before she pulls away and she smiles at him. "Mind if I bunk with you for awhile? Just until I get my feet on the ground?"
If he has it his way, she'll never leave.
When he was eight years old he told his Ma that he'd watch the sun set over the Pacific Ocean someday.
He's got a beer in his hand and his toes in the sand and his girl by his side. They stay until the sun rises over the ocean and she leans against him and kisses his cheek before telling him she loves him.
He kisses her temple and says the words back and thinks that this is what life is all about.