Disclaimer: Give unto Joss that which is Joss'
* *
"Hey".
The boy - no man now, seemed more tired then he remembered him, more world- weary and heavy around the edges. Life, which used to just slide off him like water, had finally caught up with him, leaving its scars.
"Uh...hi." Angel didn't quite know what to say. "I thought you guys were in- "
"Yeah we were, Buffy and everyone are still in England, but I had some stuff I still had to take care of here in the states."
"Oh." Angel nodded awkwardly, "Uh, did you want to come in?"
"Pretty much the reason I'm here."
He walked into the office and dropped his bag, loosening his tie before lowering himself onto the couch.
"Pretty spiffy digs you've got now, too bad it's an evil law firm. Was that Harmony at your desk?"
Angel could tell he was searching, making small talk to delay the obvious questions. He was never one for small talk.
"Xander, why are you here?"
The young man leaned back, "Cutting straight to the chase huh? Gotcha." He paused, "I'm here to see Cordy."
Angel blinked rapidly and back-peddled across the room. "You, you want to see Cordelia?"
"Pretty much the reason I'm here."
Xander smirked, but his eye was steady and serious, "She is here isn't she?"
Angel nodded slowly, "Well yes. Um, you know she's - " "- In a coma? Yeah, Buffy told me. Can I see her?"
He was asking, but Angel could tell that this wasn't something he was going to back down from. He was here to see her.
"Follow me."
* * *
The room was clean and bright, a large window, made with necro-tempered glass of course, was letting in the afternoon sun, giving the place a faraway nostalgic look. A doctor, scribbling something on a chart, looked up as they entered the room. "Hello Mr. Angel, just doing the daily check."
Xander shot Angel a look and mouthed the words 'Mister Angel', suppressing a very juvenile giggle. Angel pointedly ignored him.
"Dr. Hudson, this is Xander, he's a... friend of mine. He's going to be visiting her for a bit, make sure they stay alone."
"Of course Mr. Angel, whatever you say."
The doctor gathered up his things and left the room swiftly, Xander watching his exit with a slightly puzzled look on his face.
"Do they all do that around here, just do whatever you tell them to?"
Angel looked expressionlessly at him. "Yeah."
Xander raised his eyebrows in disbelief. "Huh."
The vampire shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked back and forth on his feet.
"So, I should probably get back. Um, if you need anything..."
"I'll be fine."
"Sure, well I'll be in my office. It was nice seeing you Xander."
Angel shot one grievous look to the centre of the room and then turned around and swept out, leaving Xander alone in the room.
He walked straight to the bed, pulling a chair around and taking the slightly cold hand, resting on the covers, in his own.
"Hi Cordy, it's me. Your ol' pal Xander, research-boy extraordinare, king of cretins, esquire. Here to regal the Ice-queen with tales of his cunning and brave deeds of late." He smiled. "Yeah I've been practising that one a bit."
Cordelia's face remained impassive and serene, not a flicker acknowledging the person sitting with her.
"We saved the world again, did you hear about this already? The First tried to take us down and we whooped its ass, Buffy whooped its ass actually, as per usual, but its done, the world remains. Yay team." Xander sighed, "If only everyone'd been saved."
He blew out a breath, "Sorry, I may have just brought the depressing in too early for this conversation. Maybe we should talk about you, this mysterious coma you've fallen into, for no apparent reason, is Faith's gig, find yourself your own act. I did have some juggling balls you could borrow, except that they're now at the bottom of the pit that was Sunnydale." He paused, "Okay, joke time's over too."
"They told you about Sunnydale right? The Hellmouth's closed for business, including surrounding town as well. Everything I ever knew, no matter how much it sucked, just - poof, all gone. It was Spike, he saved us, thanks to that amulet that Angel gave him. Gotta give the guy credit, I never thought he was good for anything except hurting the people I love and then he goes and sacrifices himself to save the world."
Xander looked down and squeezed Cordy's hand more tightly. "I know he's back, here in this place. Willow told me when she found out I was coming, I think Fred phoned her to ask about some magicks, to help him become corporeal." Xander screwed his mouth up in distaste, "Oh jeez, have I had enough of that word."
"I guess Will was worried about what would happen if I saw him, without any warning. I haven't seen him, I don't want to see him. It's not that I'm not grateful, but...God, why did he get to come back? Why him and not..."
He dropped her hand and pushed a stray tear away from his eye. "I guess life's never been fair for us, huh? Here you are, Cordelia Chase, lying flat out on your back in a room faraway from everything, and I don't even know if you can hear me."
"Why don't you just wake up Cor? Everyone misses you, Angel can barely even look at you like this, he misses you so much."
"Just wake up!"
He slammed his hand into the wall above her head. The walls, better built than a certain dorm room's had been from what seemed like a lifetime ago, withstood the assault. Xander shook his head despairingly, "Works like a charm, still makes me feel better for a whole second." He leaned over and gently brushed a piece of hair off her forehead. "Sorry, I guess if the latest in modern technology and magic isn't going to get you up, then me throwing a temper-tantrum won't."
"It's hard, I guess you know that. To have to go on after the end, acting like it's all-okay, all the time. To try to convince people that you can go on without her, that it's not complete agony to live every moment knowing that I'll never ever see her again." Xander looked down and once again reached out to take her hand.
"You knew her, didn't you Cordy? I don't know if you liked her, after you found out what she was, but she was the first person you could talk to after we... Anya never told me what you wished for; she had a lot of business integrity, but whatever it was I probably deserved it. I never meant to hurt you, but I did and if I hadn't then... then I never would have even met her. Anyanka would still be the scourge of mankind and I would just be me, none the wiser. You're the reason we met, the reason she was here, and for that - I can't even say it, there aren't words."
The sun was starting to set, and Xander could hear the rush-hour traffic outside, people rushing to get home to TVs, to pets, to families. He didn't have a lot of time, he had promised Giles he would be back in London in two days. The older man was seemingly worried about him being back in California alone, afraid about what he might do while he was alone.
"You're too good for this Cordelia, rise above it like everything else you ever have. Go and make Angel smile again, make Wesley lighten up. In this place, you've gotta have the most beautiful things around and vibrant to frighten the doom and gloom away, and man has Angel got the gloom bit down." Xander stood up and stretched before leaning over to kiss Cordy softly. "I love you Cor. Thanks."
Her hand twitched; hardly a movement at all, but Xander's battle trained eye caught it nonetheless. A classic Xander-grin spread across his face, lifting the tiredness and age away for a moment, leaving the boy Cordelia had known and loved
"I saw that, doctors might say that that was just a muscle spasm, but I saw that Cordy. I'm not going to tell Angel, don't want to get the poor guy's hopes up, but that was real, that was you."
Xander shouldered his bag and turned to the exit. "I'll see you soon." Closing the door behind him, on his past, on his grief, on a woman, he made his way outside.
END.
* *
"Hey".
The boy - no man now, seemed more tired then he remembered him, more world- weary and heavy around the edges. Life, which used to just slide off him like water, had finally caught up with him, leaving its scars.
"Uh...hi." Angel didn't quite know what to say. "I thought you guys were in- "
"Yeah we were, Buffy and everyone are still in England, but I had some stuff I still had to take care of here in the states."
"Oh." Angel nodded awkwardly, "Uh, did you want to come in?"
"Pretty much the reason I'm here."
He walked into the office and dropped his bag, loosening his tie before lowering himself onto the couch.
"Pretty spiffy digs you've got now, too bad it's an evil law firm. Was that Harmony at your desk?"
Angel could tell he was searching, making small talk to delay the obvious questions. He was never one for small talk.
"Xander, why are you here?"
The young man leaned back, "Cutting straight to the chase huh? Gotcha." He paused, "I'm here to see Cordy."
Angel blinked rapidly and back-peddled across the room. "You, you want to see Cordelia?"
"Pretty much the reason I'm here."
Xander smirked, but his eye was steady and serious, "She is here isn't she?"
Angel nodded slowly, "Well yes. Um, you know she's - " "- In a coma? Yeah, Buffy told me. Can I see her?"
He was asking, but Angel could tell that this wasn't something he was going to back down from. He was here to see her.
"Follow me."
* * *
The room was clean and bright, a large window, made with necro-tempered glass of course, was letting in the afternoon sun, giving the place a faraway nostalgic look. A doctor, scribbling something on a chart, looked up as they entered the room. "Hello Mr. Angel, just doing the daily check."
Xander shot Angel a look and mouthed the words 'Mister Angel', suppressing a very juvenile giggle. Angel pointedly ignored him.
"Dr. Hudson, this is Xander, he's a... friend of mine. He's going to be visiting her for a bit, make sure they stay alone."
"Of course Mr. Angel, whatever you say."
The doctor gathered up his things and left the room swiftly, Xander watching his exit with a slightly puzzled look on his face.
"Do they all do that around here, just do whatever you tell them to?"
Angel looked expressionlessly at him. "Yeah."
Xander raised his eyebrows in disbelief. "Huh."
The vampire shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked back and forth on his feet.
"So, I should probably get back. Um, if you need anything..."
"I'll be fine."
"Sure, well I'll be in my office. It was nice seeing you Xander."
Angel shot one grievous look to the centre of the room and then turned around and swept out, leaving Xander alone in the room.
He walked straight to the bed, pulling a chair around and taking the slightly cold hand, resting on the covers, in his own.
"Hi Cordy, it's me. Your ol' pal Xander, research-boy extraordinare, king of cretins, esquire. Here to regal the Ice-queen with tales of his cunning and brave deeds of late." He smiled. "Yeah I've been practising that one a bit."
Cordelia's face remained impassive and serene, not a flicker acknowledging the person sitting with her.
"We saved the world again, did you hear about this already? The First tried to take us down and we whooped its ass, Buffy whooped its ass actually, as per usual, but its done, the world remains. Yay team." Xander sighed, "If only everyone'd been saved."
He blew out a breath, "Sorry, I may have just brought the depressing in too early for this conversation. Maybe we should talk about you, this mysterious coma you've fallen into, for no apparent reason, is Faith's gig, find yourself your own act. I did have some juggling balls you could borrow, except that they're now at the bottom of the pit that was Sunnydale." He paused, "Okay, joke time's over too."
"They told you about Sunnydale right? The Hellmouth's closed for business, including surrounding town as well. Everything I ever knew, no matter how much it sucked, just - poof, all gone. It was Spike, he saved us, thanks to that amulet that Angel gave him. Gotta give the guy credit, I never thought he was good for anything except hurting the people I love and then he goes and sacrifices himself to save the world."
Xander looked down and squeezed Cordy's hand more tightly. "I know he's back, here in this place. Willow told me when she found out I was coming, I think Fred phoned her to ask about some magicks, to help him become corporeal." Xander screwed his mouth up in distaste, "Oh jeez, have I had enough of that word."
"I guess Will was worried about what would happen if I saw him, without any warning. I haven't seen him, I don't want to see him. It's not that I'm not grateful, but...God, why did he get to come back? Why him and not..."
He dropped her hand and pushed a stray tear away from his eye. "I guess life's never been fair for us, huh? Here you are, Cordelia Chase, lying flat out on your back in a room faraway from everything, and I don't even know if you can hear me."
"Why don't you just wake up Cor? Everyone misses you, Angel can barely even look at you like this, he misses you so much."
"Just wake up!"
He slammed his hand into the wall above her head. The walls, better built than a certain dorm room's had been from what seemed like a lifetime ago, withstood the assault. Xander shook his head despairingly, "Works like a charm, still makes me feel better for a whole second." He leaned over and gently brushed a piece of hair off her forehead. "Sorry, I guess if the latest in modern technology and magic isn't going to get you up, then me throwing a temper-tantrum won't."
"It's hard, I guess you know that. To have to go on after the end, acting like it's all-okay, all the time. To try to convince people that you can go on without her, that it's not complete agony to live every moment knowing that I'll never ever see her again." Xander looked down and once again reached out to take her hand.
"You knew her, didn't you Cordy? I don't know if you liked her, after you found out what she was, but she was the first person you could talk to after we... Anya never told me what you wished for; she had a lot of business integrity, but whatever it was I probably deserved it. I never meant to hurt you, but I did and if I hadn't then... then I never would have even met her. Anyanka would still be the scourge of mankind and I would just be me, none the wiser. You're the reason we met, the reason she was here, and for that - I can't even say it, there aren't words."
The sun was starting to set, and Xander could hear the rush-hour traffic outside, people rushing to get home to TVs, to pets, to families. He didn't have a lot of time, he had promised Giles he would be back in London in two days. The older man was seemingly worried about him being back in California alone, afraid about what he might do while he was alone.
"You're too good for this Cordelia, rise above it like everything else you ever have. Go and make Angel smile again, make Wesley lighten up. In this place, you've gotta have the most beautiful things around and vibrant to frighten the doom and gloom away, and man has Angel got the gloom bit down." Xander stood up and stretched before leaning over to kiss Cordy softly. "I love you Cor. Thanks."
Her hand twitched; hardly a movement at all, but Xander's battle trained eye caught it nonetheless. A classic Xander-grin spread across his face, lifting the tiredness and age away for a moment, leaving the boy Cordelia had known and loved
"I saw that, doctors might say that that was just a muscle spasm, but I saw that Cordy. I'm not going to tell Angel, don't want to get the poor guy's hopes up, but that was real, that was you."
Xander shouldered his bag and turned to the exit. "I'll see you soon." Closing the door behind him, on his past, on his grief, on a woman, he made his way outside.
END.