Because of You Dad (Star Wars Songfic)

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars or the song Because of You sung by Kelly Clarkson.

A/N: I've wanted to do an introspective piece for a while regarding Leia and her fathers. I started it a while ago and I'm glad I'm finally finishing it. Somewhat AU, and it takes place after Endor obviously. It's a bit of a ramble and Leia might seem OOC. I just wanted to write something angsty. I always imagined Leia blaming Vader/ Anakin for a lot. I've also always imagined her as having more potential to be dark than Luke in the beginning.

I will not make the same mistakes that you did.

I hear their whispers in the senate. She's his daughter. Yes, that's right. She's Vader's. It always came back to him and everything he did. All of the people he hurt and the lives he destroyed. How could any of that have been a mistake? How could that have been something that had accidentally gone wrong?

I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery

I will not break; the way you did you fell so hard.

Han hints that we should move into a more serious relationship then what we have right now. He's been waiting for years for me to decide I want something more than just the two of us in one of our beds or dates to a formal function. But I don't. I will not make the same mistakes he did. I refuse to let myself fall for him the way she fell for him. All it took was a few words from a manipulative sadist and he was a goner.

I learned the hard way to never let it get that far

That's not me. I won't let it. I don't want to destroy a family, multiple families. I don't want to betray my friends, my brother. I won't fall as he did. I refuse to end up like he did. I do not want to be the cause for thousands of deaths.

Because of you I l never stray too far from the sidewalk

Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt.

Bail Organa was my father. He taught me how to be safe, how to keep safe from the attention of that thing you called master. I grew up safe, loved. But was that better? No chance for me to test out the swoop bike you would have helped Luke and I build as children, no chance to spar with other younglings, no chance to make an impact as a Jedi Knight.

I was read bedtime stories of princesses who were rescued by their prince. Their prince shouldn't have been a brother saving his sister from their father, but instead a charming man rescuing her from the evil sorceress. I didn't have that.

Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me. Because of you, I am afraid.

I lose my way and it's not too long before you point it out.

Sometimes, when I wake up with Han's arms around me after a nightmare, I wonder where it went wrong. He asks what's wrong, asks what he can do and all I say is nothing. I watch myself push him farther away than he already is.

I cannot cry because I know it's weakness in your eyes. I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh, every day of my life.

My heart can't possibly break when it wasn't even whole to start with.

Because of you… I am afraid.

My whole life as a child I was taught to be strong so I wouldn't crumble. And it worked. Bail Organa taught me well. When the Death Star hit Alderaan, I didn't cry. I didn't crumble. When Vader—my father—took me back to my cell, I held my head high for my executioners. It would be many days until I finally did cry and years until I realized that once again, something important to me was destroyed because of him, the man people called my father. People comment that Princess Leia is always in control, that she's the ice princess of the Rebellion. And I was that and whatever else I needed to be.

Part of me had always been missing as a child. I remember dreaming of a little boy with blonde hair and blue eyes and I remember thinking, he's like me. When Luke told me at Endor the truth about our family, I understood who I had been dreaming about. It was the brother I never had growing up, the one person who I would never be as close to as we could've been. And when Luke tells me later that Vader is dead, I can't help but think, Good. He deserves it. He separated Luke and I forever regardless of the Jedi decisions.

I understand why people are afraid of me. I'm like him. I have that darkness that I hide beneath politics and fake, charming smiles. In my moments of weakness, I look into the mirror and only see the gleaming eyes with flashes of yellow and I see the Force presence of another, somebody who lost their way. And I can understand him. That makes me more depressed and scared than anything someone could have said to me because if even I can see the darkness, what's stopping others from seeing it and understanding that they were right to be wary of me? Nothing.

Because of you dad… I am afraid.

Thanks for reading. I sort of mixed around the lyrics because I'm kind of lazy and was running out of things to write so sorry. I know it's short, but I wasn't really in the mood to write something long. Please leave a review telling me whether you liked it, hated it, thought it was incredibly bad or what. Also some constructive criticism would be great too. I barely ever write because I don't have time so anything helps. I didn't really edit either so sorry.

~19sweetgirl96