So I don't really know what this is. I just wrote it without a reason and without a purpose. I hope you like it. Sorry if there are any grammar mistakes, I'm trying to improve my English.
Have a nice day!
She just wanted to get out of this place. She didn't want to hear it anymore. She couldn't bear it. Every time she closed her eyes she could see her. She could hear her. She could almost feel her arms embracing her from behind in a familial hug. God, how she missed her!
The thought of her perfume at the entry once she'd left for work. The memory of her hair caressing her cheeks as she leaned over her to kiss her goodnight. The soft but reassuring touch of her hands against her arm in a gentle squeeze when she needed her support… She would never experience any of those things again. Everything she had now was memories.
Memories that could fade away to never come back again. And that terrified her. She was so very afraid to forget. Afraid to lose the only thing left that connected her with her mother. She was gone and there was no possible way she will ever see her again.
She hadn't even had the chance to say goodbye. The last words she had ever spoken to her was a distracted 'okay' when she told her the three of them would be having dinner together that night and that her father would pick her up after her classes. Had she even look at her while she was speaking? Oh, god, she couldn't remember! She couldn't even remember the last time she had spoken to her mother. To her now dead mother. To her not-ever-coming-back mother. She was gone. And Kate had no one to go to. She felt so terribly alone, all covered with her blanket, shivering against the unknown. She didn't know what would happen next. She didn't know what she was meant to do. Everything seemed pointless, futile. She let the tears run wild through her face, once again. In a way, she felt like she was bleeding out and her tears were actually trails of blood, marking her skin with indelible lines.
Would it ever stop? The pain, the suffering, the agony, the longing, the hope, the hurt, the bitterness… Would she be able to stop feeling? To make her heart stop beating for anyone else. To stop caring, to stop wishing and hoping, to stop loving. Would she ever be able to find the way to close herself to the rest of the world? She was so tired of feeling. So damn tired of just… being.
Sometimes she wanted to disappear. Stop existing, just vanish. But she knew she didn't deserve that honor. She had to keep on living. She owed it to her father. She owed it to her mother. She owed it to herself. She had to pay all her debts before being able to finally let go. And she still had a long way until that day came. So she breathed in one more time, letting the tears fall from the corner of her eye to the mess that was her hair and then she dared to close her eyes again, letting all the images burst in front of her; unable to stop them, unwilling to fight them. It hurt, but it will never be enough. It was a small price to pay for her abominable sins.