Summary: What really happened to Voldemort's nose? Well, I guess everyone finds out when he makes a world wide announcement, discussing the tragedy in great detail.

Wizards and witches all across the world jumped nearly to the ceiling as the most feared Dark Lord Voldemort's face appeared in their living room or shop.

"Is this bloody thing on? I'll cast Avada Kedavra on you if it's not!" Voldie exclaimed to someone off to the side.

"Yes, My Lord. I would be honored to have you cast wicked spells on me with your wand, My Lord…" A sickening, sniveling voice said.

"Good." he straightened his robes. "Hello, citizens of the wizarding world! I am Lord Voldemort and-"

"My Lord, I think everyone knows who you are…" The voice interrupted.

"So? I like saying my name! Shut up! Wingardium Leviosa! Silencio!" Voldemort exclaimed, sounding very much like a contrite child. "Now, as I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted," he glared to his right, "I am Lord Voldemort and this message has been approved by me. Now, many people, before I kill them, ask what happened to my nose."

"They do not!" a woman yelled in the distance.

"Be quiet, mother! You wouldn't know!" Voldemort yelled. "So sorry. My mothers portrait likes to correct me when there is nothing to correct," He said with a tight smile.

"Anyway, as I was saying, many people ask me what happened to my nose. Well, I'm about to tell you!

Alright," Voldemort shifted as he said this, "When I was twenty three years old, I was in the U.S. The part where they have crocodiles and alligators. I was flying over a swamp in Alabama, when out of nowhere, BAM! An alligator - or was it a crocodile? I can never tell the difference… Anyway, one of the two jumped out of the water and latched onto my face! At first I was like," Voldie grabbed his nose, effectively plugging it, "Crikey! What a beaut! This one right here is huge, at least twelve feet! But then, I felt my nose being torn to shreds and started to scream. Here, I can immitate it for you, so you can picture it more clearly. Ahem…" He screamed like a little girl. Very high pitched. [AN: video for his scream on my profile]

"I struggled greatly, and soon, got him to release my face. By the time he did, though, my nose was practically non-existent and I was exceedingly soggy. I flew to St. Mungos, my face bleeding. They attempted to make a new nose for me, but it was unsalvageable. I ended up with no nose. The End."

Voldemort sat there for a few more moments, tear-y eyes.

"I'm sorry," he said, clearing his throat. "I'm still very touchy on the whole subject."

Then the image of his head disappeared, and the whole wizarding community was left very speechless. In the Weasley living-room, Harry Potter was bent at the waist, laughing hysterically.

THE END!

So how was it? Huh, huh? Ahem… sorry. I'm slightly hyper. Maybe I had too much chocolate… Anyway! REVIEW! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GKGJDSLGFJGDFLFDKSKGHYKJHJDF!