"My dear Narcissa,
If you are holding this letter in your hands, I never got the chance to explain things to you in person.
I am still holding onto the hope of telling you myself, of seeing you again, but each day, we are getting closer to being caught. And you have to know, even if I – even if we don't see each other again...
Over a year ago, I gave birth to a beautiful little boy. We named him Harry and for a while, James and I were truly happy, even though we were constantly on the run from Voldemort and his followers. I know I chose to share my life with James – just as you chose to honor your family's promise to the Malfoys, marrying Lucius – but there isn't a single day I haven't thought of you and what we had. What we still could be having if things were different. I still love you Cissy, I love you with all my heart. I want, no scratch that, I need you to know that.
It is not the reason I am writing these lines though.
Around Harry's first birthday, nearly two months ago now, Harry came down with a terrible fever. James and I were afraid for his life which is why we risked leaving our current hideout and visited a Healer. I can't really explain how it happened, nor how this is even possible, Narcissa, but that day, I found out that Harry is yours. He shares both of our blood and now that I know, I wonder how I could've missed the resemblance in the first place. He may have my eyes but the smile I see when I look into his face is all yours; he also has the Black hair – the unruly dark strands I wrongly thought he inherited from James. I hope I can soon tell you the news in person. That Harry is yours. Ours.
But just in case anything happens to me…
Well. Take care of our son, will you?
In eternal love,
Lily."
Narcissa lovingly stroked over the blue ink before she placed the letter back into the top drawer of her nightstand. Ever since the letter – as well as the little boy it was attached to – had arrived more than six weeks ago, this had become her daily ritual; rereading the letter in the silence of the early morning hours gave her the strength to continue, to survive day after day.
A month and a half ago, she'd been a dutiful wife to her husband, mother to a son, and a Pureblood abiding to the traditions.
Today, she was the mother of two sons, a traitor to her blood and family, and a woman who had left her husband and gone into hiding.
She'd known of the secret meetings Lucius had been going to, meeting his so called Dark Lord and doing his bidding. She'd known her sister worshipped the dark wizard not unlike one would a God.
She hadn't known of his intentions though, hadn't known that he was after Lily's son. Her son. And he'd almost succeeded.
It had been hard to leave her comfortable life and status behind and even harder to leave her sister and mother. But it really was the only option. They would never approve of Harry if they learned of his origins. And Bellatrix, as much as she loved her sister, might even be a danger to her little boy.
No, it had been the right and only thing to do.
Sighing, Narcissa climbed out of the bed and made her way into the tiny bathroom, taking a quick shower while the boys were still asleep. The apartment they were currently staying at was deserted by its Muggle owner, an old man who was at a local hospital for hip surgery. It was their fifth hideout since she'd left Malfoy Manor. Tomorrow, they'd have to move again. The Muggle would be back in two days. By then, they would be long gone, not leaving behind even the smallest reminder of their presence.
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"Mommy," the blonde boy ran up to his mother, cheeks flushed and eyes sparkling. "Look, Harry and I build a huge sandcastle!"
Narcissa looked up from the book she was reading, smiling when she saw a proud Harry sitting next to a waist-high mountain of yellow sand. The boys had build a moat all around the castle and filled it with water from the lake at the other side of the public playground. Of course they looked it as well: Harry's glasses were smudged and his hair even more messy than usual, Draco's knees were muddy and there were some tiny twigs in his blonde hair.
"It looks perfect," Narcissa stated, running a hand through Draco's hair and brushing out the twigs with her fingers. "Now, you two go and play for a little while longer, then we head home for dinner."
Both boys nodded and Draco ran back to his brother. They started decorating the sandcastle with stones and flowers but soon moved on to the swings, challenging each other to go higher and higher.
Unbeknownst to them, Narcissa had already cast a wandless cushioning charm at the ground beneath them. Content that her sons would be safe, she went back to her reading.
Both of her boys would soon be five years old – Draco's birthday had been last month and Harry's was just around the corner, only a week in the future – and they'd lived in the same little house for two years now. Maybe, Narcissa thought, maybe they wouldn't have to move again.
They lived in the suburbs of London in a neighborhood of Muggles. Chances were less likely there to run into Lucius or someone else who would recognize them. Because of course her husband was still looking for his son, his only heir and most prized possession. And she wasn't sure if the Wizarding World was a safe place for Harry either. The Dark Lord may be gone but what of his loyal followers? They could still be out for her son's head. Not to mention Dumbledore. The old wizard knew that she had taken in the boy with the lightning shaped scar. However, he knew nothing of her motives, didn't know that Harry was hers by blood. She was certain he was still out there too, looking for them, looking to take Harry to his aunt, Lily's sister.
Her face scrunched up in disgust when she thought about the Dursleys. Such a vile bunch of people… She'd stayed with them for a single night in the first week of their flight. They despised magic and anything that didn't fit into their narrow minded little world. They hated wizards with the same ferocity the Dark Lord had hated Muggles and Muggleborns. Harry would not be sent into their care as long as she lived. And even though she feared the further interest in Harry thus would create, Narcissa would reveal the truth of his lineage to Dumbledore. And soon.
With finality she closed her book and called out for the boys. They chased each other around the park until they neared the street, waiting for their mother to catch up. When she did, she ruffled their hair and took their little hands into her own, walking back to their home.
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It had taken some time and awkward situations at first, but slowly, Narcissa Malfoy née Black had adapted to the Muggle world. Behind the closed doors of her home, she was still very much a witch – the plates and cutlery cleaned itself, beds were made with a simple swish of her wand – but outside, she blended into the Muggle populace.
Opening their front door with a whispered wandless "Alohomora", Narcissa ushered her son's inside and told them to go clean up in the bathtub until she joined them to wash their hair. She watched how the boys raced up the stairs and chuckled. Shrugging out of her coat she thought how wonderful life was despite everything that had happened and despite the constant threat of being detected. Her life had turned out different than she'd ever thought it would be. She was no longer filthy rich – probably even disinherited – and lived between Muggles instead of in a luxurious Manor. There were no longer balls to attend or festivities to arrange, there was no longer a husband she didn't love and had to share her bed with.
There were only two handsome little boys, healthy and happy. And it was enough for her.
She still thought of Lily every day and whenever she looked into her son's startling green eyes. They should've taking the foolish, the brave route, should've never split up. Maybe then, they both could still be together. But, she reminded herself, then she wouldn't have Draco. And he was one of the two best things in her life.
She took off her shoes and walked up the stairs. As was to be expected, she found the tiles of the bathroom flooded, two naked little boys in the tub, splashing each other with water.
She cast a quick cleaning spell on the room and knelt down next to the tub, washing first Draco's and then Harry's more stubborn hair. Black hair indeed. Her cousin Regulus had always complained about his hair as well; always messy and sticking out in every possible direction. Aunt Walburga had always been so furious with him, saying he did it on purpose.
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A few days later, Narcissa took them to the park again, making use of the good weather as long as it lasted. The day after tomorrow would be Harry's birthday and in her mind she was going over her checklist. The package she'd ordered from Romania, containing the same toy broom Draco had gotten a month prior, had arrived just this morning. The invitations had been sent – yes, even though they lived hidden from the world, there were still people who knew, people she saw as often as possible – and the balloons were waiting to be filled with air.
"Mommy?"
Narcissa left the confines of her thoughts and smiled at her son who was now standing in front of the bench she was sitting on.
"Harry?"
"Can we-" he paused and began again. "Can we go and visit mom's grave? On my birthday?"
"Do you want to?" Narcissa asked, sadness gripping at her with an iron fist.
Harry merely nodded. The blonde embraced the small boy and kissed his cheek. "Then, yes. Of course we will go."
It would be risky to visit Godric's Hollow but Narcissa knew they'd manage. They'd go at the break of dawn and be back before just before sunrise.
"Do you miss her?"
She nodded, a lone tear trailing down her cheek. "I do. So much. – But whenever I look at you, I know she will never be truly gone. She is still with us."
"In here," Harry smiled and patted first his, then his mother's chest.
"Exactly," Narcissa smiled and kissed the scar on his forehead. "Now go and play, I think your brother is getting impatient."
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"Are you sure this is wise?" Andromeda asked her sister, concern etched into her face. Narcissa had asked her to come early so Harry and her could visit Lily's grave without having to take Draco along. It was risky enough to take Harry, she needn't endanger Draco as well. As of now, the blonde boy was still sleeping soundly. Harry however, was already fully dressed and excitedly moving about the kitchen, waiting for the adults to finish their conversation.
"I know it isn't, Andy," Narcissa responded, rechecking her purse. "But Harry needs this. I need this. We will be back within the hour."
"Be safe," Andromeda advised, first hugging her sister and then Harry.
"We will." The blonde Black sister took her son's hand and in the blink of an eye, they were gone.
They reappeared behind the church of Godric's Hollow's graveyard. She looked at Harry to see if he was doing alright – apparating could be upsetting to young stomachs – and started walking once she was assured that everything was well. It was still dark and they had to move slowly. The graveyard's iron door gave a protesting creak as they stepped through and Narcissa automatically gripped Harry's hand tighter. In the first year after Lily's death, she hadn't been able to come here because of the crowds of witches and wizards who visited the graves of the fallen heroes. In the last four years though, she had managed to visit the grave at least once, sometimes twice a year.
The grave was easily distinguished from the rest because of the tall statue that stood right next to it, depicting James, Lily, and baby Harry.
Mother and son crouched down in front of the double grave, both of them pondering own thoughts, both of them missing the woman whose name was carved into the dark stone. Harry didn't really remember Lily – apart from the nightmares he would sometimes have or the feeling of loss deep in his soul – but Narcissa had made it her task to tell him as much about his deceased mother as she could. She'd even given him the only picture she possessed of her, a photo taken at their last year at Hogwarts, showing Lily and herself arm in arm, sitting beneath the Whomping Willow. The sentient tree had become a great hideout for their secret relationship once they had figured out how to tame it. No one would come near the tree in a wide radius. It had been their own safe haven.
Placing a hand on Harry's shoulder, she took the two single red roses from her purse and gave one to him. Together, they laid them down on the grave and said their goodbyes. Maybe one day, they could visit in the daytime and stay as long as they liked.
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Back at home, a sleepy Draco had joined his aunt in the kitchen, sipping his hot chocolate as he waited.
As soon as his mother and younger brother reappeared in the kitchen with a quiet POP, he jumped off of his chair and tackled the black haired boy, wishing him a happy birthday.
"Can I give him my present, yet, mommy, can I?"
"Good morning to you too," Narcissa raised a brow but bent down and kissed Draco's cheek, smiling. "And yes, you may."
The blonde boy ran off and hurried up the stairs, coming back with a messily wrapped parcel and holding it out to Harry.
Harry happily accepted the gift and started to tear up the paper. He beamed at his brother when his eyes fell first on the handmade birthday card, then on a thick book with the title 'Quidditch around the World'. On the book's cover, a blue dressed Quidditch team was flying through the air.
"Thank you," Harry hugged his brother and together, the two boys stormed off into the living room to browse its pages.
Andromeda joined her sister in the doorway, both of them watching the giggling brothers huddled close together in the single armchair.
"Some days I still can't believe it," Narcissa quietly confessed, a loving gaze in her eyes.
"Me neither," Andromeda wrapped an arm around her sister before letting go. "Well, I should be going home. I will see you in the afternoon."
Narcissa nodded. "Thank you, for watching Draco."
"Of course."
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In the early afternoon, both Harry and Draco were flying through the house on their toy brooms, chasing each other and throwing a ball they used for a snitch, Andromeda came back, now joined by her husband Ted and their daughter Nymphadora.
"Ted," Narcissa hugged the blonde man, smiling at him. Her Muggle brother-in-law was a tall man with the beginnings of a paunch and a kind face. He was a good man and Narcissa was glad her sister had him at her side.
"Nymph," she grinned, fiercely embracing her 11-year-old niece. Today, Nymphadora's hair was a bright pink, contrasting sharply with her dark green eyes. "My, you have grown since I've seen you on Draco's birthday!"
The girl beamed. "I have, haven't I?"
"So, soon you'll be off to Hogwarts," Narcissa stated, seeing her niece's eyes light up with excitement at the prospect.
"I-"
"Can we go to Hogwarts, too, mommy?" Draco interrupted, his toy Nimbus in his hand. Harry stood next to him, a toothy smile on his face as he sat on his broom, hovering in the air. He was a natural and Narcissa knew he must've inherited it from her. Lily had hated flying and all things Quidditch with a vengeance.
"Draco, it isn't polite to interrupt someone when they are speaking," Narcissa reminded her eldest, giving him a stern look. "And you know you can only go to Hogwarts once you get your letter, when you're eleven. – Apologize to your cousin."
"Sorry," he bashfully said, his blue eyes pleading with Nymphadora who was enjoying this way too much.
"Apology accepted," she finally said, grinning at both of her cousins. "Now, let's give Harry his presents!"
AN: As always, I would be delighted to hear your thoughts. The idea of Narcissa and Lily appeals to me and I thought, why not make Harry their child? I have to confess, I never cared much for James Potter - he doesn't come across as a nice person and I will not forgive him for bullying Severus. Well, leave me a note and ask questions if you have some.
Chapter 2 is already finished as well, which means I might post it later today. It'll also introduce Hermione to the story.
-np