Oneshot about Lorelai giving birth to Rory
"Iced chips? You're giving me iced chips?"
"They'll make you feel better -"
"They'll make me feel better?" Lorelai screams, shaking the cup. "Do you know what would make me feel better? Getting this baby out of me!"
"Calm down, dear."
Furious, Lorelai takes the chips and lobs them out at the smug nurse, taking enjoyment in her indignant yells. She pelts them over and them over, punctuating with shouts of,
"Calm down! I've got to push a human being out of me and you're telling me to calm down! Screw you!"
Lorelai throws the last of the chips and is a little disappointed that they've run out. The cup is yanked out of her hands and she knows better than to ask for more.
"I never saw such disgraceful behaviour," the nurse says, shaking the ice out of her perm. "You should be in the children's ward!"
The nurse smirks at her own joke and Lorelai scowls, remembering how her eyebrows raised when she saw Lorelai was sixteen. She opens her mouth to retort but is saved as the doctor breezes in.
"How are we doing?"
"A little tempestuous," says the nurse haughtily and the doctor laughs.
"Well, that's not unusual. Mary, why don't you go and make some coffee? I need to check how Miss Gilmore is doing."
Mary sniffs and Lorelai lies back on her pillows. The doctor feels between her legs but Lorelai is too unhappy to care anymore.
"I wish you hadn't said coffee."
"Hmm?"
"I love coffee. Can you make me a cup?"
The doctor laughs and Lorelai stares, incensed.
"Hey, I'm not kidding! I need coffee, it's my life fuel, especially if I'm going to be squeezing a kid out of me, which doesn't sound fun, if she ever comes out, which I don't think is ever going to happen because I've been having these pains for a million years and I think I'm still going to be lying in this hospital bed when the kid is sixteen too!"
"Do you think it's a girl?"
"What?" Lorelai asks, pushing a sweaty strand of hair behind her ear.
"Do you think your baby's a girl? You said she."
"Oh," Lorelai says. She hadn't noticed. "I don't know. I feel like it is, like she is, but they didn't tell me what it is."
"Would you like it to be a girl?"
"Yeah," Lorelai admits, smiling a little. "Chris really wants it to be a boy - he keeps talking about how he'll take the kid on his motorcycle and teach it to play baseball - but I think it's a girl. I want her to be a girl."
"Chris is the father, I take it."
"That's right," Lorelai says sourly. "I couldn't get hold of him."
"I see."
A huge pain engulfs Lorelai before she can reply and she yelps out, grabbing the doctor's arm.
"You've got to give me something!"
"Excuse me?"
"The hard drugs! I know they knocked out Queen Victoria or whoever with morphine when she had kids, and I'll take it. Give me anything!"
"You don't want me to give you morphine. You already have painkillers."
"Um, I think I do, see, my body feels like it's about to implode and it's been doing that for what seems like a week now and I'm done, I've had it, so I'm begging you, just make this go away!"
The doctor softens, straightening up as Lorelai relinquishes his arm, and says,
"Your parents are outside. Would you like me to ask your mother to come in? A lot of ladies like being able to hold someone's hand."
"Don't you even think of it!" shouts Lorelai. "I swear, if you bring my mother in here, I will jump out of this bed and karate chop so hard you won't get up for a month!"
"Well, I don't want that," the doctor says. "But is there any other way I can make you more comfortable? Besides drugs?"
"Yes," Lorelai says, panting. "You can take me back in time to when Christopher came to my place after school and we drank my parents' scotch, and I thought it would be a great plan to take him on the balcony, only make him wear a condom, instead of believing I couldn't be pregnant because we barely had sex!"
"Ah."
"How can I be pregnant?" Lorelai cries. "It lasted a minute, half a minute, I swear! And seriously doctor, if that's what sex is like, you can count me out, even if I don't get pregnant next time. I am not going near guys, ever again, and the entire concept of having kids is sick cosmic joke made up by a man! This is a raw deal, it stinks, and I can't believe I had sex with Christopher for this! I don't want to do this! Make it go away!"
"It's a little late."
"I don't care! I don't want to be pregnant anymore!"
"Good news," the doctor says, making Lorelai stop in shock. "You're fully dilated. Miss Gilmore, you can start pushing!"
"Seriously?"
"Seriously. Now, big breath and -"
"You're kidding me!" Lorelai screams, after one try. "This is killing me!"
"You can do this," the doctor says gently. "I know you can get this baby out."
"What if I can't?"
"If you can't, we'll do something else. But right now, everything is fine and I need you to push. Don't you want to meet your baby?"
"I have some words for her," Lorelai grumbles, but she starts to push. She pushes and screams, pushes and screams, until the room feels very far away. Time doesn't feel real anymore, being a kid in high school feels like a dream, and she's only brought back when the doctor says triumphantly,
"Well done, that's the head! Well done, Lorelai! Now another big push - you're almost there -"
Lorelai closes her eyes, sucks as much air into her lungs as possible and pushes with all that she has. She hears the doctor say she's got out the arms, the chest, the legs, and then lies back in exhaustion as the doctor tells her,
"You were right!"
"About what?"
"You have a little girl."
A sudden crying fills the room and Lorelai sits up, dazed.
"A girl?"
"A beautiful girl, look!"
The doctor holds out the squalling baby and Lorelai exclaims,
"Oh my God!"
The baby is covered in weird goop, like from a sci fi film, and the doctor laughs.
"She'll look more beautiful once she's cleaned up. Here -"
Before she can protest he lays the baby on Lorelai's chest and as she looks gingerly at its face, the baby's eyes suddenly lock on hers. They're bright blue, just like Lorelai, and she smiles, her heart tight.
"Hi, baby. I'm your mom."
The doctor lifts the baby up and takes her to be washed and weighed, returning with her wrapped in a blanket.
"Here she is," he says, carefully placing the bundle in Lorelai's arms. "Meet your daughter properly."
Lorelai is dimly aware of him leaving the room, but all she can think of is the baby staring up at her. She has a funny baby frown.
"Hey kid," she whispers. "Sorry about the whole oh my god thing. You did look pretty gross. Happens to the best of us."
The baby shifts slightly and Lorelai snuggles her into her chest.
"You don't look gross now," she assures her. "You're beautiful. You're so beautiful, and I love you, and I'm going to take care of you forever. We're going to be so happy. Christopher - that's your daddy - he wants me to marry him, but I don't know about that. I'm so happy you're a girl. I mean, no hard feelings if you were a boy, but I hoped you were a girl. I wonder if you're going to look like me? You already have my eyes."
A little baby hand reaches out and Lorelai grasps it, letting the baby wrap her tiny fingers around her mother's.
"Hey, it's okay," Lorelai says softly. "I know it's scary. We're going to be fine. Look at you. You're so pink - you're pink all over. I can't believe I made you. I can't believe that one afternoon which lasted - well, I won't gross you out with that. I've got a lifetime to get back at you for it. That's right, kid. You owe me."
Lorelai laughs and the baby frowns again.
"Hey, you already look smart. You are smart. You're going to be top of all your classes, I know it. What do you think?"
The baby looks askance and Lorelai giggles.
"Well, I know you are.. And I've got to give you a real name. If you were a boy, I was going to name you after that guy on the coffee commercial, but I couldn't think of any girl names. I wanted to give you a cool name, like one of those old movie stars, but nothing feels right."
Lorelai sighs and looks around the room, where her eyes land on the chart by her bed. She reads it, smiles and then looks back down.
"You know, guys name kids after themselves all the time," she informs the baby. "Why shouldn't women? I like my name and there's that character in that movie, Lorelai Leigh. She's played by Marilyn Monroe and you can't get more glamorous than that. So I'm going to name you Lorelai Leigh Gilmore. What do you think of that?"
The baby wriggles and Lorelai laughs happily.
"I'll take that as a yes."
The door opens, making Lorelai jump, and Emily and Richard rush over.
"You gave birth twenty minutes ago and we're just hearing now?" Emily demands. "What kind of hospital is this?"
"Emily," Richard admonishes and Emily sniffs, composing herself.
"Are you alright?" she asks Lorelai and Lorelai sighs.
"I feel like I've been run over then forced to run a marathon, but other than that, I'm super."
"And is the baby alright?"
Lorelai smiles, lifting her up.
"She's perfect."
"She?" Emily echoes, a grin spreading over her face. "It's a girl?"
"I haven't checked but that's what they told me."
Emily sighs but can't stop smiling and Lorelai lets her take the baby and show it to Richard.
"A girl," her father says, grinning ear to ear. "How wonderful. She looks just like you when you were born."
"She does? Did I take a million hours to come out too?"
"What a charming way to put it," Emily remarks. "But I daresay you were stubborn too."
"I like that," Lorelai says and Richard says,
"Well, have you thought of a name? Please don't choose one simply because it's in vogue."
"I know," Emily eagerly answers. "Christine!"
"You're kidding, Mom."
"I'm certainly not kidding, Lorelai! It's a lovely name and after her father!"
"I'm not naming my daughter after a demonic car!"
"I beg your pardon?"
"It doesn't matter," Lorelai says, reaching out for the baby to be given back. "I've already named her."
"You have?" Emily asks and Lorelai nods.
"I'm calling her Lorelai."
"After my mother," Richard says proudly and Lorelai shakes her head.
"After me!"
"After you?"
"Why not? Guys do it all the time."
"But -"
"Hey, you liked it enough to use it for me," Lorelai says firmly. "Don't you think it's a pretty name? She should have a pretty name!"
"It's a fine name." Richard says and Emily sighs.
"You've made your mind up. By the way, I called Straub and Francine and Christopher will come tomorrow. He can't wait to meet his baby."
"I'm sure," Lorelai says quietly and Emily adds,
"When you're rested and recovered we'll talk about wedding plans."
"Emily, not now," Richard says under his breath and Emily nods, to Lorelai's relief.
"Of course. Well, we'll leave you to get some rest. Well done, Lorelai. You did very well."
"Thanks, Mom."
"We're thrilled," Richard adds and Lorelai smiles.
"Thanks, Dad."
Her parents leave the room and little Lorelai starts to splutter. The doctor has gone so Lorelai rocks her, soothing as much as she can.
"Hey, Lorelai. Mommy's here. It's okay, Lorelai. Lor, Lor, Lory!"
The baby still cries and Lorelai says again,
"Hey, Lorelai! Lory!" She scrunches up her face and it comes out, "Rory!"
The baby stops, staring, and Lorelai laughs.
"Hey, do you like that? Rory? Rory!"
The baby settles and Lorelai smiles, rocking her.
"That's your name. Rory! I'm your mommy, Rory."
The baby sighes, her eyes fluttering shut. Lorelai traces her hand over them, the impossibly soft skin, and kisses her.
"Goodnight, Rory Gilmore. You're already perfect. We're going to be fine."