After Party Intoxication
By ilovemyboys
One-Shot
"My art prevails!" The Akatsuki's blonde bomber pounded his fist onto the table as the remaining glasses shook ever so slightly in their spots.
The Akatsuki had just had just celebrated their tailed beast after-party for capturing their latest Jinjuriki. Hidan and Kakuzu left earlier after Kakuzu lost too much money in their gambling game and Hidan was eventually feeling the effects of all the liquor he drank, which was the only time anyone had seen the man so quiet. Although he said it was because he had to say his prayers to Jashin, everyone knew he was just drowsy from the alcohol. Deidara had drunk a lot too, however his tolerance level was much lower than Hidan's because of the Jashinist's immortality, and as such was much sooner intoxicated, even though the blonde bomber continuously refused to admit he was. Itachi also noticed Hidan add something to Deidara's drink when he wasn't looking, but said nothing. It was somewhat amusing to the Uchiha. However, he soon got bored and went to bed. Konan simply didn't want to be around the shouting, drunk men any longer, and she too left. Zetsu had no interest in the game and only stayed for the appetizers before he departed earlier that night. Which left Kisame, Tobi, Deidara, and Pein.
Pein decided he too would turn in for the night and stood up as he faced the only two sober Shinobi.
"Kisame. Tobi. Get Deidara to bed," he ordered. "You both are going on missions tomorrow, so make sure your partners are able to as well. They are your responsibility."
They both nodded as Pein turned to leave.
After hearing the door shut upstairs to Pein's room, Kisame turned to Deidara.
"Time to go to bed Deidara," he said happily.
"I don't waaaant to," Deidara whined.
"Too bad," he said, grabbing the bomber's wrist in a tight grip as Tobi held onto the other.
Deidara immediately began to struggle as he tried to get away.
"Easy does it Deidara…" Kisame spoke slowly.
"Where are we gooooing?"
"Your room."
"But, but, but I can…find it…mysssself…" Deidara slurred.
Kisame bit back a snicker at this new, child-like, drunk Deidara.
It's certainly entertaining…He thought with a grin.
"I doubt that kid. Now let's go."
….
As they reached Deidara's bedroom, Kisame ordered Tobi to open the door. Tobi did so and they went in, avoiding all the clay pieces scattered about the room, making sure not to step on a single one in case it still had explosive chakra in it, yet to be activated. Who in their right mind would leave something like that in their own room was one thing, but Deidara, like everyone else in this organization, wasn't exactly right in the mind.
"Set him down Tobi," Kisame ordered as Tobi laid Deidara down on his bed. Kisame then walked over to Deidara's shoes and began taking them off one at a time while Deidara swayed back and forth like a child.
"Would you cut it out Deidara?" Kisame snapped.
"Huh?" Deidara cocked his head at the Shark-man.
Kisame sighed. "Never mind, just…hold still."
Deidara swayed a little less, but just like he had ants in his pants, couldn't help but move just a little.
Kisame finally got Deidara's shoes and socks off as he looked up at the Iwa-nin, only to see Tobi swaying back and forth on the bed too.
Great. He's acting just like Tobi...Kisame rolled his eyes as he stood up.
"Alright Deidara. Let's get your pajamas."
He really hoped Deidara wore something to bed cuz he was not doing anything weird to get him ready.
"Top drawer!" Deidara shouted excitedly as he rocked back and forth.
Kisame sighed.
Why was I stuck with this again? Oh that's right. Leader ordered me to.
As Kisame took out a pair of pajamas he looked back at Deidara's state.
Could he….No. Definitely not. He probably can't even lift an arm up to get through the sleeve on his own.
"Alright Deidara, lift up your arms."
"Why? So you can tickle me?"
"What? No."
"Then why Kisameeee?"
Kisame looked down at the terrorist bomber in confusion.
What the heck was he talking about?
"Tobi thinks Kisame wants to help Senpai put on his pajamas!" Tobi cried excitedly.
"That's right…good job Tobi," Kisame sighed tiredly.
"Oh. Okay then!" Deidara replied as Kisame came up to him. However, just as the Kirigakure-nin came close to the terrorist bomber, Deidara jumped up from where he sat, only to be pulled down roughly by Kisame.
"Stay still."
"No! I wanna go blow something up!"
"Deidara, quit it," Kisame growled.
"No!"
"Deidara…" he warned.
"No! No! No!"
"Well too bad! You can't have your way right now. If you insist on acting like a child I'll treat you like one! Tobi, get me his pajamas," Kisame ordered.
"Righteo Kisame!"
Tobi looked through Deidara's dresser until he found Deidara's PJ's and handed them to Kisame.
"Nooooo. I can put them on," Deidara whined as he snatched up the pajamas.
"Be my guest," Kisame growled as he folded his arms.
As Deidara tried to pull his pajama top over his head, his faltering coordination proved detrimental, and after four unsuccessful tries, Kisame pulled it over the blond bomber himself.
Deidara, then slightly more successfully, managed to pull on his pajama pants and flop down on his back.
Kisame sighed as he pulled the blankets over the blonde bomber.
Knowing he had accomplished his "mission," Kisame stood up and turned to face Tobi.
"Come on Tobi we-" Kisame stopped midsentence at seeing the masked-nin sleeping on the edge of the bed next to Deidara. Kisame rolled his eyes as one, single thought came to his mind.
Why did I have to babysit tonight?