Chapter 1: Boobs Are Holy

By now, it's no secret that the God of the bible had died in the Great War all those years ago. What was a secret, was that it was just a ploy to give him time off. After sealing Trihexa, he was growing more and more bored with his occupation and the constant fighting. What he really wanted to do was kick back, relax, and Netflix-and-chill with whatever beauty with giant breasts he could get his divine hands on. Screw the natural order of things, he just wanted to grope some boobs. He could undo everything in the blink of an eye anyway… well, maybe not everything. Those two extradimensional dragons were just going to be left alone, nothing he did worked on them and it only aggravated him more. Of course, his brother (Great Red) and sister (Ophis) weren't exactly beings he had created, they just popped in out of nonexistence with him(copycats no doubt). Aww well, as long as there's tits, he's good.

A few years, give or take a few centuries passed and kami-sama was enjoying his time in his specially created pocket dimension. Nothing had interested him in particular, but nothing bothered him enough to seek a hobby out. Then, came the "Big Bang". Boobs of exceptional size grew on these new age women, so he decided that it was about time he stepped out of his shell and into the world of breasts. That one woman who was around 100 years old, Raynare or whatever her name was, caught his eye first, so he decided "why not" and descended upon the earth in the disguise of an elderly man with a badass beard.

Upon tracking the fallen angel down, he saw her on a "date" of sorts. She had killing intent oozing out of her, so the Lord decided that he'd make a badass entrance and step in at just the moment she decided to do it, and maybe get an upskirt in the meantime.

"Would you die for me" Raynare whispered into the adolescent boy's ears. Upon uttering the words a second time after asked to reiterate, she formed a light spear in her hand and proceeded to thrust it at the confused youth. True to his self-imagined heroic image, God stepped in and stopped the spear with his pinky finger. Flustered, the fallen one started shouting. "Who the hell are you!?" she said, not noticing the boy had vanished. The Lord then proceeded to move faster than even her eyes could see, and landed behind her. With vigor in his eyes and excitement in his hands, he reached up and grabbed those enormous honkers he had tracked down, fondling them to about an eighth the best of his ability. Raynare, who was previously seething, couldn't help but notice that it actually felt damn good. She blushed, and let out a small moan after trying to fight it back but failing.

"I'm just an old man with a healthy admiration for the female body" the deity said. Releasing her, she stumbled back and was pondering retreat. It was only for a moment, but she felt a power that dwarfed even Azazel's, so this man was obviously of the supernatural and a powerful being at that. It was then that she had noticed that her target was gone and began to wonder how he could escape her. Even if she was being fondled (rather well she silently admitted) he couldn't have vanished from her sight in the few seconds it took. The disguised God took it upon himself to explain.

"If you're wondering where that sacred gear user went, the answer is nowhere" he said. "He's right here." Dispelling a barrier, the young boy now popped back into plain sight, just as confused as he had been a few moments earlier. Raynare became lost in thoughts. How did this old man know she was targeting a sacred gear user? How did he erect a barrier in plain sight while also finding the time to get behind her? This man was dangerous, and she'd need to report back to the Grigori heads if she could get away.

"Who are you, WHAT are you?" she said, her tone being more demanding than questioning. Suddenly, 12 golden wings appeared on the man's back. His disguise faded away to reveal a tall, experienced-looking man with a white beard, golden armor from head to toe, and a perfectly sharpened, perfectly clean sword. Raynare, baffled at the brilliance of this enigma's appearance, could do nothing but stare in disbelief at the presence before her.

Shining brilliantly, his voice seemed to boom once he spoke. "I am the one responsible for the creation of the Heavens and Earth alike, I am the being older than time itself. I am the one you have forsaken. I am God, come to finish what YOU have started." That sounded as badass out loud as it did in his head, so he gave himself a mental pat on the back. Walking towards the baffled fallen with steps that radiated power, he focused on the objective he had set for himself.

Raynare was baffled. Here before her was THE God, master of all angels. Escape was not an option, as she was simply outclassed in every single category that she could imagine, including speed. Accepting her fate with a fearful expression, she fell to her knees and adopted a praying position, asking for forgiveness and that her life be ended swiftly so she felt no pain. God, able to hear this prayer, smiled as what he was about to do was inevitable.

Upon reaching her position on the ground, the deity put his sword away. Placing his hand on her shoulder and cupping her chin when she raised her head, he explained. "My dear child, I did not come here to make war with you or any of your cohorts, I'm tired of that. I am simply playing on my own whims, and murdering you is not one of them. All I ask is that you give that petrified boy over there, this Issei Hyoudo, a chance. I've felt his aura, and he's as avid an oppai lover as myself."

Stunned, Raynare could only gawk at the deity's speech. Not only because he spared her, but because he openly admitted to being a titty man. So that's why he had groped her before. She really wouldn't mind if he did it again to be honest, but was too embarrassed to ask. She pondered on what he had told her, and decided that it was best if she did what he said. After all, should he ever change his mind, he could destroy the Grigori with the wave of a hand

By now, Issei had passed out due to shock from the many supernatural revelations he had beheld. God had transformed back into his disguise, sure that the sudden power spike would be felt the world over and many supernatural factions would gather shortly. Smiling at the reformed fallen, he called her to attention and gave her one last bit of information before he departed.

"Should you follow my request, you will be rewarded greatly in heaven." Grabbing her right breast firmly but gently, he put his omniscience on everything involving females to use. "I made women like this for a reason, even as you are now, you are holy because your BOOBS are holy. Never forget that." Loosening his hold and letting go, he vanished as a rose fell to the ground. Where the rose came from, no one but him knows, and it was pretty kickass if he says so himself. Raynare, visibly upset that he had left her so hot and bothered with that last groping session, assumed her Amano Yuuma form and began trying to wake Issei up.

God's next plan of action was to go visit Azazel himself. He knew exactly where that young hothead would be, seeing as how this is devil territory. He had kicked him out of heaven only because he didn't invite him to the titty bar with Odin a while back. Serves him right, oppai are holy, how could his own son leave him out like that? Speaking of Odin, he wonders if he still uses that old, tired line "how'd you like to stroke Odin's beard?" to any hot bod he sees. It never worked, and never will.