A/N: Hello, this fic is based on mine and my best friends' nicknames. One of my best friends has even wrote a play featuring us and a few chosen friends, just for fun and laughs. I decided to use this idea and mold it into a story with the MY-HiME characters. It's somewhat strange, but this is also an attempt at a serious story combined with crack XD Please enjoy and since this is an attempt, I may not continue because it's my first time writing like this.

WARNING: NONE OF MY STORIES ARE BETA'D…and I may edit this because I'm positive I forgot something O.O so you may want to check it out again later.

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CH1: Take Me Away

Yuri Land. The name itself gives you shivers, doesn't it? It was barely 10 years ago when a colossal war broke out between the large forces of Yuri and Yaoi. No one has no knowledge of how such a horrible outcome came to be, although in the end Yuri Land won but at the price of the Queen's life. Nonetheless, peace and prosperity settled into the land once more and relations between Yuri Land with others flourished. It was only Yaoi Land that held a serious threat to their hard-earned tranquility. Now more than ever, the princess must take her place as Queen but to achieve this, it is her duty to fulfill this one requirement:

She must marry one who was not born in Yuri Land.

Her choices were:

Bitch Palace, and true to their name, it's full of PMSing, road raged, insult creating bitches.

Virgin Islands, who have dedicated themselves to no sex life.

Smut Mountains, where they constantly have mad sex and use the common excuse of the cold just to "do it."

Mist Forest, a sanctuary for those who want to be a bitch, virgin or sex-holic and everything they desire without specific rules.

Yaoi Land, full of hardcore gay men and alas, no women allowed (majority of the men fear females).

Thus, the princess came to the conclusion of killing two birds (preferably not lovebirds) with one stone… She was going to marry the prince of Yaoi Land.

-----

"Shizuru-hime!"

Right when the honey-haired woman was going to take a sip of her delicious tea, she was interrupted by none other than her General. "Ara ara, to what do I owe the pleasure of this surprise visit, Haruka?" In her doorway stood a blonde woman with a furious expression.

Eye twitching, Haruka barked, "Damn Bubuzuke-woman! 15 minutes ago, Yukino, you and I were supposed to attend a meeting with Yaoi Land!" She stomped her right foot and crossed her arms with a huff. "Do you know how you represent Yuri Land with your unexplained sentences?"

Another voice with the opposite tone of Haruka, spoke gently, "Haruka-chan, it's 'unexplained absences,' not 'unexplained sentences.'" Yukino, the princess's Advisor, appeared beside her childhood friend at the doorway. She bowed respectfully to Shizuru. "Gomen, Shizuru-hime, but Haruka-chan does speak sensibly."

A rueful smile took the princess's lips. "Have the Kanzakis left?"

"Baka! Of course they left!" Haruka threw her hands up exasperatedly. "Yukino was able to convince them to agree with the one year wait, but it was also partly because of Prince Reito." She scoffed. "He was begging the King of Yaoi Land to accept the offer."

This caused Shizuru's eyebrows to shoot up. "Interesting. Maybe he has a secret affair."

Yukino blushed while Haruka spluttered. "Y-you and your insane mind!" Shaking her head, she roughly took a seat and crossed her legs. As Yukino made to sit next to her, she demanded with a frown, "Why don't you find a girl to marry?" Before the princess could reply, Haruka continued, "Any girl out there would befit as your wife, so long as you don't marry yourself to the Kanzakis! You know how much the King hates your family; the last Queen of Yuri Land stole his wife!"

Yukino readjusted her glasses and admitted shyly, "It's still a surprise to hear the King of Yaoi Land is bisexual."

Chuckling, Shizuru reminisced her two mothers briefly. Thanks to the technology of Yuri, women are able to "push a baby out their va-jy-jy" with their female lover, which means there is no male sperm needed. The once-Queen-of-Yaoi died shortly after giving birth to Shizuru and the Queen left, who had taught their young daughter almost everything she knew, died in the last war. Shizuru sighed to herself. Thinking of the times she could have shared with her mothers always made her feel miserable and desire alone time.

"Don't tell us you need to masturbate."

Shizuru blinked and Yukino said embarrassingly, "Haruka-chan!"

"What?" the General said in protest. "Shizuru-hime has never let anyone go further with her than a kiss! Obviously, she needs an orgasm." Not noticing Shizuru's wide eyes nor Yukino's flabbergasted expression, she said skeptically, "Unless she's been drying tea so enchanting, it must be orgasmic."

"I-it's drinking, H-Haruka-chan," Yukino weakly corrected, "Not, drying…"

Haruka dismissed her mistake with a wave of the hand. "Yeah yeah, Bubuzuke-woman knows what I'm saying."

Silent, Shizuru decided to take a sip of her still-warm tea but once again, was interrupted by the same person.

"See, Yukino, her tea must be orgasmic. She's still drinking."

"H-Haruka-chan!"

Finally letting her puzzlement show, Shizuru inquired, "What does Haruka mean by orgasmic?" As soon as those words escaped her mouth, silence dominated the room… Maybe even all of Yuri Land! The princess suddenly felt uneasy at the shocked expressions on Yukino's and Haruka's face. The graveyard silence also made her want to crawl into bed and hide from the world, ashamed at not knowing the meaning of the word "orgasmic."

Haruka then threw her head back and hooted with laughter. Hence, sound returned to Yuri Land. "Dear Goddess!" The General banged the nearby table with a fist repeatedly. "Yu…Yukino! Shizuru-hime is…!" Clutching her stomach, she gasped out, "Shizuru-hime, you should've…you should've been princess of the Virgin Islands!" She fell back against her chair, laughing like it was her last day of such glee.

Now feeling indignant, the princess retorted, "And I take it Yukino and yourself have gone that far?" Satisfied when her General's laughter halted, she sent an apologetic look to her Advisor's flushed face and chose to enjoy the tea she had been attempting to drink since the day began.

After a few moments, Yukino appeared to have remembered something important and hastily checked her wristwatch. "Haruka-chan!"

At the panicked tone of voice her friend used, the General asked with a hint of worry, "Yes?"

"You're late to the ceremony of our new recruitments!" When the blonde woman blinked, Yukino reminded her, "The speech!"

Haruka visibly paled. "How could I forget my speech?" She glared at Shizuru and stood up angrily. "Bubuzuke-woman, if only you hadn't skipped the meeting without telling us! Bah!" Storming out the room, she called out, "Yukino, let's go!"

"H-hai!" Once again bowing, the Advisor told the princess, "Shizuru-hime, please keep yourself out of trouble." After receiving an assuring nod, Yukino smiled in relief and excused herself.

Now alone, Shizuru toyed with her teacup and pondered the agreement with Yaoi Land. "One year left of freedom," she muttered, eyes downcast. A notion abruptly forced her back to stiffen. "Don't tell me when Prince Reito and I have our honeymoon, we're going to…" The chestnut-haired woman shook her head to rid away those disturbing thoughts. "For Yuri Land, I must do this."

Shizuru still felt sick about losing her virginity to a male and not a female.

Sighing, the princess decided to take a walk in the gardens. "That's always calming." Since she was in the study room, there was no balcony and so with no other choice, the young woman peered out the open window. "Good, there should be enough room." Lifting herself up, she transferred energy into the soles of her feet and pushed off into the air. "Kiyohime!"

The earth that rushed to meet the princess cracked and with such extreme force, gave way to a massive violet creature that had the appearance of a hydra, yet with a squid like body. Shizuru safely landed on one of its many heads and smiled faintly. "Ookini for materializing when I called your name, Kiyohime."

------

Meanwhile, in faraway bushes…

"In the name of my Goddess, how the hell did the princess do that!?" exclaimed a figure clothed in camouflage green. "Is she some kind of witch?" Consequently, the figure was bonked on the head. "Ow, Kuga Natsuki what was that for?!"

Another figure dressed in camouflage, obviously displeased with the person talking, retorted, "Baka, I have the same power too!"

"Yeah, so? You can't summon your dog whenever you want, not like what the princess can with her pet!" From their voice, the two are obviously females.

"Duran is a wolf, Yuuki Nao, a wolf that can blow your head off!"

"Only because he's mechanical!" The shorter figure of the two named Nao shot back. Her eyes immediately noted the other girl's tensing figure, a warning sign that said she was going to pounce. She must've been raised by wolves before I met her, I swear! Hurriedly, Nao said, "Let's just get this over with! Aren't we here to capture the princess?"

Pausing, Natsuki grudgingly changed her stance and nodded. "She went that way. From the map Midori gave us to study, it should be the gardens."

Nao grunted. "You're obviously going first. I'll sneak from behind since I don't have a guardian like you two to call on."

Natsuki rolled her eyes and without delay, proceeded with their plan…

Nao, of course, was intent on taking a few detours along the way. Clearly, she sees no point in joining until last minute.

Yup, Natsuki was on her own with kidnapping the princess.

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This is one fuck'n huge ass castle.

Natsuki was climbing to the top of the building. Thanks to the purple creature's huge size---

Even Duran is small compared to that monster!

---she was forced to find higher ground, thus the castle's roof. "Ok, almost there," Natsuki panted. The young woman pulled off the scarf hiding her lower face but left the hood on. "Anyone would be tired after climbing this unreasonable height," she said to save her ego. "Ha, I bet Yuuki wouldn't even last half as long as I did!" Heaving herself over onto a roof, Natsuki gazed at the princess who now seemed close even though the light brunette was still on top of a snake head. She checked to see if the coast was clear. It was.

"I may only be able to summon my wolf whenever I'm in danger…" Raising her hands slightly, light shined briefly before two small, blue guns materialized within her grasp. She grinned, thrilled that she had mastered the technique by now. "But at least I can make these appear whenever I choose." Sneaking closer to the edge, her eyes trailed the length of the hydra-like-squid and determined the distance between her spot and the place where the princess was. "Not so bad," she murmured and readied to jump.

As luck would have it, when Natsuki leaped, the snake head Shizuru-hime was standing upon moved to lower itself closer to the ground. For that reason, the so-called kidnapper hit the neck of the snake Shizuru was currently on instead of landing beside her.

That REALLY hurt.

It took all her strength to ignore the pain, scramble up and balance herself. "Shit," she cursed and looked up to see cherry-red orbs staring at her, its owner very well stunned by her dramatic entrance.

"Ara ara, and who might you be?" A soft voice called, the sound pleasing to the ear.

Natsuki blinked, a feeling of awe sweeping through her. The princess has an accent? It's not heavy but you can kind of hear the difference. Damn, she's sexy… Bearing in mind that she could plummet to her death with one false step, Natsuki gulped and steadied herself before flickering her gaze to the woman facing her. "Shizuru-hime," she greeted in a husky voice, slightly bowing. Taking a few steps forward, the wolf-summoner was relieved to discover her feet could still walk. "I've come to take you away."

A playful smile toyed the princess's lips. "In other words, you're a kidnapper."

Natsuki suddenly felt awkward. "Yes, but for good reason."

"I see." The princess calmly approached and Natsuki could feel the intense stares of the violet creature beneath her. "Then kidnap me."

Taken aback, Natsuki wore an incredulous expression. The giggle from the princess threw her into more confusion. "Eh? Aren't I supposed to take you unwillingly, knock you unconscious, and escape without notice until it's too late?" The guns in her hands now felt unnecessary.

"I can faint if you'd like." Shizuru winked, causing a light blush to engulf the kidnapper's face. "Then you can carry me to a room and join me in bed."

The blush on Natsuki's cheeks deepened. "S-Shizuru-hime!"

The princess laughed melodiously, once again placing Natsuki in a daze. "If your mind were not in the gutter, you would know I had the intention of sleeping. What a naughty kidnapper you are."

It seemed someone up there---

Points to the sky.

---dislikes Natsuki and wanted to have some fun. So when Natsuki flapped her arms crazily in protest, the motion sent her reeling and in turn lost her stability when the enormous monster moved. Then again, someone somewhere---

Er, points to another part of the sky.

---must like Natsuki because after her life flashed before her eyes, she was caught into the warm arms of none other than the princess.

"Ara ara, you should be extra careful when riding Kiyohime."

Given that the tumble was unexpected, Natsuki's hood didn't hide her whole face anymore and revealed long, deep sapphire hair which fluttered, hypnotizing, in the breeze that past only a moment ago. Shizuru's eyes widened when her kidnapper, a woman about her own age, looked up and exposed eyes that were the splash of green. They held an electrifying current, almost representing the word 'wild' with the shades that of a forest.

"Kiyo...hime?"

Recognizing the bewildered look in the girl's eyes, the princess answered smoothly, "This is Kiyohime, my companion and protector of sorts." She smiled warmly at one of the snake heads.

"O-oh…" Losing her cool demeanor, Natsuki hastily extracted herself from Shizuru's hold and stared at the young woman hard, guns still in her hands.

"My gorgeous kidnapper is making me feel hot. She's gazing at me so intense, I'm afraid she's hungry for something she wants me to give." The princess placed an elegant hand on her cheek and looked away, easily turning her cheeks rosy pink.

Unfortunately for Natsuki, she didn't know the woman was a teaser and a secret trickster. She felt a surge of panic. "S-Shizuru-hime, don't think that way! I was just…"

"Ikezu! My kidnapper doesn't think I'm good enough! "

"Nani?!" Natsuki was helpless and at the princess's mercy. "Look, I---

She broke mid-sentence when a brick aimed at Shizuru hit the princess on the head. Natsuki blinked after the honey-haired woman fell into her arms and, remembering what happened last time when she was able to summon Duran but knocked out from hunger, felt dread course through her whole body.

Oh no, don't tell me it's the same with her!

Kiyohime, the grand hydra-like-squid, disappeared in the blink of an eye. Now there was nothing to keep the two from dropping and none of them could levitate.

Instantly plunging wildly in the air, Natsuki shouted one name out of instinct, "DURAN!" A howl echoed and, emerging with the usual spikes of ice, the wolf bound out of nowhere and caught both Shizuru and Natsuki. He landed powerfully on the castle and shredded a great deal of the rooftop. Nao popped into view wearing a maid's dress.

"Oi, did u catch her?!"

Spotting her partner-in-crime and not paying attention to the change of garments, Natsuki understood what happened. Fuming, she growled, "What the hell were you doing?! Why did you knock the princess out?"

Defending her action, Nao snapped back, "It was the plan! If you altered it, then whatever you're pissed at is your fault for not informing me!"

Natsuki was going to reply angrily but shut her mouth. Sighing, she told Nao, "Just get on. We have to leave right away."

Once everyone was secured, Duran pounced into the sky and flew high to avoid being detected.

"Ugh, it's always freezing when we're up this level." Nao wrapped her arms around herself. "So, what happened before I threw the brick at princess here?" She leaned forward and poked the body who was out cold.

Natsuki frowned. "She wanted to be kidnapped. Didn't fight at all." Since she rode Duran like a motorcycle, Shizuru was sitting in front and Nao behind her. Nao was busy warming herself so she didn't hang onto Duran as she usually did. Natsuki, on the other hand, had her arms protectively wrapped around the princess. They were kidnapping Shizuru with good reason so of course they had to take care of her.

"By the way," Natsuki spoke, "Where were you while I went after Shizuru-hime?"

"Hm? Oh, well I decided to do something useful since I wasn't going near that huge ass pet of hers."

--Flashback--

Nao whistled. "Princess is living the life." Breaking in the castle was a challenge but in the end, it proved to be entertaining and successful. Seeing that she couldn't go around looking like a burglar, she quickly attacked a lone maid after pushing her into a closet.

"Holy Goddess, forgive me for this maid is HAWT." Eyes gleaming like a predator, she lip locked with the maid, who let out an incredibly sexy gasp, and undressed the girl in utmost speed. Pulling back, she smirked at the wide eyes staring at her and said, "Sorry babe, but Im'ma have to keep your gorgeous self in here a lil longer." Effectively knocking the girl out before she could say anything, Nao stripped and changed into the maid attire.

Stepping out with her camouflage outfit hidden inside her new disguise, she grinned and made her way to the princess's chambers. "I can't believe I was holed up in the Virgin Islands! Yuri Land is paradise!" Cackling evilly to herself, she crept up a set of stairs…and another set of stairs…another…and another…and…

"Ok, how many effin stairs are there really in this fuck'n huge ass castle?!" cursed the kidnapper. Unbeknownst to her, Natsuki was having similar thoughts right above the window she was leaning on. "Ugh, at least I'm climbing stairs and not the outside of this castle." Resuming her trek and finishing one more set of stairs, she discovered no more and swear the music Hallelujah was playing when she found a door labeled "Princess's Private Quarters."

Picking the lock, she opened the door triumphantly to find…another door. Jaw dropped, Nao cried out, "What the hell is this?! First the crazy amount of stairs and now a locked door that leads to another locked door?!" Pick-locking again, she threw it open to find yet another door but this time, it looked heavily built and it didn't have a lock. In fact, it didn't even have a door knob.

Eyes almost popping out of their sockets, Nao felt around frantically for some invisible magic button. "Where is it, where is it?!" Hope leaving her body, she dropped to her knees, defeated. "All this just to leave a friggin note about the princess!" She slammed her fists onto the door and to her astonishment, it was pushed back. Mouth forming an 'O,' Nao grinned evilly up at the door and thought, 'I know your weakness. Now your ass is mine!'

Intelligent enough to know she shouldn't bang recklessly until the door gave way, the redhead braced herself and pushed with all her might. Shortly afterwards, the silver door creaked to the left and gave enough space for Nao to slip through.

Eyes lit up in excitement, she immediately set the note on Shizuru's bed to search for any kind of item of value to sell. Uncovering several, she tucked them in neatly and remembered Natsuki was most likely on the roof. Snickering when she realized the other woman must've scaled the castle, she opened the window and climbed up herself. After all, the princess's room was fairly close to the rooftop.

--Flashback Ends--

"And that's when I found a pile of bricks and threw one at Shizuru-hime," Nao finished. Then she smirked. "Good thing my skills are still sharp."

Natsuki shook her head in disbelief. "It's a good thing Shizuru isn't bleeding!"

Ears perking, Nao asked with a wicked grin, "Shizuru, huh?"

Comprehending her mistake, Natsuki was grateful the redhead was unable to see her blushing face. Changing the topic, she inquired curiously, "Well… What was on the note? Hopefully it wasn't a ransom."

Nao let out a, "Ha!" Then said smugly, "No, I'm not stupid, pup." Before Natsuki could retort, Nao continued, "It went like this: 'The marriage agreed upon Yaoi Land has been stressful even though I try to hide it. I have come to the conclusion of searching for another to marry so that I may ascend the throne for the sake of Yuri Land. When I return, I will apologize for my unexplained departure and immediately fix our poor relation with Yaoi Land in another way. Please do not send a search party and allow me, Fujino Viola Shizuru, to do what I must.'"

"Wow," Natsuki said after an amazed moment. "You can write." Their roles reversed, she was bonked on the head. "Gah, Nao!"

"Lick your wound, pup." The redhead rolled her eyes. "We're almost at Midori's."

----

At the princess's castle…

"Look, Yukino!" Haruka waved the note Nao had planted in Shizuru's room. "Not only has she done an unexplained absence today, but now she's on an unexplained departure!"

The shorthaired advisor patted the General's shoulder in comfort. "Shizuru-hime at least explained the reason in the note."

The blonde re-thought this. "Hmph, at any rate, she's using my device and choosing to take advantage of the one-year wait." She placed her hands on her hips in a proud manner.

"Ano, it's 'advice,' not 'device,' Haruka-chan." Yukino sweat dropped but smiled anyway.

"Hai, hai, that's exactly what I said."

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TBC?