We Don't Say Goodbye
AU fic. A bittersweet tale of two people in love, whose choices lead to different paths, discovering that that the road to hell is paved with misunderstandings and good intentions. Their story is told in time fragments over a thirty year period. Definitely Chiaki and Nodame. Hints of adult content in later chapters.
This is, to all intents and purposes, an experimental, non-linear piece of fiction. It was worked on, when time permitted, over a series of months but mostly in the past week. I started on it as it seemed like a good idea at the time. I think I must've had a "Memento" moment when I embarked on this project. :D
Disclaimer: The characters of Chiaki, Nodame, Stresemann and Seiko san are the invention of Tomoko Ninomiya.
The funeral procession made its way slowly and purposefully into the cemetery grounds. The solemnity of the occasion, however, did not mar the pleasantness of the weather. It was fortuitous for all present, that they would be basking in the warmth of a fine summer's day, and the exposed lawns looked freshly greened from heavy showers that had swept through the area, drenching the grounds two days earlier. To mark this occasion, a neverending string of vehicles filed onto the strip of asphalt that meandered around the facility... giving proof of the immense respect that the deceased commanded even in death.
An unknown number of well-wishers had come to mourn the loss of the late Shinichi Chiaki. Undoubtedly, one of the amazing musical talents of the 21st century, he had passed on to the next life far too soon. His battle with cancer was finally over and the world would no longer watch his slim and handsome stature grace its stages, conducting some of the greatest musical ensembles ever gathered.
The graveside service was a simple affair... in accordance to the wishes of the deceased. His widow braced herself as she took a final look at the ornately decorated and lacquered wooden box as it was carefully lowered into her husband's final resting place. Their battle with the cancer had not been an easy one and though there was a part of her relieved that he was no longer suffering, she knew she would miss him. Not that she was one to complain much but Shinichi had not been easy to live with. Towards the end, however, she had sensed a newfound openness that had given her hope about their future together. Evidently, it was not to be. Nonetheless, she was no fool. She understood that great men were driven by forces that mere mortals were not privy to. She worshipped his talent and was content to be his constant companion... she understood too well her place in this great universe and that was to be the lowly, invisible wife of a great musician.
Immediately after the conclusion of the service, the crowds scattered all over the lawn in readiness to leave, courteously allowing the widow her private moment with the man she had devoted fifteen years of her life to. Eulogies aside, she had come to grieve and to say goodbye.
From afar onlookers could see that two women in particular lingered at the gravestone. One of them whispered to the light breeze that brushed past... Senpai... At least for a brief time... we were the golden pair. The scarf which hid her greying hair slid off her head noiselessly and onto her shoulder. Oblivious to the fact, however, she stood staring at the freshly built mound, humming Beethoven's Pathetique with a quiet passion.
The other bowed in deep respect before turning to the interloper with wonder. Who is she?
In the end it was the stranger that broke the silence when her rendition of that great piano sonata was deemed to be over. She shifted clumsily towards the widow, her demeanour and tone of voice being completely childlike.
"I'm sorry for your loss. Mrs Chiaki" She ventured demurely.
"Thank you. Miss... er..." The widow hesitated. "Have we met?"
"No... never... But I knew your husband... very well..." Another life time ago.
The interloper tried hard to avoid the other woman's penetrating gaze. Her eyelids fluttered uneasily and her line of sight flitted around the lawn.
"We played together... on a number of occasions..." She added noticing the widow's bewildered expression.
"Really? Shinichi never mentioned..."
"He didn't?" She looked momentarily surprised and then relaxed into a knowing smile. "No, I don't suppose he did. No reason why he should" The strange creature looked thoughtful. "Anyway... I thought I should come... Just to say good bye. We never did say good bye. But then neither of us were very good at it." She whispered matter-of-factly. "Now, it doesn't seem to matter. I really thought it would help..." Her bloodshot eyes wandered to the gravestone. Tears trickled down her cheeks.
Mrs Chiaki was brimming with curiosity. A multitude of thoughts raced through her mind. Who is this woman? An obsessed fan? A stalker. Somehow she didn't seem like one. There was something about about the way she was speaking that rang true. The other woman looked as if she wanted to say more but nothing more fell out of her lips.
Both women fell into an awkward silence and it behooved the widow to fill the empty, noiseless space that came between them.
"Well, thank you for coming." The widow turned on her hostess manner. "Miss...?"
For a moment the other turned away to leave. After a moment's consideration, she turned to face the widow to say:
I suppose it won't hurt now. "Noda... Megumi Noda... But my friends call me Nodame."
With that, she threw on a pair of sunglasses and strolled away briskly until she was totally out of sight.
The name was vaguely familiar. Megumi Noda... Megumi Noda... Hadn't she been a critically acclaimed classical pianist at one time... won a major international piano competition? Didn't Classical Life call her a tsunami, cyclone and thunderstorm rolled into one? She exploded onto the music scene one moment and then just dropped out of sight, only to emerge years later playing at clubs and hotels. Looking at the slight figure, it was hard to believe that was the same Megumi Noda. Still, there she was, larger than life... whimsical... doing her jack-in-the-box routine, barely aged except for the greying fringes. Hiromi Takada Chiaki had certainly heard about Megumi Noda through the grapevine and knew that her husband was something of a fan. But that Shinichi never once mentioned during that married life that he knew her personally was, to her mind, very peculiar even for him. She thought she knew all his acquaintances... and as for friends, they were few and far between.
The encounter left her in a daze. Her imagination took hold and took her to places she had only read about in books. Her discomfiture did not go unnoticed. At the post-service reception, a long time friend of the family and Chiaki's agent from the early days, observed her distinct lack of interest in her immediate surroundings and grew concerned. Hiromi, if nothing else, was the perfect hostess... winsome, companionable and elegant... the perfect wife for a world famous conductor. Earlier, she had been the picture of perfect composure but something had changed. Despite the circumstances, she did not appear to be wallowing in grief... just distracted and preoccupied, disinterested in her environment. Calmly, he strolled up to where she was sitting and asked as casually as he could muster.
"Is everything alright?
"Huh?"
"Hiromi... I was just asking if everything was alright..." The observing friend commented putting his hand lightly on her shoulder.
Immediately the widow was catapulted out of her dream-like state. To hide her embarrassment, she instinctively took the defensive posture. "I buried my husband today... what do you think?" She snapped evasively.
The family friend was taken aback. "Hiromi... it's not like you to speak this way. What's wrong?"
Realising her mistake, she shook her head shamefacedly. "Nothing's wrong... just tired... Just can't believe that Shinichi's gone."
"Hiromi, it's me you're talking to, remember? There's something bothering you and it's not your husband's death."
"I'm sorry... Karl... it's just..."
Clearly something was bothering her.
"What is it?" He pressed gently.
"It was so odd... I don't know what to think. There was this woman... at the graveside... claiming to be Megumi Noda, the pianist."
"Really... she did, did she?" The agent's entire posture stiffened showing he had become alert.
Now it was the widow's turn to be curious. "Why... what's the matter?"
Ignoring the question Karl continued his line of questioning. "What else did she say?"
"Nothing much... she just wanted to pay her respects. Said she knew Shinichi very well. Did she?"
"Did she want anything?"
"Nothing. Just said she wanted to say goodbye and then left. Very strange."
"She was always a strange one..." What was it that Chiaki used to call her?
That comment encouraged the widow's turn to probe. "Did you know her?"
"A little..." was the brief response. Not that well it would seem...
"Did Shinichi know her?"
The agent was loath to answer. That was evident. But now that there was an opening, the widow was determined to get to the bottom of things. Even a simpleton could see that Karl had no ready answer for what appeared to be a straightforward question.
"He did, didn't he?" The widow persisted.
"Yes, he did."
"Well?"
"I suppose."
"On a personal level?"
"You could say that."
"Were they lovers?"
His lack of answer was an answer in and of itself. "Do you really want to know, Hiromi? I'm don't know if you're going to like where this is headed." He cautioned.
"Were they lovers?" Hiromi persisted with her question.
"In a sense... for a time... but it's not what you think..."
"For goodness sake, Karl... this is not the time to be beating around the bush... There's no need to protect me from the truth. I know I'm not an intelligent woman but I wasn't exactly born yesterday either."
"No I don't suppose you were." He gave her a sad smile. "It probably doesn't matter now anyway. You were bound to find out some time soon. The truth is... Megumi Noda was... for a brief time... married to Shinichi Chiaki."
To say that Hiromi Chiaki was flabbergasted by this revelation, would be an understatement. It was only some moments later that she was able to speak.
"Married? When?"
"Almost thirty years ago if memory serves."
"Why... what happened... why didn't he tell me?"
"They were very young... very talented and equally temperamental. A veritable combination of fireworks which would have destroyed them both personally and professionally. Thank heavens, she finally saw sense and left. I don't suppose he ever forgave her." There was a ring of uncertainty in his voice which she mistook for hesitation.
"You didn't like her?"
"She was very gifted... erratic definitely but brilliant. I didn't dislike her but I didn't think she was good for him, careerwise. Unstable... prone to mood swings and certainly no housekeeper. It was hard on him caring for her and trying to establish himself professionally."
"I can't imagine that she left him willingly." Still what was she thinking?
"No... I don't imagine she did..." Karl seemed briefly inattentive "But professionally, it worked out well for both of them. They went on to bigger and better things. Well, for Shinichi more than for her. She went off the radar after winning a major comp. I was there."
"Did she ever re-marry?"
"Don't think so... She seemed to keep her private life under wraps. But there is a son." I wonder...
"Did... Shinichi love her?"
"I suppose he must've at some point to have married her... but no one really knows with him, do they?"
"No... they don't..."
Shinichi... To have never said a word about her all these years... she must've hurt you deeply... but why did you let her go?
"How was it?"
"You didn't have to call, you know."
"I was worried. Didn't know how you were bearing up."
"I'll be fine." But today I grieve for what was...
"Sure?"
"What do you think I am? Gyabo! A spineless, helpless suckling? Who was it that brought you into this world, raised you almost single-handedly? Managed somehow to support the two of us. What's a funeral... "
"I know... but..."
"I'll be fine... you just take care of your family. I'm not such an old woman yet that I can't get through this on my own."
"I should have come with you."
"No... we've already discussed this... your wife could be having a baby anytime soon and you need to be there. The birth of your first child is not something you should miss."
"You sure you're alright?"
"Mukiya... when did you turn into such a relentless nag?"
"I learnt from the best."