In the darkness, Kenny became acutely aware of the gentle warmth radiating from the trembling body next to him. Like a small generator, Butters' shaking was almost audible. The small amount of light piercing through the crack under the closet door was enough to illuminate the fear glistening in Butters' baby-blue eyes. He struggled to suppress a sniffle as his protruding lower lip quivered with increasing intensity. Kenny groaned internally, sinking lower as he mercilessly chewed on his own chapped lips. Not the time McCormick… He thought to himself, trying to shove the image of those pouty lips quivering around something else out of his head. Kenny gulped, trying to wipe his sweaty palms on his jeans. The golden-haired boy knew he was no spring rose, but daydreaming about facefucking your best friend while you're both hiding from his abusive raging alcoholic of a father in an entryway hall closet was a new low for Kenny McCormick. After a few silent curses he eventually gave up, resigning himself to clammy hands. Kenny glanced back over to his side. Butters was just getting worse: even his spiky pineapple blonde hair looked wilted. He had to do something.
"You okay dude?" Kenny mentally smacked himself in the face. Of all the things that was what he had managed to croak out?
Butters jolted slightly at the sudden break in the silence, only letting out a small strangled sound from the back of his throat. Butters ferociously tried to blink away the tears that were welling in the corners of his eyes.
Shit. Now Kenny really needed to do something. He tugged fervently at the strings of his parka hoodie, mind racing. All Kenny knew was that he had to take action before the waterworks started, knowing full well that afterward he'd be completely useless. He was so, so weak to Butters' tears. But Kenny had to get it together, because crying = noise. And noise… well, noise would significantly decrease the chances of Mr. Stotch passing out in a drunken stupor somewhere before he could find Kenny and Butters' hiding spot.
Kenny's face went pallid at the thought of Butters' father stumbling upon them tonight. Would he stop at just bruises this time?
Dread sat cold like a chunk of lead in Kenny's gut. He swallowed the scream and bile threatening to escape his throat as Kenny recalled the day he noticed that first bruise. The feeble attempts to disguise winces and muffle small noises of pain. The lackluster limping Butters had unconvincingly attributed to "tripping" down the stairs. As Kenny later found out, Butters didn't trip: he had been pushed.
Kenny gritted his teeth, his hackles rising. No. Not again. Never again. A steely resolve filling his chest, Kenny took a few deep breaths and lowered the hood of his parka. He slowly stretched his arm out in Butters' direction, groping around blindly for a moment until he found the source of that trembling warmth next to him. Kenny gingerly rested his hand on top of Butters', now acutely aware of the nervous vibrations growing in his own body. Kenny could feel the other boy's gaze on him. As he felt his face heat up, Kenny was glad the darkness was there to hide what was surely by now tomato-red cheeks.
As the silence persisted, Kenny cursed every deity he could think of. What if Butters didn't want to be touched right now? Butters had nowhere to escape and the soft-spoken boy already felt like he wasn't allowed to say no to anything or anyone. Would withdrawing his hand just make things worse? Kenny resisted the urge to slam the back of his head against the wall behind him.
But after an uncomfortably long beat, Kenny felt Butters' soft stout fingers intertwine with his own long calloused ones. Kenny thought his heart was going to burst out of his ribcage. (That'd be a new one to add to his record of ways he's died.) His breath hitched in his chest as Butters shifted his weight so he was leaning into Kenny's shoulder, turning his face so the tip of his slightly upturned nose rested lightly against the faded orange fabric. Kenny hesitantly lowered his head until it was resting on Butters', whispering, "Hey. It's gonna be okay." Kenny's voice cracked a bit, as if trying to convince himself in that desperate whisper he had the strength to protect this fragile, flickering flame in his arms. With a sudden swell of courage, Kenny reached out his free hand and cradled the other side of Butters' head, nestling the other boy deeper into the crook of his neck. "I've got you Buttercup. I've got you."
As soon as those words left Kenny's mouth, the boys heard a crash, the sound of glass breaking, and drunken swearing. Butters whimpered. Kenny turned his head so his face was buried in Butters' downy hair. He tightened his grip around Butters' head, trying to muffle the sounds coming toward them from down the hall. Butters teary eyes widened in panic as heavy, uneven footsteps shook the ground. The tiny closet darkened further as the shoes eventually came to a stop in front of the door.
They could hear Butters' father slur in a light playful voice. "Come on Butters, where you at bud?" The stillness between the two boys was stifling – neither dared to blink, let alone breathe. At the lack of response, Mr. Stotch's tone quickly morphed into an angry roar. "You're too old to be playing games son! Get your ass out here and take your grounding like a man!" Kenny held Butters tighter. "You'd be nothing without me. Your mother is too soft, you would have turned into a full-fledged fag without me around to show you that nothing good comes from loving a man!" There was a muffled, drunken sob. "Nothing good comes from loving anyone, Leopold. So just stay safe here at home. Learn from your father's mistakes. I'll teach ya so no one can ever hurt me – you, hurt you ever again." Mr. Stotch let out a dark chuckle. "They can't hurt you when you don't feel anything, son." There was a long pause. "They can't hurt you when you don't feel anything! Isn't that right Leopold?"
Kenny crushed Butters' face deeper into his shoulder as he felt Butters' lips move automatically into the response that was ruthlessly trained into his memory since he was a little kid.
"Yes sir."
Kenny felt his heart break.
Eventually discouraged by the silence, the boys heard Mr. Stotch stumbling back down the hallway, muttering, "I'll teach that boy the meaning of pain." They heard the sound of the fridge opening, liquor sloshing, and a deep belch; followed by more incoherent muttering. Butters flinched at the thumping noises of Mr. Stotch's shoulders hitting the walls as he struggled to keep his footing. After what felt like an eon, a door slammed upstairs and all was still once again. Hopefully for the rest of the night.
Both boys exhaled loudly, gasping for air, not realizing how long they had been holding their breath. Butters let out a muffled hiccuping cry, burying his face deeper into Kenny's shoulder. Kenny felt tears of his own leaking down his cheeks into Butters' hair. That man… I'll kill him. Kenny thought. Sweet, innocent, open-minded and open-hearted Butters – he didn't deserve this. Kenny wanted to scream. But that would make this all for naught, so he just angrily gripped Butters' head, muttering soothing noises in his ear.
Clutching each other in the darkness of the entryway hall closet, the two quietly sobbed.
After some time, their tears wound down to occasional sniffles and hiccups. Butters took a few deep, shaky breaths. In the lull, Kenny's own breath quickened as his attention was drawn to their still intertwined hands. He realized they were gripping each other so tightly he was losing feeling in his fingers. Unable to tear his eyes away from their hands - which suddenly seemed so…small - Kenny's breaths grew ragged. "Hey Buttercup… I…" Kenny's voice cracked, unsure where he was going with that thought. Butters lifted his head from Kenny's shoulder, tilting his face to meet his eyes. They could barely see each other in the faint light.
"Yeah Ken…?"
Kenny turned to face Butters, his heart in his throat. For once the ever clever Kenny McCormick had no witty retort, not clever quip to diffuse the awkwardness. He was at loss for words for the first time in his life as he felt himself being drawn into those endless baby-blue eyes.
"I think I…" Again, trailing off, the words sticking thick to his throat like honey. Kenny slowly gravitated in further, feeling Butters' sweet breath in hot puffs against his face.
His heart was surely going to explode.
Kenny couldn't take it anymore. He let out an uncertain but desperate breath and closed the gap between their lips. Butters let out a small gasp, but made no attempt to pull away. Kenny took this as an indication he didn't need to stop. He moved his lips against the other boy's, initially slow and hesitant but quickly turning hungry. Aggressive and sloppy, desperately trying to convey the emotions he couldn't seem to put into words. Butters made a few sputtering noises and Kenny suddenly realized that this was probably Butters' first kiss and he was slowly suffocating himself. Kenny pulled back, their lips parting with a loud smack. Both stared at each other, breathing heavily. Kenny cursed himself, his lips were trembling "like a damn virgin…" He muttered. He was drawn back when he heard Butters soft voice.
"Oh…" Butters uttered, a breathy whisper. His eyes were glossy, his full lips parted slightly and slick with spit.
Kenny's heart skipped a beat. "Goddamnit…aww shit Leo, I'm sor-"
Before Kenny could get the words out of his mouth, Butters cut him off. He stuttered for a few seconds, before finally sputtering "aww gee…" and launched himself toward Kenny, clumsily smashing his face against the other boy's. Kenny winced at the clacking of their teeth, giggling as their noses collided uncomfortably. This time Butters was the one to pull back, his face flaming. Kenny's eyes widened in alarm as he saw Butters' bottom lip quivering. Kenny opened his mouth but before he could speak, Butters held up a hand, sniffling.
"T-t-thank you Kenny." Blinking through tears, Butters beamed up at him. Kenny sat there, slack-jawed in wonder. Even after this harrowing night, Butters could still make a face like that.
Butters cleared his throat but his voice still cracked anyway, "You've always been there for me when no one else was. I'm awful sorry, I feel like such a gosh-darn burden with my super messed up life. But I… I appreciate you a whole awful lot Ken. You have no idea."
Without skipping a beat, Kenny leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Butters, squeezing him tightly. "I don't know how or when you did it, but you changed me Buttercup. Your silly sweet smile wormed its way into my heart and now I couldn't tear it out even if I wanted to." He pulled away, grabbing the sides of Butters' face with both hands. The other boy stared up at him, pale cheeks flushed pink. Kenny felt the pinpricks of tears at the corners of his eyes as he smiled at Butters warmly, his heart thumping wildly. "I love you Leo."
Kenny stood up, pulling Butters up with him. "Let's get out of here." He said with a wry smile. After a thoughtful pause, Butters suddenly popped up on his tiptoes planted a quick kiss on Kenny's cheek.
They both blushed.