Oh, I hate to be the one to bear the bad news,
Yes, it is true,
I finally fell in love,
I fell so hard that I am killing myself,
Yes, I need out,
Out of this grave that I've dug.
I walked up to the apartment door. My hand was holding a small, delicate one. Our jackets were covered in small water droplets. Her hair had a slight wave from the water. Just like him. I shook my head, trying to clear the thoughts. I turned my head, and smiled at her. Hoping she'd believe it. She seemed to. I knocked on the door. After a few seconds, it was opened by none other than Mika. He held the door open for us. The rest of the guys were hanging around, watching the TV.
"Hey, you guys. Uh, you probably met Sally at the studio, but you haven't met her as my girlfriend yet…" She smiled and waved. Her beautiful face was the slightest shade of pink from being the center of attention. I remember when I'd introduce my girlfriends to my old band. The first thing they did was get her a beer. Except that one time, when they all knew the person. Knew him.
And all the friends that I have gone through,
And how much I deserve the pain,
It's a shame.
We sat on the couch. She was between the arm of it, and me. Jacky was next to me, off in his own world. The rest of the guys were scattered. I directed my eyes towards her. She was watching the TV, and didn't notice me staring. The way she kept her head high, letting people know she wasn't easily put down. How she fit almost perfectly next to me. Almost.
So, hold your head,
Hold it up high,
Here's to the friends that were alibis,
Keep this close, by your side,
When I come home we will have our nights.
When I was with her, I wasn't home. I was just in an apartment. Sure, I loved her, but sometimes, something was missing. Not all the time. Maybe it was just because I was comparing it to when I really felt at home. With the one I would never forget. He'd always tell me I was gorgeous after I called him beautiful. He really showed me who I was. He'd get the drugs sometimes. Sometimes I would get them. But he was my real addiction.
Oh, they always told me I was gorgeous in a way,
And that fateful day,
I found who I was,
So, fill this hole with my prescriptions,
I just keep feeding my addictions.
But she was amazing too. I mean, she'd call me adorable. She'd cuddle me. She taught me that it was possible to find love again. She stopped me from the drugs. Stopped me from a relapse.
I remember what it was like with the old band, though. Always a party, always a high, always a fuck. I missed it sometimes. I didn't have to care. Didn't have to think. But, I guess the drugs are what got me kicked out. They are what got me in jail. What made me lose my friends. My best friends.
And all the friends that I have gone through,
And how much I deserve the pain,
It's a shame.
"I love you," She whispered in my ear. I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. I loved her. I really did. Why couldn't I say it? I leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss on her lips. I guess she took that as an answer since she smiled. I looked back at Jacky. He was giving me a weird look.
"What?" I mouthed. He shook his head, and went back off staring into space.
So, hold your head,
Hold it up high,
Here's to the friends that were alibis,
Keep this close, by your side,
When I come home we will have our nights.
I remembered the way that he would always ask if I was okay. He always knew when something was wrong. He knew how to keep me happy. Looking back, I wonder if he thought I was only happy with him when we were high. I mean, we had the most fun then. But I can remember the best one. No drugs, no alcohol. Just us.
"Bryan, shut up," I said warningly. He had been taunting me about this morning. Apparently I had been moaning a certain someone's name. I don't remember doing that. But I do remember waking up to a raging boner. And the only I way I could get rid of it was jacking off, thinking about my best friend. No, scratch that. Brother.
"Come on! Admit it. You think that our bassist is hot," I opened my mouth, but only a small sound came out. Sure, he was attractive. That's how he got all of the girls. But he was also just amazing. In every way… "You're thinking about him now aren't you?" He interrupted my thoughts.
"Shut the fuck up, Monte!" I used his real name, trying to tell him I was serious. The bass player walked in, and grabbed a beer. Giving us weird looks, he started walking away.
"Ronnie has something to tell you!" Bryan said, before running out. Son of a bitch.
"Yes?" The soft but scratchy voice asked. I swallowed before standing right in front of him.
"Is it weird if I like a-a dude?" I asked quietly. He didn't seem surprised by my question. In fact, he smirked.
"It depends," He began. "Would you like this person if he was a chick?" I nodded without hesitation. "Then it's not weird at all," He started to walk back into the living room, but I quickly ran to catch up with him. My hands enclosed around his waist, turning him to me. I crashed my lips onto his, and he responded immediately. I backed him up against the wall. One of my hands was tangled in his black hair. The other was digging into his hip. He tangled both hands into my hair. Our lips moved like they were made for each other. I hesitantly pulled my head back.
"So… it's still not weird?" I asked, hoping he would at least give me one more kiss.
"Definitely not weird," His lips pushed back onto mine…
I was interrupted from my memory by an uncomfortable tightness in my pants. Shit! Alright. Think of Omar and Robert making out. That one always worked. I shifted a bit. Alright, it's hidden well enough. Should go away… hopefully.
So, hold your head,
Hold it up high,
Here's to the friends that were alibis,
Keep this close, by your side,
When I come home we will have our nights,
We will have our nights.
Whatever they were watching ended, and we all got up. I said my good bye's, though Jacky pulled me into the kitchen. He crossed his arms, practically begging for an explanation.
"What, Jacky?" He raised an eyebrow. I groaned. "It's him. I can't get him off of my mind! I have no fucking idea what to do," I admitted. He put his hand on my shoulder.
"You've gotta find him," And with that, he walked back out. Thanks for the help, man. I walked to Sally, and plastered the fake smile on my face. She smiled back, and we walked out. I opened her door for her, and got into the driver's seat. Turning the key, the car roared to life. Just like when I decided to drive to that desert area. To fight the kid. To stand up for him. And look how he repays me.
You were the ones that stood by my side, whoa,
And I was the one that fought all your fights,
Go!
(Hold your head, hold it up high) Whoa,
(Keep this close, by your side) Whoa.
We walked to our apartment door hand in hand. It's strange. When I held his hand, there were sparks. Just a slight touch drove me crazy. With her, it took even more. I opened the door, and we walked into to our room. She sat on the bed, talking about how she had a good time. I tried to listen, I really did. But my little 'problem' was coming back.
So, hold your head,
Hold it high,
Here's to the friends that were alibis,
Keep this close, by your side,
When I come home we will have our nights.
I leaned forward and kissed her lips. Her lips weren't perfect like his, but I'd make do with them. What was I saying? I loved her. She kissed back, eventually lifting my shirt over my head. Her hands were nervous. Like always. She maneuvered out of her jacket and dress. They were thrown somewhere on the floor. My lips moved down her neck. Not like his neck. Hers was tan, thin. His was pale, thicker. Her body was small beneath mine. Like I could break her. It was never like that with him.
So, hold your head,
Hold it up high,
Here's to the friends that were alibis,
Keep this close, by your side,
When I come home we will have our nights.
The rest of the night was a blur of skin, sweat, and sheets. Moans, pants, and begs. Whispers, shouts, "I love you's". As I reached my peak, only one name would pass through my lips. One that had been said so many times before. One that I would never be tired of. One that I would always love.
So, hold your head,
Hold it up high,
Here's to the friends that were alibis,
Keep this close, by your side,
When I come home we will have our nights.
"Max."