A/N: First of all, this has nothing to do with my other story "There's only so many chances". I'll still keep updating that one.
It's just that I kinda had to write this one down and then I couldn't help but to publish it. I'm not so sure about it, though!
It's really short, but my muses wouldn't just leave me alone! And I'm telling you, there was a struggle inside me! I almost deleted its whole file a few times! But I just couldn't forget it.
I think I know what's wrong with me, though. It's a disease and it's called "BILWDW" which stands for "Being In Love With Dean Winchester". Sounds dangerous, doesn't it?
Dear Sam-girls, I think it's better if you don't read this one! I don't think it's your story and I'm sure leaving weird comments telling me how much you hate me and my story won't help anyone here. Consider yourself warned! (It'd be nice if you read the A/N at the end of this chapter, though. Just so you know: I don't have anything against Sam!)
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Castiel was gone. So was Sammy. Hell, so was his baby!
'I can't talk to you right now!' Sam's words echoed in his head. 'I can't even be around you right now! You should just go on without me.'
"Oh, it won't be the first time, Sammy." Dean muttered in the empty car and shook his head to clear it. It didn't work, though. Sam's last word was like a stab in the heart.
'Go.' It was just a simple word. One simple word and it had stung so bad Dean could swear he felt his heart bleeding.
Why was it so hard for Sam to listen to him? He could explain. He had his reasons and although he hated his situation at that moment, he knew that he would've killed Amy again, if he had to. He didn't want to hide it from Sam and deep down he always knew that it was the wrong thing to do, he couldn't tell Sam, though. His brother had enough on his plate. Dean didn't want to hurt him more. But apparently he had done it, anyway!
But even so, why was it so hard for Sam to forgive? Hadn't he hurt Dean many times, himself? Hadn't he betrayed his brother before? He had, indeed. And Dean had never held a grudge against him.
He knew that he had done the right thing. But he had no idea why in the hell every damn single decision and act in his life led him one step closer to the edge? Although he wasn't sure what was on the other side of that edge! It couldn't be death, since he had been to the other side many times. Insanity? No, that wasn't the thing, either. Whatever it was, it was worse. He just knew that there was this edge and he was damn close to fall from it.
He felt dizzy, his vision was blurring. Funny, he couldn't remember crying. But no, his eyes were dry. So was his face. The blurry vision couldn't be from tears. But what else could cause it? He didn't really care.
At that moment he couldn't care less about anything. Anything but Sam's words. He had always been there for his brother, no matter what. And over the years he'd lost everything else. He had even lost Sam, many times. But when Sam got his soul back, he hoped that things migt get better.
Then that thing with Lisa and Ben, came up.
'Oh God, Lisa and Ben. What wouldn't I do to hug them one more time; to have them by my side; to see their smiles.' That thought finally brought tears to his eyes. Sighing deeply, he blinked several times in order to repress the tears at those thoughts.
'Go.' The only person for whom Dean would do anything and had already given up his everything, had pushed him away. True, it wasn't the first time, but Dean wasn't the same person he was 10 years ago. He had changed. Things had happened and he was cracking and breaking under all the pressure and burden and guilt; and loneliness.
'Go.'
Why Sam could trust anyone but his own brother? Why everyone else was always more important? Dean didn't care if he sounded like a little child at that moment; he was tired!
Sam had a thing for monsters and the sad thing was that he always believed them more than Dean. Forgetting every other case, he couldn't forget Sam choosing a demon over his brother. And now he was at the same spot because once again a monster was chosen over him.
It wasn't Sam's fault! He was the one to blame. He hadn't learned his lessons over the years. He had let everyone hurt him over and over again.
'Go'
Dean felt nausea and dizziness taking their toll on him. Everything was getting fuzzy.
'Go'
Dean swallowed hard. "Alright, little brother."
And that was the last thought that passed Dean's mind before losing consciousness and the control of his so not beloved car.
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The end? Or not!
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A/N 2 : I don't know if I should continue this one or leave it here. If I leave it here, it could be considered a Tragedy! I usually don't do tragedies, but I think it won't be that bad if I do, just this one time!
Then again, I still can continue it and turn it to another hurt/comfort-Angst! (I even have some idea about how to continue it!)
It's up to you. Do you think I should go on and fix everything? Or I should just let things stay this way?
I'm really not against Sam. I do like him. If I'm writing like this, doesn't mean that I hate him or anything. I don't know, my next story could have a real sweet Sam in it. Who knows?
And even now, I don't intend to write him all dark and evil! Because he's not evil. You'll probably believe me later! Anyways, I can't separate the boys. At least not for long!
Tell me what you think, but whatever happens please don't hate me! Please? :D
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