The Nose Knows

by LittleMissZero

An alternate writing of Episode 215 from Season 9 "Bless You Hawkeye". Introducing a new female psychiatrist, Dr. Allison O'Rourke.

Hawkeye had been having a difficult week. First the sneezing, then the coughing, and then the crippling insomnia, drying out his eyeballs as he stared at the ceiling night after night. He was exhausted, but yet he was kept awake by some deep inexplicable terror that he couldn't name, and it was driving him nuts.

BJ had taken his temperature, Margaret had offered many bizarre (and stinky) herbal remedies, and everyone who came near him handed him tissues. But it was no use. Hawkeye simply wasn't sick.

His worst sneezing attack came during a general meeting in Col. Potter's office. Everyone tried to be understanding, but Hawkeye's sneezes were really loud, and no one could concentrate.

"AAAAAAHHH!" Hawkeye ripped out yet another sneeze, his fourth that minute.

BJ, utterly frustrated, scrunched up his hair with his fists. "I keep waiting for the other 'CHOO!' to drop."

"Look, I'm sorry," Hawkeye apologized. "I really just need some sleep."

"Uch, you're not the only one," sneered Charles. "Being forced to lie awake at night listening to Pierce's incessant respiratory symphony is sheer drudgery."

"Much as I hate to agree with Charles, I agree with Charles," BJ admitted.

"Maybe Hawkeye spending some time in the private tent behind the hospital would do some good for all three of you," suggested Margaret.

"Ah, blessed heaven," sighed Charles.

"AAAAAAHHH!" erupted Hawkeye.

"That does it, Pierce," agreed Col. Potter. "I'm sentencing you to Solitary Confinement, on the double, until this mystery ailment clears up."

"Colonel, I'm fine, I told you-"

"That's an order, Pierce, there's a nice cozy bed and four green walls you can call your own. I'll call Sidney this afternoon; maybe a psychiatrist can help you sort this thing out."

"I don't need a shrink," Hawkeye protested.

"Pony pellets. Hunnicut, take him away."

"With pleasure, Sir," said BJ, appearing with a wheelchair. He grinned at Hawkeye. "Well, you heard the man."

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" scowled Hawkeye.

"Not as much as I'm going to enjoy a quiet night's sleep tonight," BJ replied, wheeling Hawkeye out of the office. He kept going around the back of the building, and into the private tent behind the hospital.

"I can walk, you know," Hawkeye informed BJ.

"Yes, but this is much more fun, don't you think?"

Once inside the tent, BJ hooked up Hawkeye's IV with a hydration solution and an antihistamine packet as Hawkeye settled himself in the bed. BJ stood back and looked at his friend laying in bed, watery-eyed and blotchy-skinned. "Would you like Radar's teddy bear?" he joked.

"No, I'd really like to get out of here."

"M-hm. Well, sweet dreams!"

"Yeah, yeah."

BJ waved, and then left. Hawkeye was now in the tent all alone. After BJ's footsteps disappeared, Hawkeye couldn't hear anyone outside.

Immediately he let out a rapid volley of sneezes which made his ears ring.

Hawkeye could feel his heart start to race as he began to panic. Every shape in the room seemed to move. Suddenly, the very thought terrified him. He immediately picked up his book and tried to read it, biting his fingernails as he did. The book didn't interest him. He picked up his notepad and tried to write a letter to his father, but he had nothing to say. "Dear Dad, they think I've gone crazy..." Then he tried to smooth out his sheets so that there weren't any visible wrinkles. Nothing worked.

"AAAAAAHHHHH!" God, when were these going to end? His throat was getting so sore.

Hawkeye was absolutely all alone. No BJ and Charles snoring softly beside him. He was in bed like an invalid, in the middle of the afternoon, all by himself.

Hawkeye lay back in his bed staring at the ceiling, breathing in gasps, trying to control his wildly beating heart.

Back in the office, Col. Potter was on the phone with the hospital in Seoul when BJ returned.

"So Doctor O'Rourke can be up here by 18:00 hours? Excellent! Marvellous. Sidney, you're great; I owe you one." Col. Potter hung up the phone.

BJ leaned on the back of Col. Potter's chair. "You're getting a psychiatrist other than Sidney to come and see Hawkeye?"

"Sidney's got a workshop is Seoul this week, and wants to send one of his best students to this post. He thinks this particular student is perfect for Hawkeye's case."

"Really," BJ nodded his approval. "I thought, if you've had your head shrunk by one, you've had them shrunk by them all. What's so special about this one?"

"Doctor O'Rourke has worked very closely with Sidney on certain patients, and has a certain way of doing things ... a new kind of therapy that's somewhat controversial from what I've heard, but so far has had immeasurable success. I figure if Doctor O'Rourke can't cure Hawkeye, no one can."

BJ bit his lip. "That's what I'm afraid of."

Col. Potter patted BJ's hand. "Now, don't you worry, Son. Pierce is a strong man, albeit stubborn as a mule in cement. All he needs is a little help solving the puzzle. He'll be up on his feet in no time. You'll see."

Later that evening, Hawkeye was losing to his forty-sixth hand of solitaire when there was a knock on the door from outside the private tent.

"What's the password?" shouted Hawkeye.

"Doctor O'Rourke!"

Hawkeye was taken aback. The voice was a woman's. Oh well, maybe Doctor O'Rourke had a nurse or secretary with him. Sly old dog.

"Come on in, join the party," Hawkeye replied. "The more the merrier."

But only one person entered the tent.

Hawkeye knew as soon as he laid eyes on her that Doctor O'Rourke was no ordinary woman. Dark blonde and navy-eyed with long straight hair and a cool stare, she carried herself with confidence, even though she was short. From his bed, Hawkeye watched her draw up a chair and sit down. She leaned forward to extend her hand, and Hawkeye shook it. It was warm and firm.

"Doctor Pierce, I'm glad to meet you," she began, her voice deep and mellow, as she sat back in her chair with her clipboard balanced on her knee.

"So you're Doctor O'Rourke," Hawkeye said. "I never woulda guessed that."

"Oh really," she said tolerantly. She knew what was coming next. "And what were you expecting?"

"Oh, I dunno, a white coat, straight jacket...um...a man..."

"Uh huh." Dr. O'Rourke rolled her eyes. "What can I say; I like to surprise people. I hope you're not too uncomfortable with that."

"No, no, I like surprises."

She smiled again. Then she thought she better get down to business. "Doctor Pierce, I hear you've been having trouble sleeping."

"What gave it away, the bags under my eyes or my sunny disposition? Call me Hawkeye, otherwise we'll get confused with all the 'Doctors'."

"Alright then, you can call me Allison, if that'll make you feel more at ease."

"Allison?" Hawkeye said. "That's an unusual name. I like it."

She smiled a little and nodded. "Thanks." She examined her clipboard, and then fixed one of her stares on him. "Anything on your mind that you think might be keeping you awake?"

Hawkeye smirked. "Besides getting out of here and going back home? Not much else really."

Allison nodded. "That's understandable. But it's too usual. I feel this is something different. You've been sneezing a lot too, according to the Colonel, and yet you show no other signs of illness, am I right?"

Hawkeye snorted. "Yeah. But it's just an allergy or something, it's nothing ."

"Well, which is it?" she asked gently. "Something or nothing?"

"Nothing." At this, Hawkeye let out a huge sneeze.

Allison raised her eyebrow.

"That was a coincidence," Hawkeye sputtered. Then he sneezed twice more.

Allison smiled and wrote a few things down. "I think we've found a good place to start." She handed Hawkeye a tissue. "Okay. Can you tell me when this started?"

Hawkeye mopped his nose and rolled over on his side, propping his head up on his fist. "About a week ago, I think."

"Can you pinpoint a day?"

Hawkeye thought about it for a minute. Then he snapped his fingers. "Last Thursday." He tugged on his lip and thought some more. "It was the middle of the night. I was up to here with a new batch of casualties when they brought this kid in from the front line that had been stranded in a swamp for six hours."

Allison raised her eyebrows. "Poor guy. What an ordeal."

"Oh, it gets worse. He wasn't just stranded, he was abandoned. His whole unit left him there to die; no one came back for him."

"That's awful! How did he find his way here?"

"Well, of course he couldn't move, and he had yelled himself hoarse, so he had to wait until he heard a jeep go by, and then he fired his gun into the air to get their attention."

"Wasn't he worried that it could have been an enemy?"

"He didn't care. He was willing to take the risk."

Allison shook her head sympathetically. "What a brave man."

Hawkeye searched Allison's face. There was something about the way she was sitting, leaning forward with her elbows on her knees, staring straight into his eyes, that made him want to keep talking.

"So anyway," Hawkeye continued, "This guy was covered head to foot in twigs and leaves and he was suffering from hypothermia. And he stunk to high heaven, sort of moldy, mildewy, like a wet burlap sack."

"And were you able to help him?"

"Well, yeah, but at the expense of the other patients that were way worse off than he was. I ignored a major chest wound and several other heavily damaged patients just to help this guy first. I just had to do it, and I couldn't explain why."

Allison leaned back and rubbed her chin while she looked at what she'd written on her clipboard. "You said that he smelled funny, sort of swampy, right?"

"Yeah, like a wet burlap sack."

"M-hm." She looked up at him. "Tell me, is there any other time in your life that you remember that particular smell?"

Hawkeye looked at her strangely. "I don't know. What's a funny smell got to do with anything?"

"Smell can often trigger memories faster and stronger than any sight or sound."

Hawkeye thought about it for a second, then shook his head. "Nope."

Allison reached out and touched Hawkeye's shoulder. "You've got to try harder. Your description is too specific to ignore. Think way back now."

Hawkeye rolled his eyes and sighed. He shut his eyes and tried to sink deep into his subconscious for a stupid 'smell'...

Suddenly a flood of memories came to him. His eyes blinked open. "Hey, I think I remember something!"

"Good," said Allison. "What sort of images are you seeing?"

"It was the summer I was five," Hawkeye decided. "We were on vacation at my aunt's cottage on the coast of Maine, and she had a big creek behind her house." Hawkeye looked up at the ceiling and pondered for a minute. "There was a neighbour boy down the street who was twelve who I just adored. God, he was such a great guy. He let me tag along after him wherever he went."

Allison smiled and clasped her hands under her chin. "He sounds like he was a real hero to you."

Hawkeye nodded. "Oh yeah. I mean, he could do anything. He used to swing off this rope by the creek, and he would go up so high I thought he would hit the sun. Then he would just let go...and fall right into the creek with a huge splash."

As Hawkeye spoke, Allison watched his body language. Hawkeye made a fist with his hand and began to tap his IV bottle lightly.

"Why the fist?"

"Huh?" Hawkeye looked at his hand.

"You clenched your fist as soon as you started talking about this boy."

"Oh." He hadn't realized it.

"Tell me more about your friend, Hawk."

Hawkeye had to think way back. "Well, after we had been hanging around for a few weeks, I was sitting on the bank of the creek, you know, just sort of throwing stones into it, that kind of thing. And I saw him and a couple of his friends come up the creek in a little rowboat."

Allison watched Hawkeye start biting his nails.

"Now, my dad had told me not to go in the creek, because I couldn't swim, but I thought, if I was with my buddy, it would be okay. So I didn't tell my dad where I was."

"And where was your mother at this time?"

"She died when I was born, so she was in the same place she always was."

Allison nodded. "I see. Go on."

Hawkeye looked at her skeptically and pinched one eye shut. "You think I'm crazy, don't you?"

"No, of course not."

"Yeah, but this happened a million years ago!"

"I believe at the root of every unhappy person lies a wounded child," Allison said gently. "Sometimes the cuts of childhood leave the deepest scars."

Hawkeye looked down at the bedspread. His words were starting to get stuck in his throat, but the memories were coming faster.

"I shouted to my friend and asked if I could come too," Hawkeye continued. "And he said sure, and he steered the boat closer to the bank." His voice started to waver. "He said, 'Come on, Benny, jump into the boat.' I said, 'I can't you're too far away.' He said, 'No I'm not, you can make it.'"

Hawkeye's breath began to shudder and his lip started trembling. Allison put her hand on Hawkeye's knee.

"So I ran...and as I jumped...he rowed the boat...away from me..." Tears were pooling in his eyes. "The water was so cold... and I sank right to the bottom in two seconds... I kept grabbing for anything..." Hawkeye gasped, fighting the urge to cry. "There were tree roots...further down...the current must have dragged me there... because I crashed into them...and used them to pull myself out...I couldn't breathe... just coughed and sneezed..." Hawkeye's face crumpled. "...and when I looked up... he was gone...I couldn't see the boat anywhere!"

Allison could feel tears well up in her own eyes.

Hawkeye threw his head back and screamed. "How could he do that to me?" he wailed. "I loved him! I was a baby, he knew I couldn't swim!" Hawkeye thumped the back of his head against the wall and cried at the ceiling. "I almost died!" he sobbed. "And I never told anyone!"

Hawkeye curled forward and hugged his knees to his chest, and rocked back and forth, crying.

Allison, who had been silent up to this point, stood up slowly and eased onto Hawkeye's bed. She rubbed Hawkeye's back gently.

"You must have been terrified," she murmured. "How could anyone hurt you?" Hawkeye lifted his head and breathed shuddery breaths. He turned towards Allison and pressed against her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders. She leaned back and held Hawkeye close to her.

"It's okay, you're safe now," Allison whispered, rocking him gently. "No one will hurt you." She kissed the top of his head and lay her cheek on it.

Hawkeye sank deep into Allison's body and breathed in her air as he cried. She tenderly wiped away his tears with a tissue. Her touch was soothing and gentle, but Hawkeye just couldn't stop crying. He held onto Allison for dear life.

In the soft glow of the dim lantern, Allison held Hawkeye in her arms until it began to grow dark outside, and Hawkeye's breathing became slow and deep.

Moving slowly, Allison slid out of Hawkeye's embrace and off the bed. As she was leaning him gently back onto his pillow, his eyes blinked open.

"Where are you going?" he whimpered.

"It's time for you to sleep, Hawkeye," Allison whispered, smoothing the covers over his chest. She sat down on the edge of the bed. Hawkeye took her hand as she brushed his long black hair off his forehead. He pressed it to his cheek.

"I don't want you to go," he pleaded.

"You need a rest," Allison said softly. "And I need food. It's okay to sleep now, Hawkeye, you're safe."

"But what if I dream about it?"

"Then you call for me and I'll come and help you."

"Promise?"

"I promise." She kissed the back of his hand and tucked it under the covers. Then she gathered up her clipboard and pencil and turned out the lantern.

In the darkness, Hawkeye could barely see Allison's shape moving quietly out of the tent. When the door shut softly behind her, Hawkeye's eyes filled up with tears which blotted onto the pillow. The bed was still warm where she'd been sitting.

In the mess tent, Allison was waved over to the same table as the Colonel and the chief medical staff. She was very honoured and smiled shyly at everyone as she sat down with her tray.

"Good evening, Doctor O'Rourke," said Col. Potter. "Productive day?"

"Yes Sir," Allison replied. "I'm beginning to see progress, I think."

Col. Potter raised his eyebrows. "That sounds like good news to me. But if you don't mind my saying so, you look exhausted."

Allison shrugged and smiled. "Par for the course, I guess."

"Spoken like a true doctor," Col. Potter praised her.

BJ, sitting beside Col. Potter, also raised his eyebrows. "This is the famous Doctor O'Rourke?" He stood up gallantly and shook Allison's hand. "Forgive me, I was expecting someone more, uh-"

"Masculine?" Allison eyed him slyly, but she knew he was kind. "Don't worry about it, happens all the time."

"Can I ask how Hawk is, without violating doctor-patient confidentiality?" asked BJ with a grin.

Allison looked down while she thought. "I believe we've discovered the root of the problem," she offered. "But the rest will be up to Doctor Pierce now. I'll need to keep him under observation for the next few days."

"That's fine, my good lady," the Col. replied. "Whatever it takes to get my best surgeon back on his feet."

Allison smiled and took a bite of her food. The smile faded as her face twisted up into a grimace. BJ, Col. Potter, Margaret, and the others at the table began to roar with laughter as she forced herself to swallow.

"I take it you're not very fond of the lasagna," BJ chuckled.

"Lasagna?" Allison gasped in astonishment. "I wasn't even going to guess anything near Italian!"

The whole table collapsed into laughter again.

The sound reached Hawkeye's tent. They're still here, he thought. They haven't left me alone.

His eyelids began to grow heavy.

After supper, BJ and Margaret invited Allison out for a round of drinks at Rosie's, where Allison became fast friends with all the members of the 4077, except Charles, she suspected, whom she had beaten at chess. She was fond of Margaret, and that was a relief to her, since she would be staying in Margaret's tent for the next few days.

On their way back to Margaret's tent, Allison excused herself. "I need to check on Hawkeye, if you'll give me a minute."

"Sure, Allison. I'll get your cot ready."

While Margaret continued on her way, Allison made a detour behind the hospital to the private tent. She opened the door slowly so it wouldn't creak.

Curled up on his bed, Hawkeye was sleeping rock solid soundly, his breath in deep even strokes. She resisted the urge to caress his cheek, knowing that it might wake him up, so she left as quietly as she'd come in.

Allison smiled inwardly. Bravo, she thought to herself, you've done it again.

"So tell me about yourself, Allison," Margaret prompted, untying her boots. "Sure, what did you want to know?" Allison shrugged out of her green overshirt and her dogtags clinked against her t-shirt.

"How long have you been a psychiatrist?"

"Oh, about two years. Eighteen months of those have been spent in Seoul."

"God, how can you stand it?" Margaret rolled her eyes.

Allison smiled with half her face. "I thought I would go where I was needed the most. Sometimes I wonder if it was such a good idea. But I'll tell you one thing, I never get bored!"

Margaret laughed. "If you don't mind my saying so, you look pretty young to be a practicing psychiatrist for two years."

"That's because I am young. I finished school early."

"Wow," said Margaret. "We truly are in the presence of greatness. Sidney says you're one of the best."

Allison shrugged shyly. "A student is only as good as her teacher, and I trained under Sidney for a whole year. Any accolades I receive should go directly to him."

Margaret smiled. "Modest too. No wonder Charles has his nose so far out of joint."

"Is Charles always so uptight?" Allison asked.

"Yes!"

Margaret and Allison both giggled.

"Are you married?" Margaret asked.

"Nope, haven't got around to it yet," Allison replied, twisting her long blonde hair back into a ponytail. "How about you?"

"I was," Margaret said, looking down. "Once."

Allison raised her eyebrows sympathetically. "I'm really sorry to hear that."

"Yeah, well." Margaret smiled sadly. "Nothing to be done about it now. He's long gone."

"Hurt sticks with you longer than you wish it would. I hope you find peace soon, Margaret; your life is too valuable to waste."

Margaret looked at Allison in a funny way. "Thanks, Allison. That was really sweet of you."

Allison grinned and shrugged. "Well, g'night."

"Goodnight."

Margaret turned off the light over her bed and lay awake for a long time, thinking about what Allison had said.

In the middle of the night, Allison was awoken by a faraway voice. She blinked awake and lifted her head off her pillow so she could hear better.

"Allisoooooooonnnnn!"

She looked over at Margaret, but she was still sleeping. Allison sat up. She heard the voice again.

"Allisoooon, help me!"" Then the sound of a torrent of sneezes.

Suddenly, she knew. Allison leaped up and yanked on her overshirt. She tried desperately to clear the sleep out of her head as she pulled on her boots and rinsed her mouth out in the basin of water. In a flash she was out of Margaret's tent and crossing the compound to the private tent.

Allison threw open the door. Hawkeye was thrashing around on the bed, practically tearing it apart. Allison rushed over to him.

"Hawkeye, it's okay, I'm here!" She grabbed him around the waist and tackled him to the bed. He had blood all over his arm where he had ripped out his IV needle and it smeared on Allison's clothes. She turned Hawkeye over and grabbed his face in her hands. "Hawkeye, look at me!"

Hawkeye's eyes were wide open and whirling with terror, but he managed to wake up fully and get them focused on Allison's face just long enough. He recognized her instantly and grabbed her.

"Allison!" He collapsed against her and started to cry with relief.

Allison held Hawkeye close to her. "It's alright, it's alright." She rubbed his back in slow circles. Hawkeye sobbed into her chest.

"I thought you'd gone away," he wept.

Allison sat up and lifted Hawkeye's head. She patted his tears away gently with the pillowcase. "I told you I would come back if you needed me," she said softly, smoothing back his hair. "See? You're alright now."

Hawkeye's breathing slowed down and he stared into Allison's blue eyes with two of his own. She had such a soft pretty face.

"There now," Allison whispered, "let's get you all fixed up." She poured some water onto a washcloth and swabbed Hawkeye's arm, dabbing gently at the tear in the back of his hand where that needle had been ripped out. She poured some astringent onto the wound and then covered it neatly with a bandage. After twisting a fresh needle onto the IV tube, Allison then lay Hawkeye's other hand in her lap.

"Okay, you know the drill; this is going to sting a little bit." She winced as she heard Hawkeye suck in air through his teeth. Once the bandage was in place and the needle was delivering its vital nutrients at the proper speed, Allison gently squeezed Hawkeye's fingers and then lowered them back onto his bed. "There you go."

Hawkeye lay back on his pillow, exhausted. He couldn't even remember what the nightmare was about that had scared him so badly. All he knew was that this wonderful woman had come back to him once again tonight. He wanted her to stay.

"Allison, don't leave," Hawkeye whispered, taking her hand.

She smiled a little. "Why don't you want me to leave?"

"I just don't want to be alone."

She shook her head. "Then that's the very reason why I need to leave. It won't help you get better if I stay."

Fresh tears began to pool in Hawkeye's eyes. He realized he should have worded his answer another way, but it was too late to take it back now.

Allison touched Hawkeye's cheek to brush away his tears. "Morning isn't too far away, Hawkeye. We can be together then."

He sniffed. "We can?"

"Of course. I'll bring you some breakfast myself."

Hawkeye smiled, his first in days. "Okay."

Allison nodded. More headway. "Good night, Hawkeye. It's safe to sleep now."

"Are you sure?"

She nodded, and leaned forward to kiss his forehead. "No more bad dreams."

"Okay."

Allison got up and wrapped her shirt tightly around her body as she slipped out of the tent and softly closed the door behind her.

Hawkeye watched her go. His eyes closed. Instead of terrifying images of darkness, he began to think about oceans and mountains, and soft sunny fields of gold...all sort of places he would love to take Allison to.

Back in Margaret's tent, Allison entered noiselessly and quickly climbed back into her cot. As she struggled to warm herself under the blankets, she thought about how easy it was to get warm when she was holding Hawkeye in her arms.

No...no... She tried to shake it, but she couldn't. She knew she was starting to have feelings for him. But she couldn't do that.

No, not after last time.

Not after Tully Reid had gotten killed only three days after they'd promised to be together. This was the same sort of thing. She just had to stop doing this to herself. It had hurt so much last time.

But maybe it was different this time. Hawkeye was a doctor, after all, not a soldier, so he wasn't in nearly as much danger of getting killed. And Seoul wasn't that far away from here...

No! Allison shook her head a little. She had to stop thinking about Hawkeye.

She closed her eyes and willed herself to go to sleep.

That night, all sorts of images of Hawkeye floated through her head. She dreamed what it would be like to kiss him, the feel the touch of his skin on her body. A feeling of warm peace came over her, and she saw herself flying over magical places: oceans and mountains, soft sunny fields of gold...all while holding Hawkeye's hand.