Disclaimer: Not mine, you know the drill. This is the first in a series of Xander centric fics. Some will be POV fics, some will be normal fics. Anyway, he's an interesting character and hopefully the writers will stop writing him as an arrogant jerk because we aren't like that as a people. Anyway, please read and review. Angel Mouse June 2006.

I miss the Stars

by Angel Mouse

I look up at the stars and wonder why lately I've been feeling so alone, so apart from everyone. Perhaps that's why I've been acting the jerk to the others a fair bit lately; I'm feeling not really a part of the group for some reason. When I feel down or unsure, I always watch the stars. The stars are different here and they don't provide me the comfort that they used to back home. They are strange, in the wrong places and their bright glow is muted by years of smog, although Briarwood hasn't got a lot of smog, the stars are still different here. Normally they usually provide me comfort when I'm uneasy about something but tonight I find myself unable to sleep for some reason, why I'm not sure. So I'm doing what I always do when I can't sleep and something's bothering me, I watch the stars. I will say this for our new home; it's got a high roof and easy access to it. Jump on the banister of the balcony, pull myself up by the guttering - which I re-enforced not long after getting here - and gently scramble to the roof top and sit there.

I've been here in Briarwood almost two years now, but it still doesn't feel like home to me. I mean I have good friends in the guys, pretty decent job with a really cool boss but it's still not home if you know what I mean. Home for me is an island continent filled with people that have a laid back attitude to life, have a great sense of humour about life and the world, plus we usually suffer through the most horrendous natural disasters you can imagine where everyone pitches in after it's happened to make things right again. Our stars back home are beautiful, warm and friendly. I miss my friends back home. I miss heading down on the bus to the beach and going surfing with them. I miss packing weeks worth of stuff in a back pack and heading into the bush with my mates and watching the most spectacular sunsets and sunrises in the world in some of the most beautiful scenery and bushland you can imagine.

But I digress. This isn't home; this isn't where I grew up and where my heart is. When my Dad got transferred here by the government to work with the American's on some sort of scientific project about global warming I wasn't too happy to be honest. But my Mum sat me down and explained what a fantastic opportunity it was for my Dad and I realized I was being selfish and I then went and had a long chat with my Dad about it. In the end I told him I was proud of him and that I loved him very much. My parents gave up a lot to for this opportunity; I could do no less for them.

So we packed up, moved here and bob's your uncle as Dad would say. But I still can't help but miss my friends and my mates. I miss my older brother, Barry, who we have left behind because he's in the Army, currently posted overseas. My older sister Mary, who's in the Air Force and currently posted in Papua New Guinea, got left behind to. Sometimes it's not easiest being the youngest but that comes with the territory I suppose. When they are home, I tend to get spoilt rotten but I don't mind one bit. But they are happy with their chosen paths in life; I guess I'm not sure what I'm going to do with mine.

The stars can offer me no comfort tonight. When ever I had a problem back home I could always count on the stars to give me comfort and help me think. I would stare at the Southern Cross and mull over the turns my life has taken that week or at that time in my life. I would be on the roof of our house back in the Blue Mountains for hours at a time, thinking. My Dad used to have to come and drag me off, after sitting there with me for an hour or so quietly or chatting softly. I guess that things seemed much clearer back home than they do here.

Don't get me wrong, I love being a Power Ranger and I wholeheartedly believe in what I and the others are doing. Defending the world is no small thing and it's a tremendous honour, but when it's over, what's going to happen to us? Nick's probably going to go back to where ever he came from, but I don't think he will as considering he's moved here to live with his sister. Even blind Freddy could see the feelings he and Madison have for each other. I just hope they get it together before things go south or get worse as they tend to do, as Chip's fond of telling us being our resident little except on all things weird and wonderful. But I digress again. Chip is so into Vida that it's not funny but he'll never, ever make a move on her. He respects her friendship to much and I can understand that, he's loyal to a fault sometimes that boy. But he's a good mate and I wouldn't trade him or the others for the world.

The stars just don't give me the comfort they used to anymore. I miss my stars, I miss my home. But I'm happy here, sort of, but sometimes I'm not too sure. Like today where I made a silly mistake but in the end it all turned out okay, just. But it was a mistake that only I could have only made. It seems lately I'm making a few more than normal. I'm trying, really trying hard to be good at this whole Ranger thing. I want to make my brother and sister proud. I want to make my parents proud. Being the youngest and generally taken as the goof off in the family is a hard thing to throw off. And then having an ego the size of Briarwood according to Vida doesn't help either. Perhaps that whole turning into a tree thing today was a good thing. It's made me realise that I have to start taking the whole Ranger business more seriously and maybe, my life as well. Maybe, perhaps maybe the stars tonight have given me comfort, the comfort of knowing that perhaps I am doing the right thing. Perhaps just trying my best is the right thing to do. Perhaps it's the only thing I can do.