(A/N: I'm not going to lie to myself. Somewhere, deep down in my heart, I ship Cartman and Kyle.)
"Kyle!" Gerald Broflovski called to his son.
"Yes, Pa?" Kyle hurried into the backyard. He gasped when he got there."Whoa!"
Gerald beamed."I just finished putting in the hammock!"
Sure enough, a nice, orange hammock now swung beside Kyle's father. He'd set it up all by himself.
"Sweet!" Kyle felt the soft material."Can I lay in it?"
"Well...it's supposed to be a surprise for your mother, Kyle. But as long as you're careful not to break it, I guess that's okay."
"Yes!"
The little Jewish boy climbed in as his father reentered the Broflovski house. He came back a second later, however, just as Kyle was starting to relax.
"Kyle, your friend, Eric, is here to see you," he said.
Kyle closed his eyes."Tell him to go fuck himself."
"KYLE!"
"*sigh* Fine, he can come in."
"It's about fucking time!" Cartman pushed past Mr. Broflovski."Damn Jews, taking forever to open the door..."
Kyle's head snapped towards the obnoxious boy."What do you want, fatass?"
"..."
"...WELL?"
"Oh, yeah. Me and Stan and Kenny are gonna go sledding, remember?"
"Right..." Kyle had totally forgotten."Eh, screw it. I'm too comfortable."
"..."
Before Kyle knew it, Cartman was pulling himself up into the hammock, his weight causing it to sway haphazardly.
"Ah! HEY! What the hell are you doing?!"
"Scoot over, Kahl!" Cartman shoved his way in."Your jew ass can't hog the entire thing!"
He and "Kahl" were wedged down in the hammock, which soon returned to its monotonous swing.
"Ugh!" groaned the thinner of the two."You smell like Cheesy Poofs! Get out!"
Cartman turned to breathe in his face."Oh, rrreally, Kahhhl? You think I smell like Cheeesy Pooofs?" He received a slap for that."Ow! What the- -OW! FUCK, Kahl!"
"I hate you SO FUCKING MUCH!" With that, Kyle away from him.
Unfazed by the comment, Cartman scoffed."If you really hate me so fucking much, then why do you even talk to me? Or hang out with me, for that matter?"
Kyle didn't reply. He'd only spoken to Cartman for twenty seconds and was already tired of him. Luckily, the fatter of the two kept quiet.
...
Why DID he hang out with him?
"Great!" Kyle thought angrily."Now I won't be able to relax because of his stupid question!"
Kyle thought he considered Cartman a friend (I mean, they hung out all the time!)...but he hated him. A lot. Truth be told, it was this way with a lot of "friends" from school. They always acted bitter towards each other, but at the end of the day, they were always friends.
However, Cartman was...different. Kyle viewed him differently from any of his other friends. Like he were the closest...yet also the farthest away. The one he valued most and despised with every fiber of his being.
Cartman was a huge asshole, and always picked on Kyle for being a jew, or pretty much anything else. He really hated him for that. But why was he considered such a close friend, then?
Was it because they'd known each other since preschool? No, Cartman was a jerk even back then.
Was it because Cartman kept life interesting? Sort of...but most of Cartman's schemes only ended in disaster, and life would probably be better off without them.
Kyle just couldn't figure it out! Why did he always seem to fall for whatever Cartman had up his sleeve?! He certainly didn't trust him!
He fell for it when Cartman said he was going to get the Family Guy episode pulled in order to save lives, he fell for it when he thought Cartman actually felt guilty about being fat, and every time he saw Cartman crying, he felt the need to ask what was wrong, despite the fact that it was always for a stupid reason!
Every time Cartman showed the slightest bit of humanity, or tried one of his retarded pranks to laugh/fart in his face, Kyle would just cave in and end up duped! How embarrassing! There was always something about Cartman that was so coaxing. Probably because he was so pathetic.
But there was one instance that stuck out in his mind most of all...the time he saved Cartman from the "Jewpacabra".
He had warned Cartman that if he kept lying about that stupid thing, he wouldn't help him! But Kyle just couldn't sleep that night, so he had cut Cartman free of the chain, given him a blanket and taken him home. Thank God Cartman never figured out that it was Kyle who had saved him, though. He'd never let him live that down.
Kyle hated Cartman. He really did. And now he had found another reason for doing so.
He now also hated Cartman for making him feel this way.
...wait, what? Feel what way?
Like he couldn't tell whether he hated Cartman, or if, deep down, he really...really...?
A loud cracking sound was heard, which snapped Kyle out of his thoughts. The hammock fell with a crash, and the two boys landed in a heap on the lawn.
"AH!" Kyle shoved Cartman off of him and got to his feet."Oh, GOD! Cartman, you fat asshole! That hammock was my dad's present for my mom!"
Cartman stood and dusted his clothes off."Hey, that thing couldn't even support my fat ass, there's no way it could hold your mom's."
"YOU!...RRR!" Kyle tried to get himself angry, but...instead, he started laughing. He just couldn't help it. Cartman stared in surprise as Kyle tried to hide his smile, despite the fact that his giggles were quite audible.
Cartman exhaled loudly. "Kahl, you stupid jew..."
He knelt down and hung the hammock back where it had been. It didn't quite look stable, but no one would be able to tell it broke at all.
Kyle had since calmed down. "Uh, thanks, Cartman."
"Uh-huh."
"I just have to stay out of this thing until my mom gets back, and she'll never know. I guess that means we're off the hook."
"Kewl." He flashed a quick thumbs-up."Anyway, let's go, Stan and Kenny are waiting."
"Right."
The two headed into Kyle's house, on their way to meet their friends in the front yard.
"...hey, fatass."
"What?"
"I don't hate you...that fucking much."
(A/N: AWWWW! Welp, it's done! I am fairly proud of it! Tell me what you thought by leaving me a review and/or faving the story! Au revoir!
PS, I've got another Kyle and Cartman story idea buzzing around up there, but that's a long way's away from hitting the archives! I've got to finish Chapter 31 of "Tak Is Back" already, so nothing else until that is complete!)