A/n: Hey there, I just want to say is I was stubborn; I wouldn't read the Twilight Saga or watch any of the movies just because everyone else was, and now I have, and I freaking hated the way it ended, so I'm getting Bella to make the right choice. I respect Team Edward but I'm TEAM JACOB FOREVER. Anyway, this is just Bella thinking through her options, so here is the chapter
I lay on my bed lost in thought; it was about three in the morning but I couldn't sleep. I felt like I was being torn in two, that my heart was being directed both ways. I was a selfish bitch, they loved me both, and I loved them both. However, the real question was: Whom did I love more?
Just after the newborn war, I had told Jacob that I didn't love him enough, and he had promised he would fight for me even if it took him everything. The wedding was so close, I should have been happy, I should have been excited, then why is it that when I was away from Jacob too long, it hurt me. Why is it that my feelings for him had increased, making me doubt my love for Edward, I mean I still loved Edward, but then, I had been longing a bit more Jacob's presence.
There were so many choices. So many reasons, and so many qualities, if only they were one person.
Fire or Ice?
Warm or Cold?
Alive or Dead?
Reckless or Over-protective?
17 or 128?
Laidback or Uptight?
Rough or Graceful?
Best Friend as a child or Two-year boyfriend?
Jacob or Edward?
At this moment, I hated myself, I hated that I couldn't make a decision, knowing I'd end up hurting one or the other, who ever I chose, I wanted then both, but I knew I couldn't, digging deeper in too my mind I found the reason I had fallen in love with them in the first place.
Just like that, I found myself, remembering the time Edward had left me, I had fallen into zombie like depression, and I was shattered, thinking I would break and never live again, but who was there to pick up the pieces? Jacob. Who had sewed me back together? Jacob. Who was the one that stitched the hole in me? Jacob.
However then he left me too, all because of Sam, he thought Jacob would hurt me like he'd hurt Emily, But I know Jacob wouldn't, because I heard I was the one that kept Jacob calm, the one who had restrained him from phasing in the first place.
From the beginning, I loved Edward with all my heart, but when he left, a wound inside me opened, that had left a scar, and now Edward no longer owned all of my heart, he owned half of it, because the other half was Jacob's.
Edward was perfect, a dream come true; to live a life without complications and Jacob was reality, for those who wanted to live a real life, who wanted normal problems (Normal for a werewolf that is). The thing was there was n such thing as the perfect man, our flaws make us who we are. I had seen Edward's and I hated all of them. He was obssessive, controlling, overprotective, a stalker...but I couldn't bring myself too stop loving him.
I glanced toward the clock, it was about six, had I really been thinking for three hours, I also felt tired, and wanted to sleep, but I also needed advice, I couldn't ask the Cullens because they would obviously say Edward, and I couldn't ask the La Push lot because they'd say Jacob. Therefore, I needed a friend, an old friend from School. Moreover, this was my last thought before I finally fell asleep.
A/n: What do you think? Who do you think she's gonna talk too?
Review and tell me what you think, it will help me update faster.
Maleena