[A/N] This chapter is set during 12x21 and is based on a post on tumblr by Thearcanachronicles

"Jackson."

He quickly stood from his seat to meet the restrained gaze of the peds surgeon.

"It's done. They're both fine. She's at recovery right now, bed three. She hasn't woken up yet, but she should any moment now."

A few seconds of silence passed before he felt his impatience growing distinctively. "So?" He urgently asked. "What did the MRI show?"

"I'm still waiting for the results. I'll come find you the second I know more."

A frustrated sigh escaped him as he pinched his nose. More waiting. As if the passed twenty-five minutes in the waiting room wasn't long enough to drive him insane. "Bed three?"

"Bed three." Arizona confirmed as he rushed towards the closest elevator.

When he was on the right floor he immediately began scanning the room for the curtain with the sign of the said number. Finding it, he almost bumped onto a nurse on his attempt to be there as soon as possible. Once finally there, he reached to pull the curtain, revealing a blue-covered patient bed on which was laying the still unconscious mother of his baby. The redhead was dressed in the white attire they used for patients, her fast-growing belly protruding from the mattress.

Taking a deep breath he stepped closer to the bed, closing the curtain behind him. He went on to grab a chair from the corner of the room, dragging it next to the bed and then sitting on it. His eyes roamed over her sleeping form, resting on her swollen abdomen a little too long, before finally landing on her face. Her porcelain features emerged only calmness, filling him with a much needed feeling of peace. However he knew better than to presume she was in the least peaceful. The dark circles underlining her still closed eyes were proof of the huge amount of pressure that had been lying on her shoulders the past months, the quivering health of their baby being the most recent ordeal fate threw their way. He knew she was strong, but her tiny form suddenly seemed so fragile to him.

Without processing it, his hand was suddenly over hers, caressing it in the softest of whispers, as if the slightest of force would break her. The feeling of his skin making touch with hers had chills running down his spine, warmth crawling to the very depths of his existence, shaking him to the core. He knew he wasn't supposed to be touching her. He had done and said things that meant he didn't get to touch her whenever he wanted to. And he had been screwing things up ever since. He had messed up, big time. He knew. But ever since that day at the parking lot when she had let him feel their baby, the irrational urge to feel her touch again had been unexpectedly powerful. But seeing her there now, unconscious and fragile and alone, every control he had over the urge seemed to vanish to dust.

He leaned closer, his entire body bending over hers as if an unknown force was pulling him towards her. "April?" he called her name, his voice melting honey from the unexpected closeness. "April, sweetheart?" the pet name escaped his lips without warning, and his hand –as if acting on its own- moved from her arm to her shoulder, only to finally land on her red hair, stroking it softly. Knowing she couldn't feel or hear anything he did or said seemed to bring out a long-buried side of him he had forgotten even existed, exposing the strongest of feelings he didn't even know he still had. And that revelation took him aback.

That was when he felt her stirring beneath him, and he quickly withdrew his hand from her hair, using it to hold the iron handle of the bed instead. He couldn't help but watch in agony as her pale eyelids flattered revealing her green eyes, just like grass that pushes its way through the piles of gritty snow to remind you that spring is coming. Her eyes, which he had unwillingly missed in a degree that scared him, looked somewhat giddy at first, struggling to focus as she began to take in her surroundings. He wanted to touch her again, let her know he was there, but he knew that was out of the question now she was awake. Hell, he wasn't even sure if he was even welcome anymore, and if she didn't want him there he was basically obligated to leave. And he didn't want to leave. He couldn't leave them. So he knew he had to keep his distance and give her space. Space and time.

"Hey." He gently said at last, catching her attention. Her head turned to the side and her eyes finally focused on his face, a smile forming on her dry lips. He took that as a good sign.

"Hey" she said back, her voice sounding somewhat rough.

"How are you feeling?" He asked with genial concern, his smile mirroring hers.

"I've been better." She answered, and he couldn't help but lightly chuckle. He knew. He was there.

"Seriously, though." He made another attempt. "How do you feel?"

"A bit woozy, I guess. But I just woke up from general anesthesia, so that should explain it."

He grinned. "Would you like some water?"

"Yes please."

He reached for the jug placed on the bedside table and grabbed a plastic cup from the stack next to it.

"I take it everything went well?" she asked as he was filling the cup with water.

"Yes, the exam went as expected. Arizona will soon be here with the results, which should be out any moment now." He informed her and she nodded, a light frown covering her face as she was taking in the information. He leaned closer with the cup and she mechanically tried to sit up, only to fall back on her pillow once again. "Whoa! Are you okay?" he urgently asked and she quickly nodded.

"Woozy." She said with a weak smile and he chuckled. Holding the cup in his left hand, he reached with his right one to support her head, only to stop mid-air once he noticed her slightly moving away from it, confusion written all over her characteristics. Realization washed over him, as his previous fears turned out to be true. His touch to her was an invasion, an unwanted intimacy, and he could only blame himself for that. Swallowing hard, he pulled his arm a few inches back, giving her an innocent smile in his attempt to hide the feeling of discomfort that was suddenly clawing its way up his chest.

"May I?" he then asked softly, gesturing the cup and then her head.

Recognizing, now, his intentions she nodded, giving him permission. He wasted no time to gently wrap his hand around her neck, steadily supporting her, as he brought the cup to her dry lips in order for her to take a few sips. She drunk like she hadn't drunk in months and he guessed she was only now realizing how thirsty she actually was. Once the cup was empty he left it on the bedside table, before carefully placing her head back on the pillow once again.

"Thanks." She murmured and he found himself mesmerized by the familiar dimples that formed on her cheeks as she grinned. He had always loved her dimples, dating back when they were interns and he had first noticed them, he had always thought they were adorable. He'd seen them a lot since, as he was usually the one to put a smile on her face in the first place. Or rather used to be, ever since the divorce. He blinked the thought away and grinned back at her, while sitting back on his seat next to the bed, locking his hands on the handle once again.

"Jackson?" his name came out of her lips as a whisper, her voice suddenly filled with insecurity. "What if the baby is not okay and we-"

"Let me stop you right there." He interrupted. "Arizona will be here in a few seconds with the results, so let's just not worry unless we have to, alright?" Taking a deep breath she nodded, but the worry did not leave her eyes. He then felt a strong need to comfort her, the urge to touch her returning once again, as his fists clenched around the handle in an attempt to fight it. "But if, say, the baby has an infection, we will give it some light antibiotics and we'll go from there." He watched her nod with seriousness and continued. "If it's CMV we could try Ganciclovir or Valganciclovir to foster brain development and prevent hearing loss, and if it's Varicella we'll go for Famciclovir or maybe Valacyclovir. There sure are risks to each treatment, but there is a high chance of full recovery in both cases. Arizona will be able to advise us further, of course, but for now that should do." She sighed and nodded again. "Plus, it could always be a positional glitch in the ultrasound, and we're just worrying over nothing." He added and the dimples danced at the corners of her mouth once more. "Either way, he's going to be the most loved baby in the planet, so he'll be just fine."

She rolled her eyes. "Stop saying 'he'. What if it's a girl? What if-"

"April. 'What' and 'If' are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life." He said in all seriousness.

She raised her eyebrows. "Did you just quote 'Letters to Juliet?'" she asked, her voice high-pitched out of amusement.

He tried to hide his smile as his attempt to light the atmosphere turned out to be successful. He knew she held that movie close to her heart, and even though it was too cheesy for his taste he had managed to catch a few quotes in-between naps to prove that he was awake when she had made him watch it. He was certain that she had eventually figured him out, but moments like this proved his effort wasn't all for nothing. Clearing his throat he looked down at his feet. "I have no idea what you are talking about."

She shook her head amused and let her smile widen into a brilliant grin that had him beaming at her. She was laughing then, and he couldn't help but wonder how long it had been since he had last heard her laugh. Man, how he had missed it… He could swear even the birds would shut up to hear her beautiful laughter emerging and filling the air with gorgeous sounds coming from deep her chest, composing what still appeared to be his favorite song. Seeing her carefree for at least a moment felt like taking a redeeming breath when he was about to drawn. And he couldn't help but join her, fits of laughter soon emerging from his throat.

The curtains opened widely then, as Arizona roamed in the room, dragging a table with a screen behind her. Their laughter immediately died, as the seriousness of the situation suddenly kicked in. The peds surgeon, though, seemed to be in an exceptionally light mood. "What are we laughing at?" She asked with a smile.

Completely ignoring her question, he watched her with eyes filled with agony as she placed the table at the other side of the bed, turned the screen on and turned to rest her elbows on the small surface in front of her, looking at them with a large grin on her face. On screen, a tiny human brain appeared, which he assumed was their baby's, but because of its small size not much could be distinguished. Trying not to keep his hopes up he gave April a quick glance, only to see his confusion mirrored on her own characteristics. "So?" the redhead asked with an urgency the pediatrician didn't seem to understand. "What did the MRI show?"

Arizona cleared her throat and, grinning, turned to look at the screen once again. "Okay, so, here, the baby's brain ventricular diameter is 10.1, but here is a much clearer picture." She said as a close-up of the same brain appeared. He immediately began searching for any sign of abnormality, but soon concluded there was none. With a hopeful look he eyed their O.B. who was now smirking at them with pride.

"So, it's nothing?" April asked, her voice near to cracking.

"It's definitively nothing." Arizona confirmed and he sat back and let the relief soak right into his bones. It started as a tingle in his fingers and toes, much like the feeling he had when he was anxious, but instead of worrisome it was warm. He felt it pass through him like a warm ocean wave, washing away the stress of his day to leave him refreshed inside. He turned to look at April, who was now laid back on her pillow, hands on forehead, eyes closed, probably feeling the wave of relief herself. "A false positive on the ultrasound, a glitch, just like I said." Arizona concluded as the wave slowly faded and he savored the memory of its gentle touch.

The baby was fine. Their baby was fine. He or she was going to be just fine.

"Thank you God." He heard April gratefully whisper next to him.

Filled with gratefulness himself, he chose to direct it elsewhere. "Thank you." he told the peds surgeon as he felt the realization of the bullet they had just avoided sink in. He took a deep breath and finally felt the oxygen fill his lungs freely. "God!" he sighed, enjoying the newfound feeling.

"Thank you so much for doing the MRI." April said finally opening her eyes and looking at her friend, who suddenly seemed to be growing uncomfortable. "I know that you weren't crazy about it, but I... I needed this. And I... I know I was..." He watched with worry as the redhead struggled to justify her overreaction earlier that morning over Arizona not having caught the baby's possible sickness earlier. "I went a little crazy today." She admitted then, her voice breaking with emotion, and he couldn't hold himself back any longer.

His hand made its way towards hers before he could stop it, and in a blink of an eye he was almost touching her. Realization struck him then. He had no right to touch her. He had lost that right when he made her sign those damn divorce papers. She was in control now, not him, and she had already made it clear that physical contact was forbidden. Unless, of course, she was the one craving it, just like that night at the parking lot. And he was okay with that. At least, he had to be, since he was the one to put them in this situation in the first place. Taking control, he quickly changed the course of his hand, making it land on the mattress instead, inches away from her petite form.

"And… I just… I got really scared." She continued, her eyes glancing at his resting hand next to her, proof that she was aware of his slip. He clenched his jaw. "I needed to know."

The peds surgeon bit her lip, her hand playing with a piece of paper he hadn't noticed she was holding. "Um…" she mattered looking down at it and pushing it forward for them to see. "This is a list of the very, very, very best O.B.s that I know."

"What?" April asked taken aback looking at her friend, who was still avoiding their gaze.

He frowned, not attempting to hide his confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Because I can't be your doctor." Arizona and April crossed looks, the latter giving him a quick glance before guilt covered her eyes.

Jackson almost snorted at the woman's words. Yes, April had definitely overreacted but it was also understandable considering what they had gone through with Samuel. And yeah, she had no impulse control but very little of that outburst had anything to do with Arizona. She was scared and freaked out, and he sure as hell understood that.

"Wait, listen…" April raised her hands defensively. "Listen, I am… I'm sorry." She freely said with honesty, and something inside him snapped with her words. His expression went from confused to furious in an instant, as he glared at the redhead with disbelief.

I'm sorry.

The words repeated themselves in his mind and burning rage hissed through his body like deathly poison, as he watched the entire previous year pass in front of his eyes.

I'm sorry.

Fear. Pain. Hurt. Anger. Every feeling, every emotion he had thought the divorce had helped him fight and smash down, it all suddenly came to the surface without a single warning.

I'm sorry.

There they were. Those three words he had so desperately wanted to hear since she had left for Jordan, especially the second time, but never got them. She had left him. Samuel had died in their arms, their baby had died in their arms. He needed her there to heal, to be with him, to take the pain away and tell him everything was going to be alright. He needed her there to grief with him, to help him passed this, to pull him out of the mud and be there for the worse of 'for better or worse'. He needed her. And she abandoned him. Twice. She walked away. She run, half way across the world, leaving him to deal with the pain of losing his son on his own. And never, not once, had she apologized for it. She had never acknowledged the pain she caused him while dealing with her own feelings. Even when he'd said he was going to leave her. Even when he left.

But the moment Arizona confirmed she was leaving their case, she immediately said she was sorry for hurting her while she was freaking out about the baby. She did to her friend in a so natural way what she couldn't do for him.

"I just needed to know for sure…" April continued with her apology, completely unaware of the internal struggle she was putting him through. Every word stung only fueling the fire that burned inside of him. Every phrase was like gasoline to it, his fists began to clench and his jaw rooted.

"If I'm gonna be your doctor, then I can't be your friend. And..."

"No, come on."

"And I want to be your friend. I'm sorry." The peds surgeon finally picked up the paper in front of her and he grabbed it from her grip, a bit more forcefully than he normally would have. He watched her leave without actually looking, anger clouding his vision.

When they were alone once again, he felt April's eyes on him, studying him closely. He didn't know what she saw, he had no idea what his expression looked like. Anger boiled deep in his system, as hot as lava. It churned within, hungry for destruction, and he knew it was too much for him to handle. The pressure of this raging sea of anger would force him to say things he didn't mean, or to express thoughts he'd suppressed for weeks. Months. He knew he had to get out of the room before he erupted in his furious state.

He pushed the chair back to its original spot with more force than necessary, causing it to slam against the wall with a large bang, as he turned and left without a word, drugging the curtain shut behind him.