"So, it's over huh."
It was, now wasn't it? An end of an era, some would say wouldn't they? You don't go through the things that you guys went through just to have it end with that one word. There should have been some sort of bloodshed; you thought for sure people would have died. In your version the world would have come to a crashing end.
Your epic doesn't end after 3 years of torture, pain and devastation with just one conversation. I mean, you're walking away still standing. You're walking away to another life that's not even familiar, in fact it's so far beyond anything you've thought about that you're not even sure if you're awake right now.
You somehow think of the irony of this situation, you don't let someone go, you don't let your family go without a pause. A pause to think, to reflect how it had been, how it might have been if you two could have just given each other an inch. But inches turned into miles and somehow the river turned into an ocean and maybe in the end you weren't strong enough to swim across.
You're sorry now, you're sorry that you didn't fight harder, but you did fight and some times, when you're by yourself you think it's all her fault, but you know that hurts to think that, because in the end all you wanted to do was love her.
Angry is a faux pas, angry now seems futile, because regret is what you're carrying now. Life's too short, you think, you finally understand, life's too short to not be happy. And if you couldn't do anything else in this life, you're damn well determined to be happy.
She looks calm. Almost resigned, like she saw it coming, almost as much as you did, that now, this time it really was over. You guys fought and loved and tortured each other until there wasn't much left of a relationship. Maybe love does end, no, no you don't believe that. Love does not end, real love, stories that were built on that kind of love does not end. You will love this girl with every thing in your body. You'd die for this girl.
You remember how it was to love a girl like Veronica Mars and you hope; only you can still hope after the life you've lived that someone out there will get to love her the way that you loved her. You hope that one day, you hope soon that she'll let someone love her back the way she deserves, the way you couldn't.
You love her, you just don't need her the way you did. The way it was before. The way you thought you wouldn't be able to breathe if you weren't around her. You look at her, really look at her and think she's the most beautiful girl you've ever seen.
She was like coming up for fresh air, you realize, how much you don't miss the old Veronica, because somehow loving this one, is better than anything you could describe. It's Christmas with all the presents under the trees your own, it's realizing the moment when you're completely without strings happy and you don't have a reason to doubt.
You wonder how this was so much easier than you thought it'd be, but then you know it's not going to be easy during the night when you try to reach for her, or when you call her number because you need to hear her voice.
Somehow, in some really nice, normal way, you're pretty lucky. You're lucky that you loved her, you're lucky that she loved you back. You're probably the luckiest guy in the world. You just haven't figured out why yet.
You know that people think you are screwed up. You're the son of a murderer, you're evil. Or at least you're expected to perform something evil. Yet, you touched the other side of the world and you saw a way out. Now you're taking it, you're walking quickly to that way out. Suddenly though, you have to let what you know go. Letting go was much harder than it looked. Letting go was putting away the pain and walking forward. You would run, but then you'd be sorry for not saying goodbye.
"Look, I'm sorry," you began holding out your hand taking a step closer. She puts out a hand to stop you, feeling stupid you put your outreached hand on your backpack. That's when you realize that you're out in the open. People can see you guys ending your relationship. People, all these people that have no idea what the two of you mean to each other. People whose lives do not revolve around solving mysteries, bringing people to justice, how you saved her so many times, how she saved you. Normal never sounded so horrible you think.
She looks like she wants to cry, and you think you might too if she starts. You look around, people are laughing, they're smiling. They are happy and you're here tearing yourself away from your best friend. She didn't know that, she didn't really ever know how important she was to you. But I guess now, even people you think are always gonna have some part in your life get shifted around.
"I'm sorry too," she smiles slightly. Like she knows that this hurts more than breaking your arm. Her eyes are sad and you're pretty sure your eyes are sad too, but this is the time that you need to be strong for her. "You know, for being a bad girlfriend." She laughs softly, casting her eyes to the ground.
You laugh a little because it hurts now. You laugh because she wasn't a bad girlfriend. She was actually pretty great at being your girlfriend, but she just hadn't figured out a place for you. This time you reach for her hand, and this time she lets you take it. "I'll walk you to your class. That is, if I don't get shot first."
She smiles some, knowing that your story wasn't really ending. You guys would find your way back to each other, she would marry some one. You'd probably marry the first girl that seemed decent enough. Or maybe, on some really crazy day you guys would fall in love again and that time, you wouldn't screw it up. Or maybe you guys would just end up being the friends that you could have been if Lilly hadn't died. You don't want to think about that right now, you need to find a way without her. You need to know that someone somewhere was out there and worth fighting for.
You feel better than you have in three years. Finally, the pain of losing Lilly was really gone, and you really were ok. And you're sure on some really crazy level Lilly was smiling. Veronica was the love of your life and she deserved a good spot in your heart. You're gonna die someday, maybe today wouldn't be such a bad day. You laugh, because you know, your story wasn't ending.